mythology-rants

[mythology-rants]

And That’s A Wrap

Ah, puns, my favorite thing. Today is the mythology behind the Egyptian mummies. Anubis you can stay out of this today! No, I’m not taking any visitors thank you very much.

           Mummies were part of the whole mythology of ancient Egypt, the people believed that one of the major ways to get to the underworld would be if their body was preserved. While they needed their name and to have a light heart, the Ba and Ka of a person, the personality and the vital spark respectively, could only move on if their body was preserved. There were two ways to do this, the poor often let their family members dry out in the desert sun, which would work well enough, the rich had very complicated rituals to make them look as best as they could.

           The idealization of mummification came from the myth of Osiris, in which Set became jealous, sealed Osiris in a coffin and then chopped it to pieces and scattering the pieces all over Egypt. Isis found most of the parts and reassembled him, and with the help of their sister Nephthys, brought him back to life, however because he was missing a part of him that had been eaten by a fish, he could no longer rule the mortal world, which lead to him becoming ruler of the underworld.

           The rich would mimic this to a point by mummifying their dead. The brain would be removed through the nose with a hook, the cavity dried with drugs, then cut open so the organs would be removed through the abdomen, then filled with various good smelling items before being sewn up and cured in natron for 70 days. Then the body is washed and wrapped in linen. Among the rich, embalmers would place amulets for protection among the wrappings.Generally only the heart was left in as that was another part of the Egyptian soul and was necessary to be there. Specific organs were put in jars with the heads of the sons of Horus on them.

           Graves would be filled with many items the person would need in the afterlife. One of these items were shabtis, dolls to do the work for the person instead. The more of these dolls the more wealthy the person was. Other things would include food, clothes, jewelry, weapons and even pets!

           Supposedly they would continue on to eternal life. It’s a method of belief that most religions had or have. In doing so, the myths influenced their own practices in real life.

           Speaking of things dying but being preserved, it’s the same with this blog here. I don’t feel like taking the risk of a god hijacking my blog again. But who knows, maybe it’ll come back if it survives Ammit.

[mythology-rants]

Nine is A Common Number

Okay, here’s a fun one, we’re going back to the Norse Myths to try to tell you about the nine worlds and their inhabitants.

           And you think you should do this without the help of the one that sees them all?

           Oh no! Not another one of you people! Get the heck off my blog!

           You people?!

           ‘Gods’, people who shouldn’t exist, I just want to pass this class!

           And you will, with my help. Now, Yggdrasil is the great ash tree that holds each of the nine realms, Asgard, Vanaheim, Niflheim, Muspelheim, Jotunheim, Alfheim, Svartalvheim, Helheim, and Midgard, in its roots and branches.

           I’m not going to get rid of you either am I, Heimdall?

           You let Anubis help you.

           Nah, I just couldn’t get him to go away. You’re going to be the same aren’t you?

           As I was saying-

           Asgard is ruled by Odin, king of the Aesir. Asgard is guarded by fortifications that would last until Ragnarok. At the rainbow bridge known as the Bifrost, Heimdall watches all of the nine realms and waits for Ragnarok-

And as the twilight of the gods begins, I shall sound the great horn Gjallarhorn to warn the gods of the end and I will fight the Trickster himself.

And you’ll die killing each other, look, I get it you’re a warrior race but glorifying the end of the world? No, stop. Also, we have a lot more to cover so, let’s move on. Also, no one listen to the man who somehow has nine mothers.

           Vanaheim is the home of the Vanir, home of magic and the original home of Freyja, her brother Frey, and their father Njord.

           They moved to Asgard after a war many years ago as an agreement of peace. Freyja also rules Folkvangr where half of those who died gloriously in battle will reside until Ragnarok. The other half go to Valhalla to await Odin’s order.

           Once again, you gravitate to Ragnorok, we haven’t even gotten the other 7 worlds out of the way. Can we move on? Thanks!

           Anyway, Jotunheim is the land of the Giants, who constantly hate and fight the Aesir, though sometimes affairs happen. Loki is originally from this realm. No Heimdall, we are going a few realms without mentioning it. Shush!

           Alfheim is the land of the light elves, ruled by Frey this realm is filled with magic and beauty. Svartalfheim is considered the land of the dark elves, but they’re actually dwarves, who are master craftsmen and often create powerful items of magic and weaponry.

