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i wonder if anyone ever thinks about me
or misses me
because there are people from my past who i wonder about
yet i’ll never admit it.
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It’s been over five years since I have touched this blog.
I have now graduated university. I have a full-time office job. I’ve been in love once. So is it sad that I can still resonate with this blog, and the posts that I made when I was eighteen/nineteen?
The cynicism, skepticism, pessimism, and depression - I have tried so hard to combat thoughts of this nature; not only have I been met with failure, but it seems I have also adopted nihilism. The difference between twenty-four year old me and eighteen year old me is that I am now more responsible, and understand the necessity of concealing these parts of me, especially in a work environment; however, the reality is that they seem to have consumed me more than ever. I have realized that my toxic thought-process, paired with my evidently deep-rooted abandonment and self-esteem issues, have prevented me from maintaining friendships and forming meaningful relationships, and they continue to hinder me in this regard. I’m unsure of how to proceed, and frankly, I fear that they will prevent me from ever experiencing happiness.
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