mytruealphamccall-blog

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

Guilt - Self-Para

Can’t touch the stars

Can’t make them shine

Fight the time until the day we die

Scott wasn’t sure what to feel anymore. He felt numb, but at the same time like he was about to implode. Deaton once told him that the universe works in balance. He called it 'regression to the mean’ which more or less meant that the scales of life will never be tipped one way or the other for too long. If life is dark and scary or is incredible and amazing, it’ll eventually balance out and come back to even ground.

Right now though, Scott didn’t feel like everything was in balance anymore. For he longest time, he’s felt as though life has been working against him. He felt like life had been working against all of them. Scott had been forcing himself to swallow any guilt or anxiety about what had happened since the plant from Purgatory released its lusty spores on him. That was until now.

Logically, Scott couldn’t blame himself for his actions while he was lust-driven, but it didn’t erase any of the memories. It didn’t let him forget what he’d done, and the aftermath. It had all built up on him: having sex with his best friend’s murderer amongst other people, feeling like he took advantage of Mal, Mal trying to kill himself. It was all just too much.

Scott never wanted to become a werewolf. He never wanted to become a true alpha. He never wanted any of the responsibility that had been thrown onto him, but all the same, he accepted it because he had to. There was no question or choice. If he didn’t accept it, people would die. And for Scott, that means there’s no other option, so he continued to ignore the feeling of wanting to run away and hide forever, but faced it because it was the right thing to do. And now he had to face this.

All Scott wanted, all he’s ever wanted, is to help people. He just wants people to be safe. But how do you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped? Or how do you help someone when you can’t help yourself?  It seemed like whenever Scott was involved and tried to help, that person would die, want to die, or some other horrible thing would happen. Scott craves balance in his life. He craves it in all of their lives.

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

lostwolfmal:

Mal’s lips felt numb through the kiss and the words that came out of Scott’s mouth sounded distant. It was like he was speaking to him miles away and it came to him as a hush whisper. “I…I want to go.” The words faintly left his lips as his body went numb from the tremendous amount of blood that continued to leave his system. “You.. You don’t have to protect me. N-no one wants me…” He whispered then coughed up blood, the crimson staining his lips where his face began to lose color. His breathing remained slow to the point where it didn’t seem like he was even breath. His heart rate dropping dangerously low. But he didn’t have to be a hassle anymore. He didn’t want to be Scott’s hassle anymore. He didn’t want to be constantly looked after because he was a mistake that no one wanted. No one wanted him. And he refused to believe Scott did, especially in these potential last hours of his life. 

“No, that’s bullshit!” Scott yelled. “I want you! I need you! You’re one of the only things keeping me going right now!” It was true. Since Stiles had died, Scott really felt alone. And even with the incident with the purgatory plant, Scott never thought he could let anyone back in his life because he felt like a failure. But with Mal... Mal made Scott feel like he was worth something again. Mal made Scott happy. He was like this infinite source of light in a world that felt so dark. It’s not like Scott didn’t understand why Mal did what he did. Scott understood exactly. But he still refused to let Mal go. “Mal? MAL!” Mal was losing consciousness fast. His heart rate was decreasing at a quick pace. Scott heard a click downstairs. It was the front door. “RAPH! Raph, I’m up here! Hurry!” Scott cradled Mal in his arms, rocking back and forth. “Don’t you leave me, Mal. Don’t you leave me. I’m going to save you. We’re going to save you.” 

Fragile Heart

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

lostwolfmal:

Mal groaned when he was embraced by the stronger wolf and pulled away from his deathbed. “I-I’m too tired. I just want to sleep.” He said drowsily, words slurring from the loss of blood.”Sleep sounds nice.” The pet said leaning into Scott closer and closing his eyes. 

“No! Wake up! Come on, Mal - you need to wake up. Stay awake. Stay with me!” Scott was sobbing, holding the werewolf in his arms. “I’m not losing you. Listen to me, Mal. I’m not losing you.” Scott kissed Mal on the lips, trying to keep him awake. He’d lost too many people in his life that he loved. He wasn’t going to lose another. Scott would have to trigger the healing, like Derek did with Erica. But break his arm? No. Fuck! Scott couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bring himself to hurting Mal. This wolf had lived an entire life of pain and Scott wasn’t going to inflict any more. But what could he do? “Raph...” Scott whispered to himself. “Raph! Mal, I’m going to get Raph. Just stay with me!” Scott’s phone was in his pocket thankfully. He refused to leave Mal’s side. He sent a quick text to Raph before tossing the phone aside and holding onto Mal. 

