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It can be really tough when you feel like you’re constantly helping others with nothing in return. Helping is great, and you should feel good about being there for others (even when it’s not reciprocated) BUT remember you are IMPORTANT. It’s ok to cater to your own needs, put yourself first, especially if no one else is. You’re just as worthy of care <3
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Lost...
The loneliest moments in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. - F. Scott Fitzgerald
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Bullies!!! ***THIS IS GONNA BE LONG!!!***
OMG, I don't even know where to begin on this one..
So when I was a little girl, we are talking 5 yrs old I had 2 boys beat me up often. The school did little to protect me. The beatings from these boys were so bad that they knocked out my 2 front teeth. I can still remember 1 of their names like it was yesterday. Eventually, they stopped and the next school year they treated me like a queen... Probably cause their parents who barely had a pot to piss in were so afraid my parents would sue them. But I will never forget any of it. That's on top of the other horrific things that I won't even mention happened to me.
Middle school I was far from perfect... Kids bullied me relentlessly... I was a size 6 and would call me fat, make whale noises at me amongst other stuff. I did what I could to shake off their BS and go about my day to be who I could be and was. Believe me when I say it has NEVER been easy to be in my shoes. Not a single person would have survived the hell I endured growing up that took me till I was an adult to even be able to fully comprehend what I went through... But instead, children sat on their pedestals and picked on the girl they portrayed as weak and an easy target. I had one girl in the 8th grade actually go in my purse when I wasn't paying attention and steal my Florida Gators pen that I was very protective of because my mom mailed it to me and threw it away cause she thought it was funny. She didn't care that it had ANY sentimental value to me. To her, it was just a pen... To me, it was a gift from my mom who could barely afford to buy me ANYTHING! So pens.. slipper socks.. any small thing my mom sent me... Even if it was a rainbow-colored rubber band. I would have loved as much as if she sent me the Hope Diamond. But no one took the time to find out about me... I wasn't one of the cool kids... I didn't have the Guess jeans like the other kids. I was the emotionally challenged preteen who was suffering from so much emotional and mental abuse and manipulation that your head would spin if you learned.
High school was no better than middle school. We just had new bullies. Ones that in middle school didn't pay me the time of day. But hey, now you are in high school and you're a freshman with a senior boyfriend your cool... So your actions don't fucking matter cause you need to look like a hot shot for your older man. Are you kidding me? So what do you do.. Get in peoples faces and act like a bitch cause it made you feel good about yourself, and when I stood up to you cause I was DONE with your BS... You fought me harder threatening me with physical violence. My dad taught me one thing growing up... As long as I hit 2nd, its self-defense. I probably would have laid your ass out, but I'm not a physical person so I was the smarter person and I would just turn around and walk away from you. You would scream at me down the hall, threaten me harder.. and I would just keep walking... Letting you look like the asshole that you were.
And sadly after all of that... There's more... The biggest thing is this... I now stand in the world... I'm a mom to the most AMAZING 10 yr old kid. He is being bullied by kids at his school, and I don't know how to deal with it. For me, it brings up bad memories of my childhood.. Makes me remember the hell I went through in elementary school, and thankfully no one is putting a finger on him. But I'm being rendered helpless. That's a feeling I don't like at all. I don't do well with negative emotions. All I can do as a mom and a victim of school bullies myself and so many others is be there for him, the way my parents were for me, and show him love, and compassion as a mom the only way a mom can.
Support and love your kids! Teach them to be good people, and to know that not everyone in the world are like these bullies..
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I HATE liars and manipulators...
So I'm not sure exactly why people need to feel the need to lie... Is it the rush of thinking you're not going to get busted? Or the need to control someone else in one way or another? My mom always told me that it was easier to remember the truth than it was to remember a lie. It's true... My memory SUCKS so I'm just gonna stick with the facts.
Here is the thing, I love proving what I believe to be lies wrong. If you tell me something and it doesnt make any sense to me Im gonna try and either prove you right or prove you wrong.
Let us give you this scenario, shall we.. This recently happened to someone I know.. and YES it actually is someone I know.. Not me talking about it like it was someone else.. Sheesh people.. You’re in a relationship with a person and you have friends you FACETIME with. You're significant other then questions you on it saying they saw it on your bill blah blah blah and you confess and they turn it into a big drama fest... Well, sweetpea let me you something.. Not only did they lie but they manipulated the hell out of you!!! Per Apple (and I cross-checked this with tech for AT&T, Sprint, Tmobile, and Verizon) “FaceTime calls do not show-up as 'FaceTime' on your phone bill. It's simply a data transfer so it will be lumped-in with all other data transfers on your bill, you don't know what type of data it was, either. FaceTime calls (audio and video) all go thru Apple's servers so they have a record of the calls.“
So whats the moral of this story boys and girls? Well, I'm glad you asked!!! Don't lie and manipulate to control and be evil to others... Cause they may have me on the other side of it and I'm a curious girl! Alice ain't got nothing on me!
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And so it begins...
So I start my 1st blog post by saying.. Maybe even warning people that my filter SUCKS!!! I have like none and thou I hope to never offend anyone, I refuse to change. The reason I started this blog is to get things off my mind on a huge variety of subjects. Some are and not limited to my husband, my kid, life in general, humanity, family, mental illness, or anything that just grinds my gears. I could right to my journal all I want, but who is to say someone else in the world may not stop and go damn.. Im not alone.. Or simply.. Thats a great idea let me try that! So here goes!!
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