mythicalowl

[mythicalowl]

Try Again - Jeff Atkins

Summary: Due to their shared determination to succeed in life, Jeff and Y/N had been torn apart into different directions. But now, in a party where everything is forgotten, can they find a way to save what the have?

**

“Tell me you’re not still hung up on him?” My eyes drifted to meet those of Hannah Baker, who was sat opposite me with a pair of judging eyes, awaiting my response even though she already knew the answer.

“I’m not still hung up on him.” I responded in a quiet tone, forcing myself to keep my gaze from darting back to the brown haired boy who had just entered the cafeteria. 

“He dumped you. Shouldn’t you be angry with him?” She raised an eyebrow at me as I rolled my eyes with a sigh, shoving a fry into my mouth. 

“Are you stereotyping me right now?” I challenged her and she only shook her head with a smile in response before turning her attention to Jessica, who was sat on the next table over. 

“Are you going to the party tonight?” She questioned as I continued to munch on my food with little interest. 

“Nope.” I responded bluntly, glancing around the room as she turned to look at me. 

“Why not?” She frowned and I turned my gaze to her with a blank expression, expecting her to know this answer already. 

“You know I don’t like parties.” I mumbled and she rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh in return before shooting me what I assumed was a playful glare. 

“Jeff will be there.” She stated in a teasing tone, but I only sent her an unimpressed look. 

“All the more reason not to go.” I offered a sarcastic smile with my words, but her expression told me she was completely unamused. 

“Oh, come on. Don’t make me go alone.” She pleaded with a groan as I reached across the table to throw my rubbish in the bin. 

“You won’t be alone, you’re going because Clay is going, aren’t you?” I questioned her while glancing across the hall at the boy in question, who was sat at a table with Alex, his face just as serious as always. 

“God, Jeff really had an effect on you.” I froze slightly at her words, feeling my heart sink slowly as my eyes darted quickly to the dark haired boy. I was surprised to see that his eyes were already on me, swimming with an emotion I couldn’t read. I swiftly shifted my gaze over to Hannah, who slammed a hand over her mouth. 

“Oh my god, I’m an idiot. I’m so sorry!” She exclaimed frantically, a panicked and guilty look on her face. 

“It’s okay. You can talk about him. I’m not going to break at the mention of his name.” I forced a small smile to back up my words, which, I couldn’t lie, were anything but the truth. 

“Can I ask you something?” She had an uneasy frown on her face as I searched her expression cautiously. Nodding gently, I remained silent as a cue for her to continue. 

“Why did you break up?” She asked, gazing at me cautiously as if she expected me to break at any minute. But I wouldn’t. I didn’t want anyone, not even my best friend, to have the satisfaction of knowing that I was still hurting. That every thought of him, every glimpse of his smile was enough to make me want to run home and hide. I couldn’t let anyone see that when he seemed so... happy? Without me. 

“He had his commitments to baseball, I had mine to my studies. We were both working a lot and it drove us apart I guess.” I kept my answer vague and my voice quiet, as if afraid that he would hear me and immediately sense the pain that was hidden in my tone. Jeff was always good at that, knowing when something wasn’t right. Sometimes I never even had to say anything, he would just know. 

A sympathetic expression rested on her features and I avoided her gaze, not wanting the pity she was offering. 

“You’re coming to that party.” She stated matter-of-factly. 

“I already told you, I don’t want to go.” I mumbled with a frown, but she only jumped up from her seat, pulling her bag over her shoulder. 

“You’re coming and that’s it. I’ll meet you at yours at seven!” I felt the need to slam my head against the table top, groaning in frustration as she sprinted out of the cafeteria doors. With a heavy sigh, I shoved my belongings back into my bag and stood up, beginning to walk towards the doors when I met eyes with Jeff once again. 

God, I hoped he wouldn’t be there. 

**

“Looks like it’s already started.” Hannah commented as we arrived at the house, my arms wrapped around me in an attempt to keep warm after having walked through the cold night for the past thirty minutes. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I questioned uncertainly, my eyes darting around the house cautiously with a small frown on my lips. 

