mystical-daisy

[mystical-daisy]

TL2

well today was interesting. started out great...like always. I got sal jamba and was early to work. i knew thomas worked but didn't see his car i was like wtf?!?!? When i went in sal was calling thomas and said “Thomas i feel like firing you...why?!?...because you were supposed to be her at 8″ me in the back was just like “oh yeah sal just fire him, no balls just do it” but i was saying it sarcastically.  then thomas came in all mad and shit with an attitude and all. and more so towards me so it was like he was mad at me. SOOOOO i thought over what could he be mad at me for???? I haven't seen this boy in like 3 days. I thought it might have been that i said for him to be fired but ruled it out because i thought that that would be a stupid reason for him to get mad at me. so finally after he came back from his break i asked him if he was mad at me but he didn't hear me so instead i rephrased my ??? by asking him if he was mad and she shook his head and said noo...then it happened...”its just like i wake up to sal saying he wants to fire me and you in the back saying “yeah sal fire him, come on”” once those words fell into my ears i was done i was like “nope not going to talk about this” and walked away. The shift went on and i knew he was mad and he knew that i was mad. Sooo i was becoming great friends with rachel and kept joking around with sal and christian... oooooooo i was the life of the party (not really i'm super lame!!!!) but yeah. so i was making chips and i was gathering everything up and all i needed was the salt shaker and my pan to pick up chips. so i went to get the pan and i saw that someone had placed the salt shaker there on my table. it was thomas and boy i knew....MY GOSH I KNEW WHAT WAS COMING” i made chips for a while and then went to go get more salt and thomas comes up to me and is like “sayra so you want to talk about this.” “nope i really don't want to talk about this”  “come on lets talk about it”  “i really don't want to talk about this” *goes to walk-in, thomas follows* Basically this went on for like two more times. he followed me and just kept telling me what i did wrong. and i was so mad. i just couldn't look at him and just didn't want to talk to him because he was mad at me. finally we both just argued like a married couple about how i was wrong and how he was stupid for believing that i would say that for real. i was still mad at him and was avoiding him for the most part. i needed to clock out and by default had to go near him. i clocked out and just tried to book it to the door... he caught up to me and he asked me if we were good which i just said no i don't think we are. and this just started another argument about how i was wrong and he was wrong. but he told me that he was mad at me at first and then in the middles of the shift he got sad and that toward the end he just wanted to fix things. i liked that. because i felt the same more mad and wanting to fit it then sad, but the same. he said that he wanted to fix it earlier in the shift but that he just got busy and just couldn't tell me why he was mad, that he just couldn't get the words to come out and tell me. i told him that he was being a pussy and was being petty af the whole shift.  but all was resolved...for now at least. i still don't know what i want from that boy

[mystical-daisy]

TL

Okay so i know i repeat everything and im annoying af. but WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?!?!?! so i like thomas but then i dont. i cant tell cassandra why i dont want to be with because its a shitty ass reason. i just dont he will elevate me in the way i want to. i want to grow as a person and for some reason i feel like i wouldnt. also idk its just weird to me. but then again i dont want him to be with someone else. i know thats unfair for me to want but im so confused on what i want. at this point i dont even know if i actually do like him

[mystical-daisy]

WTF

honestly i dont know what is even wrong with me. like i havent genuinely had feelings for any guy any time recently and i dont know why. i know its not something to freak out about but i havent liked anyone and no one seems to interest me or grab my attention and it sucks ass. because i want to be with someone but dont at the same time so im just confused like ughhhhhh

[mystical-daisy]

