myf00djournal

[myf00djournal]

Guys I’m lurking and not posting, so icky of me.

Could I look at my last point… yes. But I’m just going to guess it was perhaps about my biopsy being clear and just go from there.

Now I can share my thyroid is back in normal range AND majority of my liver functions wooooooooo what a wild ride this has been. So of course that means I’m going to play netty tomorrow 🤣 I kind of knew my thyroid was better because I stopped losing weight (lucky I enjoyed it while I did) and I am actually getting a letdown and leaking from breastfeeding (it interferes with my hormones … have I already ranted that I’m sad no one thought to check my levels when I was experiencing supply issues early on? No)

I don’t see my endocrinologist until end of august but I’m hoping he might call me like he did last time because I want to ask about running. I don’t see why I can’t now that my levels are smack back in normal (besides one but come on give me a win).

Time is just flying by. Our little dude is 6 months next Sunday 🤍 I have informed work I will be returning part time 2 days/week next year and did not hear back yet. I will probably go in and meet face to face to lock in details. My principal has always said she will support a flexible return to work but I am also curious how long my leadership role can be put on ice for. I will also resume my studies next year even if it is one year-long unit. I got RPL for a 500 hour placement and I have to complete the unit by end of 2026 so I’m really without a choice.

My week is pretty consistent lately which is important to me 🧠

Mondays are for a coffee catch up with one of my sisters, Rhyme Time at the library with some mum friends and their bubs, more coffee

Tuesday I always catch up with my friend from work who is also on leave with her 2.5 mth old

Wed or Thursday I go to mums because my other sister does a WFH day once per week from there

Fri we have proper mamas group - usually a coffee and walk that last hours heh

Saturdays we do parkrun and the markets with my mum but now I’m back at netty we will skip the markets

Sun chill

It seems busy but a lot of the time I’m only out in the morning and then I’m home for his longer early afternoon nap (I sometimes get some 😴 with him cuddled next to me 💙) and any house things I need to do. And I can’t count on one hand the number of dinners I’ve cooked post partum (thank uuuuu husband) so that’s not on my plate. But honestly? At the start I was like I NEED TO DO IT ALL and now, I don’t want to do it all. I can’t do it all lol. It’s an admirable realization.

Okay baby is waking up on me hehe must go

Byeeee take care love your life

[myf00djournal]

Oops the photo cut out normal ranges

For reference for those medically minded

[myf00djournal]

For those following along I have been investigating possible auto immune issues due to my elevated liver enzymes which have been this way since start of May. Super elevated. Having to post so I don’t gaslight myself. Sharing as I know some of you have regular LFT’s so this might be intriguing to you (high scores everywhereeeee)

Biopsy normal. Even better than normal. I’m a healthy lil gal. So while it’s annoying, I’m also very thankful not to have any chronic conditions show up.

They think perhaps it is inflamed due to my thyroid which is slowwwwwwly coming down (still way over but I have a blood test tomorrow so we shall see) but it took longer to drop than my thyroid did.

I feel like I can breathe again. I’m so relieved not to have to explore treatment and medication for what they thought was auto immune hepatitis. A new month is coming and I can’t wait to just dive in. My health has consumed a lot of my post partum. I had a UTI within 10 days most likely from having a catheter due to my emergency c section. I then had my cyst on my neck which I had to get drained and packed for 2 weeks. Then I caught a break for a couple of weeks and tried to get back into running for a month - got so breathless and light headed. Thought I was low in iron again. Nope - all these issues got identified. Then that started weekly blood tests, specialist referrals and appointments at an endocrinologist and gastroenterologist, both of whom I must say were very empathetic and committed to the cause as males. No one once told me to stop breastfeeding (when we thought it was the medication and my hormones). One dude did do the whole, you have breastfed him for 4 months how amazing is that and I was like yeah and I would like to continue to do so. And that was that. I feel like I am coming out of it and can truly just focus on my precious baby.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for regular content to resume ie walking and selfies and food because ya girl is starting to dial back in some decent nutrition

[myf00djournal]

-10/10 would not recommend a liver biopsy

[myf00djournal]

How amazing is medication? 💊 I think I mentioned being on beta blockers to decrease my nervous system thanks to my thyrotoxicosis. Could I just check my posts? Yes. Am I bothered - no. So you get told twice. Look at that nice heart rate 👀

The only issue now is I can’t really tell if it’s coming down by itself anymore except from my blood tests eep. Don’t have another one until the end of the month.

I had a nice week. My little man is rolling and trying to sit up and doing 100 new noises and trying some purée apples 🍎 . This 4-5 month period is wild 🤪 He wants to do it all right now. Not my son at all 😆

I’m just so excited that we are halfway through winter already?! Stop it. This year has been insane for time especially now I have a tangible human in front of me that represents time and physically changes drastically. Blows my mind.

