mysticalskunk - Tumblr blog

mysticalskunk · 7 months ago

Text

I’ve been rewatching tome and I really enjoy Doubling and Rockoon as characters and their conflict with each other. This is long and a bit messy, I am still not entirely happy with it and probably try to rewrite it again but here we go.

I’ve tried analyzing Doubling in the past before but had troubles with it - I realized I went on about it in a way that prevented me from seeing the different angles.

Back then I judged from the perspective of “so who was his true self? Doubling or Skeight?“

I got stuck because the answer is a bit more complex than that. Because I was forgetting another person:

The person who created Doubling and Skeight.

Both Doubling and Skeight can reveal us a lot about the person that hides behind the screen.

Doubling was quite frustrated when he first started the game. He is only here for the job and he presses the matter that he is in need of some cash. Not out of greed, but think about what he said in regards to Splat:

“I usually don’t do this because it gives her more work than I can get.“

From what it sounds like, Splat and Doubling seem close and he doesn’t want to trouble her more than necessary. They feel like the kind of siblings that are still living together and struggle to pay the rent. He doesn’t want Splat to overwork herself and takes care of their financial troubles, all while struggling to find or even maintain a job, so they are both hackers for a living.

His frustration is taken out on Rockoon because neither know what they are looking for, they are on a wild goose chase and it wastes time. Doubling is not here for friendship. He just wants to do his job and then he is gone.

But what was it that made him actually enjoy the game and have fun with the looney tuney raccoon?

After taken his frustration out on Rockoon, the raccoon doesn’t even try to hide his hurt, but also quickly collects himself and figures out a solution for Doubling.

He needs variety in his life. Implying that Doubling is someone who sticks with routine.

They were told to blow up graphics, so Rockoon advices to blow up people. Rockoon switches things up and thinks outside the box.

It works and Doubling mentions it is refreshing. In that case, bullying others is used to deal with his own frustrations and whatever irl might be going on. Doubling seems to think he can do whatever he wants on the internet without facing the consequences.

I don’t think he was fully roleplaying as Skeight either. Actions like the ones he pulled usually come from a low self esteem, fear of rejection and a fear of confrontation.

Skeight exists because of Doubling‘s discomfort with confrontation.

But I also think there are other reasons why Skeight was created.

As a fresh start. Doubling is terrified of the forbidden power so he wanted to play it safe in case he encounters Alpha again, feeling safer when he won’t be recognized easily.

Doubling felt bad about leaving Rockoon behind and likely how he treated him, but he was not ready to confront that feeling yet. Mostly because he didn’t know how.

One thing I realized upon rewatching is just how passive aggressive Doubling actually is about the situation.

Passive aggressiveness often comes from an individual’s discomfort with direct communication and conflict, nor can they always articulate their point of view - as we also see later in their conflict in episode 3.

People who have that kind of behavior often have troubles with expressing themselves, low self esteem and a lack of assertiveness.

Stressful circumstances such as a challenging job or a strained relationship may also result in passive aggressive behavior.

Expressing feelings is not always an easy task. It requires feeling safe, okay with being vulnerable and a high level of self awareness to understand what is going on in the first place.

Expressing feelings can also be intimidating to people who don’t have much practice in doing so, especially if someone has not worked on their self awareness and self expression skills.

Doubling is not attuned with his emotions and has troubles to self regulate, causing him to act inappropriately. If he has a fear of confrontation, he is easily someone who jumps to conclusion too quickly and fears the worst.

I think Skeight was an impulse decision through that.

Doubling was here for the job - Skeight was created for fun. Because Rockoon made him enjoy the game.

But there is a certain pride and stubbornness preventing him from admitting that - especially since he made such a big fuss over it before.

What was it that Skeight said?

“And you always do what you do! And that’s what I like about you! I just admire the way you handle your business!“

Note how he is more open as Skeight to tell him that. Doubling took on a different persona to try and be more open. It’s why I assume that Skeight was partly created so he can also practice his people skills.

Doubling is generally someone unable to leave his comfort zone and needs the extra push. Rockoon is running around and does his own thing - Doubling can respect that.

Doubling likely thinks that Rodney goes through life without feeling judged, not realizing that Rodney might have other issues in going. To him, Rodney just feels like that carefree guy who keeps doing his thing no matter what.

I think he already realizes that this is not the case in Rockoon‘s modern strife and episode 13.

Unfortunately, in his attempt to connect with Rockoon, he comes on too strong. Skeight is pushing himself onto Rockoon, copying him. It clearly makes Rockoon uncomfortable too. Keep in mind, he already has trust issues here.

