nanswolf - Tumblr blog

nanswolf · 6 years ago

Text

an Evening with her

she sits there taping things into a ‘book’ the book she calls it, something only her and i seem to put together. I draw her things or write something and she collects them and feels suddenly compelled to put them into this book. She writes things with them and says its for all the times i ask her to write for me, ‘write me something Tayler’ i have to smile at that and then she says things like, “this is the coolest book i think ive made” she smiles to herself

“i think your grandchildren will have a few questions i say,” she draws silent a moment and says then, “ i think you’ll end up with it,” i dont like this, i frown momentarily and draw back with in myself. I have never imagined the future with me having the book. So if she says shes planning on giving me the book that must mean she either has something planned i have not imagined yet or something she has not spoken of. For me there would only be two reasons why i would end up with the book. One of which would upset her and the other, i couldn’t stand if it came to be.

For me to end up with the book, she’d have to decide she was entirely too done with me and pass it off on me. To say she was done-done couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t be with me anymore. Not that we’re even a thing really, we are simply companions, comrades in the life a new. But the notion of not having her near is, daunting to say the least. We have a sense of compatibility and something else entirely i can’t quite put my finger on. And the other, well id imagine im gone, gone. Gone in a way that she felt the book needed to accompany me to the other side. It scares me, to think ill be that for her. Ill be the love she needed to remember love is real. To feel loved in the way shes deserved this whole time in life. Someone who reads her, sees her, listens to her and adores her for every tiny amazing molecule she is made of. There is nothing wrong or negative, she is so uniquely beautiful and to truly say, i wouldnt change a thing and mean it? Isnt that how you know? you meet someone and everything changes. Suddenly its them anchoring you to this world, your soul has found its match and you know the meaning of life and why you are here. Everything up to this moment had a purpose and you now know the meaning. She is what ive been waiting for, she is the other soul mine has been looking for. I may not know all the whys and hows yet, but my soul knows. And doesnt understand the absence of her when we are apart. All it knows is that we must seek one another out and be near.

13 notes · View notes

nanswolf · 6 years ago

Text

a saturday Evening

It was a calm evening, a little cooler than perhaps expected for the small coastal town, the news spoke of possible snow flurries later on in the week. The brunette woman leaning against the counter sighed to herself and glanced at the seven year old boy with shaggy curls and a dusting of freckles. He sat on his knees hung over a pile of colored pencils and a plate of chicken nuggets. Two dogs sat underneath his chair while a nosy cat sat patiently on the table a little too close to his plate. She eyed the cat a moment, the semi fluffy multicolored feline only blinked at the woman and continued to watch the boy draw.

“mama is your friend coming tomorrow?” he inquired without even looking at her. The woman had a small hunch he remembered her friend coming to stay for a few days. A tall blonde woman with piercing blue eyes, blue eyes a little too similar to the boys. He was rather inquisitive for his age, always watching, listening, like her. She wasn’t surprised, he was his mother’s son, just, depending on his mood that day, would show which mother he took after.

As the evening turned to night and the news shifted to the normal tv shows, the woman finished the dishes that filled the sink and scooted the boy off to his room for pajamas and teeth brushing. With a grouchy disgruntled thump he wandered his way to the living room, attempting to sneak onto the couch to avoid bedtime but a stern ‘hum?” from his frowning mother had him frown as well and thud his way to hid bedroom. The younger of the two dogs in tow, while the cat finally claimed the smearing mess of ketchup on the winnie the pooh plate. ‘You’re such an odd cat,” the woman allowed her a few moments of the condiment and then removed the plate, tossing the remaining dinosaur chicken nugget to the elder of the dogs.

0 notes

nanswolf · 6 years ago

Text

Saturday, Band ...

She was upset, huffing around the house with that little frown she wears when things aren’t evening out in her day. I have to give the kid a hand, she can take a lot of shit in a day for a sixteen year old, from crap teenagers, rough classes and the occasional cranky boyfriend. Though in my opinion he’s got it pretty good with her sweet but stubborn temperament, he really doesn’t have room to complain.

Her stomping feet have the dogs permanently curled into the couch, avoiding the agitated feet and thunderous waves of energy. The littlest one, a dachshund was weasled successfully beneath the couch blanket, could barely see the guy when she tossed a jacket onto him. Her grumbles subsided a mere moment to apologize to the dogs. The youngest a larger than expected shepherd pup tried to wiggle her way with kisses and whines toward the girl. She allowed a kiss for a second and then brushed her a side. Stepping over the half asleep bear of a large male shepherd mix, she angry sighed to the kitchen for a glass of milk.

Her mother, a tall blonde woman of stubborn energy and an electric attitude to boot. Offered a gentle hand in comfort, she was met with a small snap an a cold shoulder. With a sigh, to my surprise, she only turned back to her phone an cup of coffee. Well more creamer than cofffee really, that liquid was nearly as cream colored as could be. I raise a brow and politely continue my observations of these two. It had been several years being around them now, living amongst them and still they have these moments that have me at a loss. A calmness in the wreck of an offshore tragedy, no matter the hostility or aggression they always had these moments of respite. I hid a smile behind my own my coffee, sitting at the small, tall bar style table. Laptop in front of me, a blue bird of loud vocals next to me, thank you Howard.