           Helheim is yet another place to go if one dies, and it is not the one to prefer, the dishonorable dead live there and well, I believe Heimdall can-

           Hel, half dead daughter of Loki, will lead the residents of Helheim to Ragnarok to fight against all of the Gods and the good.

           Ah, yes, thank you for that. Niflheim is a world of mist and cold, it is the first world of the nine and Muspelheim is it’s opposite, a land of fire ruled by the demon Surtr, and at Ragnarok will turn Asgard into a burning wasteland.

           And finally, we have the home of the humans, Midgard-

           Heimdall, my blog, let me speak!

           No, you described my home so I shall describe yours. Midgard is ruled by many different people in many different divisions and I do not understand why you believe that is a good structure. In any case, the serpent Jormungand lives in the oceans of Midgard where he circles the world until Ragnarok-

Where he will fight Thor until they both die. Ok, good bye now, get off of my blog. I am saving this one and leaving it be. Go away. And no telling any of your ‘god’ friends that you did this. I do not want to deal with them.  

[mythology-rants]

Welcome to the Duat

Welcome new arrivals, oh wait, you’re alive, well I do not know how you made it to the Duat, but feel free to listen in on my guide to the underworld-

           Oi! Anubis! Get off my blog!

           Oh, so that’s how they are down here….

           Yea, so can I please continue running my blog thank you?

           Why can I not join you? I am a resident of the Duat and know the rites better than any human.

           Ugh, why do you want to? You’re a jackal headed god that probably 90% of people does not believe exists, if not more.

           So? If you’re talking to me the others will. Besides, no one’s following rites anymore, so people are getting lost.

           I’m only talking to you because I’m fairly sure I’m in a nightmare of being about to fail the class I should be least able to fail. That’s why I even started this blog.

           Alright, you’re no fun so I’m going to do this anyway. The Duat as you should know is-

           They don’t know, they’re from the 21st century, also, probably Americans and if you know anything about Americans, they don’t know about other cultures.

           Anyway, the Duat was where the dead would go after death, was ruled by Osiris, yes, I know no one really tells you if he’s your father or uncle, leave it alone Anubis! Anyway, the gods also lived there and Ra would ride the sun boat west to east through it fighting the Chaos serpent Apophis

           Apep was his name-

           Ugh, I know but people only recognize Apophis…. Can I continue? Thanks. The Duat journey was divided by 12 hours, through that 12 gates. Each hour represented an obstacle Ra had to pass through, but for the dead, each gate was guarded by a demon, whose name must be said correctly to pass through.

           At the end of the journey of the deceased, they end up in the Hall of Judgement where I weigh their heart against the feather of truth.

           I bet that’s the highlight of your day….

           Be silent! This is my part of this! Essentially, if your heart is as light as the feather you move on to a glorious paradise, if it is heavier however you are eaten by Ammit the Devourer.

           Nope, that’s the highlight of your day. Watching a crocodile headed hippo/lion hybrid eat people. And heavy feather.

           What do you mean heavy feather?

           Well, the average adult human heart is around 11 ounces, there may be some heavy feathers out there but that’s almost three fourths of a pound.

           And you know this why?

           I am the knower of useless facts, it’s what I do. Now, you’ve told your story, please leave so I can bang my head against a table to try to wake up.

[mythology-rants]

Hades Deserves Better

Alright people time to get one thing straight. Hades is not a villain! End blog.

Just kidding, I’m not ending this here, you’re going to see why Hades is not the villain in Greek mythology. You are going to need to know a this thing, we’re putting this in time period context, because if we’re going to go with context and what is right today, everyone’s a creepy villain except for Hestia.

           So, everyone thinks he’s a villain because he is king of the Underworld, he punishes people right? Well… some of the worst punishments in the Greek Underworld weren't even his and technically, he got the short straw in a game of lots when it came to where he would rule. By the rules of the time period, since Hades was the eldest son of Kronos, he should have been king of the gods and inherited everything. However after fighting their father, the three sons of Kronos drew lots to divide the world and decide who was king. Zeus became king of the gods and ruler of the sky, Poseidon became ruler of the seas, and Hades drew short and became king of the Underworld. As he ruled the Underworld, he was instructed to punish the souls of the bad, however, many of the most painful or horrible punishments came from the mind of Zeus. Sisyphus, the king damned to roll a boulder up a hill only for it to roll back down, had angered Zeus and was punished by the king of the gods to do so. Zeus also punished Tantalus by keeping him in a perpetual state of malnourishment.

