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natg1rl-blog · 6 years

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Like a Virgin

A couple more weeks had passed and Ben and I had arranged for him to come over to my place the upcoming Saturday night and watch a movie. Normally he had to be home at 11pm on a weekend, but his step-dad was making an exception this time under the agreement that at 12 midnight Ben would meet him at the end of the street and they would continue the rest of their way home together. I think the arrangement came from a lack of trust in Ben, because my mum let me walk the streets whenever I wanted to. Albeit not at midnight so I understood. Ben and I had decided to watch a scary movie after mum and Gale retired to bed, allowing us our privacy. I had always heard that scary movies were an aphrodisiac. I never knew what that meant at the time, but I’m pretty sure if you put two teenagers together without any adult supervision, it wouldn’t really matter what movie was playing on the TV. I’d had the birds and the bees talk with mum several times, especially after Ben and I started dating. I told mum everything so she was pretty confident that I wouldn’t do anything stupid, I was a smart girl and definitely not ready for the responsibility that went along with sex.

Ben and I began to kiss, softly. He was an excellent kisser. He always smelt really good and he knew exactly just how much tongue he should be putting into my mouth. As the passion intensified something inside me was aching to be released. I wanted to experience everything with him, but I just didn’t know if I was ready yet. Ben ran his free hand up my leg and it caused me to shiver. As he continued to move his hand further up my thigh, his pinky crept into my shorts, followed by the other four fingers. When he forcefully pushed my legs open it occurred to me that this may not have been the first time he’d done something like this. I let out a slight gasp when his index finger entered me. As he started to thrust it harder and faster I found it incredibly difficult to contain my noises. Ben kissed me harder hoping that it would shut me up, but he kept going. I didn’t know what to do with my hand; I had never touched a guy down there before, what if I was bad at it?

‘Ben?’ I managed in between kisses.

‘Mmm?’ He groaned.

‘Are you a virgin?’

I had to know.

‘I’ve been waiting for the right person.’ He shared.

My heart raced just that little bit faster wondering if I was now that person. Disappointment came over the both of us when the credits of the movie began to roll up. I couldn’t believe nearly two hours had passed already; I didn’t want this night to end. Ben grabbed his shoes and we kissed one another goodnight. I went to bed soon after but I could barely sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I enjoyed every single part of him and the way he made me feel. I had never felt a love so strong and I got a little scared wondering if it would all end someday. I never wanted it to end, I wanted to marry him. I envisioned being with this boy for the rest of my life, even if I was only thirteen years old.

After that night Ben and I were a lot more comfortable around one another sexually. Whenever we were alone he would always find new ways to touch me. I was nervous the first time I gave him a hand job. I had no idea if there was some sort of technique or specific way boys liked it. Ben never complained so I figured it was okay. My birthday was approaching and Ben kept on about a special surprise he had in store for me. With the way our relationship was progressing I got the feeling he wasn’t talking about a physical gift. I began to panic with the idea in mind that he was talking about sex. Although the two of us had now gotten to second base with one another I still wasn’t sure if I was ready to go all the way. Fourteen wasn’t all that different to thirteen; I always envisioned that I would be at least sixteen. In saying that I also didn’t expect to fall in love with someone at that point of my life.

On D-day Ben was at my front door just before 8am. Thankfully my birthday always fell within the school holidays so I never had to deal with going to school on my special day. Ben and I had been dating for about two months so I didn’t really expect him to buy me a present. It took me by surprise when he pulled a small grey ring box out from his jeans as he sported a cheeky grin on his face.

‘Oh my god.’ I said aloud.

‘Open it.’ He smiled.

As I flipped the box open there was this beautiful silver ring staring me in the face. A blue gemstone sat elegantly center surrounded by four small diamonds. I couldn’t imagine how he was able to afford this ring.

‘Ben.’ Was all I could manage, holding back tears.

‘Aww,’ he laughed as he gave me a hug, ‘you’re welcome.’

The rest of the day was purely magical. The two of us spent the entire morning together before we headed out to see a movie later that afternoon. When we got back home my mind started to wonder if his ‘special’ gift was still on its way.

‘Ben?’

He looked at me with worry in his eyes as he could sense the skepticism in my voice.

‘What’s wrong?’ He asked concerned.

‘Your special gift,’ I started, ‘I think I know what it is.’

Ben smiled before he let out a sigh of relief.

‘Oh.’

‘I’m not sure that I’m ready for it.’ I admitted.

Ben sat there with a puzzled look on his face for a minute.

‘Wait, what did you think it was?’ He asked me.

It took me a minute to say the word.

‘Sex?’

Just then Ben let a laugh escape his body.

‘No Bella, it wasn’t sex.’ He told me.

I was very surprised, what else could it have been?

‘I’m not even sure I’m ready for sex.’ He went on.

I was even more surprised by that remark. When he said it though I’d be lying to say I wasn’t instantly relieved.

‘What was it then?’ I had to know.

That night Ben gave me my special gift. I remember when my sister told me she’d given head for the first time. She came over to my house smelling like the guys cum and I promised myself I would never do something so gross. Everything had changed now. When Ben went down on me I thought that it would be more enjoyable. There’s always so much hype about it in almost any movie you watch, not to mention the way that people talk about it. I never let slide that I wasn’t into it because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and make him feel as though he was bad at it, but my greatest concern was that I would now have to return the favour.

After a few more weeks had passed I was now well and truly into the final semester of year eight. I couldn’t believe that I had almost conquered one full year of high school. With Ben coming into my life it was the best thing that could have happened because all of the trivial things at school were no longer a bother to me. The girls had left me alone, my grades were good, I had a secure group of friends and life was just all-round brilliant. Ben and I made another movie date at my place the next weekend, same arrangement as before where he would meet his dad at 12pm. This time we didn’t even attempt to watch the start of the movie, we were too wrapped up in each other to care. As we lay on the couch side by side, I was in a nighty and Ben was only wearing boxer shorts. It occurred to me that with how little dressed we were, there was a good possibility that this would be the night we would slip up and do the deed.

After about an hour of foreplay Ben moved on top of me, his penis hard. As he began to gyrate on top of me I knew that we were having dry sex. As Ben’s penis occasionally slipped through his boxer shorts I wanted him to take me, I didn’t even care about the consequences, not in that moment anyway. Ben took down my underwear slowly and as he lay back on top of me I felt his penis touch my vagina. He continued to thrust until it inevitably slipped in. It only went in once, but when it did it was enough to make me want to stop.