Double steak

Alright so there's this guy that would come into my work. One day I was on my break and I wanted a burrito but not a big one, so when ordering I kept asking for half of everything. The guy was behind me and just looked at me and told me "needy much?!?" I was just like WTF. A few more times he comes in and is being all nice and stuff. I told him at the last time I saw him he called me needy. He apologized and just was telling me that he probably was in a mood or something. Then he asked me to mix his burrito. That's when I called him needy. This become like an inside joke between us. Then I never saw him for a couple of months. Maybe like about 7 or 8. THEN I was on my break and in our office we have can see what happening outside through our security cameras. I see someone that looks like him and I rush/play it cool and ITS HIM. I didn't talk to him because he didn't see me. Today I would fixing up a couple of online orders...when he comes in. I quickly signal my friend that works her that he's here. She low key freaks. I'm still just doing my thang and my friend is talking his order. He sees me and asks me what's up. Asks my other co worker to mix his burrito when I say "you can't ever stop being needy". He laughs and I say "I don't think I'll ever not be bitter about it lol". He goes and eats and all. Then my manager wants me to do a dinning check. I don't want to because I suck at making conversation, I look like crap, he's eating, and I'd have to be wiping tables. So finally I go and do it and he sees me and I ask him why he hasn't been here for a long time. Tells me he moved and doesn't live down the street but that we make the best steak around so he comes in whenever he can. We talk about how westlake and simi have the worst food and how my old manager is at TO and this other guy we knew is at this other store. I have to go back so I go. A lady from marketing drops by to see how we're doing. I ask my friend if I should give him a bogo so I go get one. The thing is that to get to the dinning area I have to go through the lady corp and my manager. I say fuck it and go. As I'm going he stands up to leave. I guess he saw me go. But wait get this... I introduce myself to lady corp and I'm all being friendly and stuff and HES FREAKING WAITING FOR ME TO TALK TO HIM LIKE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I SAW HIM OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE WAITING FOR MEEEE AHHHHHHHHHHH. I guess he didn't think I actually wanted to talk to him since I won't stop talking to lady corp. Then he goes for the door and I'm like "wait hold up". I give him the bogo which he didn't know what it meant and tell him that he can come get food and get another one for free. He's all like yeah I'll come back. Ahhhhhhhhh. I was dying. My friend and I just die in the back. We were both like yelling about how he was waiting for me to talk to him. And when I was talking to him she was like rooting for me and making funny faces ahhhhh. I was just dying. And now I'm dead. But just for my luck I know he's probably going to come use the bogo with his girlfriend or something😭😭

[mystical-daisy]

counselor

So today I met with a counselor to see what classes i would have to take in order to transfer for an NP. At first she seemed to be bored or like uninterested because I had zero clue of what classes i wanted to take. I get it I mean I would be too. Still she explain to me all that I needed and all. Then she looks at me and tells me “I knew you were very dedicated to this when i first saw you. I saw on your appointment sheet that you wanted to transfer to John Hopkins and UC Davis. You pick some of the top schools for nursing and one of the top schools in the country for medicine. Why did you pick JH” I told her what she just said, it was the best school for medicine. “Most people at this stage choose schools that are okay but not that great and you picked the best. Also, I want to know what city you’re going to be working so I can come to you.” I don’t really know why but that just made me even more motivated to get there. She had met me for 30 min and believed and saw in me that I could accomplished what I want to do in life. I know that Im going to have to work hard and that at time I will fail but I just have to keep on going, and I will keep on going. Plus she told me that I talk like I have an old soul. That I looked 17 but didn’t at all sound like it.

[mystical-daisy]