“Remember when we first met? Do you remember?” Scott asked, his voice breaking. “Remember what I told you? I said I was going to protect you. I’m not letting you go now.” Scott leaned down and gently licked Mal’s cheek, squeezing his eyes shut as he cried and waited for Raph to arrive. 

Fragile Heart

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

theyoungestlahey:

Well, I certainly don’t now.

Whatever.That’s a you problem, not a me problem. Figure it the fuck out on your own.

I’ll-- I’m just gonna leave. I’m sorry, Isaac.

[Pollen Event]

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

mrmasonroe:

No, Scott. I really, definitely don’t. I do think you should come with me and lay down for a bit, though.

Nope. Trust me - not a good idea. I’ll see you around, Mason. 

[Pollen Event]

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

ariadnehaven:

Oh my god- Scott!

Look… Don’t worry about it, okay? The plant doesn’t change who you are away from it’s spores. 

I’ll try not to. 

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

lostwolfmal:

The smell hit Scott as soon as he entered the front door. Blood. And it was growing stronger as he raced up the stairs. It scared him. Was it his mum? No, it was coming from his ... room? “Mal...” Scott whispered to himself, his heart pounding faster. “Mal!” The room was empty but the smell of blood was overwhelming. 

The closet, Scott thought. He very nearly wrenched the door off its hinges when he opened it. Mal was laying there in a puddle--no, a pool of blood. Was he attacked? “Mal, what happened?” Scott asked, worriedly. He immediately thought someone had attacked him until he saw the claw marks on Mal’s forearm. “Oh, Mal...” Scott said, tears already flowing down his face. The cuts looked fresh, but the amount of blood didn’t explain it. He must not be letting himself heal, especially if he did this to himself. He held the wolf close to him, not worrying about the blood that would stain his clothes. Blood was the least of his worries. “Mal, you need to heal. Come on, I need you to focus.”

Fragile Heart

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

And the hero will fall

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

themanipulativehale:

I did. Mm.. I did make the pup beg for it.

[mutters to himself again] So he was the pup this time... Well, I’m glad you did because the son of a bitch deserved it. Knowing that makes me feel slightly better about myself.

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

themanipulativehale:

Right. And it wasn’t your fault, Scott. And throwing you out… not the easiest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m glad it’s one less thing to regret. Especially since I did sleep with Anthony.

I’m glad you did throw me ou-- wait, you slept with Anthony as well? Guarantee it probably went better for you than it did for me.

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

ariadnehaven:

… Shit happens.

Thankfully it didn’t this time.

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

ariadnehaven:

And um… you know. Showering. Showering is good - for the.. yeah. As for who- I mean, blame that on Volthoom?

I know. I’ve had 5 showers so far... But I feel like shit about it. 

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

ariadnehaven:

Uh… Well.. You’re definitely not pregnant?

[breathes a sigh of relief] Oh, thank god. 

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

ariadnehaven:

If this is related to Volthoom, then I’m sure you can be forgiven for falling under the pollen’s influence like all the other weres. It’s gone now, we burned it.

[Scott blurts out] I had sex twice with the murderer of my best friend and I think I might be pregnant! And he peed on me! [Scott takes a deep breath] 

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

ariadnehaven:

Hmm? Oh- oh, Scott! [She rubs her eyes with her good hand] Mhm, go ahead and ask, whatever you need. Are you okay?

Are--are you okay? I did a bad thing. I did a very bad thing, and now I’m even more scared than I should be. 

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

ariadnehaven:

Ariadne? I have a question. A stupid question. But you’re one of the only people I trust right now because I didn’t try to sleep with you.

[mytruealphamccall-blog]

lostwolfmal:

I should probably try talking to him first and just hope he doesn’t want to kill me.

I can come with you? I need to apologise for trying to have sex with him. And, if I'm honest, I just don't want to be alone at the moment.