‘I’m really sorry, I think we should wait.’ I told him.

Ben didn’t once make me feel bad about it. Instead we continued to do everything else we already had done which kept us both satisfied for the time being. I knew that Ben and I were going to have sex; it just wasn’t going to be right this moment.

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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The Calm Before the Storm

Chapter 5, Part 2 of ‘LBB’ x

Six words, eighteen letters and in that moment I was the happiest girl in the World. From that day onward, Ben and I spent every waking moment together. He was my first true love. We shared our first kiss on the road where our streets met. I had kissed guys before, but nothing like this. When our lips collided it was like an explosion of happiness. I felt passion for him with every fibre of my being. This was real and this was pure. For weeks on end the two of us spent our time at the movies, down at the beach, over at the park, his place, my place... but no matter where we were it didn’t matter in the slightest so long as we were together. I had never felt an emotion that was all consuming like this was, and I was pretty sure I never would again.

To my delight, Sally hadn’t been an issue for us at all whilst she was preoccupied with Vin. We often went on double dates but generally the two couples kept their PDA separate. The straw that broke the camel’s back was about five weeks into our relationship when Sally decided to dump Vin, with no warning whatsoever might I add. After this happened of course Sally chose to revert to her old vindictive ways and in no time her jealousy regarding my affections for Ben were back with a vengeance. She would continually put Ben down, even for trivial things, and when he caught wind of this he didn’t have too many nice things to say about her either. With a rift between my boyfriend and my best friend, cracks begun to show in both relationships.

For this reason I decided to distance myself from Sally a little bit. I knew the cordial rule was that it should always be ‘hoe’s over bro’s’, but in my opinion Sally wasn’t, and never really had been, much of a friend to me in the first place. If it came to an ultimatum and I had to choose one or the other, my heart was choosing Ben and my head knew better than to argue. I played Devil’s advocate the day I decided to approach Sally to find out why she was so hell-bent on destroying my new relationship, and why she even ended hers when all seemed to be going well. She let the cat out of the bag in a big way when she admitted to me that she broke up with Vin because she was starting to develop feelings for Ben herself. Basically by her putting him down she had hoped it would drive a wedge between Ben and me so that she could swoop in and mend his broken heart, but I would have died before I let that happen. When the moment of truth came to light and Sally showed me how vindictive she really was, I decided to cut ties with her... at least for the time being.

In the meantime Ben, Vin and I became a bit more of a 'threesome’ to which I felt I had no right to complain about considering it was essentially my fault he had his heart broken. He had developed actual feelings for Sally and I should have known better than to set her up with a genuine guy. It was only ever going to end in disaster but I was selfish and I put my happiness first. Through my neglect, Sally decided she would start to hang around with one of my ex boyfriends, Jase. I dated him briefly in semester two of year eight. It was never something I thought to mention because it was over as soon as it had begun. I had become so desperate for a boyfriend that I committed to something I wasn’t even interested in. I suppose in a roundabout way it was somewhat of a revenge tactic where Scott was concerned. It didn’t work though and I was just lucky Jase didn’t hold a grudge, especially considering I got along quite well with his older Cousin, Will. But more on that later...

In the coming weeks I saw a lot more of my sister again. It seemed to be the way that whenever Sally and I were fighting, Mila would emerge back onto the scene. Understandably enough Mila didn’t feel too comfortable to be around Sally, and I’m sure to Sally the feeling was mutual. It didn’t take long for Mila and Tim to pick up where they left off, only this time it was no longer a slow burn. Not even a week had passed since my fight with Sally and the two of them had officially become an item. I couldn’t help but feel however that Mila could do a lot better than Tim. He was most definitely punching above his weight and anyone could see that. My sister was happy with her decision though and who was I to stand in her way? A few more weeks had past and Ben and I were well and truly mended, the only real issue we had was that his best friend was still completely and utterly heartbroken. For this reason Ben wanted to try and get Sally and Vin back together. I didn’t like the idea because she had hurt him once, not to mention her ulterior motive made it hard for me to trust her at all, but at the same time if this plan worked in our favour, it meant getting her off my back again. Although she was never a very nice friend, I couldn’t seem to give her up for good. She was my kryptonite.

Time and time again, Sally and I always came back together as nothing had ever happened. What surprised me the most was that she had decided she did want to give it another go with Vin. I assumed that she wasn’t quite getting what she had set out to from Jase, and she realised that there was no way she would be able to wedge her way in between Ben and me, so what option was she left with? It was a Saturday afternoon when Ben, Tim, Mila, Sally and myself congregated together and made our way toward Vin’s house. Everyone knew of the plan to set them back up, except for Vin of course. Sally swore to me that she never had any real feelings for Ben. She just liked the ‘idea’ of Ben. Whether or not that were true, you’d have to ask her. As we reached Vin’s door we allowed Ben to go up and knock whilst we all hung back on the front lawn. As Vin opened the front door to his friend, his immediate reaction was happiness. That was, until he saw her.

‘What is she doing here?’ He demanded, not even trying to mask his annoyance.

We were all a little taken back by his reaction. We all thought for sure he would want the opportunity to patch things up with her, he had been so sad.

‘Well... we’re here to hang out.’ Ben explained a little cautiously.

‘I don’t want to see her.’ Vin said angrily, acting as though Sally couldn’t hear every word.

I could tell it hurt her and so she began to walk off.

‘Sal!’ I called out before deciding to go after her.

‘Really dude?’ I heard Ben say.

‘Sal, wait up.’ I called out again.

Mila and Tim stayed with Ben and Vin whilst I chased after my friend.

‘What Bella?’ She snapped back.

‘He’s just hurting right now.’ I tried to explain.

‘Whatever, he hates me.’ She complained.

‘I’m sure he will get over it.’ I lied.

Seconds later the others came running up behind us, only Vin was nowhere to be seen.

‘Sorry Sally, I never expected him to do that.’ Ben apologized, having nothing to be sorry for.

‘It’s not your fault, it’s mine.’ She admitted to us all as we continued to walk back.

‘Just stop a minute.’ Ben said to her.

For some reason she listened to him. I swallowed hard in my throat when he initiated a hug. I knew that wouldn’t be helping the situation where her feelings for him were concerned, real or not. Although this grated at me, I chose to stay quiet about it and instead I acted as though I didn’t care at all. Who knew that this was potentially the biggest mistake I could have ever made in my whole entire life.

