mystictyrantcollective

[mystictyrantcollective]

That can be arranged 😇

Pumping you full of cum then making you get dressed so we can run errands all day while I drip out of you

[mystictyrantcollective]

Mind is fucked. Absolutely fucked.

And I'm exhausted. On so many levels.

I will not apologize for my feelings or expressing those feelings to you. And neither should you.

I will not apologize or feel bad for not knowing things and asking questions. Just bc it's something you know the ins and outs of doesn't mean it's easy. There have been plenty of things I have happily walked you through and explained to you and offered to help you with that I have experience in and would do it all again with no problem. Think about how you would feel if I turned around during those moments and had the attitude that you do with me at times or said to you I hate having to explain things to you. Which is paraphrasing what you tell me all the time. Appreciate you expressing your feelings, and you feeling how you feel, just asking you to think about how you'd feel if I said something like that to you about a topic you're trying to learn that you're not familiar with and trying not to screw up. Probably would make you feel dumb and inadequate is my guess. Then I read and research bc you tell me you aren't a good teacher, and what I read seems to be different than how you operate adding a whole other layer of frustration.

That comment we talked about was suspect AF. You tell me you don't even comment on things and then there's a damn invite to start a convo!?! Come on!!! You KNOW how I don't like to be caught off guard. Not to mention that there is absolutely no mention of us, our, we in that group that I saw when you told me to search your activity. Ya, there is overlap, like you said, but honestly I think it makes it look worse. You're not helping yourself on trying to shed any bad rep you think is out there. You look coupled up in other platforms but come off single in that one w your activity. You ever think that comes off like that to other people and it seems off?? And this is based off what I've seen other people do. When there's a Dms open comment, there is usually a tag of the SO, or a pic of the couple inserted into the comment is what I usually see from couples, from what I see from the singles is what you did. It's bullshit and you know it.

If this is supposed to be a fun thing for US and WE are a TEAM all I'm asking is that you act like it. Fucking communcate. I really don't think it's that big a deal. If I've learned anything in life you need to communicate w your SO the good the bad and the ugly or the relationship is doomed to fail. And If you don't want to be part of an us or a we that's a different Convo, but that's why I asked if you want this to actually work bc I swear every so often it's like you intentionally do stuff to piss me off to see what I'll do. But that could be me and my fucked up baggage so it's gray area for me. But going back to how this post originally started, I will not apologize for being new, anxious, and working through things a d having questions. If this is something you truly want me to be a part of then do the damn work. Do you know how weird it is to be OK w you rately giving compliments in person (you have been better) but then seeing you have no issue doing it online?? Again, put yourself in my shoes. Imagine if I rarely give you compliments but you go online and see me dishing them out? Think about it. Also some of them are a turn off for me bc they seem too thirsty. But that's just me being weird I guess.

Do what you say and say what you mean. You told me a long time ago that you would never tell me 100% of the truth 100% of the time. In that moment of our relationship that was acceptable, and I thought now that we are more serious I could disregsrd, but I'm putting it out there that now it's absolutely not acceptable, so I can always say I expressed this to you. No more surprises. No more. I've had enough surprises and being caught off guard for an entire lifetime at this point. I can't deal w anymore. That's part of my fucked up ness.

Oh and so we are on the same page this is totally me selfishly bitching at you bc I would like to actually get some fucking sleep.

Like, comment, post whatever. Seems to be something you need to do to be happy which I'm all for. But fucking communicate w me. Act like we belong to each other. Why is it so hard??? Is it really that big of an ask??? If it is why ???

This will be the last time I bring up anything like this. Going forward just do whatever you want to do taking this into consideration bc you're not the only one tired of having similar convos like this. I'm done talking about it.

And none of this is meant in any way to come off like I think I'm better than you. Just for you to read, digest and think about bc I will not talk about anything written here ever again unless it's a convo initiated by you. I'm done with it.

Xo

[mystictyrantcollective]

*me, literally sick with want* whatever

[mystictyrantcollective]

I want something so much deeper with her. It would be too easy to get her to just let me take off her clothes and have sex. This is something that this generation does a lot of. And yeah, sex can be cool and all, but with her, I want something so much deeper. I want her to feel safe enough to open up her soul to me. I want her to feel safe enough to share her thoughts, her fears, her hopes, and all her dreams with me. I want to show her that love still exists in this world and, babe, that love begins with you and me.

[mystictyrantcollective]

[mystictyrantcollective]

No one said you looked ghoulish.

Reminded me of our "purge pic". And it was def not the best pic of either us but an awesome memory. I mean the ugly shirt comment was kind of a low blow so sorry for that. Never seen you in that color.

You're right - I won't look anymore. No reason to ... 😓

I don't know if it's the lighting, the ugly shirt, or what but your fb profile pic is a terrible pic of you. Holy moly. You dont look like that ... Or least I hope you don't. 😮

If someone said it looked good they lied. I would've gently told you to retake it or said it's a good memory.

And I'm not stalking you - you came up as liking one of Facebook memories saw the color if the shirt in the little thumbnail and then looked.

Probably the lighting ...

[mystictyrantcollective]

And a bad photo shouldn't taint a memory - I have plenty of bad photos of myself in good memories especially since I usually don't photograph well. But it doesn't ruin it for me. It was just a shocking picture of you to see is all.