Rockoon, at first glance can be viewed as coming off too strong in trying to connect with Doubling, but not really. Rocky never forced Doubling to do anything.

He gave him advice on how to get out of his comfort zone but that’s it. The rest was on Doubling.

Doubling appears insecure about himself - it matters a lot what people perceive him as, maybe even sensitive to criticism. The “lucky shot“ sure touched a nerve and getting referred as a “clingy nobody“ hit a nerve too. If he already reacts to these things like that, returning as Doubling made him nervous because of what Rockoon will perceive him as now.

He feels bad about ditching him when Rockoon tells the story and perhaps that should have been his cue to admit something at least and be upfront - but he realized that Rockoon was hurt by his actions and didn’t want to make it worse.

Doubling‘a fear of confrontation and lack of communication skills becomes clear in episode 13.

It’s no longer Skeight or Doubling talking - that is the person behind the screen now.

The one who took the persona as Doubling and Skeight is struggling to find the right words, stuttering and uncertain on how to go on about his - his body language also shows his discomfort.

Skeight: I just wanted to make sure you are okay. Rockoon: WHAT?! Skeight: What?!

Note how he becomes a tad frustrated because he doesn’t understand how that is a bad thing.

“I mean, that was kinda whack but I had some time to think about it, it means no biggie.”

He was obviously upset over what happened at the tournament, otherwise he would not have mentioned the whack part. It clearly bothered him considering that he was thinking about it for a while.

But he has no idea how to communicate that right now and doesn’t want to make the situation worse than it already is.

“Not why I’m here either.“

Something is troubling him and it he has struggles expressing that - did he already wanted to come clear that he is Doubling? He wants to say something, but doesn’t know how.

I do believe that the motherscratcher hint was intentional. Mostly because that was not the only hint:

“With this forbidden power thing and all …“

How would Skeight know about the forbidden power? All the raccoon told him that they ran into some freaky stuff. In fact - Skeight quickly corrects himself and talks about the other players instead. Almost like he realizes he almost slipped up.

“I came back ‘cause I cared.“

Comes clean right here - unfortunately it comes from the wrong player.

“Maybe you are better off on your own.“

During the whole conflict, Rockoon never mentioned that. It was something Rockoon brought up when he told Skeight about Doubling.

I don’t think the other hints were intentional, but the motherscratcher hint feels too convienent here.

Rockoon is the quirky online persona of a lonely and reserved kid that gets bullied in school.

Rodney is a smart kid and it was cartoons that gave him a reason to smile and spark his creativity. Slipping into a different character to roleplay, Rockoon is everything that Rodney is not.

Just like Doubling, Rodney is afraid of the forbidden power. His first move when messing with the main group is to take out the biggest threat: Alpha.

Once he returns, Rodney becomes afraid. Stuttering and shaking - I don’t think it was Rockoon and Rodney partly breaking the facade.

His cartoon persona acts on impulse and treats everything as a joke, confident and more assertive, a wise cracking goofy toony character who views the internet as his personal playground where he thinks he can get away without facing the consequences of his actions. The joy that he felt as Rockoon usually came at the expense of others.

Doubling leaving him behind and then never returning genuinely hurt him. Rockoon mentioned to Kirbopher that he missed him and my guess is that Rodney kept returning to this game in hopes of eventually coming across him again.

It certainly left him with a bitter feeling - as we can see in Rockoon‘s modern strife. He is starting to push people away from him, but he is also uncomfortable with how much Skeight wants to push himself onto him.

Something feels already off to him - it feels like a factor of trust issues.

Rockoon has built walls around himself so that nobody can get close to hurt him.

“I don’t play this game to make friends. I don’t need or want to make any friends. ‘Cause if you think anyone is worth getting actually attached to … you are kidding yourself. I forgot that once. That was a mistake.“

This whole line of dialogue doesn’t just come from Doubling ditching him.

He says: I forgot that once.

That sort of mindset has been with him for a while but he allowed himself to get attached to Doubling, he left and he got remembered about that mentality.

Rodney is a troubled individual who is also bullied in school - it wouldn’t surprise me if he had been used by someone before or they just pretended to like him - because he certainly has a discomfort with Skeight.

He has convinced himself that he doesn’t need anyone. That he is better off on his own - that he doesn’t care anymore that Doubling is gone but it obviously bothers him.

“I ditched him. Forever.“

Rockoon claims that it was him who ditched Doubling instead the other way around. He is trying to remain in control of the situation so that it doesn’t sting as much.

