narcissae

[narcissae]

her son. her beautiful boy, her dragon. it was difficult to explain the rush of feelings : love, so much love. guilt, at having left him, as if she could turn the tide of time and bring herself back to life ( she didn't count. she wasn't the mother he knew. she hadn't raised this man, and yet she had. how was it possible? ). draco's wand lowered, and her own slipped back away. it could have been an act, but she didn't have it in her to care. she just wanted to comfort him. " thirteen autumns ago. " she repeats under her breath. " thirteen autumns ago, i was just a girl. i wish i could... be her. truly her. i hate the thought that i left you so long. " maybe then she'd be more helpful, if she had the mindset of the narcissa he knew. a woman with experience. a woman who could help her son. the moment his hand made contact with her skin, she was curling her own hand against his wrist, feeling the delicate beat of his pulse. he was tall, her boy. would she become used to it, seeing him like this? " it's me, draco. perhaps not as... you remember. but still your mother. " she almost couldn't look away from him. wanted to study every inch of his face, track his features just in case she was ripped from him. so that she would remember that he grew. " the manor is quiet. is... it just you, alone? "

a dawning reality seemed to sweep over the son's features  ━  unaware just how much his wand was faltering when she approached. the assailant could've been a trap. a mirage to prey on his weaknesses ( malfoy's were to have no weaknesses, draco ). it meant nothing to him when the gentlest of eyes followed his every move. did she notice the tremor in his hands ? she had steadied them so much when he was a boy that it was impossible for her not to take to it. yet her own reached, grazing his cheek as though he were seven years of age again ━ sniffling at the harsh words that she tried to desperately to shield him from. naturally, he flinched before softening into the ghostly hand. 

mother. she brought warmth & sorrow all in one. 

his wand lowered, finally. defeat against his own paranoia subduing him while a tear slipped down his paled cheek. it felt like his insides were crumbling like a piece of parchment. " you can't be real, mother, " he lamented, his voice ruptured in secret agony. " i buried you  ━  i buried you thirteen autumns ago. " she was much smaller than he remembered her. his height was nearly doubled. the last she saw of him, he hadn't even reached his forties. 

" i saw your ghost months after i lost you, " his hand raised to steady on her cheeks, cupping them as though she were the most delicate thing to ever grace his hands. draco was not all that gentle but to narcissa, he was still just a boy beloved by his mother. " this has to be a dream. "

but her touch felt tangible. her gaze held truth. his mother was no liar to him. she wouldn't start, not even in death. hollowed eyes searched for deception. draco was trained in looking for ruses. he dedicated his adulthood to studying them & yet, when he sought her eyes all he could see was pleadings. it made his knees feel like they were to cave. 

" mother ━ please. " please, don't be in my head. please, don't leave ━

[narcissae]

HAVANA ROSE LIU for sundance film festival

[narcissae]

SANDRA OH as Dr. Cristina Yang 'Grey's Anatomy' #2.09

[narcissae]

narcissa malfoy is in a grave beyond the gardens. she pales. hearing it said aloud felt awful. how long had it been, if she was dead and buried? and then, the stranger buries the knife deeper : how do you not recognize your own son? a lump forms in her throat as she looks at the stranger ━ not a stranger, her boy ━ in a different light. the draco she knew was so small that it was an impossibility to believe this could be him. a man grown. she thought she'd have years to watch him form into himself. ignoring his threats, she steps closer. reaches out her hand so she can brush her fingers over his cheek. " draco. " she says, softly, studying every inch of his face, how he'd grown into his features. if he was to kill her again, she might as well die knowing her son's face. " you've grown taller. i told lucius you would. " frowns, then, the little elation that had spread through her features slowly wearing off. then, soothing : " calm down, darling. you're going to hurt yourself. " he seemed angry. he seemed sad. narcissa hated that she couldn't tell which parts of that were a reaction to having a stranger in his home and which parts of that were a constant. what had happened in the time she'd been dead? how long had she been dead? " it is me. i swear to you. "

cruelty was not a stranger to draco malfoy. the world had been unkind since he was brought into the world. the curse of a name was much greater than a curse of the blood. the only good that came from being a malfoy was that he shared the same name as the woman who was the gentleness of his world. stripped from his bare hands, his mother went through the veil & years later, astoria would follow. the light in the world was dimmer than it usually was the day that narcissa was taken from his earth. 

the figure mocked him. wrath dripping from every jagged edge of the son's face as he held himself together by a thread. her voice was like a parrot. taunting of the softest of memories that swallowed him whole. " no !" he roared, his chest constricting as he did, " narcissa malfoy is in a grave beyond the gardens. you are nothing but a mimic !" he was flourishing his wand a bit, though it could be due to the tremor in his hands. 

there was a burning in his throat. acid-like & wretched. the call of his name made him feel like he was beneath someone's heel, crushing him at the neck. " if you're truly her, how do you not recognize your own son ?" he countered her, raw with emotion. it felt like his voice had been frayed. his mother was gone. there was no chance of her returning, not under circumstances that didn't include dark magic. he's tried. oh, how he tried. 

