myescapediary

[myescapediary]

Holy Fuck

Honestly, where THE FUCK do I even begin. As im sitting here to write down where shit went downhill... can't believe I've been dealing with this bullshit for five months. T

3/30/25

[myescapediary]

I’m currently sitting here at my internship, in a staff meeting, yet I’m here trying to vent and understand my feelings. I am not sad, I am not happy, I am blah. I am grateful for where I’m at right now. I’m in school, have a car, a loving family, getting my first-hand experience at my internship, and I’m healthy and living.

[myescapediary]

havent gotten my period, been 13 days today. i am ready to fucking kill myselfl, I wouldnt even know what to do. I hope my head is messing with me. I am taking a test later w my friends... lets see.

1/27/25

[myescapediary]

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGINNNNN

As from last note, saw DV again at esquina on 1/11, I had went with my isster and nachy. Before I had went out I was with O, but the day before he had went MIA for a couple hours to find out sat afternoon that he was with Ash, some girl i been knew about and been told him about her and yet he continued to speak to her while I was being all about him. Ok so after seeing that, i decided to go out w my girlfriends, happened to run into DV and O saw us, i was just so upset and annoyed i didn't care that he was there and didn't leave DV at all.

O texted me after we left saying he lost respect for me etc, given the fact that he knew about DV and felt a type of way about him. But before that we had alreay been iffy but this just pushed it even more.

I am the point where im sticking around cus im used to him and comfortable since we been seeing eacother since ealry September, its been 4 months.

1/14/25

[myescapediary]

brooo what theeee fuuuckkkkk (seen dv 1/4/24) spoke about the unfollowing and him going away... to the army..

01/05/25

3:40pm

[myescapediary]

yo this mf dumb asl, showing me a picture of his mom and newlywed with the reflection of his ex behind… like wtf ???

11:38pm

December 17th, 2024

[myescapediary]

so much has happened since i last wrote on here, i don't even know when to begin

December 16th, 2024

7:29pm

[myescapediary]

Update

Aug 20th- now (Sep 15th)

Sep 6th- hung out for the first time to NYC for some rooftop lounge, was cool.

Sep 8th- got lunch after my internship was cool

Sep 11th- we got surreal and went to Old Queens for a bit.

Sep 13th- went to the Edge in nyc, ate, and same rooftop lounge from last date.

Sep 14th- he met my sister, took us to blue midtown.

Idk where this is heading but ok, weird lololol

9/15/24

[myescapediary]

umm, I seen him friday night we went to the edge where it was super nice and a great time. I was super shy at first but then got comfortable, we were acting as if we were a couple at one point lmao. He asked for us to take picture and it was the cutest thing everrrrr. He is so sweet, we actually had our first kiss this night 9/13 lol. I wasn't sure how i felt about it at the moment but i let it be, its actually pretty nice and cute. I fucking seen dv that night and purposely tried to lock in eye contact lmao. Anyways, we then hung out again yesterday 9/14 with my sister which was insane because im actually slowly bringing him around my fam i guess. it was a great time, he was still acting like himself, held my hand and kissed me which was pretty awkward ngl in front of my damn sister... her judgy little ass LMAOOO. I am definitely starting to like him, and im afraid i like him more as we hang out. He has been paying for basically everything and idk how to feel about it, he is also a man of his word, constantly wants to see me and super sweet. I don't want to get my hopes up but I do like him and willing to keep getting to know him. i hope he isnt a freaking hoe or something bcs id be ready to kms specially since I don't EVER let anything like this get to the point where its at now, let alone hangout with a guy or always texting them. Lets see lol

9/15/24

[myescapediary]

lmao so update, I seen him yesterday too 9/11, he picked me up and we went to surreal then old queens and got a shooter. We vibed and talked, he is super nice and charming. He would open the doors for me, hold my hand, and like pull me back when crossing the street.. what every man should be doing. Since i'm not used to this behvaior or even gave this typeof attention to a guy in a while i'm unsure how to feel about it.

9/12/2024

[myescapediary]

Aug 20th- now (Sep 11th)

Sep 6th- hung out for the first time to NYC for some rooftop lounge, was cool.

Sep 8th- got lunch after my internship was cool

Sep 13th- might be going to the Edge in nyc and out after, lets see.

Idk where this is heading but ok, weird.

9/11/24

[myescapediary]

so much has happened lmao but i’m just sad rn & disappointed. How i come back from a great trip to PR to some bs? and how is this affecting me so much? I shouldn’t care at all, dv's story.