But he allows his walls down towards Skeight for a bit - as an advice but also he has internalized that whole thing for a while now and needs someone to talk about it.

Rockoon is clearly hurt over what happened.

“But you know what? I don’t even care anymore. Sure, I missed him at first but I’m better off without him. I didn’t need him. I don’t need friends.“

Note how he keeps repeating it like saying it will make it true.

Doubling feels obviously guilt over it. His expression, asking what happened and when Rockoon finishes he goes:

“Aw, man. I-„

Even with Rockoon interrupting him, you can tell he has no idea how to get his feelings across. He realized right there how much he actually had hurt Rockoon.

Should he have dropped the Skeight persona here and come clear? Probably, but he also takes Rockoon‘s words at face value and assumes that Rockoon hates him now.

“We ran into some trouble. Of course he did what anyone else would do: Looked out for himself. He ditched me.“

Oddly specific, is it not? It seems more that he talking from general experience rather than Doubling. Did his bullies throw him under the bus? It sounds that way.

“I will be happy when this stupid game gets shut down for good. No point looking for me because after today I ain’t coming back. Everyone’s stupid and there is nothing left for me here.”

You can hear the bitterness and pain he is feeling. After Doubling was gone, Rockoon was nothing but humiliated by others. Nobody really took him serious without that “big green slime guy backing him up“ and thought it makes things easier for them.

Rockoon genuinely tried to help, but his reputation as a hacker at the expense of others did not help his cause.

One thing to note is how timid he becomes when people start ganging up on him.

Bullied irl and online, Rockoon sees no point in staying. He is lonely and all the joy he had from playing the game is no longer there. He says it himself:

“Everyone is stupid and there is nothing left for me here.“

The only person that mattered to him is gone. He mostly came back in hopes that Doubling might return. The worst part is that Rockoon does not know if the feeling was Mutual between them, likely feeling like it was just an one sided friendship.

Then, we have episode 13.

I don’t think Rockoon in the short or episode 13 had any malicious intentions. He is genuinely trying to help because he got a taste of the forbidden power as well once.

He instantly becomes timid when the others start teasing him - his Rodney is showing. He is feeling entirely humiliated and he has no idea what to do.

“Oh, no. Why didn’t you tell me?“

His instant reaction is everything to me once he connects the dots. It’s the instant regret because he realized that this was his former friend. His reaction implies that while he was hurt, Rockoon would not have been mad if Doubling returned and talked it out properly - Doubling left him with more question than answers and that stings.

He blames himself, but that whole thing is not entirely his fault. It was Doubling who acted out in passive aggressive ways while Rockoon would have preferred direct communication.

“Hey, look. I wanted to say how sorry I am for how things went down. It’s frustrating that you were not upfront with me but you still deserved better. And I can be better. I dunno if you see this in time, but I’ll try to hang around in Lavendera for most of the day, just in case. I hope and pray that somehow, someway we can just talk. Rock - Rodney.”

I do love the message he tries to send. He apologized for his behavior but also voiced his own hurt that Doubling was not upfront with him.

He wants to sign as Rockoon but changes it to Rodney. In using his actual name, Rodney is trying to make it more personal. More sincere in a way.

But then he deleted the whole thing again and honestly? Valid. I could imagine he was rewriting it a few times to find the proper wording before and still was not happy with it but the wounds are also still fresh.

Both of them need the space for now. It’s a hurt on both sides with wounds that are still fresh. Neither of them are ready for it yet.

Rodney needs the space to figure himself out. Dealing with an identity crisis and self loathing. Knowing just how much you hurt others and the kind of person you have become, hurting his only friend, getting left with more questions than answers does wonders for one‘s psyche.

But not just for Rodney - he needs to figure out where Rockoon is going from here too.

Rodney knows he has done and said hurtful things. Watching Odball brings out certain feelings because he sees himself in him in that moment.

I think with time both of them will be able to talk again. They both need the closure.

It would require honest communication, putting the walls they have around themselves down and dropping the online persona they have created. No Doubling, no Skeight, no Rockoon.

One mention I would like to make is Kirbopher who watched the whole conflict. I don’t think that scene was put there without a reason. Kirbopher has two accounts too - did he relate to Doubling in that moment?

“Sorry I was not around. I had some stuff to handle.“

What does that refer to? Was he comforting Rockoon? Or trying to reach Doubling? He hired him so he would likely have his contacts. Kirb being the one who tried to talk to Doubling regarding that would be interesting.