" you've three seconds to tell me what it is you're here for ━ who sent you ━ i won't ask again, " he warned, his tears gathering but not falling. 

[narcissae]

the nickname helps her relax. it had been so long since she'd seen andromeda, sat down and spoke with her, that she'd forgotten how warm it felt to be around her sister. a warmth she'd spent years throwing away, now a comfort after so much confusion. she was still, at her core, a little sister. " good. that's wonderful, really. " she blinks when andromeda smiles at her, looking confused for a few seconds before offering a tentative smile in return. lacking her usual grace, though it drops when andromeda mentions a grandchild. " no, i wasn't... aware. that sounds lovely. i also have a grandchild. it feels... odd, though. " she takes a sip of tea, letting it burn her mouth just a little. a reminder that she was really here, that they both were. " and your little one? not so little now, i'm sure. "

it  was  not  with  much  hesitation  that  andromeda  had  let  narcissa  into  her  house,  quickly  getting  them  situated  and  pouring  them  tea.  she  wasn't  quite  sure  why,  maybe  it  was  just  at  seeing  somebody  familiar  —  even  though  it  been  rather  tense  between  them  two  from  what  should  could  think  of  in  her  fuzzy  memories.

"  i  rather  think  i'm  doing  quite  well,  cissa.  "  the  old  nickname  was  something  she  hadn't  used  for  ages.  she  smiled  then,  but  wasn't  quite  sure  why.  she  just  hoped  it  didn't  perturb  narcissa  too  much.  "  it  is  only  a  bit  disconcerting  to  know  that  so  much  has  happened.  i  have  a  grandchild now,  did  you  know?  "  there  is  warmth  in  her  voice,  a  familiar  one.

a  stupid  question to ask ,  of  course  she  didn't  know.

[narcissae]

it was not enough to be thrust into a strange and unusual version of her manor. it was not enough to hear talk about the division between the living and the dead, the opening of the veil. it was not enough to be sent home with a lackluster insistence that more would be explained to her with time. it was not enough to be utterly alone. it was not enough to see that her beautiful manor had been desecrated, her portraits gone, the unfamiliar carpet hideous. now she had a wand pointed at her. the man pointing it had an heir of familiarity to him — as if he were a distant relative of lucius. she hated this. she wanted to be home, with draco in her arms. that was where she was happiest. trembling hand reaches for her wand, but narcissa was never made for combat. if he wanted to, the figure in front of her could kill her with ease. " narcissa. my name is narcissa malfoy. this is my home. " there was an attempt to sound dignified : even when her pearls are gone, and her hair is a mess. still, she does not make a very frightening picture. being composed had been engrained into her from childhood, but she hoped her family will forgive this one disgrace. she was bone-tired and she was scared and no one had told her where her son is, if he's alive. three quick blinks as she attempted to still the tears stinging in her eyes. she would not cry. she would not. certainly not in front of a stranger. " are you — do you know if my son is here? his name is draco. he must still be here, right? this is still malfoy manor? "

23 / 12 / 2030   ━━   malfoy manor narcissa malfoy | draco malfoy ( @narcissae )

there was a choking sound that drew from the back of his throat at the sight of her. as though he had been stupefied without his knowledge. unaware of the hex that could've been placed on him had he not been looking but it all rushed him at her face. youthful. ageless. unfaltering love unmasking in her deepening eyes that felt scrutinizing all in one moment. 

suddenly, draco malfoy was five years old again. sullied & timorous, clinging to the skirt of his mother's gown while his father looked down at his face. a protective hand rested on his back, shielding him from the scorned glare that lucius gave as yet again draco did not tie his dress shoes appropriately for their guests that would be arriving at the manor in momentary time. narcissa's unwavering voice acted as a shelter for him. an unyielding sort of security as she bent at her knees to his level & quickly tied at his laces with a gentle look in her eyes. 

it was parallel to the eyes that looked to him now. just beyond the end of his wand, the malfoy steadied the point to her & bile rising in his throat as he stared. " why do you wear her face ?" he echoed to the woman in his draw room, jaw sharp & breathing labored. " who are you ? why do you wear her face ?" his voice broke at the octave it reached. 

he felt his chest concaving in itself. a flash of her then. a flashed of her as she was laid to rest. mother. oh, mother. emotions swelled at the corners of his lashes as he never lowered his wand. " — why must you wear her face ?" he murmured, almost to himself. 