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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Patience is not my Virtue

Okay, so that thing happened again where life (or more so work) got in the way and I forgot to write for the past umpteen months. I actually forgot about Tumblr altogether to be honest.

I keep coming back to my life-long dream of being an Author and I swear to god... one day I will own that Oceanfront Mansion with an Infinity Pool. I just have to finish this god damn book and push for a publication and then become rich and famous and direct movies in Hollywood... well, no harm in dreaming big right?

This is Chapter 5, Part 1 of ‘Little Black Book’.

Following my introduction to both Ben and Tim, the three of us had become almost inseparable for weeks. Sadly things hadn’t escalated between Ben and me however, not like I had hoped anyway, but I was happy that we were starting to form a friendship because it still pathed the way for something more. As for Tim, he was nothing at all like Ben. I couldn’t quite work out how the two of them had even become friends. They both went to the same school, so they had that in common, but Tim was a little airy-fairy and never quite 'present’ a lot of the time. He always seemed to live in his own world. Whereas Ben appeared to have his head screwed on, well enough for a fourteen year old anyway. Tim was a little older than Ben, but not by much, and he was tall with short mousy brown hair and light brown eyes. He came from a family similar to mine where his mum was an alcoholic and his dad was a bogan. Not that my dad was a bogan, but my mother was certainly an alcoholic.

Ben on the other hand seemed to have a normal family, only they were much stricter with him than what myself or Tim were used to with our own parents. I got along well with Tim because it was almost as though we understood each other in the sense we had similar family backgrounds. I started looking up to him like he were a big brother, which was kind of nice because I had always wanted one. My developing relationship with both Ben and Tim caused me to neglect Sally because I knew of her jealous streak and I could already tell she didn’t support my feelings for Ben. I think she knew that if those feelings were reciprocated, he would take her place. This meant I invited Mila over a lot more often which in turn caused her to become somewhat acquainted with Tim. Unfortunately I learned first hand that you can’t push away your demons forever.

One afternoon when the four of us were spending time together down at the park, Sally had decided to seek me out. I mentioned earlier that Sally wasn’t afraid of a little confrontation... When she found us she screamed at me for being a bad friend and embarrassed me in front of everyone. This resulted in a small argument that barely lasted a day, but I knew that Sal was struggling to handle the fact that she wasn’t the centre of my Universe anymore. After our argument had diffused, Sally integrated back into the group and our social circle began to grow a little bigger. Before long Reese joined and then not too long after that, Ben brought in a new friend of his own called Vin. In the meantime I was patiently waiting for Ben to make a move on me. I could still feel that chemistry between us and I was almost certain that he could feel it too. He was never short of a compliment toward me and the way we got along was different to any way I had gotten on with another guy before. As time went on and nothing progressed I decided to confide in my new big bro.

‘So what’s the deal with Ben?’ I pressed.

Tim instantly smirked at my remark, as though he knew this conversation was inevitable.

‘In terms of him liking you?’ Tim guessed.

‘Yeah.’ I admitted a little shyly.

‘You see Bella, Benny is in a bit of a bind at the moment.’

There was clearly a story behind that statement. Suddenly I began to panic. What was I about to learn about the guy I had been crushing on for the past few weeks?

‘Before meeting you, Ben had a thing for this chick at our school,’ Tim explained, ‘but she didn’t like him back.’

Great, another girl, I thought to myself.

‘Okay.’ I managed, less than thrilled.

‘However, just in the past couple of weeks this particular chick has started showing an interest towards Ben.’ Tim went on.

This story was not getting any better. I wanted to gouge my hair out I was that frustrated.

‘Great.’ I said, unable to hide my disappointment.

‘I haven’t finished.’ Tim smiled.

Oh? I thought to myself once more.

‘He’s a little bit torn about what to do because although he likes her, he really likes you.’

Words I had been wanting to hear since laying eyes upon the kid. Unfortunately it came with a bit more baggage than I liked though.

‘Do you know what he’s intending to do?’ I had to know.

Tim shook his head.

‘Sorry Bella.’

I felt like I had just taken one step forward and two steps back. This other girl had an advantage over me because they went to the same school. I couldn’t compete with that.

I of course made the mistake of venting to Sally about my current predicament and this did not go down well with her. Her entire attitude towards me changed and she really didn’t like the fact that someone was finally interested in me over her. She became very possessive over me and wanted to take up all of my time so that there was none left for Ben. Not to mention when we did hang out all she would do was complain about Ben, almost picking at faults that weren’t even there just to try and diminish my opinion of him. The next time I caught up with Ben I knew that we had to have a conversation. In my eyes the only people standing in the way of our happiness was Sally, and this rando from his school.

‘So a little birdy told me that you have a crush.’ I decided to tease.

Ben went bright red and suddenly I realized he may have thought I was talking about myself.

‘On a girl at your school.’ I quickly corrected.

Ben let out a sigh of relief.

‘Oh.’ He said barely.

‘What’s her name?’ I asked curiously.

‘Jane.’ Was his reply.

Such a vanilla name, I hated her already.

‘I don’t like her though. I mean I did, but I don’t know anymore.’ He tried to explain.

‘Oh… why’s that?’ I tried to play dumb.

Ben went silent for a moment.

‘I may have feelings for someone else.’ He admitted to me.

My heart skipped a beat and I tried to contain my grin, but I’m pretty sure I was failing miserably.

‘I see.’ I smiled shyly, wondering if he was about to kiss me.

When I realized that wasn’t going to happen I felt it necessary to bring up our next speed bump.

‘We need to talk about Sal,’ I started, ‘she’s, I guess you can say, jealous… of our friendship.’ I informed him.

Ben took a second to process my sentence.

‘Why would she be jealous?’ He wondered.

I shrug my shoulders.

‘I feel like we may need to set her up with someone. It may be the only way she will get off my back.’ I said.

Immediately Ben’s best friend popped into mind. Vin was another one of Ben and Tim’s mates’ from school. He was attractive enough for Sally to even consider going there, and he also seemed to sport that dark and brooding vibe she seemed to like in a guy.