I do enjoy the journey with Archy. Mostly because that dynamic is just as complicated and based on secrets and assumptions but it was also nice to see just how much Rockoon has grown since then and trying to become a better person. I definitely enjoy the patience he shows with Archy.

Archy does not know anything about Rockoon or that he was the guy who blow him up in the tournament. Rockoon is keeping that part of him a secret to protect himself both and Archy (though I feel it’s more Archy).

Archy is bound to find out eventually. Rockoon is a known hacker - if Archy finds out through a third party rather than Rockoon it is gonna be so much worse.

But it is not just on Rockoon.

“Sometimes I think this is all a joke.”

Archy takes out his anxiety on Rockoon.

When I say this I am not speaking for everyone that has anxiety, I am only expressing my experience with it and as someone with anxiety as well.

Anxious people spend a lot of time overthinking and hyper focusing on the little details. Anxiety can bring about strong feelings of fear, frustration and anguish and this can lead to misunderstandings.

Rockoon mentions it himself - that Archy needs to recognize when his anxiety clouds his judgemet and logic. Which is such a good advice because that is something Archy needs to learn, otherwise he might end up using Rockoon as an outlet for it. The "it's all just a joke" certainly stung given that he raised his voice there. On Archy's end, their dynamic is a bit on assumptions so far.

Rockoon is always helping others in some way. Told Doubling he needs variety and actually made him enjoy tome. Tried to give advice to Skeight not to get attached to someone, was trying to help in the whole situation with Alpha and then later when the game was about to get shut down. Now? He is trying to help Archy grow as a person.

If there is one thing I would describe Rockoon with, it would be loyalty. If he does take a liking to you, he is someone who pays close attention to his friends and wants to support them and actually manages to push them out of their comfort zone.

But here is the thing. He always tries to help others, yet he ignores his own issues. The only ones aware of how vulnerable he actually is are Skeight and Kirbopher - and Skeight even more so.

Sometimes it is easier to deal with someone else’s issues than our own. It requires reflecting on ourselves and that is sometimes not an easy task.

When helping others, you can view the problem from an outsider perspective, making it easy to identify the solutions. When lt comes to our own issues, emotional involvement can cloud judgement and make it difficult to see the situation clearly.

Sometimes people are harsher on themselves than they are on others, creating a cycle of doubt and negativity.

I think what Rockoon needs to learn is to forgive himself and practice self compassion.

#tome #terrain of magical expertise #rockoon #doubling #skeight

15 notes · View notes

mysticalskunk · 1 year ago

Text

It has come to my attention that Miranda / Randa / Mia / Lavender is sneaking around to talk about me behind my back to people. I would like to be informed if she tries to talk about me or tries to get any of my partners involved into drama. I have never told anybody about what happened between us but she keeps trying to involve other people into something that was supposed to stay between us. I did not want to address it, but I realized it has become a pattern and then take her word for it without asking my side of the story. She tries block evading and is creepily obsessed with me and views me as competition due to her jealousy and inferiority complex. I still have the screenshots of that.

Having said that, those who know me do know that I usually do not engage in petty call outs posts myself but at this point I have been pushed to my limit. Having said that - this is petty friendship drama and I will go more into it in another google doc I am writing, this one will not be made public. I have no interest to draw this out even further, I just want to move on from her so this will be my only post about her. At this point it's for my own safety.

I did not want to do this but she keeps involving other people and I had enough of explaining myself and that is what the google doc will serve for at this point. I am full aware that this is a hurt on both sides and my own part in this and it’s clear that there is a lack of communication involved but Mia is seeking deliberately out those I interact with to drag them into this and quite frankly I cannot take it anymore.

With this post, do not approach her or me about it and leave her alone and do not go around to bother her in some way. If you think you can play third party and say stuff without even knowing what this is about, stay out of it. This has been going on for at least 2018-2019 and has become nothing but an utter mess and you are only making it worse by trying to help. She is the one who needs to move on and stop being obsessed with me. Do not bother trying to tell me her side, she had her chance and blow it. I do not need to hear any of that from a third party, nor do I want comments on it. You do not know what is actually happening here so even if she tries to drag you into something, keep away from it. I hate that other people get involved into petty stuff like that because of her jealousy and I would have not written that post but at this point I do not feel safe. I just want to move on from this and not have constantly old wounds opened.

Mia is nothing but an extremely passive aggressive person who loves gossiping about other people. She will also share your private information to others. I am not the only one she treats that way - she is like that with a lot of people but I am the only one so far who has caught onto her behavior patterns and since 2018 nothing has changed and she keeps doing the same.