It wasn’t that I hadn’t been to a party before, I’d been to a few here and there. But those times I was with Jeff, who didn’t leave my side the whole night, no matter where we were. This time, I was facing the scene without him and I didn’t quite know what to think of that. 

“It’s the perfect idea. Come on!” Hannah grabbed my hand with a grin and began yanking me towards the house excitedly. 

When we entered the room, I looked around slowly, trying to familiarise myself with the scene. I’d been to Jessica’s house a few times, but tonight it was completely crowded with people, something that hadn’t happened those other times. 

“Do you want to get a drink?” I nodded my head in response to Hannah’s question, following her towards the kitchen as she nudged her way through the teenagers that stumbled drunkenly around the room. 

“What do you want?” She turned to me as we reached the table, glancing around the room as if in search of something. Or someone, also known as Clay. 

“A coke, Please.” I offered a smile, attempting to hide my nerves, as she stepped across to the fridge and pulled out a can of coke, pouring it into a red cup. 

“Any alcohol?” She glanced back at me and I shook my head in response, watching as she grabbed the cup and held it out for me to take with a grin. 

“Thanks.” I took the cup gently, one hand holding it, while the other danced around the rim slowly, watching as the bubbles fizzed inside the liquid. 

“Still don’t drink?” My head snapped up at the sound of an all too familiar voice and I almost did a double take at the sight of the one and only Jeff Atkins, who was stood beside me, leant against the counter with a cup in his hands. 

I glanced at Hannah, who shrugged before sending me a thumbs up and running in the other direction. My eyes widened slightly and I turned my attention back to the boy, who was gazing down at me with a look I hadn’t seen for months. 

“I am drinking.” I responded while gesturing to the plastic cup in my hand, avoiding his gaze as he shifted slightly beside me. 

“You know what I meant, Y/L/N.” I kept my gaze on my cup, knowing well that if I brought my eyes to those that belonged to him, he’d break me once again. I couldn’t bring myself to find those orbs that I once loved... still love. 

“How have you been?” He asked, his voice softening considerably as I strained to hear his words completely over the thumping music and loud chatter. 

“Good.” I almost choked on the lie that slipped past my lips, lifting my cup to take a sip in an attempt to hide the truth from him. Jeff knew me too well, I knew that if I gave the simplest tell of a lie, he’d catch onto that and immediately find out the truth. The truth that I’d spent weeks after our breakup moping around, struggling to find a way back to a normal life without him in it, battling to put a smile on my face in public, when in private I couldn’t get through the tears. 

I had slowly began to recover, learning how to live with the pain I felt every time I saw him smile and know that I couldn’t be the reason for it anymore, or the jealousy every time I saw him talking to another girl because I knew that he wasn’t mine anymore, that I couldn’t feel secure watching any other girl with him because there was no chance of him finding his way back to me at the end of the day. 

“That's... good.” His pause made me question whether or not he had already picked up on my lie, but I prayed, for my benefit, he was just as disappointed as I was that our conversations had become so... distant. 

“Yeah...” I mumbled, gazing down at the liquid in my cup as it swirled around, creating bubbles that fizzed wildly before disappearing. 

“Can we talk? Somewhere else?” I paused my movements, caught off guard by his words. My gaze began to drift towards him slowly, when I snapped it back to my cup, shaking myself from my daze. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea-” I began to object when suddenly a soft hand placed itself on my chin, softly pulling me to meet the eyes that I was so desperately avoiding. 

“Please?” He whispered, his eyes searching mine while I questioned whether to pull away from his close proximity, but even if I should have, I couldn’t. Because even after all of the weeks, months, of forcing myself to try and feel hatred for him, this is what I wanted. To be near him again, for him to look at me with the same love that he did just two months ago. 

Wordlessly, I nodded, not able to find words to answer as his presence seemed to cause my throat to close up. He released a breath before nodding gently, slowly stepping away from me and taking my hand gently to lead me out of the kitchen. 