I hope everyone who bothers to read this has a real nice weekend.

[myf00djournal]

Feelin funky fresh. This was taken at my mums. Miss this bathroom. Hair now long enough for a cute pony. Missing my long hair but not missing the long strands I used to shed everywhere.

Biopsy booked in two weeks time so at least we are making progress on that.

Thyroid has very slightly decreased but he’s happy it’s going in the right direction. Don’t have to see him for eight weeks and got the okay to walk (lolllll never stopped). Well to be fair I did cut my walks. It was 2km max compared to 4 or 5 so. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m also on beta blockers to slow down my nervous system and regulate my heart rate.

Scale is still going down thanks to a combo of mt body sorting itself out post partum (lol yeah right), my overactive thyroid and probably all my muscles just withering away …

[myf00djournal]

Rambles

Spent the day at mums which is usually a nice reprieve but I had to duck out and get more blood tests. It was still a good visit and I was only gone for a little bit. I’ve lost another 2kg most likely thanks to my hyperthyroid. You know how I said oh I have to rest this month but maybe I’ll focus on nutrition? Yeah no I am taking advantage of this faster metabolism 🤣 Not fully but I’m like ….eh.

Feeling really foggy the last two days. I haven’t walked so I would put it down to that. Movement is my therapy. Just sluggish. But also who knows what is going on in my body. I’m trying to go slow and take it easy but it’s hard to choose between my physical health and mental health.

Not much planned for the weekend. I will maybe treat myself to a pedi on Sunday when J can stay home with A. I was wanting to play netty tomorrow but I better listen 🙄

[myf00djournal]

Would love to chat more anon <3

Hey! Have you had autoimmune testing? I have an autoimmune disease that shares similar autoantibodies to a different rare autoimmune disease that can impact the liver. All the best with the liver biopsy and further tests regardless.

Hey friend

I have had the full panel of blood tests and everything is negative despite all my enzymes ranging from 200-600. 🫠 They said some autoimmune conditions might not show in the blood test so I am hoping the biopsy will give me answers. I’m a bit worried to be honest. I am grateful to be asymptomatic and the only reason I’m on this journey is because I felt fatigued and based on my history of low iron I thought it was that. Luckily I have a fantastic GP who ran every other test.

Thanks for messaging 🙏🏽 I hope I have news to share soon

[myf00djournal]

Hey! Have you had autoimmune testing? I have an autoimmune disease that shares similar autoantibodies to a different rare autoimmune disease that can impact the liver. All the best with the liver biopsy and further tests regardless.

Hey friend

I have had the full panel of blood tests and everything is negative despite all my enzymes ranging from 200-600. 🫠 They said some autoimmune conditions might not show in the blood test so I am hoping the biopsy will give me answers. I’m a bit worried to be honest. I am grateful to be asymptomatic and the only reason I’m on this journey is because I felt fatigued and based on my history of low iron I thought it was that. Luckily I have a fantastic GP who ran every other test.

Thanks for messaging 🙏🏽 I hope I have news to share soon

[myf00djournal]

Next step, liver biopsy 🤢

[myf00djournal]

Did I break the rules yes yes I did because when he told me my thyroid was improving… I got a lil excited

And my heart rate is way lower and the peaks match elevation so, makes sense

Then I got my results today and I am still above normal range. Wah. When someone tells me things are improving I automatically think they are fixed. Magic 🪄

That’s ok. Stayed tuned for next health update but for now, we walk (slowly)

[myf00djournal]

Sooooo my endocrinologist called me the other evening right on 5pm to say he reviewed a blood test I had just taken

Thyroid has improved

Liver has gotten worse

Off to liver specialist on Wednesday now

I really want a whole week of no appointments for myself or my little one

I think it’s super service that he called and he’s reviewing pathology without me having an appointment. Then again the initial appointment was $450 so work mister work.

[myf00djournal]

Guys why was no one concerned about my heart rate 🤣🤣🤣

Sun 40 pram parkrun

😇

Using Runna - 5 X 4 min jogs with 1 min walk

[myf00djournal]

Oooo my screen time minus Instagram is only down 9% hmmmm. I would love to be under 2 hours.

We shall continue this experiment. If anything, my mental health is SO much better without being bombarded with reels targeting motherhood and damaging my confidence. Or seeing what everyone is posting.

I think there were some times I didn’t lock my phone and left it open on messages etc so I will enable auto lock and see if that makes a difference.

It’s also hard cos right now I’m waiting for a blood test and bubba is asleep in his pram and I’m just aimlessly opening apps 🙄

At least I’m trying right?

[myf00djournal]

Thoughts while I’m marshal at parkrun and waiting for runners

🛜 I reinstalled Instagram for five minutes to check my messages and I had none lol. I guess it’s because a lot of conversations happen in reply to stories etc so if I’m not online I’m not replying and we ain’t conversing.

