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I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

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goat fight. non-negotiable.

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why are teen girls this hysterically funny for no reason

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theres a guy that keeps reblogging from me and and adding nothing

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Molecule 05 by Escentric Molecules

I’m sorry, but I feel compelled to provide you, my audience, with a bit of background information about my first experience with this alluring, potent perfume. I’ll try to keep it brief, but I do believe that the details I provide may help more clearly explain this one-of-a-kind fragrance.

When I was nineteen years old, I was engaged to be married. This was not a marriage of love. No, it was anything but. My great-grand aunt had arranged this union betwixt myself and a miserable wretch who I will call Gurnip because that is their name.

Gurnip was my great-grand aunt’s neighbor’s only surviving child. My aunt had taken Gurnip into her care after her parents had jumped into an active volcano. I never did uncover all of the details about their strange deaths, but from what I can tell, it was a sort of sex fetish or something. Whatever the cause of their consensual plunge into one of the earth’s hottest orifices, the two lovers perished in a splash of liquid rock and left their only offspring, the horrible Gurnip, in my great-grand aunt’s care.

The two dissolved freaks had left meticulous instructions for Gurnip’s upbringing and, my great-grand aunt being the person she was, she felt compelled to follow their detailed rules as best she could. This meant that Gurnip was homeschooled, not allowed to wear makeup or eat baked goods, and was to be married to me on her twentieth birthday.

I will keep this as short as I can and spare you the awful details of how I tried my best to escape from this marriage. I won’t go on and on about how I stole a boat and attempted to sail for Christmas Island. I’ll skip the part where I faked my own death. I won’t bore you with the tales of adventure I faced on the high seas.

Instead, I’ll simply say that I was eventually captured and brought back to the mainland where my betrothed sat waiting for me. I had given up hope. I knew that I would, from that day on, be forever entwined with the truly awful Gurnip. My life was over. I felt a deep, all-consuming sadness within me.

As I marched down the aisle toward the altar, I felt as though I might faint but I somehow managed to keep my wits about me. I choked back my tears of utter sadness and waited for Gurnip to join me and ruin my life forever. I stood there for what felt like several minutes. The church was silent. There was no music. There were hardly any attendees.

After some time, the officiant lost his temper and walked up the aisle to try and find Gurnip. As he passed me, I found myself enrobed in a unique, potent odor the likes of which I had never experienced before. I chased after him as he exited the church and, after catching him, I asked what it was that I had smelled. With a soft, gentle smile he turned to me and told me that it was none other than Molecule 05 by Escentric Molecules. I thanked him for this information and the two of us decided to split up and search for Gurnip. I soon found her near a bush. She had been almost entirely devoured by seagulls.

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As a society we have benefited so much from successful public health measures that we now have the privilege of declaring that we must not need them anymore

Bitch before enriched flour, neural tube defects like spina bifida were far more common. Even now, spina bifida clinicians and researchers are begging to have salt and maize fortified to reach groups that don’t use as much flour. Before iodized salt, the United States had a fucking GOITER BELT. Eleven years after the introduction of fluoridated water, a city in Michigan found the rate of dental caries among school children dropped a staggering 60%— in an era where tooth decay regularly fucking killed people

I’m literally not even going to start on vaccines, which are among the most successful and robustly studied public health measures in world history

You might say “oh well today we all have access to vitamins and toothpastes and dentists so we don’t need those things in our food supplies” and boy do white people on social media loooove to fucking say that. But here’s the thing: no, people don’t all have easy access to those things. That’s privilege talking yet again

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hey guys check it out I can do a frontside 180 with my stomach haha

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quiz: why do lobsters have one claw bigger

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"when people ask how you're doing, they don't really care." most of them do, actually, the amount they care is just directly proportional to how well they know you. you're just mad you can't be the main character of the Twice Daily.

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University really is about looking at the worst pdf known to man huh

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the ship of theseus wikipedia article in 2003. 20 years later, after 1792 total edits, 0% of its original phrasing remains. (x)

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