It was a Saturday afternoon when Ben and I decided to set up our friends. I had mentioned to Sally that everyone wanted to hang out that day, but I did fail to mention the part about it being a set up. I knew that if Sally knew what it was, she would never go for it out of pure spite. I was unsure though if Ben had told Vin why we were meeting up. At the same time I had a stroke of genius and decided to invite Renee and Tim along, just as a bit a buffer but also to see if any sparks were likely to fly between the two of them as it seemed to be a slow burn between he and my sister and I was unsure if that was ever going to escalate. The three of us girls got together at my house first before making our way down to the park where we were to meet up with the boys. Tim’s house was on our way so we collected him and then made our congregation. After the pleasantries were out of the way we somewhat all grouped off and got acquainted with each other further. As hours began to pass I decided to try and work my magic on Reese as somewhat of a practice run before I had to tackle the real thing.

‘Just out of pure curiosity, what do you think of Tim?’ I asked slyly.

Renee scrunched up her face and I already knew that was not a good sign.

‘He’s not really my type.’ She admitted to me.

I had to be honest with her.

‘Oh, I don’t blame you.’ We both laughed in unison.

I did like the kid but he was not all there at the best of times.

After that epic fail I tried a different approach and started with Vin before debriefing with Sal. Ben, Vin and I sat up on the playground while the other three chatted by the swings.

‘Any thoughts man?’ Ben asked his friend.

‘About what?’ Was Vin’s response.

I knew he knew what Ben was talking about, he was just playing coy.

‘Sally.’ I chimed in impatiently.

Vin didn’t answer straight away.

‘Yeah she’s alright.’ He finally admitted.

Ben’s eyes met with mine and I could see a smile forming behind them.

‘Would you wanna hang out with her more… say one on one?’ I pushed.

Once again Vin didn’t answer immediately. He liked to keep us guessing with his monosyllabic personality.

‘I barely even know her.’ He responded.

I laughed.

‘That’s the whole point of hanging out more.’ I joked, hoping not to push him too hard.

It felt like minutes had passed by before he gave his final response.

‘Yeah, alright.’

I had to contain my inner squeal but I definitely couldn’t control the smile on my face. I could not wait for the first time I’d feel Ben’s lips on mine. Feel his embrace. Be in love.

‘Awesome, I’m gonna go tell her!’ I said blissfully before heading off towards the others with a certain spring in my step.

When I met up with the other three, Tim wisely took the hint and went back to join the boys.

‘So I’ve got some goss.’

Both of the girls eyes were glued to me, hanging on my every word.

‘Vin’s keen to hang out with you.’ I told Sally excitedly, hoping this wasn’t about to backfire.

Sally looked at me as though she thought I was bluffing.

‘I’m being serious.’ I promised.

‘Why?’ She wondered, as though there were an ulterior motive to everything.

Even though there was in this instance..

‘What do you mean why?’ I laughed.

‘Why would he like me?’ She asked in a self deprecating way.

‘Are you being serious?’ I said impatiently.

Renee stayed silent. Sally was not about to ruin this for me by being a drama queen.

‘Have you seen yourself?’ I asked her, trying my very hardest to butter the bitch up.

Sally smiled, I knew that compliments were the way to her heart. Or ego.

‘You’re amazing; he’d be an idiot not to hang out with you.’

You catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar.

It didn’t take too much convincing before Sally caved. Now that all the wheels had been put in motion, I just had to wait.

As the sun began to set on the day we all decided to start making our way back to my place before heading our separate ways. Ben and I took the lead whilst Vin and Sal trailed closely behind us. I couldn’t help but feel bad for Reese being stuck right at the back with Tim, but she was a good friend and she knew how to take one for the team. As I glanced behind me I couldn’t help but notice that Vin and Sal were holding hands. I nudged Ben.

‘Wow. I can’t believe it worked.’ He said proudly.

‘Me either actually.’ I admitted to him.

Awkward silence began to intrude on our conversation. Not to mention my heart would not stop racing in my chest and I felt as though everyone could hear it! I knew that if I didn’t say something now then we could be doing this same dance for months to come.

‘Have you thought anymore about your current situation?’ I pried.

Ben took a page out of Vin’s book and didn’t answer me straight away. I was dying inside.

‘Not really.’ He answered finally.

Such a typical male response.

‘Well, we took care of one issue so there’s really only one more standing in the way.’ I mentioned.

‘She’s not standing in the way Bella.’ He told me.

It took a second to process what that meant.

‘What does that mean then?’ I had to know immediately, but Ben stayed quiet for a little while longer.

‘Is there anything else standing in the way?’ I wondered.

Had I missed something? Maybe he legitimately wasn’t into me.

‘I guess... not.’ He admitted.

I didn’t think that my heart could pound any harder but it was proving me wrong with each beat.

‘I’ve actually been meaning to ask you something important.’ He told me, the suspense growing profoundly.

‘Ask me now.’ I pushed.

Apparently patience was not one of my virtues.

‘Will you…. Go out with me?’

Oh, my, god! Breathe Bella.

I could not believe after four weeks, two days and fourteen hours I had finally heard the words I was dying to hear come from his mouth since the first day I saw him get on my bus. My smile was too forceful to contain and I let out this really embarrassing yelp that I wished I could take back immediately. Ben smiled, flattered by my reaction.

‘Yes. Of course I will.’

I had just become the happiest girl in the world!

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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Gut Instinct

Chapter Four of ‘Little Black Book’.

I was grounded for a couple of weeks after that night, confined to the four walls of my bedroom, feeling nothing other than sorry for myself. I was somewhat lucky that I could still see my friends at school, but mum made a point of picking me up at 3:15 every single day to make sure that I couldn’t go anywhere. A couple of days after meeting Joe, Sally had told me that they were a couple. I had no idea how she was managing to keep her real identity a secret, she even had her entire family playing along.

That next Friday night I was in my room watching TV when I could hear loud whispering outside of my window. I put the TV on mute, wondering who was creeping so close to our house that I could literally hear them from my bed. I crept over to my window to see if I could hear them any better, and I could have sworn I heard someone say Sarah. In that moment an unexpected tap on my window startled me enough to jump back. After the initial shock, this prompted me to move the curtain slightly in order to peek out. I was surprised to see Joe and Anthony standing right there in plain sight.

‘What the hell?’ I said to myself, letting go of the curtain and heading out of my room toward the front door.

It was about 11pm and luckily both my mum and brother were in bed. When I opened my bedroom door however, I was shocked to see mum standing in her own door way. Her room was down the hall but directly opposite mine.

‘Who is knocking on your window Bella?’ She questioned with that same fury in her eyes.

How did she possibly hear that?