[narcissae]

where : the tonks house / when : december 27th, 2030 / who : @androhmedas

the silence was becoming a little much. narcissa had shown up on her sister's doorstep with wide eyes and nothing but a may i come in?, and now she was sitting across from andromeda, a steaming teacup in her hands, both of them silent. andromeda, expecting. narcissa, hesitating. she kept looking down at the brew, focused on the little trail of smoke that billows out. she'd not yet settled to ... the situation. if it were still the past, she wouldn't even be here. she'd never been a gryffindor : the truth was that waking up in a new time made her frightened, and when she was a little girl, frightened meant look for her sister. she clears her throat. " have you, um. " wince. narcissa malfoy does not say um. narcissa malfoy can get her sentences out clearly and concisely. she takes a deep breath. " have you been well? this has all been quite interesting. " she's speaking faster than she can think. a terrible sign. she fakes taking a sip from the tea before setting the cup down. digs her nails into her palm, instead. " or perhaps difficult is the better word. i must admit i have not been feeling very ... nice. "

[narcissae]

narcissa's skeleton.

BASICS.

FULL NAME. narcissa malfoy. NICKNAME(S). cissa, cissy. AGE + DOB. twenty six & june 26th. ZODIAC. cancer sun, aries moon, cancer rising. GENDER. cisgender woman. PRONOUNS. she & her. ORIENTATION. she's never thought too hard about it. SOCIAL CLASS. upper class. HOUSE. slytherin. BLOOD STATUS. pureblood. OCCUPATION. student against her will, ancient runes track.

BACKGROUND. LANGUAGE(S). english, french. FAMILY. cygnus black ( biological father ), druella black ( adoptive mother ), bellatrix lestrange & andromeda tonks ( half - sisters ), draco malfoy ( son ), scorpius malfoy ( grandson ). PET(S). none.

APPEARANCE.

FACECLAIM. havana rose liu. HAIR. light brown, dyes blonde. EYES. grey. HEIGHT. 5’3. TATTOO(S). none. PIERCING(S). none. SCARS + MARKS. the tiniest, faintest little scar on her nose. she keeps it glamoured because she hates it.

OTHER.

WAND. 10 inches, poplar wood, dragon heartstring core. PATRONUS. tells people it's a swan. it's a kitten. BOGGART. draco's death. AMORTENTIA. tbd :) LOVE LANGUAGE. quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation. MBTI. ISFJ. MORAL ALIGNMENT. true neutral. ENNEAGRAM. 6w5.

tws : infidelity, infertility.

born of a mistake : a baby left on the black family doorstep with a threat attached to her. take her in, or the affair is exposed. to the public, the story is that narcissa is the poor orphan daughter of a beloved family friend, taken in by druella and cygnus instead of the product of an affair by cygnus. if narcissa were to describe how she grew up, it would be different, detached, like her family had a missing puzzle piece & she couldn't fit into the slot it made. but she did her best to be liked, particularly by her mother, druella, who could never quite look her in the eyes. obedient narcissa, good narcissa, the perfect daughter who always does as she's told. praise from cygnus was accepted. advice from druella was revered. she wanted her mother to love her.

her biggest ambition has always been to make her family proud of her, so marrying lucius was never something she questioned. the moment the proposal was drawn up, she attached herself at his side. there's something powerful about a marriage where the love isn't quite there : you see someone's flaws first and you learn to adapt, to deal with them. still, a part of her yearned for more. silly girl dreams of lucius learning to love her, adore her, in private instead of just for the public eye.

she wanted to give him an heir. at least, that's what she told him. selfishly, she wanted a child of her own. had always wanted to offer the love she did not feel from her own parents. she tried, tried, tried so hard, with no fruit to bear from her efforts. until she received the news from a healer : she could not have children at all.

draco is narcissa's blessing. like her, he's his father's birth son. unlike her, his mother adores him. she'd made sure of it. she didn't care if her boy grew up spoiled : she would dote on him, would give him everything he asked for, and make sure he would never, ever long for the affections of his mother.

more to come but someone hand her a phone and make her experience texting

[narcissae]

NARCISSA MALFOY NÉE BLACK : the flower bloomed and faded. the sun rose and sank. the lover loved and went. penned by neve for nobodyssoldier.

intro / pinterest / playlist.

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ visual ⋮ 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐈𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐌𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓.

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ musing ⋮ 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐈𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐌𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓.

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ wanted ⋮ 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐈𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐌𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓.

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ answered ⋮ 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐈𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐌𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓.

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ open ⋮ 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐈𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐌𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓.

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ closed ⋮ 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐈𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐌𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓.