mystepiphanies

[mystepiphanies]

‘17

Hello again. 

5 months later and I am a UCLA graduate of the class of 2017. I think graduating from this prestigious school that has challenged me mentally, physically, and emotionally, yet given me the greatest opportunities and experiences I never would have imagined has truly made me realize what it means for something to be so.... bittersweet. 

Bittersweet. 

Tears of joy yet tears of sadness to be considered a UCLA alumna. I never knew that it would be so hard to let go of college. Although I’ve suffered academically and mentally, I do not regret attending this school because the countless memories, friends, and experiences I’ve had because of UCLA has shaped me into the person I am today.

Now for an update: I am proud to say that I graduated with a Bachelors in Biology and I am hoping to attend an Accelerated BSN program to pursue a career as a Registered Nurse. After the past four years of floating between wanting to go through the pre-med or pre-physican assistant route, my various volunteer opportunities I participated in has helped my interest in nursing grow much more. 

I guess we’ll see what happens next. More to come. 

[mystepiphanies]

IV

Hi. It’s been about 3 years since I last made a post. 

As I read through my entry after my 1st year of college, I’ve realized how much things have changed and how much I have grown as a person.

So where do I begin?

I am currently finishing my first week of my last Winter quarter here at UCLA. I cannot even begin to describe just how fast time has flown by. It literally feels like just yesterday when I was attending my first party, meeting people who became my close friends, and stressing about getting into classes that underclassmen always hope to get into. Now, here I am, with 2 quarters left. SO MUCH has happened the past (almost) 4 years of college and despite the many ups and downs, I am proud to say that I loved my entire college experience here at UCLA. 

Unfortunately, I forgot that I even had a Tumblr account so I never documented my 2nd or 3rd year, but I think I can provide a little overview for those 2 years. And maybe I’ll come back to write about my 4th and final year. 

2nd year: SPCN Rural Co-Coordinator - taught Tinikling, Lapay Bantigue, and Pandanggo sa Ilaw. Joined Samahang Modern. Got my first D in a chemistry class (lol). Encountered douchebags. SPCN Pre-Party. Met Mark Baniqued. Got a boyfriend (can you guess who? hehe). #527. Florida. 143 nightclub.

3rd year: Got into SCOPE Patient Health Advocate and Youth Empowerment Program. Got 2 cute little elementary school mentees. Mental breakdowns. Rejected from becoming PHA Director. Started seeing a counselor at CAPS. Became SPCN Moro Princess. 21st birthday. Heartbreak. Figuring out life. Hawaii. Self-love. 

4th year: .....to be continued. 

I’m hoping my final year will be a good one! Just gotta stay positive. You got this, Stephanie. 

[mystepiphanies]

I'm back

From the most challenging and stressful quarter at UCLA. I was a little too ambitious and decided to take 19 units worth of classes, join a dance team, and become one of the coordinators for our culture night. 

My thoughts are all jumbled up so this post is probably going to make no sense at all.

First of all, fuck chemistry.

Second, I know it's not good to compare yourself to others but OMFG I AM SHIT COMPARED TO EVERYONE AT UCLA. I'm so fucking stupid and literally no matter how hard I try and how much longer I study, my best is not even comparable to everyone else's satisfactory performance. My cousin did make a very good point and reminded me that everyone came from different high schools with different levels of preparation. I definitely came from a shitty school where GPAs were inflated and anyone could get an A just by showing up to school. Our school never strived to go beyond every other high school's performances on exams, we just aimed to do the bare minimum. And now look where that got me. I was never prepared to compete against these fucking smart students. Not prepared at all.

I've never felt so emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. And the fact hat we only have 2 fucking weeks of winter break pisses me off even more. That's not enough time for me to recover or even change my mindset into a better one for next quarter.

I seriously need to get my shit together. 

^^^ I say this every quarter but it only gets worse. So how the fuck should my mindset even be? 

Ugh whatever. Fuck everything. Why do I even bother.

[mystepiphanies]

God Bless

"I feel incredibly awkward as a human being and incredibly teenaged still."

[mystepiphanies]

[mystepiphanies]

Remember those Hello Kitty diaries that Sanrio sold

Well I found mine and it had entries dating all the way back to 2002. I can tell I attempted to erase everything I wrote but I'm so glad it's all still legible because it was so amusing to read through. Ahh.... Life was so simple back then. Well, duh. I was 7. 

Anyways, I think I'm going to continue writing in it every once in a while, maybe even once every year. It would be nice looking back on it in the future. When I first wrote in this diary, I never knew how much it would mean to me to see the 2-3 sentenced entries 11 years later. 

This will be a good way to see how much things have changed, I guess. 

[mystepiphanies]

I need to remember that stressing out and moping around about things that are going wrong won't do anything but make me go insane. What I need to do is think positively, or at least think that everything will be alright, eventually.

Might as well bring mothafuckin light to a dark situation.

[mystepiphanies]

wandering blue wanderlust

[mystepiphanies]

[mystepiphanies]

premiere of ‘Birdman’ 2014 Venice Film Festival

[mystepiphanies]

[mystepiphanies]

[mystepiphanies]

'She makes me laugh' - Andrew Garfield about Emma Stone

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[mystepiphanies]

[mystepiphanies]

i love him very much.

[mystepiphanies]