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Hm. What makes you say this, OP?

It is a common error that many faiths believe the souls of the dead depart this plane of existence for some mythical heaven or hell. In fact, the souls of the dead go to UDFj-39546284, a high-redshift Lyman break galaxy in the constellation Fornax, about 32.7 billion light years away. When asked why the dead from across the universe should all be converging on this one faint galaxy, NASA astrophysicists said “it’s like an eel thing,” and refused to elaborate further.

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Ok, but what if your 1st rule was only use it on billionaires?

i think i could be trusted with The Book That Kills People from the classic manga series "No One Can Be Trusted With Power Of The Book That Kills People" imho

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Ok, but... I feel like one extra trout in the river is a small population boost, it feels like you are threatening to fuck and kill many, many trout.

recently when im tempted to say 'i'm gonna kill myself' i try to correct it into saying "im gonna walk into the river and become a trout" or some other form of that. this is my new thing

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The CEOs don't usually write themselves into the scripts

all the cereal mascots with slobbering drooling tongues, threads of spit hanging between open maw, crazy attitude and no regard for safety of themselves or anyone, completely reckless destructive ghoul-like beings, they need to be reigned in by a new type of cereal mascot thats like a bone sheperd like a black robed elegant tool-wielding apparition that commands them like minions

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Stick figure Jesus IS real, CAN hurt you, but won't, because he's psychologically tormenting Grandma right now.

every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself

so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead

now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here

the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family

eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again

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Close! But for me it was just the rest of my brain growing in.

At 21 a part of my brain still believes that at 25 we all get an envelope explaining in detail exactly how to live life correctly and do everything, and once you’ve got it you’re just sworn to secrecy or something,

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Many people, maybe most people, now know, intellectually, that birds are dinosaurs.

But I don't think most people really feel it. Have really internalized it. Even I haven't, completely. The idea of dinosaurs as big extinct lizards is too deeply-ingrained.

But birds are dinosaurs. Not related to dinosaurs. Not descended from dinosaurs. Scientifically speaking, they. are. dinosaurs.

There are between 9,000 and 11, 000+ known species of dinosaurs alive today.

There are over 50 billion individual dinosaurs alive on Earth today.

You can go into a pet store and buy a dinosaur.

You can see dinosaurs at the zoo, or on a farm, or in your backyard.

People grow dinosaurs on farms.

We eat dinosaurs stuffed with potatoes and gravy and pie for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

We eat them battered and fried for a snack.

There are dinosaurs ("fire starter" birds) that use fire as a tool by spreading burning twigs.

Dinosaurs have been in space.

You can go to a local park and see dinosaurs swimming in the creek with their hatchlings.

You can go to the beach and see them scavenging by the seaside.

Some people might think that this makes dinosaurs more boring and mundane.

Of course, it doesn't change the nature of things at all, beyond how we perceive them- but so far as how we perceive them is concerned, I think it makes birds, and the world, more amazing.

I've probably posted about this before, but there was a moment last summer, when I was on vacation, and I went walking on the beach to a spot where I knew eagles often nested, hoping to get some photos. And I did. There was a big bald eagle, sitting way up in a tall evergreen tree, looking down at the beach. And below it, on the beach, there were groups of crows and geese foraging in the shallow pools and seaweed and shells on the beach, at the foot of the trees. And it hit me that it felt just like a scene out of one of my old childhood dinosaur books. Maybe a herd of Iguanodon, foraging on an ancient beach, as a predator watched them from the forest, preparing to strike (there's a site much like that, Dinosaur Ridge in Colorado, not far from the town where I lived as a child, where dinosaur tracks are preserved in stone, covering a hillside, showing the actual movements of actual animals that lived tens of millions of years ago).

And it gave me hope. Because after 150 million years, they're still here. Changed, certainly (they wouldn't have survived otherwise), but still here, despite mass extinctions, climate change, asteroid impacts, and even the continents moving and changing shape.

And if they survived, maybe we will too.

It also gives me more appreciation for the horror of environmental destruction and extinction. Humans have wiped out species of birds.

We could be the thing that finally makes the dinosaurs go extinct.

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Dogs have had many jobs throughout history, in this case: Revenge.