mykaosrainbow-blog - Tumblr blog

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

“When we don’t know who to hate, we hate ourselves.”

—

Chuck Palahniuk

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

“The most important things are the hardest to say because words diminish them.”

—

Stephen King

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

“‘We don’t fit in, you and me,’ he said. ‘We’re both oddities no one knows what to do with. But we fit together.’ He took her hand, pressed her palm to his, then laced their fingers through each other’s. 'We fit.’”

—

Jennifer Ashley

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

I can’t ask you to give me more.. and I can’t let you ask me for more. We don’t mix words easily and we can’t handle our own problems. But the second my skin touches yours I feel calm again. I love the feel of your hand in mine and your back against my chest and my arms around your stomach. I just love holding you. I love kissing you and making you blush. I also love just being beside you while you let me nap. No matter what we do together, taking a nap on the couch or taking each other into our mouths. I love doing it together. I love you so much. Even if it seems that we don’t always work. In my heart I know we belong together. I just have to be more vigilant and be the one to step forward first.

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

I wonder if I still had your arms around me I'd stop feeling so lost.....

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

It doesn’t matter what I do or what I choose, I’m what’s wrong.

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

Once upon a time I got severely depressed but i swore to myself I’d never let it get to me. So I got a tattoo on my right arm in bold black letters telling myself to “Believe”, because I felt that nothing should drag me down. Not even myself. That was nearly five years ago. And now I’ve broken my own promise. The now scared over cuts that cross over my tattoo tell me that believing can be hard....

It’s hard to believe in yourself... even harder to think others believe in you. How do you really know they believe in you? Do they tell you? Do they show you? Are you supposed to ask for it? And if you do ask what’s the difference between trying to get attention and manipulating people to show interest? What are they supposed to do? What can they do? Why would they want to? If you can’t believe in your own self why should they bother believing in you? It’s unrealistic to ask anyone to take the time every day to just say hi or ask how you’re doing.

This is why the scars just keep getting deeper.... all it is, is doubt. I can’t ask people to keep me from hurting myself... and I can’t stop even though I know I’m just hurting them. They know they can’t help. And I don’t want to hurt them so hiding it is the only option... atleast til the belief comes back. And if it doesn’t.. then how do I stop the bleeding?

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

I am held prisoner by myself, in my own goddamn head.

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

Lol I’d rather be dead but okay

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

I can’t imagine living a happy life anymore.

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

I don’t feel like being right now, I just want to go away from myself but I don’t know how

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

Names and titles can fuck themselves because I am so glad that it takes more than a title or a ring to beat true love.

Tonight more than anything proved that I really am still in love with him after everything that’s happened in the past few months. And he feels just as grateful. We dressed up even though it was a half hearted attempt to distract ourselves and we went out to a fairly classy place for dinner and we danced and got drunk and then we had the most amazing sex. It’s been so long since I’ve been interested in sex. We both needed it.

I got super nervous at the place even though he dressed me up amazingly I was still self conscious because of the stares I got by some of the girls there but he reassured me that i only stood out because of my hair not because of my gender. He had it waterfall braided to the side so it was over my left shoulder and my boots were only four inch heels but for once I didn’t mind being only a little taller. The dress was the same fancy all black one that I wore on our honey moon with crystals in the skirt and a silk corset on top. He wore a dinner jacket white silk shirt and slacks. But no vest or tie or anything and Gods it was fun ripping it off of him. I actually tore a couple of buttons off which was fucking worth it. I rode him like I wanted his cock embedded in my ass and it was fucking great. Normally we don’t have sweaty sex. He’s either gentle and sweet with me or quick and super rough. And I like both but this was different. He played with my chest and made my freaking balls ache and ended up cumming before I did for once. I didn’t even care he was speaking French at me. It just felt amazing and when we were done we both pretty much laughed and cried. He made sure we both got hangover cures after and we showered and passed out. He’ll be up in a couple of hours and we’ll have breakfast together and I hope this feeling of euphoria lasts. I definitely needed it. I love him so much and I am lucky he coerced me into going with him.

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

“You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.”

—

Edwin Louis Cole

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

“When we don’t know who to hate, we hate ourselves.”

—

Chuck Palahniuk

[mykaosrainbow-blog]

The Kingdom by Seb Janiak

The Kingdom takes its inspiration from the Tibetan Book of the Dead, the “Bardo Thodol”.