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2023 Update

Hi. I’m in my 4th year in law school. Manifesting that I will graduate this year and pass the 2023 bar! Lawban,

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50 Random Facts About Me

1.      I have many nicknames: Ghiek-Ghiek, Ange, Anj, Angge, Ghe

2.      My dad calls me “Payat”

3.      I hate carrots. I just hate it.

4.      Violet and Peach are my favorite colors.

5.      I love cheese. I SUPER love cheese and other gooey foods.

6.      I love to cook.

7.      I know how to dance, sing, and act.

8.      I suck at drawing.

9.      I am a shoe-aholic.

10.  My friends told me that my penmanship looks as if it did not move on from kinder.

11.  I can listen to Michael Buble and Frank Sinatra all day.

12.  I have never been in a relationship and I’m not yet looking forward to being on one.

13.  I have not had my first kiss yet.

14.  Rats and lizards are my greatest fears.

15.  As a child I wanted to be a chef because I can live in the kitchen.

16.  The first movie I saw in a movie theater was “Enteng Kabisote”.

17.  My favorite pastime is watching American TV series.

18.  I have been watching Pretty Little Liars since I was 12 years old.

19.  I attended a Catholic school from grade school to high school.

20.  I do not smoke. I will never smoke.

21.  I have a beer allergy. I am having a hard time breathing when I drink more than one bottle.

22.  Coffee, particularly iced coffee, is flowing through my veins.

23.  I am on an egg-diet.

24.  Saving Mother Nature is my advocacy.

25.  I do not use plastic straws

26.  Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago is my spirit animal.

27.  I do not usually cry in front of people.

28.  Most of the time, I cry when I’m so mad.

29.  I fear death.

30.  This is my second life.

31.  Sky diving and bungee jumping has always been on my bucket list.

32.  I am a frustrated blogger.

33.  I can only do 1 revolution in a hula hoop

34.  I have a guy best friend and he calls me “bubbles”

35.  I am a morning person. I love waking up before the sun rises.

36.  Only ice cream can calm me down when I am stressed.

37.  Visiting all the Disney Worlds has always been my dream.

38.  I get attached to everything easily.

39.  I believe that there are other creatures outside the Earth.

40.  I am a law-abiding citizen of the Philippines.

41.  Milkshake and pizza will always be my cheat meal.

42.  Magic Touch is my favorite game in my cellphone

43.  I like watching gore movies.

44.  I always schedule my day in my head while walking to school or walking home

45.  I hate it when plans are not being followed

46.  I listen to classical music when I’m studying, but I listen to party music when I’m practicing math.

47.  We do not have pets at home.

48.  I prefer fur over leather

49.  If I were given the opportunity, I would want to be an actress.

50.  I am trying to learn something new every single day.

[myprofoundexuberance-blog]

New piece for my beautiful readers! xo Lang ❤️ My NEW book The Universe of Us is now available here

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Pagod na po ako

I don’t know what’s happening to me these days.

I always do my best studying but I always end up not getting what I am expecting that I would get. I don’t think I can reach my target GWA this semester. I’m sooooooo tired! I know that I am halfway through. I know that I only have 3 semesters left in college, but I don’t think I can do it anymore. I’m not this easy to give up, but I just want some rest! I just want to go home for just a day and not do anything. I am not happy anymore. I’m just tired, I want to give up.

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I’m used to being alone anyway

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I wonder what it feels like having someone who will love me, who will choose me.

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#morenation

Never have I ever thought that I would be able to meet a new set of people in my life, a new group that I will treasure forever, a new family. 

When I first entered UP, I told myself that I would keep a low profile. I’ll just go to my classes, then go home right away. I may socialize, but my goal was just to graduate and go back home. I was living into that on the first year of my stay here. I’ve put up a very very high and a very very thick barrier, so that I won’t develop any attachments. I thought I could live like that, but the time came that I felt so lonely. I envied everyone who have a group of friends who are always together and always happy. That time I was holding on to my high school friends even if they have their new set of friends already. I did my best to be strong having no one to hold on to...then they came.

Everything happened so fast and gradually. 2nd year, 1st sem enrollment, I ran on to Isella. She was seat mate on our Econ 11 class the previous semester. We were just waiting for our adviser to come and then Kleanne arrived. I was so happy that day because I thought that I would be alone during our enrollment, but the three of us enrolled together. And then we had the same classes. Fast forward to the end of that semester, we were closer than ever. They even gave me a gift on my birthday. They do not know how happy I was that day. They gave me a sense of belonging.

2nd year, 2nd sem. Of course, Isella, Kleanne, and I enrolled together. We went to school early and I was so happy that time because for the first time in my UP life, I had people who are waiting for me to arrive to school. This time, we almost had the same class schedules. That was when I have realized that my very very high and very very thick barrier was already destroyed and I’m happy for it. JN and Prince came without me noticing it. We were at the library that time, reviewing for our Pol Sci 14 class and we didn’t know that that day will be the anniversary of our group.

