myrealitymyfuture

[myrealitymyfuture]

-clean up digital footprint

[myrealitymyfuture]

New rules

-not telling anyone I go to school

-no posting in real clothes or any clothes RENT THEM!!!!

-not writing personally

-no ig posting

[myrealitymyfuture]

Guitar strums always get me

I guess I’m in a pensive mood

When he said he has a gf

I felt a kick of sadnesss

Nothing crazy

But noticeable

A part of him wanted me to know

I could tell

[myrealitymyfuture]

I feel so sad sometimes idk if it’s my period or if it’s even real. I struggle with believing emotions and being in my head/

[myrealitymyfuture]

I feel like I’m not making adequate decisions. I’m confused and idk what to do about it- I feel a little out of control of my thoughts. I’m having intrusive and I feel overwhelmed and tired at times- my headspace has had so many things that don’t matter and I made a lot of money last week.

I am okay

I am confident

I am happy

I am grateful

I love myself

[myrealitymyfuture]

I feel like I should have felt more or something else but I didn’t feel anything

[myrealitymyfuture]

On this particular evening I felt a draw to be out -

[myrealitymyfuture]

5/18

I’m still in love with you

And I deleted all your playlists

[myrealitymyfuture]

revival

open shop

3 of each scents

do the packaging home made

figure out packaging etc

set up payments

[myrealitymyfuture]

thank the lords I am feeling better today omg

work is looking good this month so that is awesome

its art week in nyc so that is awesome possum

-0--

this has been a transitional time in m y life and for what I won't elaborate I should probably get an accountability for my journaling but part of me wants to have no insight - ni should finish my steelwork

[myrealitymyfuture]

So here we are , very sleepy and lethargic

I want nothing

I just want to rejuvenate

I feel sad and unmotivated

I feel inferior to my friends

And I feel sad

I don’t know where these come from

But yeah

That’s what I am going through

[myrealitymyfuture]

Struggling to feel like myself and still scattered what do I need let me look at my list

I need to be home before 10PM

[myrealitymyfuture]

Time for a freewrite

I feel so scattered and don’t know what I feel maybe I should just let it pass- I’m really anxious to check signal and I know I should’ve just broken it off clean when I did- I can tell he was being an asshoke to get back at me,

It’s hard not to want to analyze and play the different scenarios

I think I feel so different I really do

A weight it lifted and it’s like well now what, it might take a few days to recalibrate a bit

Focus on:

-sobriety

-health/ wellness/ fitness

-art/ art school / knowledge

Distractions:

-the apps

-eating out every night

-not having a schedule

I got really bored last week and chose to life a laissez fair moment but now I feel a little Lost and it’s taking a minute to get back to it and refocus

Maybe a life assessment and or an organization will do me right

Life organization

Brain dump

New focuses

New energy- some rest

[myrealitymyfuture]

I wanted to cry so bad and grieve but I literally couldn’t waste any more tears etc

[myrealitymyfuture]

It’s the spring time and I’m really edgy

It’s awkward this time of year

I get Ancy

And uncomfortable

Embracing with sobriety

And I went out last night

And I felt so stupid and silly

I am getting back on track

And I need to make changes this week

I’ve been letting things be in others courts

And I haven’t been in mine

Change:

-delete fuck buddies they make me feel unimportant

-message Matt what I want

-pay all bills

-message book ✅

-cultivate new friendships

-stay off twitter or hire Alex

I use to think people had something special about the. But they don’t

[myrealitymyfuture]

I’m gonna get what I want and it’s my way or the highway that I’ll take onto the next opportunity

Fuck the regular

The norm

Fuck alllll that!

[myrealitymyfuture]

Morgiana (1972) dir. by Juraj Herz.