I followed him out to the edge of the garden, trying to ignore the warmth I felt from his touch as his thumb stroked gentle circles on the back of my hand, an action he used to do a lot as he knew it was something that calmed my nerves immensely. 

When he pulled to a stop, he turned to look at me, the music considerably quieter and the chatter a distance away. 

“Do you remember the first party we ever went to together?” Jeff suddenly asked, causing me to glance at him with a confused frown, watching as he folded his arms across his chest and gazed up at the house ahead of us, his hand releasing mine and causing my heart to sink at the loss of contact. 

“Of course I do. Zach’s ‘start of the year party’.” I couldn’t help but smile slightly at the memory. I was nervous to make an appearance at Zach’s party, seeing as Jeff and I had only been dating for a month and I hadn���t had the chance to properly meet his friends. However, I was surprised by how friendly those I met were, immediately conversing with me the minute I arrived. But my favourite memory was the fact that Jeff never once left my side, the same as every other party we ever went to. No matter where we were, or what we were doing, he always had contact with me in some way, whether it was holding my hand, or pulling me into his side protectively to keep me from disappearing into the crowds. 

“Do you remember playing beer pong that night?” He questioned, and when I glanced at him, I noticed the way his lips twitched slightly, lifting into a small smirk. 

“I remember you playing beer pong.” I stated, beginning to relax slightly as I stood beside him, my eyes dancing across the teenagers dotted around the garden and chatting excitedly. 

“Okay, well do you remember why I was playing beer pong?” My eyebrows furrowed in confusion once again as I tried to recall. 

“No, you wouldn’t tell me. I guessed it was because you just like beer pong.” I replied, causing him to chuckle lightly. His laugh brought a small smile to my face that I struggled to hide, butterflies circling my stomach at the simple thought of being his reason to laugh once again. 

“That's true, but no. Justin and Bryce made a bet with me... said that if I lost then-” He paused, his face falling slightly as he released a heavy sigh. “Then I’d have to break up with you.”

“You bet our relationship?” I tried to hide the hurt in my tone, but I couldn’t. How had I not known this before. 

“I was and idiot. I let my drunk ass get the better of me and I nearly lost you.” He admitted and I let his words sink in before developing a frown. 

“Wait- but- you lost beer pong that day?” I frowned, turning my head to face him with a puzzled expression as he dropped his head, gazing down at his feet momentarily. 

“Yeah, I did. And I was supposed to end things then and there.” He explained, only confusing me further. I remained silent, giving him the sign to continue his explanation. 

“But then I looked at you... I looked at you and I realised for the first time that I was in love with you.” He turned around, gazing down at me as I brought my eyes up to meet his own. 

“Was?” I choked out with a forced smile. 

“Am. I am in love with you.” He whispered, one of his hands reaching to place itself on my waist and pulling me towards him while the other lifted up to softly cup my chin, holding my gaze on his own.

I searched his face for any sign of deception, as if afraid that this wasn't real, that he was going to walk away any moment and leave me broken once again. But I knew Jeff, and just as he knew when I was lying, I knew when he was too. 

And he wasn’t.

“I love you too, Jeff.” I admitted with a small smile, suddenly feeling a lump form in my throat, my vision blurring slightly as a grin lit up his face. 

He swiftly lowered his head, placing his lips against mine as I melted against him. After two months of trying to remove him from my life, it was now I find myself running back to him without question, but I wouldn’t change that for the world. I wanted him. Needed him. And now, I finally had him again. 

“God, I missed you.” He whispered against my lips with a smile, causing me to laugh lightly as a joyful tear slipped over and ran down my cheek slowly. He lifted his hand to wipe it away carefully before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulled me into his embrace, burying his head in the crook of my neck as I sighed contentedly, happily accepting the warmth he was offering. 

“Jeff?” My voice was slightly muffled from my position of being cuddled into him. 

“Yeah, Princess?” I smiled gently at the familiar nickname. 

“I’m sorry.” I whispered into his shirt, hoping he wouldn’t suddenly decide that after everything he didn’t want me anymore. But instead, his response was to pull me closer, if possible. 