Morenation was officially created when we were in our 3rd year, 1st sem in UP. Our closeness was greater than ever. We’ve shared a lot of memories together and my love for them is growing bigger and bigger every day. Every day that we spend together is a chest of memories. We have the same interests. Oh btw, the name of our group came from the song Morena because we are jologs like that and we all love Ate Charon. I think he brought us together. Hahaha! (We would love to meet ate charon in the future.) 

Morenation is a blessing for me. I do not know what will happen to me if I didn’t destroy that barrier that I have put up. I may have jumped over cliff now. Char. Acads may be so stressful these days, but I am thankful because I have morenation beside me. No matter how stressed we are, no mater how tired we are, we also find a way to get over these and carry on with our sanity. There was never a dull moment whenever we are together. And what I love the most is that even if we just met now, we are looking forward to a future where we will still be together. We do not fail to include each other on our future plans. And that’s how I knew that this friendship is true. I love you morenation and I will love you always. 

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When I've realized that I can start over again with my life.

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Honestly, I can't remember every single detail that happened that night. All I know is that I was beyond happy.

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The wall that I’ve built are crashing down. Again, for the second time, I let people come in. I let them see my flaws and I let them witness my credibility to trust individuals easily. It was my mistake but I can’t do anything about it, it’s really hard for me to untrust people who mean so much to me.

The wall that I’ve been built is slightly breaking. Just like my feelings, It is slowly breaking and even, I, myself is having a hard time to endure this fondness. I’m in pain and no one seems to realize that it feels like I’m already dying.

The wall that I’ve been built made me realize that I cannot escape the certainty that people will leave and use you. The wall is a sign of weakness, that you’re running away with your problems because you don’t know where to stand. But at some point in our life, the wall that we’ve been built to keep us away from being hurt, is an indication that you are matured enough to handle your unstable emotions – that it is relentlessly okay to move on and moving forward.

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(Press)ure

I was never like the others who are really high achievers. Yes, I was consistently on the top 10 of my class since pre-school, but I don’t know why I never got to be on the very top. Well maybe because I did not deserve it and that’s okay for me. I am also happy because that is okay for my parents too. they are not like the others who pressure their sons or daughters to be on the peak of the mountain. Yes, they encourage me and they trust me to do my best, and I’m doing everything I could to make them proud.

Yet, this brought me to what I believe will bring me down. I’m on my 3rd year in college now and I’m running for Latin honors, so far. The very thought of this is increasing my pressure level. Though my parents are not imposing that I should have one, but it is myself who is pressuring myself to have one. I have very very big goals to achieve, I want to be a lawyer. But, I’m scared. I’m scared that I might not be good enough. I’m afraid that what I’m planning is really not for me. I’m afraid that I am risking a lot today that I will pay hard in the future. I’m afraid of what is going to come for me. These thoughts are pressuring me and I feel like I just want to give up. But I never give up, I will never give up. If I could just pull myself out of this pressure then maybe I can do better. Well, for now, I am just going on with the flow.

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Wala bang tutorial for Trust Issue? Para naman matutunan kong magtiwala ulit.

(via kinikimkeem)

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I wish we have a button to turn off catching feelings so I can sleep peacefully every night. And it’s always up to me if I want to fall in love. But then again no, we don’t have one. People hurt us and we hurt them, too. Maybe that’s what love is, accepting the fact that all people carry knives. Some hold the handle while some hold the blade. Some will hurt you while some would rather  hurt themselves instead.

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Beginning.

A lot of things have changed since I last posted a blog. A lot of things that I can’t explain have happened over the last few months. A lot of things that I want to share are clouding up my mind right now. A lot of things have influenced my feelings over a lot of aspects. A lot of things went on and yet I don’t know where to start.

Am I happy? I don’t know. Am I sad? I don’t know. Am I angry? I don’t know. Am I hurt? I don’t know. All I know is that a lot of things went on and yet I don’t know where to start.

This is about myself. This is about my feelings. This is about school. This is about my goals. This is about our friendship. This is about my love. This is about new people. This is about a lot of things that went on and yet I don’t know where to start.

Starting over again is a challenge. A challenge that we do not know if we will win or lose. A challenge that is very risky to even think about. A challenge that I am willing to accept because I believe that if I start over again, I would be able to see the changes in me. Yes, a lot of things went on and let me start from the beginning.