Ok I started that at parkrun and now I’m finishing it on my rocking chair.

Continued

It’s so funny because social media makes us think we are going to miss out on things. And here I am five days into no Insta and I have missed 100s of stories or posts or whatever but who cares? I stopped posting a lot on socials when I was pregnant and I don’t share any photos of little man at all. So then I’m like, is it weird that I don’t post and yet I check it to check what everyone else is up to? That’s so weird. Also according to screen time I am already down 22% from last week so that’s interesting.

Some people have asked me why I never shared my pregnancy or birth online. 1) It was super fun to tell people in person, or run into someone I hadn’t seen in a while and for them to see my bump and get excited 2) I enjoy privacy these days and I don’t think I need to share every detail online (irony of using social media to report this lol guilty 👩‍⚖️) 3) All of the points out there about loss of control of images, privacy, identity etc

So then I think if I don’t share the most important aspect of my life, why even have it? Ehhhh I dunno. I’m starting to realise a lot and it’s actually reassuring and probably SO overdue. Like who do I post for? Do I do it for me? Why does xyz from high school or abc from a workplace a decade ago need to know what I’m up to and vice versa

I have noticed I have opened Facebook more though lol. I can’t delete Facebook because my mum checks in everywhere and posts a lot and I like to keep track of her whereabouts 🤗 Sometimes I’ll know ahead of time what she is up to but other times she does her own little adventures and you just never know when you need to know. Ya know? But look mumsy is very fit and healthy and independent. Currently flying home from the Cook Islands with her friends! Cuuuute.

Anyway this post is long because I am gladly nap trapped and I need to start articulating my thoughts otherwise they just swirl in this brain of mine.

[myf00djournal]

Brain dump. In no particular order.

I deleted Instagram. I was so over it. It wasn’t making me feel good about myself. It made me doubtful. Plus living a different season to a lot of my friends, which I have made peace with for the most part, and seeing everyone out and about is a bit crappy. Mostly when they are good friends and I haven’t heard from them for a bit, and I haven’t gotten a reply back, but they are posting heaps on socials. I know I’m not the center of the universe and everyone has their own life. I get it. But it still kind of hurts especially in this vulnerable time. I feel guilty about my screen time as though I am not putting all my time and energy into my child. Over the last three weeks I have decreased it by 27% all up which is something. But Instagram is a lot of my time and even though I used it to message people and connect I can do that on messenger or even via phone. We will see how this goes.

A lot of my friendships have changed. At the same time I have grown closer to other friends who are also mothers because they get it. They know what to say. They know what to ask. I don’t need my other friends saying something scripted or treating me differently, I just miss the friendship. Things feel distant.

I fill my weeks on a Sunday so I know what I have on. If I don’t have much on I fill the time because otherwise I get cabin fever. For example today I went for a coffee walk and then I’m going into town to the shops to buy a gift for my friend who had a baby. Just to get out and about and make sure I have some plans.

I think I’m feeding a little 🌀 because of the no exercise situation. It is truly my anti depressant and without it it is hard work.

I know everything is temporary. Every day is a new day. It is hard to not spiral and think too far into the future. I am working so hard to stay present and mindful. It is a lot of effort for me though.

I also guilt myself because I have a beautiful baby boy and a supportive partner who is an equal. I think, I must be so soft because others have no support and still get it done. That must be so hard for them. Yet here I am with such a GOOD life and sometimes I feel so ungrateful.

I just wish my health was on track. Instead I am on health issue #3 post partum on top of everything else you experience post birth. I just want to feel like my body is working with me and not against me.

I love my little life, and I love that it has changed. I just also know that opposite feelings can coexist all at once and it doesn’t cancel each other out. You can feel so much joy and happiness and still need some time out. You can feel as rested as you can at this stage yet still need more.

[myf00djournal]

Ok I just want to say I'm so so so so sorry if I gave off rude vibes. Please don't think for a second I was trying to be rude. I'm 100% supportive of every mum ever it really doesn't matter if she breastfeeds or not. I think all mums are amazing. So please don't think I was beeing rude to you.

I was just really mad that you're taking a medicine and potentially harming yourself in the name of breastfeeding. The anger was never meant for you but the person who gave you the potentionally harming medicine.

I'm sorry for assuming that you are not informed enough about breastfeeding. It was not meant as a rude remark. I was thinking more like this- there's sea of misinformation out there and people offren are trying to make money off an woman in a new position (new mums).

Also this is a sidenote English is not my forst language and in my native tongue we are much more straight to the point so I get that it sounded rude but trust me it was not my intention.

Anyway I'm glad you got to the bottom of your health concerns and that it had nothing to do with the lactation medicine.

Sorry again for my message, at the end of the day I don't know enough about your situation and my advice was uncalled for. Wish you all the best 💗

I really appreciate your follow up message 🙏🏽 truly