nandavore-blog

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prompt: a girl takes the subway every day. one day the boy in the corner starts passing her notes. they both have headphones in but communicate via little pieces of paper on the same route every day. they are painfully shy but grow an affection for one another. suddenly the boy stops riding the subway without warning. the girl goes looking

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Remember, what you write doesn't haven't to be shared with the world, it could be just for you, or whoever you choose to share with, and it doesn't have to be with the world

you’re right, thank you 

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“A poem begins with a lump in the throat.”

— Robert Frost

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It’s kinda sickening that the person who mentally abused me will never know how much damage he’s caused because i’ll never have the guts to confront him about it

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support survivors of emotional abuse.

emotional abuse is not any less damaging than physical abuse and the fact that the scars emotional abuse leaves behind are not visible doesn’t mean that they’re not there.

what you experienced was real, how you feel about it is real, and you have every right to talk about it and how it affected you. what happened to you wasn’t any less abusive just because it wasn’t physical. emotional abuse is still abuse and should be treated as seriously as physical abuse is.

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I still can't say your Name

Again,

She haunts my dreams.

With eyes a deeper hue

Than any ordinary blue,

Hair, long, voluminously black.

The snow so cold it's hot,

Whipping violently sideways

Within a desperately windy blizzard.

I come upon a pond, frozen.

And there she is, just across the ice.

I know not that she intends to entice

Me to the the still waters edge,

So I warily circumvent the hole.

As I step, so too does she.

Never allowing me

To reach her warmth.

The storm rages on,

Winds battling birch trees

Thunder ignites the quiet snow

And I fall to my knees.

Many a myriad of moons have passed

Since this dream first was dreamt.

Even then I knew

What I had to do..

To reach that girl,

I must cross the ice.

But I cannot bare the weight

Of the thought of leaving my own

Behind.

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The Kitten Thief

it had been watching the organisms of earth for some time. Knowing exactly what they were doing, inferring what their future beheld.

it had been stalking the mother for almost a week; seeing her struggle to feed her children. These creatures were such beautiful predators, with intelligence to match their cunning organic weaponry.

it had seen other specimens live in symbiosis with more knowledgeable beings, and

it craved a companion, unable to find a true peer.

'twas a rightfully condescending creature. In searching for a companion,

it had decided that it wanted something with a strong ability to learn. While humans are knowledgeable and usually very logical, many of them did not possess true intelligence; the mark of a predator.

it knew this. So

it watched the lone mother, with her starving babies. Indeed she was a fine hunter, but there was just not enough prey for all of her litter.

it'd calculated that, with the amount of food that she had been consistently bringing in, if one of the children were to stop eating, then the others would grow fat.

it waited until the mother went out into the cold night in search of a kill. Leaving her treasure unguarded. Once she was long gone,

it descended into her crypt, full of bones and the smell of death. Within this warm and sheltered place,

it stole one of her sleeping children, careful not to wake the others. With

its prize grasped firmly within

its strong and dexterous arms,

it crept onto the windy and fateful early morning.

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Moving West

The Demon flew out into the night. It began its game by taking a toll upon a small tribe of soldiers who became more powerful than any foe their blades would ever know. Persia. Once it's army had destroyed all it could, it moved onto Greece, trading strength for strategy. The Demon honed its craft as it found opponents worthy of War. When The Opponent won, The Demon turned its coat and moved on. Rome. Taking territory and souls, The Demon spread its wings wide, filling them with wind. The storm tore across the night and destroyed even itself while it gained momentum. Technology took The Demon farther still, as Europe descended into hell. Whence they emerged, a trap lay sprung upon their peace. Germany drowned them down again-

The Demon's euphoric rage ripped the world in two as it sighted in, an enemy's hungry eyes. Catching scent of prey that wanted to play, the Demon chose a side. Wanting weapons, The Demon played a card. A new toy it found and tested twice before It's warriors found fear.

FEAR

Enraged The Demon could not sit still but was frozen. This war was cold and weary, driving It to M.A.D.ness, teased and tired, The Demon saw the dawn and took a perch.

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Journal

The rock, it's malleable. I can squeeze and press it into almost any shape, and it never breaks, although it can be stretched apart and molded back together like clay. It does take a lot to manipulate it like this, and my arms and hands are tired from playing with it. The air is just so dense here. I can hold my breath for a very long time, if only I had a clock! There is a... pressure on me, I can feel it, as if I were twenty feet under water. The air is liquid. I don't know how else to describe it. I can almost swim straight up (almost) and I can leap incredible distances. I can only see clearly for half a mile, if that. Looking off into the distance reminds me of seeing the heat from the sun shimmer off of the road. I can see no sun here. Just an ambient blue-yellow light that never really fades. Not too dark or bright. There is so much life here, but it's nothing like I've ever seen. Where am I?

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via @extramadness

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Play Time.