“I’m sorry, too. Try again?” He questioned, and I swore I could hear a hint of fear in his tone which cause me to bury myself further into his arms, holding onto him as tight as I could. I didn’t want to lose him again, not ever. 

“Try again.”

**

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed :)

[mythicalowl]

My Kind Of Love - Monty de la Cruz // Song Preference

Imagine based off of the song My Kind Of Love by Leon Else :)

She thinks I’ve got a heart of stone

Because I left her all alone, lonely tonight

I know I shouldn’t be mad at him for not coming tonight, and the truth is, I really wasn't. But the growing feeling of dread gnawing at my insides made me want to blame something, anything, for the fact that I was stood here alone, trying to ignore the multiple gazes that burnt holes into my head with their curiosity. 

“What are you doing here all alone? Where’s your date?” My eyes snapped up to meet those of Jessica Davis, who was gazing at me with concern swimming in her expression. 

I glanced around helplessly. As much as I loved Jessica, I didn’t want to admit that I had come to the dance alone. She made me promise I’d make an appearance, despite my hatred for social situations like this, which is why she probably expected Monty to be at my side, as he usually was. 

But tonight he wasn’t. He knew I hated places like this when I was alone, how could he choose some stupid gathering with his friends instead of coming to the dance with his... girlfriend? I’m not even sure we can call it a relationship. Even so, I’m pretty sure that his friends would have shown up anyways if he had just made the decision to come. Did he care? About someone else’s feelings? Probably not. It’s not often he does. 

God, I can’t think like that. We’re not even officially in a relationship, we just started to hang out and fell into some sort of in-between friendship and relationship place. 

I can’t blame him for going with his friends, they wanted to celebrate their latest win and couldn’t guarantee their presence at the dance tonight. Considering he was near enough the main reason for winning their game, they insisted he join them. In all fairness, he had refused at first, trying to convince both them and myself that he would rather come to the dance, but with a little encouragement he had agreed to join them. 

But now, I couldn’t help but question why on earth I’d convinced him to join the boys. 

I snapped out of my thoughts, my silence giving Jessica the answer I didn’t want her to find, so when I opened my mouth to speak she was very quick to cut me off. 

“He let you come alone?” She frowned at me with sympathy and I sighed, my gaze drifting to the floor. 

“Didn’t Justin do the same to you?” I questioned with an unintended harshness to my tone. 

“Justin’s coming soon. He said he wanted to leave early.” She explained softly and I couldn’t help but sigh in defeat. As selfish as it sounded, I really didn’t want her to say that. 

“Right. Of course he is.” I mumbled with a small, forced smile. 

“I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you he’s gonna show up, but you know I can’t. It’s Monty-”

“What’s Monty?” I flinched in surprise as two familiar arms gently wrapped around my waist, pulling me back into the warmth of a tall body. 

“Monty!... Hi...” Jessica stammered, an awkward smile on her face. My eyes shot to the head the was resting on my shoulder, his eyes gazing at her with an expression I struggled to read. 

“I’m gonna go... find Justin...” She mumbled, but my eyes were fixed onto the boy beside me. 

“Monty, what are you doing here? I thought you said you weren’t coming?” I questioned him as I turned around in his embrace, his eyes drifting to meet my own as they softened immediately, a small smile reaching his lips as his hands rested on my waist. 

“I felt wrong leaving my Princess alone tonight.” He mumbled and I knew right then that this boy would forever have my heart. 

She thinks I’m gonna break her heart I tell her that I’m not, but maybe she’s right

“Monty?” I mumbled quietly into the silence that had engulfed us, a silence that separated us from the outside world and provided us with a temporary escape. 

“Hm?” He hummed in response, his hand softly rubbing circles on my hip as I curled into his side, head resting on his chest and listening to the sound of his heart beating to a calm rhythm. 

“Do you want this?” I choked out the question reluctantly. I needed to know what he thought of whatever we were, but at the same time I was afraid. I remained in place, I couldn’t bring myself to lift my head and meet his gaze incase I was met with a sight that could break me. 