July 26th, 2024

[myescapediary]

ok i’m scared… im 2 days late on my period and I should’ve gotten it by now cus I am never late. I hope i’m just overthinking this- this is exactly why I don’t like to do shit cus wtf?? I am stressing fr , ima fucking kill myself

6/29/24

1:00am

[myescapediary]

It is currently a Friday night, my day off, and I am here like the lonely bitch I am sitting in my bed as I type my emotions away. I have always felt lonely but i have been feeling it way more recently, yea I have healed my breakup that happened 2 years go and now how to be alone.. or think I am fine with being alone but now I crave love or someone's presence near me. I feel like i wont find genuine love, or at least someone who loves like me. This generation is so scary, i can't even allow myself to meet new people and that might be the issue but my guard is always up. I think the fact that most of my friends are in relationship's or the friends I used to go out with are busy and don't hang out like we used to makes me feel lonelier. I also need friends, friends with the same motivation as me and are down to go out without having to ask someone or worry about not being able to go. I am so tired of depending on other people or my little sister LOL. She leaves in like a month 1/2 so wtf am i going to do? This is so sad honestly lmfao. I am so upset, and I am tired of feeling like this, like people don't appreciate me being around of our friendship. I am tired of trying to show my worth, i just want to feel appreciated and loved. Yet again, I love being alone, being able to do whatever tf I want, and not worrying about someone's feelings. I am just confused with life right now honestly, always been sad but with my busyness it distracts me and finally its hitting me on days like this. I just hope that a few months from now or a year from now, I am happy with my life, the people in it or belong loved by someone who appreciates me.

6/28/24

11:17pm

[myescapediary]

LMAAOOOOOOO on 6/23/24 dv had posted a story on a date with another girl on his MAIN STORYYYY. Caught me by surprise with everything that has been going on, I MEEAAAAAN I should've known better its dv. LOL it actually did make me feel a type of way even tho it shouldn't havre cus we were never anything so tf but still.. I think it was just the fact that I really thought this was going somewhere but obv not. I'm deululu fr

6/26/24

[myescapediary]

Update

I don't even know where to begin with everything that has been going on in my life.

School: I graduated a month ago, started grad school 2 weeks after graduation. I am half way through my summer course and i'm so ready for it to be over. It has not been terrible but i have been able to manage my time since i am working 2 jobs as of right now to be able to pay off my summer tuition. I am more than excited to graduate next year around this time. Time is going to fly by, i know its only going to get harder throughout the year but i am ready, i feel confidenT.

Work: I am still working at Deron's, I have been working at scream truck for almost three months now; I am so grateful because i will be able to pay my summer tuition. I am worried for the fall though, i will be starting my internship which is 22.5 hours and thats a whole part-time job UNPAID. Like brooo i'm gonna be broke af fr, idk what im gonna do but ima just hope for the best. i will be sacrificing my summer to be able to save up the most i can.

Social Life: I still hang with p-way crew surprisingly, its been 2 years lmao and im still surprised. It is cool, i just go out with the and kind adjust laid back from trying to become friends friends with them specially the females. i cant do it, they be doing too much so distance has been great.

Love life: J is still there cus he chooses too, he irks me now tho. I am sick of him constantly calling me. Idk when he's going to stop honestly lmao. M esquina bf is still around but only at esquina LMAO. Jz, he is cool but its not as awkward anymore we just keep our distance out of respect of his relationship, he is ugly now tho lmao. DV, bru he needs his own page cus that man stresses me out there's always something going on with us/him. On the day of my grad party, he came, left, then came back at night which we surprisingly ended up going to get breakfast and going over his house till like 11am LOL. Early that morning he spoke to me about "us" and all this bs, it was such a weird convo since i would've never thought we will ever have that conversation. We spoke about how the connection is always there and how I will be willing to date him if he's not gonna on some bs or disrespect me. We then texted for a couple days after, here and there like usual. We then hung out on June 13th, we went to applebee's , then his house to drink and smoke. it was a great time, it always is and that's what I love. He told Alexis how he would consider dating me fr, how we would be a power couple since we both have careers and how he likes that i'm family oriented, loyal and have no reg flags. I think he isn't ready to commit right now, he likes being a hoe, and he thinks i'm too busy with my work.school schedule. i am not gonna just sit here and wait around though. I do see myself getting with him but I don't st the same time. i do get annoyed or feel a type of way whenever i find something out but he's not my man so i should not care but i do cus he's leading me on. i hate it here lol

June 19th, 2024

[myescapediary]

i’m genuinely so sad about seeing DV with the girl.

2/11/24 @11:15am