Work

Today was probably (not the worst) but the worst shift ever. It's starts all good and fine. Morgan comes in and give me my brake. Elma happened and all was well. Then comes time for my 20 and Morgan asks brian what she should do. I tell her to preclose and she tell me "sorry brian I didn't know your voice changed" like bitch you're here to help me on the line. No ones here so do the damn pre closing instead to talking to people God. I'm taking my brake and I see her through our cameras that are in the office. I see that no ones there and she's just standing there talking. Like you can be doing so much to help me get ahead. She could have pulled everything out and cleaned behind the line. Noooo that would be too much work for the princess. I tell my friend that she just need to see that once I go back on the line everyone will come in. What happens next. EVERYONE comes in and I'm just pissed off at this point. Morgan is asking people what time it is. It's 8:20 you leave at 9 calm your tits. Finally I'm just so over her I just tell her to leave. Which she does. Thank god. I do the back real quick and a shit ton of people come him. We have a policy that if 4 people are in line you call for help. There like 7 people and no one to help me. This went on for the whole night. Since 8:20 until 10 when we closed. I was so behind since I still needed to do the presses and the fridge on top of having to close everything on the line. I finally yell at brian to come help me and he just asks me "what do need". Like do you not see alllllllll the damn people in line and I don't have food which they need. So he goes back and gets some steak going. Leaving me still on the line with no help. Finally justin comes to help but by that time I only have 2 people left. Wow such a great help. When we close o finished the line at 10:20 which is a pretty good time. Justin is still not even close to finishing dish pit. Luke is on his phone and brian is doing some dumb shit so I have to take out the trash (which is a lot and is heavy but like I can do it) sweep and mop with Cassandras help. I just gave up and stopped like I'm not going to break myself when everyone else is just doing the bare minimum. Like no so I just go count tips and leave. They can finish the rest F that

[mystical-daisy]

SSACY

Well I don't really know how to describe this feeling. Okay so let's gooooo back. You were bffs with Kelly. Then Kelly got obsessed with this guy. You felt like she dropped you (like all your friends do when they get a new guy). Kelly finally realizes that she's never actually going to be with that guy. Now your guys are hanging out together again. But within that time you would bash Kelly because she would always want to talk about the guy. Saying that you would never be friends with her again and that you don't like her no more. Today she called you and before you called her back you were saying how annoying she is and how you don't want to hang out with her. Still when you were talking to her on the phone you were all like "yeah we should definitely go out to eat. When is it convenient for you? Breakfast or dinner?" After that I told you that we could go see the movie another day and that you could go with Kelly today. Instead you were all like "no I don't really want to go" but you are going to go. I don't get it. Why do you bash people and say you're never going to be friends with them if when they come back to you, you let them back in. That's what happened with reed. Sophomore year she told us to fuck off and that we were the reason problems were starting off. Even tho that wasn't true. Then you became friends again. Actually best friends. Where you wouldn't even hang out with me just to be with her. Then she got a boyfriend and you stopped talking to her because she wasn't making and effort to talk to you and came back to me. Always come back. I'm your second choice always. Now you're running back to Kelly because for some reason you always want someone to hang out with and do things. I don't really think we're friends. I think I'm just your fall back person. Kinda sucks tbh. I don't think you realize it but it does hurt. You always come back and one day I won't be there. Then I wonder what you'll do. It also hurts how you treat me so little compared to them. You go out of your way to always buy them gifts or do little things. I don't want you to buy me anything but still you always do that for them. You bought Kelly $200 boots for her birthday. Brought her flowers and candy when she was sad that that boy didn't text her back. You bought reed a CK bra out of nowhere just to be nice. That has never been the case with you and me. I mean I don't want you to buy me things but how can you do that for them and have never done that for me. You say it's because you act a different way with them than you do me. I don't really get that but hey you do you. I really do hope I get to find someone that won't treat me like second choice.

[mystical-daisy]

Vacation

My friend wants to go on a mini trip for my birthday. Im all down for that but I wish it was a group of us instead of just us two. Plus she just wants to go to Disneyland. Thats not the place I would want to go for a mini trip considering it’s like 4 hours away. I want to go somewhere cool with people with great vibes and not just washed up conversations. A group of friends which just it’s never ending laughter. I don’t have that group of friends even though I wished I did. Being shy and having RBF doesn’t really help. If only i had that group of friends.

[mystical-daisy]

IDK

I don’t know what im feeling. I just want someone who doesn’t know anything about me. Why do I do this to myself. I get attached to random people who mean nothing to me. I see someone who I want to become friends with even though it will never happen and hope that more will happen. I hate that I don’t have anyone to turned to. I hate feeling like second choice which is what I will always be. Cassandra is only friends with me rn because Reed dropped her. I was her second choice. I always have been. She appreciates me only because I haven’t left her. Yet she left me. I hope in becoming someone I probably will never become. Why talk to Con when he would rather much talk to anyone else than me. I wouldn’t even talk to me. Im such a boring person with not personality and nothing going for her. I hate my life at this point. I need something new and exciting to come on by and change my life for something better.