Suddenly blue eyes found my own for a brief second, she shared a secret moment of something I feel I half missed anyway, but I hold her gaze for the mer beauty of her. She pulls the corners of her lips up, her dimples sneak out, I raise a brow and she chuckles an breaks gaze. I sigh.. between this woman and the huffing, thumping daughter of hers, I chuckled to myself then and turned to look out the large kitchen windows just yards from the shoreline. It was a fairly grey day, no wonder she was rather upset at the prospect of having to “band” today, Saturday, outside and whilst before company arrived this evening. A crash and a small angry whisper of curse words came then, the mother of this precious youngling rolled her eyes a moment and with one last sip, released the cup of coffee and phone. “Come on you,” she pridefully boasted with a frown of intent, she booped the little duck dozing at her feet, “Onward Todd, we shall assist Jessymous with her room,” she grabbed a broom, dishrag and one of the laundry basket form the mud room off the side kitchen. Hallway footsteps and a few agitated words, and then ..within moments, a calmness once more descends.

As soft Christmas music played from the living room beyond, sleepy dogs curled on the couch, I’ll have to vacuum that later. I smile again as the little blue bird followed suit behind the tall woman. The dogs snoring, the music playing, an a light rain beginning once more as the dark blue ocean rolled around the surface of the world. This tiny little world of contentful peace I’ve found, in a sleepy coastal town, with two amazing girls. I sip my coffee and listen, their voices, the house calmly sighing as the salty air tickles the dark blue sidding and white trim of the cottage style home. The tapping of rain making my own eyes close, oh Saturday’s.

3 notes · View notes

nanswolf · 6 years ago

Text

Autumn Shift

Samhain: the shift of season, the gates opening an closing. From one season to the next, the change from spring, life into Winter, death. The journey through the seasons, the need to grow, the painful growth. It’s all a cycle, a circle of time. The wolf in me has been through enough to know how to keep going, she’s kept me going, through the breakup from my wife, to moving out, to change at work, to change in life style to the loss of my family’s elders. It’s all a circle of life to death, full moon to new moon, to the eclipse of change, though it’s dark it’s happening. Change, growth, and time always moving forward is always happening, it’s how to keep moving forward in life.

It’s still painful an scary and I want nothing more than to sit alone in a dark room and cry or punch the wall or other things best left alone to just my mind. But the hope of change again, for the cycle to keep going, the next day, the next full moon, another rain, or the snow to come. It’s peaceful it’s kind, it gives me a sense of wonder and ease knowing it’ll always keep going, the one thing that seems to startle an scare people so much, an don’t get me wrong, scares me too, is also something of great hope an anticipation of the new to come. Samhain is the change to come, the next chapter in the journey. An to my luck and happiness, the dark and the cold, something I am most familiar an comforted by. To honor those lost an gone before me, with candles lit and gifts set aside, I think on them, wish hopefully of them and what I wish is a good place an contentment to be.

With the first night coming to an end, I’m hopeful for a better one to come tomorrow, a new day another part in the chapter.

“a Wølf can never be a pet,” ____✍🏽

1 note · View note

nanswolf · 6 years ago

Text

a morning in Northern Italy

It was still early, just past ten o’clock on a lazy Sunday at the beginning of summer. Crickets chirped, hummed along the edge of a grass field. The weather was warm with a light breeze that cooled off the skin, and tickled the thoughts toward things best left to the hours of evening, dusk when the lights were dim and prying eyes were absent. However, with a sigh released the dark hair girl with all those dreads and curls twisted up into a messy bun, simply laid lazily on a towel, on the grass, reading. A small pile of books full of papers, notes and several pens protruding out of them sat near her. A simple red swimsuit bottoms along with a, perhaps slightly questionably casual white lace top, and several long necklaces hanging around her neck, draping all the way down to her sternum. They sat there, like a weight, a reminder. The sun was growing warmer, a thin layer of sweat was beginning to appear across her sun kissed skin. Dark, black aviators assisted her vision against the brightness so she could read easier, … somewhere in northern Italy, her mind wandered over orchards of apricots and quiet sleepy fields where horses grazed and lovers found a shady spot beneath a tree for a moment of passion.

As one hand held the book smelling of dust and magic, the other lazily trailed through the blonde hair of the girl using her abdomen as a pillow. The wavy hair the color of the wheat fields described in her book brought a small tug to her lips, she brushed off the smile and fell back into her novel, trailing her tattooed hands through the hair, tracing little circles across her skin. A low sigh, even breathes had her assume the much taller girl to be sleeping, or at least very, very close to it. She shifted slightly and the dark haired girl froze a moment till the other settled back into her rest. Once the stillness came over her again, trailing fingers played through the blonde locks. Ear buds in and she could still faintly hear the darkly aggressive tunes and notes in the lyrics of the metal rock music. She smiled at that, even the hauntingly dark words told a story, created a world and it was a world this beautiful blonde related to or at least found comfort in, this the dark haired girl could also relate to and enjoyed that simplicity of the parallel between them.

0 notes

nanswolf · 6 years ago

Photo