So you really want to set me off? Fine. The truth is, I know you. You have a rage within you That is unmatched. The fire in your eyes is bright and cold. Ruthless is your temper because... You have more anger in you Than anyone you've ever met. But what you don't realize is why. The reason you're so angry Take it out on everybody Is because you've never faced it. You're only angry at yourself. Because you already know That the reason you went through that Is because of your own actions. You know this. Yet you've never allowed it to breath. It's been buried. So as I reach into your soul Pick out that which hurts most, Weaponize it against you, Think about this. I'm only just getting started. I know you never loved me. But I will always love you. Your mom loves you. Yet you hate her and that makes her cry. Trying to be cool? Well you're pretty fucking cold. So slit your wrist. I dare you to plead for attention again. Throw another pity party Tell us more lies. I'll pretend to believe them. Like I always did. You invented Luke. You were never raped. Your sister took care of you. Tanner was a call away. You want her to die. You pretend to be so close To a ghost you never knew. People love you But you wish they didn't So we would pity you more. You say you're ugly Fishing for a compliment- Well guess what? You're hideous. Bitch. So get the Fuck away from me Go ruin someone else. I fed you. I kept you warm Enabled your "happiness" Even cleaned your nasty room. Couldn't get the demon to leave though. You need to know something. You'll never be happy. And that breaks my fucking heart...

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via @grungelifee

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I've a story to tell And one to tell well Because on that day I began to realize That my scab had ruptured. Every scar I have was earned. And with each and every one A lesson was defiantly learned. But of all the times that I've been burned, That day was the worst. Because I had a cast From just below my elbow To a few inches past my outstretched fingers And as my mangled finger throbbed I was steadily being robbed Of blood. It was warm. It was viscous. It was unstoppable. The cotton gauze absorbed too much And then it began to flow. It was then, that I came to know Just how fine is the line Between love and lust Of blood. For three long months I felt it coagulate around my hand Encased in plaster Some of it became hard as a rock While other spots never really dried But flowed. Up my arm and down my hand It simply... Bled.

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Goals

I am trying so hard not to let this happen. But I am trying not to fall While I am in space. I am trying so hard to stop. Time is driven by gravity- We are not walking forward through time. We are going down. We are falling through time- In space. But the only difference Between falling and flying is how you land. I am trying so hard not to leave ground. But the clock keeps ticking And she is still around. I've a wall between the world and me Because I am truly afraid to see What she would do with my heart. I am trying not to fall in Love But I already have. Unfurl my wings and soar With a grin on my face And an open door. As I begin to fly She begins to fall. I am trying to save her. But I can only call And listen to her vent. Goals are set after a long night. I talk about suicide And why I can't let you lose sight. I know you tried. I see those cuts. I long to bandage your wounds So I induce catharsis. I watch you break down. I let it happen and force it to continue. It's going to come out eventually. But I will light your path And hold your hand And clean your wrist. We are friends. We are not together. Her heart is shattered While mine is frozen. So we are friends. But my friend, I Love You.

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Journal... February?

I woke in the middle of the night, with a flashlight shining in my eyes. I leaped to my feet, more adrenaline in my veins than I could possibly imagine. The light, it was above me. Much higher than I imagined. As my fear ebbed in the silence and stillness of the night, I tried to see what held the light so high above the trees, and I realized it was getting closer. It grew slowly in size, and I decided to move. I started walking at first, then running. But just like the moon follows a car window, I ran for nothing. Eventually I felt the weight of the sky fall upon me and sleep reaped my soul again. I woke in a small, cozy room. The walls curved, not like a wall in a house, more like the inside of an egg. There was no door, no windows, nothing. An ambient light seemed to radiate from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. I was truly at a loss. Examining every inch of the smooth, cold walls, I realized that the air was steadily getting warmer. At first I thought I had died somehow. How very wrong I was.

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The Egg

Deep Space mining vessel Colorado, Carrying $400,000,000 of water ice. En route to independent Colony Deliïas. The Colorado was not at full capacity, still hunting small, rouge comets, but making its way home all the same. They encountered an object, which, seemed to be an asteroid, but upon closer inspection, was composed of crystalline faces. The Crew pulled the object into the docking bay. Once the air lock was sealed and the atmosphere pumped into the dock, The Colorado continued on it's way. Hawk stepped into the docking bay, reading the information from his scanners off of a tablet. The object was oddly symmetrical, composed of magnetite. It was the size of a large car, like they had on earth. Hawk pulled a three dimensional augmented reality display up of the object. It showed a heat signature emanating from the core. Hawk exited the display, and placed a cautious hand on the... Asteroid? It was warm to the touch, smooth as silk and had pentagonal faces. It was a gem, carved with precise craftsmanship. Suddenly an edge between two faces split open beneath Hawk's hand. The smooth edges were glass. One cut his hand as the stone cracked along the seam, and a single drop of blood fell into the trench.

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Journal 1/27/18

Found a newspaper in one of the abandoned cars dated January 27th. I lost track of the dates. But the front page said Israel is now officially the 51st State in the Union. I've been watching bombers fly miles above for the last few days, wondering what's going on in the world. I always decide I don't want to know when I hear distant fireworks and the war planes return from the way they came. They come from and leave to the south. I don't think there's much left of Denver by now. But there are a lot of people up here with me. Neighbors hiding in the mountains. They are loud. Don't think any of them know I'm here. I know of three separate camps. Just people that know the trails. As far as I know, none of them have met each other. I've been improving my shelter and scavenging from the cars back at the road. I found a case of bottled water, a bunch of lighters, a few pocket knives, and a blanket. I've been digging in the shelter, so half of the inner wall is brush and woven sticks, half is underground. I laid a log from the old one I started with parallel to the wall, and I've been building a roof over the corners. I left a platform in the earth against the side away from the wall, farthest from the fire. The shelter is coming nicely, if crudely. It's warm in the wind and it hasn't snowed yet, but I'm getting ready. Hope the neighbors know that another storm isn't far.