           Okay, but he kiddnapped his wife right?

           Well, yea, he kidnapped Persephone, and that isn’t great, no, but at the time period, in the context of the area, it isn’t exactly as weird as it is now. In some places, particularly Sparta, a man could not marry without kidnapping the woman. So it is strange, but not so strange as the rest of Greek mythology, and if you’re going to go with the kidnapping of Persephone as villainy but say Zeus’s time pretending to be other people to sleep with their wives is unimportant, I’ll say your opinion is unimportant. Once again, you’re biased. Besides, Persephone ends up queen of the Underworld and may have wanted to be, she wouldn’t have had to stay if she didn’t eat the pomegranate seeds and it is highly likely that she did so knowingly. The worst punishment that Hades ever doled out himself was to protect her from being stolen by heroes as someone else wanted her for a wife. (Heracles later lets loose one of them but not the one who actually wanted to keep Persephone.) And that punishment was to be stuck in place for a very long time. There are worse punishments.

           Hades is not a villain, he doesn’t have a world takeover bid, he’s kinda just there most of the time. He is also a rather normal person too. Sure he has a three headed dog, Cerberus. But did you know Cerberus comes from the word Kerberos which is most acceptably likely to be a cognate of a sanskrit word meaning ‘spotted’. Yup, Hades named his dog Spot. He’s just a normal guy with an abnormal job, so stop making him the villain people. You want a villain? Zeus is a good choice, most of Greek mythology is because he got angry or couldn’t keep it in his chiton.

[mythology-rants]

Heracles VS Disney’s Hercules

Alrighty, if you’ve been reading this blog for more than a few entries you know that I really don't like Disney’s Hercules when it comes to comparison to mythology. There’s very little that I actually find really similar, not his feats, not the satyr, and the god relations to him and each other are horrendous. I really don't know where to start in telling you the differences. I guess we can start with the beginning of the movie.

           The movie Hercules starts out on Mount Olympus, with all the gods celebrating the new god Hercules’s birth to his father Zeus and mother Hera. One, Heracles is not a god until the end of his life, two, Hera is not his mother, she actually hates him because he was born because Zeus cheated on her with a mortal (like he does a million and one times in ancient Greek myth). Also I will state (read: shout) this again: Hercules is Roman! His Greek name is Heracles! Hera actually hates him so much that she delayed his birth so another family member became king, lead to him being left for dead (in this situation Athena takes Heracles to Hera to be nursed because at the time the queen of the gods didn’t recognize him, which gave him his supernatural powers) in his and his brother’s crib she sends two poisonous snakes that he manages to strangle with his meaty baby hands. Also in the movie, Hercules is given Pegasus who was created from clouds. Ahh, no and no, Heracles never rides Pegasus and Pegasus is the son of Poseidon and Medusa.

           Hercules fails to accurately portray his youth as well, instead of destroying things and finding out he is descended from gods, Heracles ends up killing his music tutor and sent off to a cattle farm to live more peacefully (newsflash: peaceful doesn’t happen). Sometime during this he is taught by the centaur Chiron. Not a satyr, no goats here. Later he goes to Thebes and marries the king’s daughter Megara. Unlike the movie, she is not a woman in service of Hades because a) this is not a Disney movie meant for good and happy thoughts, and b) Hades is not really a bad guy in mythology, but I’ll cover that another time. He has a few kids with Megara and during this time, Hera puts him into a fit of madness, which leads to him killing his wife and kids. To repent he goes to the Oracle to see what he must do to be forgiven. The answer is to be in the service of his cousin, King Eurystheus for ten years. The king decides on ten labors. Not very kid friendly right? No, it’s really not. Trust me, it gets worse.

           The first of the ten labors was to slay the Nemean Lion, a beast so great that it had impenetrable skin. No arrows, no beatings by clubs, no weapons could injure it. He only managed by using his massive strength to strangle the creature before skinning it with it’s own claws. He from then on used the skin as armor. While the movie does show him fighting a lion and later wearing a lion’s skin, he did not fight a river guardian first (he encounters a river guardian much later in life) and definitely did not have paintings of him done in the skin. He was a busy hero with much to do.

