natashawitwicky

[natashawitwicky]

Its me

Hi.

Its me again. Its been a while. But then i like the lack of updates here and the once in a blue moon kind of thing is working out for me. 

What do you do when you have mixed feelings about something that will possibly change the whole course of your life? Thats what I am feeling now. I definitely want to do it but nostalgia is pulling me back. Am I too comfortable? Or am I scared of changes? I mean I wanted it and Allah has given it to me. I should just grab it right? Truth to be told I think what I’m feeling is scared. Scared of the uncertainties. I really hope I’ve made the right choices. And if I didn’t, I hope I have it in me not to beat myself up. 

[natashawitwicky]

allahaljalil.tumblr.com

“No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah’s Decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come on your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee.” (Umar ibn al-Khattab r.a)

Absolutely LOVE these quotes!!

[natashawitwicky]

Like for realz though. What if I don’t want to live long? What if I hope that I die by the time I’m 30 years old? Is it wrong? Cause I honestly don’t think I’m wrong. I really just don’t want to walk around this earth accumulating more sins. I want to go back. Go back to where I was from cause frankly, this life is not for me. It’s like the more I live, the more I sin and I really really really don’t want to end up in hell

[natashawitwicky]

““Your time should not be without any structure, such that you occupy yourself arbitrarily with whatever comes along. Rather, you must take account of yourself and order your worship during the day and the night, assigning to each period of time an activity that must not be neglected nor replaced by another activity. By this ordering of time, the blessing in time will show itself. A person who leaves himself without a plan as animals do, not knowing what he is to do an any given moment, will spend most of his time fruitlessly. Your time is your life, and your life is your capital: by it you make your trade, and by it you will reach the eternal bounties in the proximity of Allah. Every single breath of yours is a priceless jewel, because it is irreplaceable; once it is gone, there is no return for it. So do not be like fools who rejoice each day as their wealth increases while their lives decrease. What good is there in wealth that increases while one’s lifespan decreases? Do not rejoice except in an increase of knowledge or an increase of good works. Truly they are your two friends who will accompany you in your grave, when your spouse, your wealth, your children, and your friends will remain behind.””

— Imam al Ghazali (via doesntagree)

[natashawitwicky]

“You are the only person who is in charge of how you feel about yourself. Nobody else can possibly do that. You get to decide if you believe you are beautiful or not, and nobody can take it away from you. If someone suggests that you aren’t beautiful, you can consider how sad it is that they have such a limited view of beauty. You can consider how unfortunate it is that they have such an exaggerated sense of self-importance that they think you should care about what they think. You can also choose to realize that it has nothing at all to do with your beauty and everything to do with their limitations.”

— Ragen Chastain (via internal-acceptance-movement)

[natashawitwicky]

“Those of us who know not the secret of properly regulating our own existence on this tumultuous sea of foolish troubles which we call life are constantly in a state of misery while vainly trying to appear happy and contented. We stagger in the attempt to keep our moral equilibrium, and see forerunners of the tempest in every cloud that floats on the horizon. Yet there is joy and beauty in the roll of billows as they sweep outward toward eternity. Why not enter into their spirit?”

—

Okakura Kakuzō | The Book of Tea

(via blogut)

[natashawitwicky]

I think personally the point is to acknowledge. Acknowledge that you have a problem and that you need to something about it. Acknowledge that you are tired and you need to snap out of it and regulate whatever you feeling. Life has been getting pretty mundane and routine. And im a pretty optimistic person in handling situations. But honestly, it’s getting gloomy and lonesome.

[natashawitwicky]

I’m kinda sick you know. Sick of expectations. It almost feel like as though I have superpowers and people just expect me to be doing everything perfectly. And you know what’s not helping? It’s when you have crippling anxiety just because you can’t achieve what other people expect you of. Don’t come and tell me cliche advices like don’t live by other people’s expectations. I don’t want to okay. I am expected to. U.R.G.H

[natashawitwicky]

Damn son

I am so detached from my emotions that I can’t even help someone with their emotions. Nope I am not depressed but I am just born with less feelings than others. And when I do have, I deal with it alone with lots of self-counselling. I am really pretty good at that. So how do I end up in an industry to help others? How can I help others feel? Or rather do I need to feel before helping others feel?

[natashawitwicky]

Source: islamus, via IslamicArtDB

[natashawitwicky]

[natashawitwicky]

[natashawitwicky]

I have finally have the time to pen down my thoughts and also it’s almost 1am and I’m not sleepy cause coffee. I also have a 12 hour shift tomorrow so will probably regret this. 🥴

I have been stuck here in a hotel room for the past 2 weeks due to occupation hazard and covid-19. I also have been restless. I’m sharing the room with a colleague and honestly it’s been fine. We have not fight, hopefully it stays that way. Hahaha. Initially, I was supposed to be here for a month but then my request to go home on hari raya is approved. Alhamdulilah for that.

I have not updated this tumblr in years and I might have accidentally deleted the app from my phone. Hence the lack of updates. I will try to update more here (just like how I say I’m gonna update my daily journal. Hahaa)

Ramadan this year is different cause of this hotel stay. I have to wake up at 430am and eat sahur on my own before getting ready to work. Since I also share a room with my colleague, I was scared she might not be comfortable with me praying and hence I had not read the Quran as much as I want to. And now the last 10 days, my period came. 🙄🙄 like for real man. It’s only a couple more days. Honestly I do miss my family cause I need to be independent here on my own and it’s like meh. During this year’s Ramadan, I feel that I had a detrimental change to my lifestyle. I was praying more and I consciously tell myself not to listen to music as much. I relied on Allah more and let Him decide what is the best for me. It’s been good Alhamdulilah. I’m really praying tightly that Allah keep my heart in steadfast. It has not been easy but we’ll continue to try.

[natashawitwicky]

Feeling so small

I need someone to talk to. Not someone professional. Just someone to listen to my feelings instead of providing me solutions. I can find my own solutions. I’m pretty capable of that. Thanks.

What I can’t do is listen to myself and empathize my position. You have no idea how hard it is to wake up everyday not having something to look forward to. Even when I’m out with someone, I plaster a fake mood and smile to appease the other party.

It’s hard to not let the demons posses your head. I wish life was not this complex. Negative thoughts slowly crawling my mind. I’m a positive person and I wish to be that way but I right now I feel like shit

[natashawitwicky]

[natashawitwicky]

Do not forget the Uyghur Muslims in your du'aa. Relentlessly being persecuted just for being Muslims and proclaiming their Tawheed.

[natashawitwicky]

Sometimes, I still want to just disappear but then I remember how Hannah Baker make others felt. I don’t want them breaking and hurting because of me.

-r.m.