For years, she has talked with someone else I considered a friend behind my back and shared private information about me with each other. Her trying to drag people into drama when someone snapped at her for understandable reasons is nothing new. She has a habit of doing that because she does not want you to interact with people that make her persnally uncomfortable and then goes on to talk about them behind their back. She does not just do that with me, she does it with a lot of people.

Mia has a habit of pushing other peoples buttons, she repeats each pattern. At this point it s not slip ups, you can tell it is deliberate. She knows what she is doing and admits to doing it every time. She can berate you for something all she wants, but when you go “hey x is not okay” she will accuse you of “attacking her” “being lecturing and annoying” “being an angry bristling wolf” “too blunt and too aggressive” “criticizing her a lot” "bringing out her anxiety and trigger her"

She has no problem dropping you if you "call her out" on her behavior. She thinks the internet is her personal playground where she can get away without facing the consequences. She is trying to seek for people who have not caught onto her behavior, she is looking for people who let her get away with as much as she pleases because Mia does not listen to anybody but herself.

Mia will never take accountability for her own actions. She would rather point fingers and blame you or others for it. If she does give some sort of apology or regret, it is fake. This is not about those she hurts, this is for herself. Each “apology” was in connection of “I was worried you are going to cancel culture me” or “I was worried you will make a call out post” . She does not care for others feelings, she is worried about her image.

Again - the internet is her own personal playground and everything needs to be about her. She thinks she simply knows better because of her own experiences and pretends to be better than anyone else. She does not care if you have your own irl issues in going - when you do not respond as fast to her liking she will chase you across your blogs and spams them, switching between asks and dms (despite me repeatingly telling her to stick to dms) and then drop and block you for making her wait "bring out her anxiety by making her wait". She then comes crawling back and whines about it how sorry she is for doing so -she is not, she just wants attention.

She also resents and blames me for "still having the space she lost”. I know how she "lost” it in the first place and all this came from her sticking her nose into something that was not her business (not regarding me but two other people), her own jealousy and other insecurities but rather than owning up to that she would rather point fingers, blame me and call that other person she caused distress an angry bristling wolf. I will go more into it during that doc.

Having said that, here are a few screenshots that says a lot about her personality and what a red flag she actually is.

This was years ago but I never deleted the screenshots of it so I will always remember the person she actually is. It was a terrifying read back then and it is a terrifying read now.

On top of that, she knows bullshit about my life and just bases this on my internet experiences. I suffer majorly from depression, anxiety and other disabilites to a point where I cannot even find work (the fact that she then goes "I am expected to build up and earn money" is disgusting. She is throwing a pity party for herself, acts like I am some kinda rich person who has no problems at all).

Just because I do not dump all my issues onto someone like she loves to do for attention and just because she was considered "a friend" does not mean it gives her access to what is happening in my life - keep in mind, the message also came on what currently was the worst time of my life and I already wanted to lash out but decided she was not worth the effort. I am wasting my life away with depression, I never had "a sense of living life or security".

Keep in mind, that was also when our friendship was already over. I felt nothing but relief when our friendship was over because she was a nightmare to deal with. But she is unable to let go and kept hunting me across my blogs. I eventually was desperate enough to tell her to cut it out because I genuinely could not deal with this right now with everything going on irl but she kept chasing after me "what is 'this' instead of giving me a break.

Having said that - the likes of her are not, and never will be my friend. She never viewed me as a friend, she views me as competition. She makes that clear in that message. And if you ever get a message like that run as far away as you can.

People like that will do anything to try and make you as miserable as them because they are petty like that. If they can’t do better themselves they refuse to do so for everyone else either and want to drag them down just so they can feel better in their pathetic life.

If you read "I wanted to be stronger than you and wanted what you seemed to have I wanted to win" that is a huge red flag. She makes it clear hear that she never saw me as an equal and has an obsessive, one sided competition in going.

Anyway, that is only half of it. I am not really in the mood to go into the rest of that petty high school drama on Tumblr and that is not even the basics of it, nor should it have been anybod's business to begin with.

#the worst part is that I feel mean and gross myself now for doing this in the first place.#i am at my limit #she keeps trying to drag people into this #i am so mentally exhausted you have no idea #she learns nothing from this and she doesn’t care #Even after getting angry with her for involving someone in the first place she keeps doing it #she is doing all that shit on purpose because she loves nothing more than her gossip

0 notes