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date a political science major

date a political science major. find us in art galleries, focused eyes pondering over the meaning of the brushstrokes that the artist laid on his canvas. or madly typing away inside a crowded coffee shop, peepers fixated on nothing but our glaring laptop screens, frenzied fingers madly filling up the spaces on a microsoft word document for a paper due three hours later.

we know the value of focus, we know the value of time. we know how to give you our full on attention when needed, to sacrifice our moments to collide with your own. sit across us after we stretch, ask about what we are writing. watch how passionate we become; transitioning from a mess of a crammed up human to an exemplary volcano of organized thoughts and mesmerizing eloquence. watch us talk about that topic we love–be it gender, democracy, human rights, or fashion.

now imagine us when we talk about you. 

date a political science major. see us in the middle of demonstrations, screaming our lungs out in a vain effort of trying to change the world. see us raising those placards up high in the air, fighting for our advocacies like they were our lives. they are our lives. and look and see how much we love it; how we would stand there in the rain just for it. we are advocates, and to advocate is to love.

we fully understand that you cannot be fully ours, as we cannot be fully yours either. we belong to the world, we belong to ourselves. but we would give you little pieces, little bits that you would cherish, little footnotes; citations that you would never miss. you will remember our words, our greek terms that you first learned from us, our questions on love, friendship, belief–the ideal. we make you remember. 

and soon enough, we will make you believe. 

date a political science major. when you ask us the perennial question of “why do you love me?” we will not close off the conversation by answering with “just because” or “do i really need a reason?”. instead, we will give you a ten-page analytical paper, written in the tone of an eloquent love letter, with a thesis statement proven especially for you.

we will write our reasons, state the facts, narrate our affection until our fingers cannot type on our keyboards’ keys anymore.we will remind you everyday that you are worth loving, that when you run out of reasons to love yourself, you can go back to that think piece of ours and reread why you deserve all that l'amour.

and if you still aren’t satisfied, we don’t ace those eleven-thesis statements for nothing.

date a political science major. we know too well that beyond all those power relations, the hegelian concept of overcoming and/or defeating the other does not apply in love. instead, we encounter the other; we will encounter you, awe at you in your full glory, slowly work with the distance of our beings by forming affinities–from acquaintances, to friends, to lovers.

we will not scare you with professions of love in one go; we will draw it out like how we write: a careful elucidation of bonds and ties, coming to a flabbergasting conclusion of headturning romance. we will never boyfriend/girlfriend zone you. we know all the bull that comes with that. we’ve encountered so many feminist writers who destroyed that notion long, long ago.

date a political science major. we are constantly searching for answers. if you are on the search for your soul, we will gladly help you with that. we will never stop searching, eternally on a timeless search for everything and nothing. we explore. we observe. we experience. and trust us, we would love to experience you.

our dates would go as empirical evidence, each snapshot recorded in the manic corners of our minds. our memory is a scrapbook of your smiles, the way you bite your lips, the way your lashes flutter as you laugh at our inside jokes. each moment will then be immortalized on paper; in song, in poetry, or in one of our thesis proposals. because seriously, we can and we will write about anything we love.

and believe us, we could totally write about you. 

date a political science major. some of us are set for world domination. and it’s more fun to rule with a partner. 

but in all seriousness, date a political science major. we are those who are in love with the world, or who are so disillusioned with it but would still hold on because they find hope in the disarray. we will not care if you are damaged; we will kiss your scars and hold you as you heal–not a fix, we know that that is too violent; and healing takes time. and we? we know how to appreciate time. because we have been taught to know when to sit down and think.

and here’s an invitation for you to go into our little worlds. our little thinkspaces. now imagine how many pictures of you are framed in that little corner.

date a political science major. think with us. move with us. be with us. 

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I found a new family

Last semester I joined a political organization because I was planning to run for student council this academic year. At first I thought that this org will just be a part of my name and it will not have a very big impact in my life. But everything changed this semester… This last few weeks I was very busy with my org because my batch was assigned to decorate our bulletin board for the Salakniban 2015. I was constantly checking in with the progress and I was running for errands. As I do these, I was becoming closer to my orgmates and I know most of them already. We laugh, we chika, we really had fun decorating the bulletin board. Then last night was the program, it was called Salakniban. In this, the different organizations in UPB are being recognized. I was a volunteer for this event because the gender desk committee was assigned. I wasn’t able to sit with my orgmates because I roam around to maintain order inside the auditorium. It really was tiring but it all paid off because one of my orgmate was a friend of my crush and she took a picture of us. Hihi! Then after the event, we took pictures and cleaned up. I thought that I will be going home right away but no I didn’t. Our org decided to have dinner together at the so called jollibee-mcdo. It was so fun because I get to know them more and we really are laughing all throughout the meal. We were even clingy right away. Then at past 10pm, we decided to go home already. Most of them live in the same barangay and I’m the only one who lives in Bakakeng so they looked for a taxi for me and we bid our goodbyes. It was really really fun and I can feel that I am now a part of their family and I’m so thankful that I found a new family here in Baguio. Cheers to more bonding moments with Akma UP! 💚💚💚