‘It’s Joe and Anthony; can I please see what they want?’ I asked knowing full well that I was pressing my luck.

I had told mum a little bit about the boys after that night so it’s not like their names were strangers to her ears. Mum didn’t say anything, all she did was turn around and shut the door behind her. So I took that as a yes. When I opened the front door both Joe and Anthony were making their way up the front steps.

‘Hey Sarah.’ Joe greeted politely as he gave me a hug.

It felt good. As soon as he let go I was left susceptible to the freezing cold air. I folded my arms to try and keep warm. I was wearing red short-shorts and a blue Winnie the Pooh T-Shirt. I had a Winnie the Pooh T-Shirt because I was thirteen… most definitely not sixteen!

‘Hi Anthony.’ I greeted.

He stood awkwardly behind Joe as though he were shy or something.

‘Hi.’ He replied softly, almost like he really didn’t want to be there.

‘What are you guys doing here?’ I wondered.

‘Bonnie said you were grounded, we felt bad for you.’ Joe explained.

It was kind of sweet, but he being at my door at 11 o’ clock at night wasn’t helping the situation. I smiled at him.

‘Yeah, sucks.’

‘I’m sorry if we got you into trouble.’ Joe apologized sincerely.

‘It’s okay; it’s not your fault. Although I can’t stay here for too long, my mum knows you’re here so I’m pretty sure she’s pissed off at me again.’

‘Okay we won’t stay; I don’t want you getting into anymore trouble.’

Anthony remained quiet.

‘How long are you grounded for?’ Joe added.

I shrug my shoulders.

‘A couple weeks.’ I guessed.

Mum didn’t ground me often and somehow I didn’t think it would stick.

‘Lame. We’ll catch up soon?’ Joe hoped.

‘Sure.’ I replied while the boys took the hint and headed back down the steps.

They both said goodbye unanimously. I went back inside and shut out the cold air.

The next morning the phone rang and to my surprise Sal was on the other end. I thought that whatever she was calling about must have been important because she knew that I was grounded, and that meant from the phone too. Mum generously let me talk to her but warned me not to be long.

‘Hello?’ I answered, even though I knew who it was.

‘Hi.’ She replied in a certain tone that led me to more suspicion.

‘What’s up?’ I wondered.

‘I have something important to tell you,’ she went on, ‘I had a visit from Anthony last night.’

I momentarily cut in.

‘Yeah, the boys stopped by my place last night too.’

‘I know, this was much later and Joe wasn’t with him,’ she continued to explain; ‘He really likes you Bella.’

I stood a little limp for a minute, trying to process that information. That must have been why he was being so awkward the night before.

‘Eww?’ I responded.

Sally Laughed.

‘Oh that’s not all… apparently Joe told Anthony that he had planned to get one of us into bed...’

‘What?’ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Always go with your first impression, it’s a result of a gut instinct.

‘What are you going to do?’ I asked.

‘I already spoke to him this morning. We broke up.’ She told me.

I was still surprised to hear about the turning of events. Although I was getting a vibe off Joe that indicated he was also into me.

‘Good,’ I admitted, ‘I mean if he had succeeded he could have gone to jail.’

‘I know.’

‘So what did he say?’ I wondered.

‘He kind of just laughed at me.’ She explained.

What a weirdo.

‘He laughed at you?’

‘Yeah…’

‘Did you tell him I want nothing to do with him?’ I asked.

‘Yeah, I made sure he knew not to bother you as well. I figured you would feel that way when I told you.’

‘Okay. Thank you.’

‘I should probably let you go, how much longer are you grounded for?’ She wondered.

‘I dunno, hopefully mum gets over it soon. I can already tell she’s starting to cave.’

Sally laughed once more.

‘Okay, I’ll see you at school on Monday.’

‘Sounds good. Bye.’

As I hung up the phone I began to process what Sal had just told me. I hoped that Anthony wasn’t going to be making any more surprise visits to her house, or mine for that matter. He was so far from my type it’s not even funny. So just like that, all in an instant, it was the end of Joe and Anthony and, to my immediate relief, the end of Bonnie and Sarah.

My grounding was lifted a few days after my phone call with Sally, advising me that Joe had turned out to be a typical ass hat dropkick dole-bludger. I was so relieved that I had gotten my life back. You don’t realize how much freedom you actually have until you have four walls surrounding you and you go stir crazy enough to start having conversations with stuffed animals. All punishment aside, one regular boring robotic morning I got ready for school and made my way down to the bus stop. Sally wasn’t able to catch the bus that day because she had an appointment before school, and although we didn’t speak often, Sam always seemed to be on the bus which was good in particular cases like this when I didn’t have to feel like a loner. When I approached the bus stop something caught my eye, other than Sam’s terrible taste in fashion. There was a young guy waiting for the bus, a guy I had never seen waiting for the bus before, and for some reason I had this immediate attraction towards him. I had no idea if he felt it too, but there was something about him that I couldn’t put my finger on. It were as though I just knew he was meant to be in my life somehow.

He was attractive of course, looked about my age… Dark hair, dark eyes, slicked back hair. He looked very sharp in his suit and tie and my first thought was, where is he going and why wouldn’t he be in school? I didn’t think he would be going for a job interview if he was only thirteen, you can’t legally start working until fourteen and a half. Perhaps he was older after all. When our bus pulled in I couldn’t help but be thankful this boy was getting onto the same one as Sam and I. He took his seat first so he sat towards the middle of the bus. I was behind Sam and low and behold she conveniently picked the seat directly behind this boy. I tried to look at him without staring but our eyes met a couple of times and we did the awkward, ‘pretend I didn’t see you looking at me’ dance.

‘Damn he’s sexy.’ Sam tried to whisper.

I had a feeling she was checking him out too. Anyone would have thought this boy was good looking; he just had this sex appeal about him. I looked over at Sam with a concerned glance. I couldn’t believe she had said that, he would have most definitely heard it.

‘What?’ She asked innocently, ‘don’t you think he’s sexy?’ She said once more, this time much louder.

My face turned bright red and I was so thankful he was in front of us and unable to see my reaction.

‘I don’t know,’ I lied, ‘I don’t know him.’

I tried to change the subject but somehow Sam continued to bring it back to him.

‘I don’t want to go to school now.’ She joked, alluding to the fact she wanted to follow this guy to his destination. Or perhaps the better word for it is stalk.