His hand froze on my waist, a deafening silence filling the air as I awaited his answer. 

He gently pushed me up and shifted so he was also sat up straight. I could feel his gaze burning holes into the side of my head as I gazed down at my hands in my lap. 

His hand carefully reached across to cup my chin, softly pulling my attention to his features. 

“Why would you ask me that?” He whispered, his eyes searching mine carefully for an answer. 

“Because I’m afraid.” I blurted out and I saw a flash of confusion drift through his gaze as a small frown fell upon his lips. 

“Afraid of me not wanting you?” He asked with a look of concern and confusion swimming in his expression. I paused for a moment before shrugging slightly. 

“It could happen. You could stop wanting me... or want someone else. You could break my heart.” I offered a humourless laugh at the end of the statement, my voice failing me slightly as he sighed gently, trying to meet my eyes even though I didn’t want him to. 

“Look at me.” He whispered and I reluctantly brought my gaze up to meet his own. 

“There is no one else I want. You’re it for me and I will do everything I can to make sure that I’m never stupid enough to break your heart.” He spoke gently, his hand softly resting on my chin as I searched his eyes desperately for any sign of a lie that could give me a reason to run away. 

But there wasn’t one. All I saw was sincerity. Truth. 

“You promise?” I asked him for a final reassurance. He gazed at me for a moment before pressing his lips to mine in a short but sweet kiss. When he pulled away, he pressed his forehead to mine gently with a small smile. 

“I promise.”

And I know I can’t hold you like he does

I don’t have those emotions in me

And it’s true, I can’t love you like he does

But it’s my kind of love.

Honestly, I hated that I had to hide my feelings for Monty from the world. My parents didn’t approve of him, my friends didn’t approve of him. Being with him was sometimes a losing battle, but it didn’t mean I’d stop fighting for him. 

After Monty had taken an interest in me after I defended him once during some stupid argument in class, it seems I also caught the eye of another boy. 

Let’s rewind a little. 

“What are you looking at, Cruz?” I glanced up from my paper to see Cyrus sat a few desks away, glaring at the boy who was sat in front of me. Monty raised an eyebrow at him in amusement as he leant back in his seat, the rest of the boys he was surrounded by taking a sudden interest in the conversation.

“Something wrong, dumbass?” Monty asked in response, and as much as I wanted to continue with the paper in front of me, I couldn't help but watch the scene play out with a certain curiosity. It wasn’t often I showed interest in other people’s business, but today I felt a little... nosy. 

“Yeah, you’re looking at me.” Cyrus growled and I frowned slightly in confusion, not quite understanding the problem.

“Actually, no, I wasn’t.” Monty replied with little interest, turning his attention back to his friends. 

“Yes, you were.” Cyrus snapped and Monty leant back into his seat with his jaw clenched slightly. 

I couldn’t help but release a sigh, shaking my head slightly in what could have been described as bewilderment at the situation. 

“Problem, (Y/L/N)?” I glanced up at him, gazing at him as I tried to figure out what exactly he was getting at before rolling my eyes and turning back to the paper in front of me. 

“You mean apart from your very obvious lack of intelligence and maturity? No, not all.” I mumbled in response, glancing up at the sound of a small chuckle to see Monty gazing at me with an amused smirk. 

“Why are you even getting involved?” He spat and I frowned at him in confusion before glancing at Monty, who only raised an eyebrow at me with the same puzzled look on his face. 

“I was answering your question, Cyrus.” I stated as the boy rolled his eyes. 

“Whatever, (Y/L/N). You know what, you two would make the perfect couple. You’re both annoying.” He grumbled and I shook my head with a small laugh. It wasn’t often I got into problems like this, I was usually the shy, quiet one. But Cyrus was prone to causing arguments, which eventually got on my nerves. 

His comment was something which caught not only me but also Monty by surprise, however, what was more surprising was that he took it seriously. 

I was thankful I’d caught Monty’s eye that day... but it turns out, I’d unknowingly caught the attention of somebody else. 

