myinnerthoughts53

[myinnerthoughts53]

[myinnerthoughts53]

[myinnerthoughts53]

[myinnerthoughts53]

Separated by distance, connected by life, connected through everything, this song is ours.

[myinnerthoughts53]

[myinnerthoughts53]

[myinnerthoughts53]

[myinnerthoughts53]

https://instagram.com/p/BT-oT0whEXw/

[myinnerthoughts53]

[myinnerthoughts53]

[myinnerthoughts53]

[myinnerthoughts53]

I didn’t expect to fall for you but I did!

You told me you weren’t ready and i nodded like i understood.

But I thought deep down I could change your mind

That if I loved you gently enough, loudly enough, fully enough you would realise you were ready for me, but I was wrong.

I kept showing up thinking one more act of love would be the one that would finally make you stay, one more late night one more I’m here if you need me, a version of me a little smaller a little softer, may this time you’d want me.

But all the while you knew, knew you weren’t going to stay, you liked the warmth of my presence but not the weight of it, you liked the comfort but not the commitment

You liked the silence of secrecy because love in the dark doesn’t ask you to commit doesn’t ask you to stay.

I made room for you, in my days, in my thoughts and in my heart, but I was a side thought in yours

But love like mine learns and love like mine lives even if it gets bruised even if it breaks even if it ends in a quite kind of heart break that no one hears.

You were a moment, a lesson a pause I needed to grow from but not because you broke me but because I bent to far to long and too low to reach someone who never planned to reach me back

But I’m done offering my heart to hands that don’t know how to hold it, done being there for people that don’t know how to meet me on my level

I’m not to much and I never was! I just have too much to someone who didn’t know what to do with it.

I’m not afraid to love but loving myself so fully so loudly that anyone that can’t match it will know to step aside because love like mine learns and love like mine lives and love like mine will know not to settle for any less that it’s worth!

[myinnerthoughts53]

You're acting different, & I have no idea why. You're talking less & giving short answers. Maybe you're just busy. I pray you're just busy. You're acting differently. Now it all makes sense, your were trying to create space, you'd done some thinking & little did i know you were about to change my life again. in the beginning it was just a blush, it was a little smirk, a little a sparkle that you gave me, being in close proximity was a bonus. Then you happened, all of you, we talked more, & maybe I should have warned you.. you've become an obsession, someone I wouldn't want to let go of, the butterflies, the giggles, when you'd talk to me, ask me things, teach me, well i was basically butter, just melted, you were becoming more of an obsession.. then came the dreams, ahh crap! the smiles, the feelings the way you'd touch me was electric, & my heart was losing grip on reality, its a day dream, but don't pinch me, I was falling for you & I wanted to be where you are, putting our time on replay, my dreams are just a little reminder of your voice & your smile, I hate when your too busy, I get it, sometimes I am too. If you asked why I fell for you, I'd tell you! it's not like I haven't, its no secret when my expressions are written all over my face & i light up like a damn Christmas tree when your around; I want to hold you close, I know one day you could go away & I'm not ready.. well I wasn't ready, I wanted more time with you, I always will, but everything starts to make sense when you give it time, you had me but you don't want me but you couldn't tell me, there's never a right time, ... shit, he told me... I wasn't ready because i was falling fast the feeling were big & emotions bigger, i never liked when you'd leave or when i had to drive away, .. falling turned in to fell, quite hard, quite fast, heart racing, butterflies, stars in my eyes that would turn to tears when you'd leave. I'm going to miss the days I get a random Hey! message, cause I'd light up... i know your done because the distance you've made is to much, the anticipation of a reply that just takes longer to arrive, id say i miss you but i know id be met with a whats there to miss... your passion your drive, you smile, voice, the way you'd kiss me... oh wow will I miss that... you don't know what you have till its saying I'm done, I cant do this.

i guess that's what happens when you keep your emotions closed off, don't allow yourself to feel, don't let yourself get attached to others, don't let those around you know you care about to much & that way you can't get hurt...