I was somewhat thankful when our bus pulled into the stop just before our school. We got off before the boy and I stupidly turned back to glance at him one more time. In that moment our eyes met again and I felt the attraction from his end too. That entire day all I could do was daydream about ‘the boy from the bus’. I had no idea what the point was, I felt as though it was a lost cause because I wasn’t likely to see him again... unless of course he was on the bus the next day which I only hoped were the case. The next day at school Sally was able to catch the bus with us again I knew that she was hoping the boy would be waiting there one more time so that she could see what all the fuss was about. I had literally not stopped talking about him since the morning prior. To my internal delight the boy was waiting at the stop once again, and might I add, still looking as gorgeous as ever.

‘You’re totally right, he’s a hottie.’ Sally agreed.

The boy sat in front of us again so typically all we did was talk about him once more behind is back, only we were a bit further behind him this time so we were able to be discrete about it. I hated myself for the fact I wasn’t confident enough to go up and introduce myself to him. I felt as though I was letting an opportunity pass me by. I let a whole new day at school drag past while my heart lingered for this boy I didn’t even know. It was starting to make me feel depressed that I wanted something so badly that I knew I may never have.

That day after school Sally was over at my place. When I heard a knock at my front door I looked at her with a puzzled expression because I wasn’t expecting anybody else. Mum and Gale were out so I got off my bed and made my way toward the front door while Sal trailed close behind. When I opened the door I was a little surprised to see Sam standing there.

‘Umm, hi...’ I said a little more rudely than I intended.

‘Hey!’ She responded with a cheeky grin plastered across her face.

What was she up to?

‘Do you want to come down to the park?’ She asked us.

I wasn’t really keen. Sam and I weren’t the closest of friends and she had never stopped by for a surprise visit before so I wasn’t too sure why she was so eager to hang out all of a sudden.

‘Why?’ Is the only word that came out of my mouth before I had the opportunity to think before I spoke.

‘Well… you know that really hot guy from the bus?’ She prodded.

My stomach dropped. Oh my god.

‘Yeah...’ I barely managed, kind of already knowing what she was about to say.

‘He’s outside.’

They were two words I never thought I’d hear in a million years.

‘What?’ I demanded, while Sal stayed quiet behind me.

I didn’t really believe her until she stood aside and I saw him for myself. The boy from the bus was definitely outside of my house. He had a friend with him at the time and he looked so different in casual clothes. Still scorching hot though.

‘Can you give us five minutes?’ I asked Sam, more so rhetorically than anything.

‘Yeah sure, we’ll see you down there.’

I had absolutely no idea how this was even possible but I needed time to prepare. I ran back toward my room squealing at the top of my lungs. I surprised myself at how excited I was about this. I touched up my mascara and applied a brown lip gloss before putting on a blue hoodie and prancing out the door, Sally on side.

As we reached the park my heart began to race hard in my chest. Sal and I approached Sam and the boys and the kid was just breaking my heart with how hot he was. I wanted him so badly, more than I had wanted anything else in my life.

‘Hi.’ Sam greeted first before turning to the boys for an introduction.

The boy from the bus spoke as I stood there nervously.

‘Hey, I’m Ben and this is my friend Tim.’ The boy from the bus had a name.

I didn’t give a shit about Tim; all I could see was Ben. Sally and Sam didn’t even exist to me right now.

‘I’m Bella and this is Sally.’ I introduced us before Sally had the opportunity to lie about our names again.

I knew for a fact this boy was one that I didn’t want to lie to.

Ben’s smile melted my soul. This truly started to make me believe in love at first sight.

‘So how did this even happen?’ I joked, looking at both Ben and Sam for an answer.

Ben stood there and laughed to himself quietly and let Sam explain.

‘Well when you guys walked home today I still caught the bus and Ben was on it, so I sat next to him and we got to talking.’

I was envious of her confidence.

‘Oh.’ Was all I could really say.

The silence became momentarily awkward.

‘Anyway I’ve gotta go.’ Sam advised us all ever so casually.

I thought it was weird considering we had literally just gotten there.

‘What, why?’ I demanded.

I really didn’t care.

‘I’ve just gotta be home for dinner, but I’ll come back out after.’

I shrugged my shoulders and let her go on her merry way. She said goodbye to the group and the four of us were left standing there wondering what to do. Sam, whilst a little weird, was also our buffer.

‘She’s strange.’ I joked to the two of them.

Sal and Tim stayed awfully quiet.

After about half an hour down at the park getting somewhat acquainted, we decided not to wait for Sam and instead made our way back toward my house. Soon after we arrived Tim had to go home for dinner so all that were left was me, Sal and Ben. I kind of wanted to be alone with Ben to see if there was a romantic connection between us, which I could already feel on my end, but I knew that there would be no way Sally would leave before Ben. She would want to debrief on the entire afternoon.

Mum came home around 8pm, drunk off her face. Luckily she wasn’t angry drunk, she was friendly drunk so her and Ben got off on a good foot. Awkwardly he was wearing a Soccer jersey and mum hated Soccer. Ben then did the cutest thing and decided to go home and change his shirt before returning 10 minutes later. Like I already didn’t like him enough before he did that. I was surprised to learn that Ben only lived a block away from my house. This whole time someone like that was only sleeping about 10 houses from mine, it was almost hard to believe. At around 11 o’ clock Ben called it a night. He lived with his mum and his step dad, both of whom were quite strict so seeing it was a weeknight he couldn’t stay out much later than that. I learned that he was doing work experience for the week, hence the outfit and the bus every day.

Ben went to St. Rhices High school which was only about 15 minutes drive from my school. It was also the same school where Sally, Joe and I attempted to use their pool that night. I enjoyed the fact that I liked a boy from another school; the whole idea of it was edgy and mysterious. When we said goodnight I felt as though I could have spent hours more talking to him and getting to know him but something was telling me there would be plenty of time for that. Just before Sally went home for the night she did ask me what I thought though, and my response….? I think I’m in love.

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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#feels

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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Alias

Chapter 3, Part 2 of “Little Black Book".

****

The next weekend Sally invited me over to try on some of her clothes. We wanted to get somewhat glammed up before attempting to visit Joe again. After speaking about it constantly all week at school I began to get used to the idea... and after a few sips from a bottle of Lemon Rusky, I was feeling confident! I had chosen to wear long dark-blue pants with one of Sally’s pink low-cut tops, which sparkled in all the right places. I wore minimal make-up but just enough to widen the eyes and brighten the lips. My hair was naturally wavy so I didn’t need to put in much effort there. As Sal and I arrived at Joe’s there was a light on inside the house indicating that someone was home this time. Sally knocked on the front door and an overwhelming feeling of deja-vu showered me. My heart raced hard in my chest.