I don't know if it's the lighting, the ugly shirt, or what but your fb profile pic is a terrible pic of you. Holy moly. You dont look like that ... Or least I hope you don't. 😮

If someone said it looked good they lied. I would've gently told you to retake it or said it's a good memory.

And I'm not stalking you - you came up as liking one of Facebook memories saw the color if the shirt in the little thumbnail and then looked.

Probably the lighting ...

[mystictyrantcollective]

I mean if you like it you like it . Didn't mean to make you upset. I'm just saying you look way better than that is all.

I don't know if it's the lighting, the ugly shirt, or what but your fb profile pic is a terrible pic of you. Holy moly. You dont look like that ... Or least I hope you don't. 😮

If someone said it looked good they lied. I would've gently told you to retake it or said it's a good memory.

And I'm not stalking you - you came up as liking one of Facebook memories saw the color if the shirt in the little thumbnail and then looked.

Probably the lighting ...

[mystictyrantcollective]

I don't know if it's the lighting, the ugly shirt, or what but your fb profile pic is a terrible pic of you. Holy moly. You dont look like that ... Or least I hope you don't. 😮

If someone said it looked good they lied. I would've gently told you to retake it or said it's a good memory.

And I'm not stalking you - you came up as liking one of Facebook memories saw the color if the shirt in the little thumbnail and then looked.

Probably the lighting ...

[mystictyrantcollective]

“The cost of not following your heart is spending the rest of your life wishing you had.”

— Unknown

[mystictyrantcollective]

😭😭😭

[mystictyrantcollective]

Glad we chatted today.

I feel a lot better.

Xo

[mystictyrantcollective]

Why I have my Tumblr. Have to get the thoughts out somehow.

It's hard to sleep when your mind is full of unsaid thoughts.

[mystictyrantcollective]

😥 when will I stop feeling like this.

I still can't believe you did this. I don't think you understand how incredibly hard it is to not talk to you or to tell you to leave me alone even tho I know it's ultimately what's best for me even tho it's having an awful impact on me right now.

Especially since you lied AND you chose her over me. Literally left me after getting your things and went to her. Now I understand why it was so hard for you to leave. You knew when I found out this would be the outcome. It just took longer than you thought it would. Making me think, as hard as it was, I was letting you go so you could find yourself and I cared enough about you that if you needed to be alone to do that I would support it even tho I was so hurt and sad.

Have I always been this guillable .... 😣 So stupid ? You've made me feel like a stupid little fool.

Hey at least the anoymous texting and calling has stopped. What a coincidence right ?

[mystictyrantcollective]

[mystictyrantcollective]

Thinking we weren't exclusive had me always holding you at arms length. Me as a girlfriend versus the "whatever it is we're doing" is slightly different. Especially since in the last couple months anytime I was content with you I would find out that you were with her and screwed her so why would I think we were exclusive? If you thought we were exclusive why wouldn't you introduce me as your girlfriend? Why wouldn't you accept my friend request on Facebook?

I very much don't understand. But again, I don't think it matters unless it does - That's your call.

Just to clarify.

If you and I were in a committed relationship I would have no issue putting up with anything. Anonymous phone calls text messages her being her psychotic self all of it. Me in a committed relationship versus what we were doing is completely different. I would want to know what your week look like and I'd be more open to tell you things like I miss you and I need you and bear hug you and jump on you and be all over you. Because I would know without a doubt you were all mine and I didn't have to worry about anything.

Why on earth would I ever put the responsibility of being exclusive when I knew you where you were going camping and with who you were going camping with.

It was a conversation I had planned on having with you when you got back but you had other plans. But you acted strangely on Sunday and Monday. At least I know Monday it was because you were with her a majority of the day. I'm assuming you were weird Sunday because of the long talk you had with your friend at camp.

It's not like any of this is going to change anything I just thought you should know.

[mystictyrantcollective]

We never talked about it. You referred to you and I as "whatever it is that we're doing.". I didn't want to put any pressure on you too soon. And you ended right back with her anyway.

You introduced me as your friend when you introduced me to someone. Why on earth would I ever think that you and I were exclusive? If we were exclusive we would have been boyfriend and girlfriend because I do titles. My thought process was that if we talked about it and you agreed I wouldn't have to worry about anything I would never have asked you if you were alone if I thought we were exclusive Because I would have known that was your choice. The whole San Diego trip would have been different as well.

But does any of it even matter ...

Just to clarify.

If you and I were in a committed relationship I would have no issue putting up with anything. Anonymous phone calls text messages her being her psychotic self all of it. Me in a committed relationship versus what we were doing is completely different. I would want to know what your week look like and I'd be more open to tell you things like I miss you and I need you and bear hug you and jump on you and be all over you. Because I would know without a doubt you were all mine and I didn't have to worry about anything.

Why on earth would I ever put the responsibility of being exclusive when I knew you where you were going camping and with who you were going camping with.

It was a conversation I had planned on having with you when you got back but you had other plans. But you acted strangely on Sunday and Monday. At least I know Monday it was because you were with her a majority of the day. I'm assuming you were weird Sunday because of the long talk you had with your friend at camp.

It's not like any of this is going to change anything I just thought you should know.