I'll miss you on my bad days, not that you gave any real comfort or advice... but just to tell me I've got this because I do, I really do got this! On my good days, I know if you were in the same place, you'd be proud & I know I'm learning from good, but to learn from you was even better...

so you gave it time you thought things over (to much time on your hands in the car alone if you ask me) but i guess it was bound to happen eventually, so when i asked you to say a night and you said maybe we'll see it was already in motion that you were going to break this up, distance yourself, for many reasons i know some i wont understand & would rather call bullshit on.. is it that you started to feel & knew it wouldn't end well? Or was it just that you were looking out for me... which I find hard to believe, cause I can do that myself... I'll always have a question or two, but for now, that will do.

so babe, I've told you how i feel & how i felt when your around, i laid my cards on the table & it was always a royal flush (like really i was always blushing & happy) you kept your cards close to your heart & it was a full house, you don't have room for me, not like you used to, I'm losing you as what we were but keeping you as a friend which i cant be sad about.. much, it hrts but ill come out the otherside, you weren't just a hyperfixation or an obsession, to me you were special,a mystery, tall, handsome, soothing, mesmerising! you were what i needed, i couldn't have come this far without you.. so ill cry all i want when it hurts,

so when the flame goes out when the obsession is gone & the fixation run its course, ill run, clutching whats left i thought i felt the moment you started to feel you started to care & started to fall the kiss was sweet & soft and ill hold onto that, ill hold onto the memories & repair whats been broken, fall to the floor & cry, let go, let heal & be free. because i allowed myself to feel for you, maybe just a little to much, ill have a place for you In my heart, ill be a friend, cheerleader, supporter, because to me your still amazing, to me, your intoxicating, and a forever kind of love that's hard to let go of.

[myinnerthoughts53]

I’m not ever ready to let you go, I barely like when you leave, I don’t want us to end, call me stupid call me attached call me what ever you want but I’d prefer if you still call me yours. how can I let you go when your so important and I’m so protective, I don’t get how I can be someone you appreciate to someone you just want to have as a friend, you’ve seen the way I light up when your around and you’ve seen the way I can’t help but some around you, your so much more than just intoxicating to me, I’ve fallen and your well aware. I’m good for you, friends with be if it’s, you don’t have to commit because I know your progressing your career and honestly I’m here for that, cheerleader & biggest support system, I want to see you achieve everything you can.

The short answers and the distance is hard but I know it’s what you want and it hurts but for now I have to just trust that it will be okay. I wanna be there for the achievements and the milestones. Call me love struck but I’ve made it very clear what I think and feel.

so I have to give you up and I have to let you go all to just be friends, I’m not ready and it’s not how I saw things going but I guess it’s for the best. How am I going to do life without you, how am I going to just be happy? I know it will come but right now I’m torn up I’m a mess I’m an actual wreck. So many tears because falling for you was unexpected, loving you was easy and made me happy so losing you is heartbreaking, losing you is losing your smile and not hearing your voice.

I have to let go and I have to be free, I will find happiness without you.

I loved you so hard.

[myinnerthoughts53]

How do you turn off feelings you know you shouldn’t have, but they feel so amazing when you feel them, but the aftermath is always the same, overwhelming to the point of tears, because I shouldn’t have the feelings but I don’t want to turn them off, I really don’t, I want to feel them every day and would if I could, but it’s just too late. I want to scream I love you but I can’t. I’ve become so protective and so obsessed with that situation, it’s dangerous but it’s so safe and amazing. So I’m taking my feelings and my emotions and I’m going to be protective.

[myinnerthoughts53]

its been a while since i saw your face, its been a while since i heard your voice, i know you're there, just in the distance, i guess you like it that way, but id give anything to have you closer, wrap your arms around me and hold me, because that's all i need really, is just you being there. You circle my mind and occasionally visit a dream or two, and those are the nights I like because even though you're not here, I still get to see you, and for a day, I feel lifted, like anything is possible. i know you travel and i know your busy, but I'm just checking in, just a message, please be okay, please don't be caught up in the mess don't be on the side of the road, just be okay, just be at work, please just let me know your okay cause my brain thinks the worst when i don't hear from you, i just need to know that your coming home, that your still mine... nothing, silence, okay, your busy, I won't worry too much, this is normal, you're in a rush and you have planning to do, this is normal... hours go by, but you're okay in my mind at least till I know any different... please be okay, if i take my mind off things maybe, time will fly and ill hear from you, maybe going to bed, ill wake up to a message?.... i my mind races, not that you know that, ideas, scenarios, not ideal ones, but mostly,y is it too late to tell you how i feel? Is it too late for me to keep seeing your smile, hearing your voice, because I don't want to think of life without you in it, that's stupid, i know, but it's you. nothing.. okay, I'll try once more, i won't bother you,u i just need to know, "just checking, are you okay"? put it down, walk away, distract yourself, so other things "thankyou" .... okay it's a reply, your okay, its not to late to not tell you how i feel because you don't want me to feel, too late, I've felt, I'm attached and there's nothing that will change that, not even time itself will make me not want to have you in my life. i just don't want to be by your bedside with a card that says i love you and have it be too late.

[myinnerthoughts53]