“Marcus asked me out again today.” I blurted out, glancing cautiously at Monty, who tensed up slightly. 

“What did you say?” He asked quietly and I shifted slightly, cuddling closer to him.

“What do you think I said?” I mumbled, burying my head in the crook of his neck as he glanced down to look at me, his arms wrapping tighter around me and pulling me into him. 

“Well I’d hope you told him to shove it up his-”

“Monty!” I laughed lightly, causing him to chuckle as I rolled my eyes with a smile. 

“Well?” He mumbled and I fiddled with the hem of his t shirt, sighing contentedly. 

“I gave him the politer version of that sentence.” I responded quietly as he pulled the blanket further around us. We were currently curled up in the back of Monty’s jeep, the sun had long disappeared behind the mountains and we had found our way out of town to the docks, the only quiet place where we wouldn’t have to worry about disapproving gazes. 

“I think my version sounded better.” He mumbled and I released a breathless laugh, snuggling closer to him as he pressed a kiss to my forehead, falling into a small silence. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered and I immediately frowned, looking up at him. 

“For what?” I asked curiously as he brought his gaze to my own. 

“That you have to hide our relationship because everyone knows I'm a dick. That, as much as I want to, so badly, I can’t hold you in public or show everyone how much I love you just because of a stupid reputation I built up.” He mumbled and I felt my heart melt at his words, his eyes searching my face with a sadness to them and I sighed. 

When Monty and I had finally found the courage to admit the feelings we both shared for each other, he had made the call to keep it hidden. I thought it was because he was embarrassed, but then he explained that it was because he was afraid of what people would think of me. Of how my parents would react to it, if it would cause a rift between me and them. If my friends would be disappointed. He told me that he couldn’t risk doing that to me. 

And I loved him for that. But I also hated the fact that I had to pretend that I didn’t care about the girls flirting with him in the halls while I was a few feet away. That I had to refrain from smiling at the sight of him or the sound of his voice when others were around. 

Everyone else was falling in love, everyone else was telling the world about their love stories. Yet here we were, snuggled up in his jeep because we were afraid that the world wouldn’t allow us to be together anywhere else. 

“Monty, I hate the fact that I can’t be with you at school. That I can’t tell every girl not to flirt with you because you’re mine.” I whispered and I saw his frown deepen before I quickly finished, pulling his attention back to me. 

“But I can live with those things because I know that at the end of the day, I’m the one that you’re going to call before you fall asleep. I don’t care if everybody knows about us, whether they approve or not. But if you think it’s best they don’t know, then that's okay. As long as I have you, then everything is okay.” I whispered honestly, a soft smile gracing his lips as he gazed at me for a moment before pulling me towards him. He pressed his lips to mine and I melted against him, his arms holding me close to his body as I felt his worries slowly begin to disappear. 

He gently pulled away, resting his forehead against mine as he did sometimes, an action which I loved. 

“When I walk into school tomorrow, I want you with me.” He whispered and my eyes shot open in surprise, staring at him in shock as his own opened slowly. 

“What?” I questioned him, not quite sure I’d heard him right. 

“I love you and everyone should know that. I want every girl to know that I’m yours and every guy better believe that you’re mine. I don’t want Marcus making moves on you ever again because I’ll beat the shit out of him. You’re mine and I want to be able to hold you in front of everyone. Not just in the back of my car out at the docks.” He whispered and I froze for a second before a grin spread across my lips and I pulled him towards me, pressing my lips to his once again.

I felt him smile against my lips as his hand gently reached up and cupped my chin. 

“God, I love you.” He whispered and I struggled to contain the happiness that engulfed my being in that moment. 

“I love you too, Monty.”

***

So, this is my first imagine. What’s your thoughts?

I know a lot of people like Monty and a lot of people don’t, but if you don’t agree with me writing about him then don’t read it. I’m not interested in the hate you want to send, no offence, so just click off of the imagine if you don’t want to see it. 

Otherwise, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! Feedback welcome! :)