[mystical-daisy]

Frustration

I hate that my mother treats my and my sister so different. Were my sister is allowed to do anything she wants but I can’t because I’m older and she’s younger. My sister has no respect for other people’s thing. She thinks she’s entitled to anything she wants. At the age she is she should be taught manners and how to treat people. Still that’s not what is happening. If something’s mine and she wants it. I have to give it to her. It’s mine tho why do I have to give it to her? My mom thinks it’s just borrowings but it’s not. She won’t return it and think it’s hers which it isn’t. I’m so sick and tired of feeling like such a piece of shit because of how different my mother treats us. She tells me that my sister will be something while I will be nothing. Wow you think so highly of a 3 year old. Glad I’m such a disappointment to you. Glad to you that you don’t think I will become anything in life. I hope you know that I will make something out of my life. I hope my sister is everything you want her to become. The way I see it that won’t be the case. My sister has no boundaries and if they continue to give her everything she will never learn boundaries or how to get things herself. She will feel like she’s entitled to everything and that the world owes her something. Good luck with her “mother”

[mystical-daisy]

I’m Dying

I’m the definition of sunburnt. My boobs, back, shoulder, stomach, legs, and butt are all burnt. Never in my life have I’ve been sunburnt (just on my face but not a big deal). I have never felt this pain in my life. Plus I asked my friend to go with me today and she said she was going to go tomorrow so she didn’t want to go today. Okay I understand and all. But right now she’s at Venice. Like okay you could drive all the way to venice but not go with me. It’s fine with me, I think it’s good that I’m learning to be by myself. Maybe I’ll actually find out who I am without Cassandra. Also today was the first I have worn a bikini since I was like 10. I actually wore one and didn’t feel self conscious about what I look like. I think this is a good step in me starting to love myself and who I am as a person. That’s what I want to get out of this summer... me accepting myself. Last thing I FREAKEN BOUGHT WEEKND TICKETS FOR HIS STARBOY: LEGEND OF THE FALL WORLD TOUR. The seats aren’t the best but seeing him is what matter. on phase 1 tour I couldn’t get to see him. I was so upset that I couldn’t see him but now I’m going to see him again!!!!!!

[mystical-daisy]

_do_i_know_u

Well lets see. I thought you were cute freshman year in health class. You never talked unless you needed to or you knew the person. So we never talked. Junior year you were in my ASL class...still the same. Eventually you stopped coming to class. Actually you never came to class. I wonder why or what had happened to you. I heard rumors that you went to rehab. At this moment it’s still just rumors to me. You were a ghost practically. Until one day (I don’t remember if it was towards the end of junior year or the beginning of senior year) you came into my work. I don’t know if you recognized me or not but still I asked you if you were coming back to school. You said no and that was it. Our conversation had ended...sadly. A couple of weeks ago you came into my work again. I was just about to clock in when you left. I saw you... I don’t know if you saw me or even looked in my direction. I don’t remember when but it was after this you requested me on instagram. I found it strange since I had followed you on a different account but you never followed me back. This account I did not recognized. I accepted you and requested you to see if it was actually you. It was. Your IG blew my mind. I knew that you might had been into drugs since it was said that you went to rehab. I just couldn’t believe it since you were a completely different person than I thought you were. You were so quite and shy I just never expected it. Tonight I accidently sent you a picture on IG, I apologized and you said it was fine. I sent a thumbs up and a thanks...you sent a thumbs up. I was hoping that you would have just left it at the “thanks”. Actually I really wished that you hadn’t replayed at all. Maybe then I could have told myself that I just wasn’t something worth your time. Deep down I knew you were going to replay, it’s the polite thing to do. I just ask why you responded with the thumbs up. Maybe I’m just overthinking everything, like I normally do. But when I first saw your feed and all the captions you had written it made it seem like you didn’t have anyone. What if I could be the person you needed. I’m probably not but I have a feeling that we feel the same way right now. Were we both don’t know where we belong, or have anyone to belong to. I don’t know if we’ll ever talk again but I hope you know that you’re not the only one feeling the same way.