When Joe opened the door he didn’t look like how I remembered. He still didn’t know what a pair of shoes were, but it appeared as though he had scrubbed up in the sense that he had clearly showered, and also shaven his terribly overgrown facial hair.

‘Ladies!’ He greeted enthusiastically.

Sally let out a flirtatious laugh while I tried to force a smile. I couldn’t help the bad thoughts that were intent on invading my head-space.

‘Hi Joe.’ Sally greeted back.

‘Come in, come in.’ He invited.

Sally went first and I followed closely behind. Joe held the door open until we were both well inside the hall way. I noticed he had a friend sitting on the couch who seemed too lazy to turn back and look at us.

‘Apologies, what were your names again?’ Joe asked as he walked back past and gestured the two of us towards the lounge room.

I waited for Sally to respond.

‘Bonnie.’ She lied.

Sal and I were obsessed with the movie “The Craft”. Her favourite was Bonnie and mine was Sarah. It was nice to not have the same favourite character in a movie, it minimized the conflict. I was surprised that Sally had lied to him but I assumed there must have been a reason for it. Maybe she didn’t trust him as much as I thought she did.

‘I’m Sarah.’

Sally headed over to a single chair in the corner of the lounge room and I sat right next to her on the three-seater. Joe’s friend was across from us on the other single chair.

‘Hello.’ He greeted finally.

Joe’s friend looked weird. His head was shaved almost two lengths too short for his head shape, and he had an unfortunate lazy eye. He also seemed very out of it, as though he were high on something.

‘I’m Anthony.’ He went on.

‘This is Bonnie and Sarah.’ Joe introduced as though Anthony wouldn’t have heard us say it at the door anyway. It felt weird hearing those names though.

‘So what do you ladies want to do tonight?’ Joe asked.

I hadn’t given any thought past knocking on Joe’s front door. Apparently Sally had her own ideas however...

‘I was thinking we head down to St. Rhices High School and borrow their swimming pool if you know what I mean?’

Sally and I had done it before. I had completely forgotten about it until she was bringing it up now. The school had a fence around its pool but was very easy to climb over.

‘Rebel, I love it.’ Joe teased.

Sally looked pleased with herself.

‘I’m going to go get dressed, Anthony be nice while I’m gone.’ Joe warned.

‘I’m always nice.’ Anthony defended as he began to roll a cigarette.

I assume the boys were trying to throw off a witty-banter vibe but they weren’t really selling it.

‘Do you smoke?’ Anthony asked, not generalized at either one of us.

‘No thank you.’ I replied almost too quickly.

‘I do but I’m fine for now.’ Sally added.

I had no idea she even smoked cigarettes.

‘Ready?’

I couldn’t believe how quickly Joe had gotten changed, I envied that about men. I was happy he had managed a pair of thongs at least.

‘You coming man?’ Joe asked Anthony as Sally and I stood up and made our way toward the door.

‘Nah I’ve gotta babysit remember?’

I shot Sal a concerned look. Who the hell would get that guy to babysit their child? Who knows what was in the joint he had just rolled.

As the four of us left the house, Anthony went his own separate way whilst Sally, Joe and I headed toward the school. The more time I spent with Joe the more comfortable I became around him and before long my bad thoughts begun to fade away. He was still a bit of a dero. I knew he and Anthony definitely weren’t the working type, the two of them had dole-bludger written all over them, but I wasn’t about to marry the guy so what did it really matter? When we reached the school the three of us looked around for something to aid us in climbing over the fence to the pool. It was a lot higher than what I remembered. I couldn’t believe our luck when Joe just so happened to find a small ladder.

‘Ladies first.’ He offered as he placed the ladder up against the fence.

I took his hand as I stepped up. With one swift movement I was over to the other side with no dramas. The pool looked so inviting. Its crystal blue water was calling out to me and I couldn’t wait to jump in. I could hear chatter going on over the other side of the fence and I was curious to know what the hold up was.

‘What’s going on?’ I yelled out.

It took a second for one of them to respond to me.

‘This ladder is really unsteady.’ Sally whined.

‘Don’t be a baby!’ I teased.

This was her idea.

‘Can we go somewhere else?’ She asked.

I was surprised at how much of a wuss she was being.

‘No it’s easy, just climb over.’ I argued.

I had seen that pool and I was not willing to leave it now. Sally stepped up on the ladder again only this time I heard a loud crack. Sally let out a little squeal.

‘I’m not doing it. Let’s go to the beach instead.’

I was momentarily pissed off but I figured the beach was the next best option and we weren’t too far from it. We also weren’t breaking the law so that was a plus. I hopped back over the fence and Joe caught me as I landed. When we approached the Ocean water, Sally ran in fully clothed. I had a feeling she was trying to show off in order to get Joe’s attention, and it worked because he ran in behind her laughing at her madness. I took my pants off and followed suit, I was not keen for an uncomfortable walk home in soaking wet clothes. The water was a little colder than I would have liked. It was nearing the end of Autumn so Winter wasn’t far off. Not exactly beach weather but you’re only young once. It didn’t take long before I began to feel like a bit of a third-wheel. Sally and Joe were splashing each other playfully before he begun to put her over his shoulder and throw her into the water like they were some in-love couple just frolicking about.

On the walk home Sally had strategically let Joe gain some ground in front of the two of us so that she could hang back and get my advice on something.

‘I think I like him Bella.’ She admitted to me.

The smirk on my face was hard to hide.

‘What?’ She pressed.

‘You think that I didn’t pick up on that already?’ I teased.

She smiled shyly.

‘You know he likes you too right?’

‘No he doesn’t.’ She argued back in a self-deprecating fashion.

‘He does, I can tell.’ I promised.

She went silent for a minute.

‘Do you think you could go up and ask him?’

The desperation in her voice broke my heart. He didn’t even know her real name.

‘Of course.’ I said willingly before jogging off in front.

‘Wait up.’ I called out to Joe who was further in front of us than I thought.

Joe slowed down for me and as I reached him, he put his arm around my shoulder. This isn’t going to look good, I thought to myself.

‘What’s up babe?’ Joe asked coyly.

‘Judging from the look on your face I think you might already know.’ I wondered.

‘Haha.’