           The second labor was slaying the Hydra, which originally had 9 heads, unlike the movie’s one, and while the heads did keep growing two with every one cut off, Heracles did not defeat it by causing a landslide, as it did not live in a cave but a swamp. He also did not defeat it alone but his nephew helped him, as Heracles cut the heads, the nephew burned the stumps so it could not grow two more. During this time he was also being attacked by a giant crab sent by, who else, Hera, the crab was of course killed, by being stepped on by Heracles. Only the last Hydra head was immortal and was buried under a large rock. Heracles then dipped his arrows in the poisonous blood of the Hydra to make them even more powerful. However, when Heracles and Iolaus went back, the king refused to count the labor, because Heracles was given help.

           While there are another 10 labors after, I’m going to skip over most of them that aren’t really important to the movie and thus don’t fit for the contrasting between Heracles and the Disney movie Hercules. I am however going to highlight this, in the movie Hercules says he ‘wrestled the Gorgon’, no, just no. One, there are three Gorgons, Medusa was the mortal one and her two immortal sisters. Two, Perseus killed Medusa, by cutting off her head, and he just happens to be Heracles’s ancestor. Hercules never met a Gorgon thanks.

           One last labor highlight shows one very important difference, Hades is not the bad guy. The final labor of Heracles was to bring Cerberus, Hades’s triple headed guard dog, to the surface from the Underworld. King Eurystheus thought this would be the greatest way to get rid of Heracles forever, and of course, Heracles had to do it. So, he journeyed to the Underworld and went to Hades to ask if he could take Cerberus for the labor. Hades agreed on one condition, Heracles had to defeat the animal by his own strength. He succeeds and takes the dog to the king, and then lets the dog go, who ends up back at his post. Unlike the movie, Hades is not the villain, he just is there for a tiny portion of Heracles’s life. Hades is just generally an easy scapegoat for everyone’s villain because he is king of the dead. He isn’t even god of death, come on people, stop vilifying Hades!!! (Ok, I know my next post subject, Hades.)

           Remember how I said that Heracles encounters a river guardian/centaur later in life? Well here it is. Heracles married again later in life to Deianeira, and they came across a river. The only way for Deianeira to cross would have been on the centaur’s back, so she was put on his back and taken across the river. However, after they crossed the river, the Centaur, Nessus, decided to run off with her to try to have his way with her. Heracles was enraged and shot one of the Hydra poisoned arrows into the centaur which killed him. However before Nessus died he told Deianeira to take some of his blood and if Heracles ever turned to other women, the blood would make him return to his faithfulness to her. Later, Deianeira was worried about Heracles marrying another woman, Iole, so she sprayed the blood onto a robe and gave it to him. The blood however was corrosive and lead to Heracles dying a harsh, painful and slow death. He climbed onto a funeral pyre to die and after his mortality was burned away, Zeus took him as a new god to Mount Olympus where he was accepted by most of the gods due to his exploits. Hera’s daughter Hebe even became his wife. (Once again, gods marrying siblings.)

           I understand the Disney movie was meant to be child friendly, but there is a limit of how off you can be before it completely misleads people. Heracles and the Disney movie Hercules have many more differences than similarities, and while as a movie it is good for children, keep in mind that Heracles’s life was definitely not that child friendly. Hades, if I didn’t stop here, you’d be reading a book instead of a blog post.

[mythology-rants]

Loki is a Little Shit

   Just look at this picture, you can see it, Loki is a little shit. [Source] He’s the Trickster god of Norse mythology and while people know his parents some don’t know exactly what he his, jotunn or god. He’s also the guy who when things happen in Norse mythology, it’s probably his fault, and he’s probably (and regrettably) the only way out. He’s even one of the reasons the world ends, at least, according to the Norse.

     Loki is often the reason the gods have problems, and then they end up threatening him to get him to fix it. This often leads to some weird things going on. One example that would show this would probably be how Loki ended up having Sleipnir. The gods had asked a master builder to build a fortification to keep invaders out of the realm of the gods, in exchange the goddess Freyja would be his wife. The builder agrees as long as he could have his horse Svaðilfari help him build the barrier, which was only agreed to because of Loki’s influence. To the shock of the gods the horse was very strong and the work was near done three days before the deadline even though the builder should not have been able to do it if he had no others to help him like the original agreement. The gods became angry and turned to Loki and threaten him to fix the problem so the builder has to forfeit. Loki, afraid, agrees. When the builder takes the horse to get more stone, a mare comes out of the woods, which leads to the builder’s horse following, the builder behind. Due to this offset in his work, the builder could not regain the momentum of his work and became very angry. This anger revealed him to be a jotunn and he was promptly killed by Thor. Loki had been the mare that the horse went after and some time later, he gave birth to the eight-legged horse Sleipnir, who later became Odin’s steed.