[mystical-daisy]

What now???

What now?? I don't know what to do with my life. At this moment I'm just living day by day. What am I supposed to do tomorrow or the next day. I have to find what I want to do, but how can I when I don't even know what that is. The summer is a long time. Most of the time I will be working. Still those hours I'm not working, who am I going to be?

[mystical-daisy]

Graduation

The day was just great. I graduated...what more could I have wanted. My mom made tamales (which she only makes on Christmas) when I woke up my sister gave me a hamburger balloon. It’s really cute, honestly. I got ready and went to my school. There I lost my tassel, which sucked so I had to borrow my friends brothers one from 2 years ago. We went into the gym and all. The ceremony started and during the ceremony a bunch of beach balls started going up. Administration had told us not to do it but we did it either way. The ceremony finished and all went well. Except that my friends family had left her. Once her name was called they left. Their reason was that they were cold. It sounds so bizarre to me that they would do that to her. My family told her she could come with us to dinner but she didn’t want to. I even showed up to her house to bring her. She was crying and told me that she didn’t want to go. I felt really bad because I was over here having a completely different experience than she had. My mom had bought me a bunch of balloons, made me tamales, had bother my mom and dad their, took pictures with all the people closest to me, had a graduation dinner. While she had non of that. How could it be that we could have such different situations???

[mystical-daisy]

Grad night

the last few days have been very heavy and fulfilling. my life is pretty boring TBH. nothing surprising ever happens. on Thursday i had grad nigh at six flags, my class was probably the only class that was full of white people. everyone else at grad night were either black or hispanic. it was a fun night. i hung out with my friend, she was the only one that came out of my friend group. we kept seeing this guy that in my class. he’s pretty popular and well im not...like AT ALL and me and my friend hung out with him for a while. it just got to weird so we parted way. Bye mateen it was nice hanging out with you. by 3 am we were dying. we ended up sleeping/resting on the ground of this movie theater. the whole time i kept looking at this kid in front of him. he had been in my english class...never had talked. all i kept thinking was that i wish i could just fall asleep on his shoulder. it could have been that all the couples i had been seeing around me were finally have some effect on me. still in that moment i wanted him to just hold me. finally 4:30 arrived and we walked to our bus ready to just knocked out...only to find that out of our WHOLE CLASS OURS WAS MISSING. our bis driver left and was on its way back. she wasn’t so nice either. our supervisor need a pen to mark people off. He asked us if anyone had one, non us did and she goes to make a comment “ask them if they have a phone, they’ll all raise their hand” i found that rude considering she was on her phone. the night ended and i fell asleep until i had to get ready for graduation. I have work tomorrow morning so the continuation of my last few days will continue tomorrow 

[mystical-daisy]

A little bit about me

hi, my name is Sayra. I live in Newbury Park California. NOoo im not a pretty blonde girl that mommy and daddy give everything to. Nor am not the girl that gets everything from mommy and daddy. i don’t have many friends. actually i don’t really think i have ever had a real friends. i have people that i hang out with but for some reason i don’t feel as if we’re friends. i call them that but it just doesn’t feel like that. i have really bad grammar so don’t come after me for that. my parents are divorced. i have a 3 year old sister (half sister). in about a month i will be turning 18 woooohoooo. and most importantly i work at chipotle!!!!!!

[mystical-daisy]

Day 1

I have never done this and i don’t expect anyone to see it. All i want is a place to come to, to write my thoughts and feelings. I may write 1000 (exaggerated) in a day or go weeks without writing anything. who knows. i hope by doing this i somehow find who i am. if i do it would be awesome to see the journey that brought me here