narcissisism - Tumblr blog

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Raymond Pettibon.

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it was cool having multiple partners for a while but I'm chilling rn. think I'm lowkey horny for monogamy

want to be psychotically devoted to my partner/collared/kept/put on a leash want to be a good boy woof bark etc

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Hey I’m ready to surrender to new and expansive love alright???

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“This is why they’re called kangaroo #rats. BOOOING!!!“

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this blog is just becoming like a place to dump my autism feelings lmao

the neurodivergent experience reminds me so much of how you internalize the male gaze. Like, seeing yourself how a man would see you instead of how you see yourself. "You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur." (Margaret Atwood). Which I've been dealing with my whole life as an afab queer person, and still trying to shake as I navigate facets of my identity. especially since I hang out with mostly cis dudes (lol, that's always been the case for me tho)

I feel like being autistic similarly makes me view myself how a neurotypical person might, except I have no fucking idea how neurotypical people will see things, so it doesn't serve me at all besides making me feel like shit. Like I'll never actually know if I'm doing things right or not because I'm not neurotypical. It makes all the masking seem so futile. But it also affects me when I'm alone - I avoid all the things that aren't 'normal', that I know other people don't do. I take away my own comfort for the comfort of an imagined neurotypical audience. I am my own voyeur.

I almost hate to equate the two things but I've also realized that my experience as an autistic person and my queer experience are totally intertwined. I also feel that self-surveillance and self-repression are probably facets of many peoples' marginal experiences. feel like I subject myself to so much self-surveillance from so many different fronts that I don't even know how I actually feel half the time.

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Had a dream that I saw this ad in a paper

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My only interesting/ notable talent is that I can make baby alligators RUN to my feet solely by making this annoying sound

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me: nah they were wrong i'm not autistic

me: has a full assed fucking freakout because my clothes feel weird and i cant find the only mug i want to drink water out of

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Sean Norvet (American, b. 1987)

Low Tide, Low Spirits, 2020

Oil on panel

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🎃 an ode to my horror mutuals 🎃

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Luxury suite of the Andrea Doria ocean liner ship decorated by Piero Fornasetti, 1951.

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wow getting diagnosed with autism at 25 is a rollercoaster that i sort of don't want to be on right now honestly

it's good because clarity about everything in my life and bad because... wow i really can't fix myself. like i'm just like this forever.

the idea that you can just 'unmask' and be free is such a lie (for people that are privileged enough to be able to mask ofc). you can't get by without masking if you want people to like you and take you seriously. so the burnout can be managed but its not ever going away and that makes me sad.

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we have enough tenderqueer coffeshop domestic media. we need to divert resources to making the gay version of beavis and butthead

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art by holly warbs / “quiet” by susan cain

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Traditional Indian kettles with handmade folk art