          This is not the least of this however, Loki was a chaotic character and rarely did much without adding some form of his tricks, and not all of them were survivable. One such story is the one of Baldur. Years before his death he was told of a prophecy of his death and his mother Frigg got almost everything to promise they would never hurt her son. It later became a game of the gods to throw or shoot various objects at Baldur and watch as they did not kill him. The only one unable to participate was his blind brother Hodur. So, Loki offered to aim for him so he may participate. The arrow however was created from mistletoe, the one plant that could kill Baldur. When the arrow was loosed, the supposedly invulnerable god fell dead. As punishment for killing his son, Odin forced one of Loki’s sons to kill the other in the form of a wolf. The entrails of this son were eventually used to bind Loki under the snake that drips venom onto his face until Ragnarok when he will get free and assist in the destruction of the gods.

[mythology-rants]

Oedipus: One of the Worst Lives, Ever

It’s true, Oedipus had the worst life, ever, and he’s a myth. But damn, his life went to Hades so fast I think he got whiplash. And, of course, it all starts with a prophecy.

           The prophecy that King Laius and Queen Jocasta received about their son was this: He would kill his father and marry his mother.  Even with the ancient Greek myth thing about incest that was still wrong. So, in an attempt to avoid fate, they left the baby on the mountainside to die. I don’t know about you but that sounds like A+ prophecy avoidance to me (why is there not a sarcasm font?). He was later found by shepherds and taken to another king, Polybus and his wife Merope, and was raised by them. Later he found out about the prophecy and not knowing any better, he left so he would not kill Polybus and marry Merope. On his way to Thebes he had a fight with an older man, which led to Oedipus killing the man. He continued to Thebes to find out that the king had recently been killed. Not only were they kingless, but they were at the mercy of the Sphinx, a horrible monster that asked a riddle of all those that tried to pass by. If they failed, they were lunch. Almost everyone knows the riddle anymore but I have it here incase anyone doesn’t know ‘What walks on four legs in morning, two at noon, and three in the evening?’ Oedipus managed to solve the riddle with ‘man’ and the Sphinx killed itself. He won the throne this way, and married the queen.

           Years later he found out who killed the old king, he did, and the king was Laius. The prophecy was fulfilled, he killed his father and married his mother. When Jocasta found out she hung herself for marrying her son/husband’s murderer. Oedipus hated himself and stuck pins in his eyes, effectively blinding him for the rest of his life.

           Pretty gross huh? But you can’t deny it, Oedipus had a horrible life, which is why it is a Greek tragedy. It’s horrible to read and I’m sure as a play it was worse for the people of the time who were a lot less desensitized to everything that we are. Despite that, and the obvious wrongs that were done in the myth itself, I believe that it is one of my more favored myths. Perhaps it is the contesting of the sphinx and the riddle but I do not truly know why I read this one over and over again in various forms. It should not be one that many like but I do recommend to almost all who want to read and understand myths to read this one, I’ve only given an overview and there are several versions and all show various forms of outright ignorance in the myth. For example, one version says that the argument was over who had the right of way on a road and Laius tried to run Oedipus over. Personally, I think that’s a dumb thing to argue about, and that both of them were kind of idiots in it, but who knows? So yea, Oedipus had the worst life ever, I don’t think it can get much worse.

[mythology-rants]

For the Love Of Gods Don’t Do This

I mean it, I seriously mean this, do not do this, I will hunt you down. Do not do this, never do it, never, ever, EVER, confuse Hercules and Heracles. Or really, any of the Greek and Roman gods. THEY ARE SEPARATE, PEOPLE!!!!

           Here’s why they are separate, the Greeks and Romans are different people with different values and different viewpoints. Greeks liked the arts, Romans thought mostly of war. Roman gods were very warlike, and some were quite different, not all of their gods were even in the Greek pantheon and vice versa.  These gods were never exactly the same, every god that was Greek was changed in some way to make them palatable to the Romans, kinda like coffee. If you use Roman names in Greek context a mythology nerd will hate you, or all of them will hate you. Do not do this! I am serious about this!!!!

           The worst is Heracles and Hercules, only because of one thing, people think Hercules is the only name. Almost no one knows about the true Greek name Heracles, and I blame popular culture, particularly Disney. Even as children we are told the name is Hercules, and his father is Zeus. NO! The name is Heracles if his father is Zeus and he is named after the woman that Zeus cheated on.

The name Hercules is an annoyingly popular problem. Everyone uses it, but seriously, stop, admit you have a problem and FIX IT!

But Rachel, they’re pretty similar, why not just-

Nah, I’m gonna cut you off there. They are somewhat similar, but it doesn’t count to be similar when Athena, a strong war goddess, worshiped by almost all, has it stripped away when considered Minerva, she is reduced to pretty much arts and crafts, a much lesser goddess. Then they replaced war goddess-ness with Bellona. Would you want a strong reputation to be destroyed, utterly obliterated and given to someone else? No, you would not, so why do this? Minerva and Athena are not the same so for the love of gods, STOP!!

And Athena isn’t the only one who changes. Hades, the god of the Underworld, he’s also the god of wealth in Roman mythology as Pluto. No, it’s not as insulting but come on, different spheres of influence, different people. (Side note on Pluto: Isn’t it kinda funny that the planet kicked out is named after the Roman name of the god kicked out of Olympus? Ehh, food for thought.)

You’re just being nitpicky

Maybe, maybe I am, but do you know what nits are? Nits are louse eggs. Louse is the singular of lice. Do you pick nits out of your hair if it’s there? Yes. So I will be ‘nitpicky’ with this for as long as I live. I don’t want to have that on my head. No thank you.

So, for the love of gods, and to keep mythology nerds from strangling you, do not mess up these names. Do not do it. They hate it.

[mythology-rants]

Understanding the Myths

Welcome back to the roller-coaster of the myths. Here’s a few notes that you need to keep in mind to read this and not go insane.

1)    Keep Track of Your Characters

a)    You’re really going to have a fun time with this, gods have complicated names and even more complicated family trees. But you have to make sure you know every god’s parent(s) or creator, and then most you will need to know who their kids are. Keep the names straight, Frigg and Freya may seem similar for very many reasons, they’re both queens, the names start off similar, and of course, they’re known but not very well known. However, Frigg is Odin’s wife, and an Aesir, Freya is a Vanir and the goddess of beauty and fertility while also being a goddess of war, death, and sorcery, doing all this in a chariot pulled by cats. And please, for my sake, for the world's sake, and possibly whichever deity you believe in (even FSM), when it comes to Greek and Roman myths, use the correct name for that specific group, Jupiter/Jove is Roman, Zeus is Greek.

2)    Understand This: Yes, the Gods are Probably Married to a Sibling or Cousin or Other Family Member

a)    The hardest thing to really get is that they are all related, and the married are highly likely to be related. Incest is everywhere in the myths. You really can’t escape it. Zeus married his sister Hera. Osiris married his sister Isis. Set married his sister Nephtys. Hades married his niece Persephone. Heracles and his wife Hebe are half siblings and cousins. Poseidon and his wife Amphitrite are cousins. You probably get the picture. Get over it when it comes to studying the myths. Everyone is related to everyone. And when it comes to Norse mythology, Heimdallr is supposed to have 9 mothers, all sisters. How that works is a difficult one, but that’s the myth.

3)    So Many Stories Connect

a)    The Greeks/Romans are particularly notorious for this. That Gorgon that was killed by Perseus? Yea, she had kids, Pegasus and Chrysaor, and Pegasus shows up later with Bellerophon (Contrary to the Disney movie greatly. Seriously, Heracles -Hercules is Roman but we’ll get to that another post- never, ever had a flying horse). This kind of stuff will go on and on and on.

4)    Give Up

a)    I have three words for you. It’s not happening. You cannot go crazy. Say goodbye forever for your sanity. No, you will not be able to avoid insanity, the myths are all kinds of messed up and they always have been. You will not understand. You will not make it easy. Just give it a go anyway. What’s life without a little crazy?

[mythology-rants]

Oh My Gods, How in the Underworld(s)?

As someone who’s studied various mythologies since I was a kid as a hobby, I know how difficult it can be to really place them and even harder to understand them. Actually, with the modern mindset, it’s nearly impossible to understand the myths of our ancient ancestors. I truly hope that you will understand more through the basis of this blog. Feel free to join me on what may be the most confusing journey of your life (except possibly AP US History), I’m your tour guide through the ancient world view, so buckle up and grab a helmet, this is gonna be a roller coaster.

