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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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“I am a toy who people enjoy till none of the tricks work anymore”.
Okay Lorde, thanks for hurting me.
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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Things nobody will ever read…
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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I have such a high level of disconnect I don’t know who I am right now.
Staring in the mirror and I don’t recognize you looking back at me.
And why won’t you smile?
You’re just glass.
I could shatter you.
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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I want to feel soft warm sunshine on my skin again
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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Fueling my inner 18 year old thoughts
The blonde is more of a red, the black is more of a brown.
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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make this feeling go away…
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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Sick girl things:
Covid testing until your nose bleeds
Leaving work early because the body aches hurt
LaYeRs of CloTheS.
BLANKETS.
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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This no longer feels like the void.
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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Last night I had a dream that I was sleeping in bed, and got woken up to the literal devil standing over me laughing at me. In the dream I couldn’t move, and I knew he was going to hurt me. I kept trying to scream and nothing would come out.
I told myself to wake up so many times because I knew it couldn’t be real, but when I did wake up it still felt present. I was too scared to go back to sleep.
I found my Holy Water at my mom’s house the other night, I think I need to go back and get it. It felt too real to me for comfort.
I tried to picture a bubble of safety around my bed and prayed to God to protect me so I could get some sleep. He did, but I’m still exhausted and my entire body aches.
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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I wrote creative writing style about a scene in my mind… snowflakes off the side of a cliff.
And a girl who didn’t jump, just smiled at the snow.
It felt….good. To change the ending I intended. Make it happy instead of sad. That girls okay and so am I.
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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Do you ever just scroll through SH blogs on tumblr while waiting for your Covid tests 15 minutes to be up
It’s awfully odd what my life has become
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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I love the hailing snow
Glad I got to leave work early
Wish my car could make it up my driveway
SLIPPERS.
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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For a minute I forgot that things were hard. Laughing with my little brother over cards he plays in apples to apples…..
I love seeing life through a child’s eyes.
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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On the list of stupid shit I do, add “text my boss about my passive-suicidal thoughts” to the list.
Anyway back to work.
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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I wish I didn’t exist. I think about a future without me in it and it feels just as real as a future with me. Being here feels the same as not being here. There is no point in existing if that is all I am doing. I want to stop breathing. Thinking. Feeling. Being. I want it to stop.
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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Shower thoughts: if I drink the bottle of body wash will it wash out the dirt under my skin
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mytherapistsaidto · 8 months
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Sometimes I sit in the bathroom and scroll through TikTok pretending to pay attention but the same TikTok is playing for the 13th time and I’m thinking about turning on the shower and rinsing away this feeling of not being okay.
Is it really not being okay or is it being okay in small moments? I’m happy to have plans, but when I’m happy it’s followed by sad. I already want to cancel because I don’t want to be disappointed when it’s over. I don’t want to be in constant limbo.
When did I grow up to this point that the idea of being young and dumb is taxing to me? I am so young. 25 isn’t that far along in life. Unless it’s ending early. I could switch up everything and have another 25 years to look back on the memories I’ve made.
Is there any truth to missing memories that you do not have because they’ve never happened? How to shake the feeling of constantly falling short and not being enough for everyone… I stopped being enough for everyone for so long now I’m not even enough for myself. I want to be enough, because that’s all I have to be. Enough for myself.
I want to cut the pieces of sadness out of me. All the time. I am so much stronger than I thought I was because I haven’t given in. I had so many opportunities and I haven’t given in. I haven’t given in because He would not want that for me.
I pray in the dreams.
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