narcissus89 - Tumblr blog

[narcissus89]

Yung maiiyak ako kasi lahat ng pangarap ko natupad na. Totoong masaya yung puso ko. Stable na ako.

I just can't wait to cry my eyes out and say I did it!

But for now let's cry the numbness and pain, and try again.

[narcissus89]

I just want to be a soldier. To serve the country I love. But its hard for me. There are so many hindrances. I don't know what to do now, I've been waiting and fighting for 3 years for my willingness to serve the country to come true but luck isn't on my side.

#PhilippineAirForce

#PhilippineCoastGuard

[narcissus89]

Everytime I saw some pics of Billie Eilish on ig and other socmed, may parang something na humihigop sakin it's just her aura very powerful, deep and somewhat sad. I don't know. haaaay

[narcissus89]

To my old self:

I know you feel every emotions that a normal 23 year old would. Tears, pain, anxieties, worries, heartbreaks, happiness and dizziness. I know how hard you fought the dark times in your life and here I am to say, that I am very very proud of you!!!

As I let the last smoke of the cigarette hit my lungs, I am happily setting you free. You've been a wonderful soul, you let me experience and learn everything. I wouldn't have the strength I have right now if it's not for you, you fought hard, you fought well, and now I am letting you go but I promise to take everything we experience, everything we learn by heart. You will always have a place in me, I am asking you that when you found me confused on what I should do, guide me through it. Again, thank you so much for making me stronger, thank you for the wonderful experiences that you'll leave in me. I will forever be grateful.

I promise you that I will learn more, experience more, and be open in every possibilities in the present. I will be more loving because I know that we deserve it, and I will never let anyone break the wonderful things we have. I will be more responsible in my actions for you to be proud.

Thank you.

Love

Present self.

[narcissus89]

"You should be grateful for us because I brought you in these world"

But I don't want to be here, I never wanted to be alive in the first place, now it gets harder keeping myself alive every day

[narcissus89]

Don't let the voice inside your head get to you.

You're doing good, you can do it.

[narcissus89]

Is it better to be love or feared?

Good or bad I want to be feared

Fear lasts longer than love,

People who love you can hurt you without hesitation,

Because they think that's love eventually you will left by yourself.

But if you are feared, they will be afraid to touch you,

There will be a sense of safety and you will be surrounded by loyal people.

#26

[narcissus89]

At the end of the day we just want someone who can we truly rest.

[narcissus89]

I feel lost.

So much things to do with so little energy.

I feel drained.

Once again.

#25

[narcissus89]

I, myself don't really know what to do with my life.

Something in me wants to start something but I don't know what it is.

Just got rejected from my third assessment

But I never get disappointed.

I realise after the rejection I had from coast guard I became slowly, getting back to accepting tge fact that life wouldn't always work the way I planned it.

Life is never easy, but I don't mind as long as I am happy.

#24

[narcissus89]

LET'S GO!!!!!

[narcissus89]

It's been a while.

New month started 4 days ago,

So many things happened already, but I am going steady.

Slowly but surely! Steady for my dreams!

#23

[narcissus89]

I feel my life is hanging on a thread

honestly speaking I think I am dead.

But I promise the girl in the mirror earlier

I'll live for here, even though everyone else betrayed her.

I'll fight for her, and continue.

#22

[narcissus89]

They pulled me back,

my friends and my sister

We have a simple dinner,

I am grateful forever...

#21

[narcissus89]

I was holding tight to my dreams.

Like a little girl holding her favourite toy.

I am certain that I will achieve it.

But now it's out of my sight

Slowly fading and drifting.

#20

[narcissus89]

"When it's ready to happen it will happen"

[narcissus89]

And if I'll end my life, Ichoose this day.

The lightning inside the clouds look lovely.

I knew it even the heavens feels frustrated, and stay silent.

As I adore it from miles with glittery eyes.

Myself again feel empty.

Sad and empty.

#19