           On a general, a good portion of people know about 4 major ancient mythologies, Greek, Roman, Egyptian and Norse, though really, it should be 3 because the Greek and Roman are so similar that people confuse the names on the regular, which gets kinda annoying for various nerds like me but that’s another day’s post. Most of the mythologies have these three things, a creation of the world, gods that interfere with the lives of those below them, and gods that marry various family members. We’ll start with the Greeks with this one.

           Greek/Roman Myths (More Than A Little Abridged)

           Greek and Roman myths are not 100% the same, but 95% is close enough to feel comfortable in combining these. These myths start with the Earth, Gaia in Greek, Terra in Roman, being created from Chaos. She then created Ouranos/Uranus/Caelus, the Sky, and then had many, many kids with him. 12 of these kids were the Titans, 6 girls and 6 boys, 3 were the Cyclopes, and 3 were the Hundred-Handed-Ones. Ouranos/Uranus/Caelus hated the last 6 and threw them into the pit, Tartarus, and Gaia/Terra was very angry. She coerced her youngest Titan, Cronus/Saturn, to killing his father with a sickle, under the belief he would let his brothers out. Spoiler alert: He didn’t. He and his sister Rhea married and had 6 children, the elder olympian gods. All but the youngest, Zeus/Jupiter, were swallowed by their father. Zeus/Jupiter later grew and forced his father to throw up his siblings. They had a very large battle and eventually took control of the world. Zeus/Jupiter may have been married to his sister Hera/Juno, but most of the problems in the mythology comes from one thing: he can not keep it in his pants.

           Egyptian Mythology (Welcome to the Rollercoaster)

           In this form of mythology, before the ordered world exists, Nun, the formless water goddess existed. Then when the ordered world came to be, the god Geb is the land and the goddess Nut is the sky, they are kept apart by the air god Shu. While the sky goddess and the god of the land are together and were going to have children, Ra, the sun god and king (and possibly creator of all depending on the account. Egyptian mythology has conflictions) ordered her to never give birth on any day of the year. To get around this, Nut played a gambling game called senate with the god of the moon and won enough light to create 5 new days that she used to give birth to her five children, Osiris, Isis, Set, Nephthys and Horus (Though sometimes Horus is Osiris and Isis’s son and it gets really confusing. The accounts are a bit off putting and it is hard to keep track.). Isis wanted her husband Osiris to be king instead of Ra so using some drool of the Sun god she created a poisonous snake. She used this snake to injure Ra and would only give him the cure if he made her husband king. He did so and when Osiris was king his brother Set chopped him to pieces and spread the pieces all over the world. Isis and Horus went to find the pieces, and eventually put them back together, mostly, but he could not be brought to life again, thus he became the king of the Underworld. Horus became the king of the gods, Set still wishing to end the world in chaos.

           Norse (Loki Probably Did It)

           Okay, the whole thing on the Norse mythology starts in the empty space of Ginnungagap, separating Muspelheim (the homeland of fire) and Niflheim (the homeland of ice). The first giant was Ymir, who lived in this space, his sweat could create other giants. A cow, Audhumbla, was frozen in the ice and as it melted she became free and licked the salt from the ice. From one of these salt licks, the first of the Aesir, Buri was uncovered, who gave birth to Bor, who married a giant’s daughter, and with had three sons, Odin, Vili, and Ve. Odin and his brothers killed Ymir, and used his body parts to construct the world. They created the first humans on the world of Midgard, and Odin became king of the Aesir. Loki, a trickster that not all were sure about where he came from was married to Sigyn, and had Narfi and Nari with her. (Odin later killed one of these sons by turning the other into a wolf and having them kill the other.) Loki was also the mother of Sleipnir, and eight legged horse (Reportedly, he had to help Odin win a bet, which lead to him becoming a mare and I think you can guess what happened with that), and the father of the wolf Fenrir, the world snake Jormungandr, and Hel, queen of the dead who did not die honorably. A good majority of the myths happened because Loki started something, and then later decided to ‘help’ finish it. Here’s the thing with the mythology here, ‘Loki did it’ is usually correct.

 Yup, it’s a roller coaster, try to hold on with this, it only can get weirder from here.