He actually said the words Ha ha.

‘So?’

‘So what?’

This was about to get old fast.

‘Would you want to hang out with Sal some more?’ I asked him in a round-about way.

‘Absolutely!’

After that moment I was officially a third wheel. For the rest of the way home the two of them held hands as though they were boyfriend and girlfriend. I had to keep reminding myself that not only did Joe think that Sally’s name was Bonnie, he also thought she was sixteen…and she most certainly was not.

As the three of us reached my house I said goodbye and left the two of them to do whatever they were bound to do as soon as they had a moment alone. I momentarily freaked out over the fact that I had no idea what the time was. The last thing I told my mum was that Sally and I were going to her friend’s house for a few hours. I knew for a fact that it had to have been longer than that. I didn’t have a phone or a watch so I could only assume it was about 10:30. I entered the key into the lock and turned it cautiously, trying to be as quiet as humanly possible. I thought that if mum was asleep in bed and it was later than I anticipated, I would be safe anyway because she would never know. I shut the door slowly without making a sound and crept over to the clock on the wall. My heart dropped into my stomach when I saw that it read 12 midnight. I was dead. In that very moment the lounge room light switched on and I turned to see mum standing in the doorway with a horrified look on her face. Shit!

‘What time do you call this Bella?’ She asked rhetorically.

‘I’m so sorry mum I had no idea it was that late.’ I promised genuinely.

‘Don’t lie to me.’ She accused.

‘I’m not.’

Mum’s eyes looked at me doubtfully.

‘Where were you?’ She demanded.

I took a second for me to answer because I didn’t want to lie, but at the same time I was worried that the truth wouldn’t do me any favours either. What Sally and I had done - it was dangerous.

‘I was at Sally’s friend’s house.’ I lied.

‘This whole time?’ Mum continued to question.

She wasn’t about to let this go in a hurry.

‘Yes.’

‘You’re lying.’ She accused.

I was.

‘You mean to tell me there were no clocks in this friend’s house?’ She interrogated.

‘We just lost track of time.’ I admitted.

That part was true.

‘What did I say to you before you left?’ She asked me.

I had to think about it for a second.

‘To come home at a decent time?’ I assumed that’s what she meant.

‘And what time do you call this?’

I didn’t answer her. I was getting nowhere with my responses anyway.

‘And what are you wearing? You look like a slut!’

Those words hurt.

‘They’re Sally’s’ I told her, becoming more and more upset by the second.

‘Why do you want to dress like her Bella, it’s not you.’

I felt as though the conversation was becoming irrelevant. Whenever I was in trouble my mum would go off on a tangent and almost find things to say to purposely hurt me.

‘So how should I punish you?’

Dumbest question ever. Why would I come up for a punishment for myself? I remained quiet but I don’t think it helped my cause.

‘Well?’ She pressed.

I looked up at her and noticed the fury behind her eyes. She was really mad.

‘I don’t know.’ I answered softly.

‘It’s like talking to a brick wall. Get your ass to bed, you’re grounded for a month.’

I made my way toward the entry way where she was standing and as I walked past I couldn’t help but tense up knowing that there was every possibility she was about to physically hurt me. I made it past her safely and let out a sigh of relief as I reached the serenity of my bedroom.

‘Wake up your brother and I double it.’ She warned.

As I got to my bedroom I prayed to god that my brother didn’t come out of his room to see what all the fuss was about.

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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Bad Influence

It’s been a while since I shared a piece of ‘Little Black Book’ so this is a look into Chapter 3. Hopefully one day I can publish this bad boy and you’ll all be reading it on paperback! x

I’ve discovered that the anticipation of something bad happening is actually worse than the bad thing that’s actually happening, and I got to learn that first hand when waiting for mum to be tried in court. I was so thankful when I heard that the Judge was lenient toward the case seeing as though what she had done, she had done to protect her child. Even though she had broken the law and done a bad thing, the Judge and Jury could see that she was trying to stick up for her son when her temper unfortunately got the better of her. Of course a restraining order was placed against mum’s name, which made things hard considering we lived down the street from the victim. Mum also had to complete one hundred hours of community service for her crime, she didn’t get off completely Scot-free by any means.

With my home-life turning into a gigantic soap opera, school wasn’t really the biggest issue for me anymore. Time was passing by quite fast and I had grown accustomed to my group of friends. So much so that I had almost become comfortable with my social status. That’s not to say I wouldn’t have given anything to change it back into the familiarity that was being popular, but things were different now and I was starting to accept that. As the second term came to a close I was excited to have the break from school work more than anything else. I was a good student, always had been. Even though I didn’t care too much about what I was learning I had always been a fast learner and I guess somewhat of a teacher’s pet. I always did what I was told and would never argue back, confrontation was not a part of my nature. It was very rare for me to even see a grade C or below on my report card. If there was a C it was generally given to me for Woodwork or P.E. I had gotten to a point where I felt as though I needed a break from being the best at everything. I had this urge to do something naughty, to revel in my bad side if such a side existed. Have you ever heard of the expression, be careful what you wish for? It was only a couple of days into the school break when I received an interesting letter in the mail....

Back in primary school I had another friend whom I neglected to mention for a few different reasons. Her name was Sally and she had started at Xamill Primary a year after I did. Sally was really quite pretty but then again I had never seen her without a thick film of make up on her face. She wasn’t entirely thin but she had a certain curvature about her that drove the boys crazy. Let’s just say her ‘milkshake’s’ brought the boys to the yard. She wore her hair short, straight and black and she had really enchanting deep brown eyes which were illuminated even more by her dark eyeliner. Having that Queen Bee status in Primary School meant I was the first person to take Sally under my wing. I’m generally a good judge of character and there was something about her that drew me in. I learnt a lot from Sally during our friendship, more than I had ever learnt from my mum during our awkward birds and bee’s chats, or Sex-ed at school. Sally knew things. Oh, I mentioned my primary school crush dating two of my friends, Sally was one of them. It pained me to see the two of them together but I was never in a position to speak up about it. Randie was the most popular guy in our grade so stereo-typically he should have been with me, only I knew that if I caused any kind of confrontation, I was at risk of losing my popular status to Sally, and I would have died before I let that happen.

Around the time the two of them were a couple, my sister and I were hanging out a bit more so she was often around at mum’s house. My sister is two years older than me and for some reason older women tend to appeal to younger boys. Mila was beautiful. I had always been jealous of Mila because she was born prettier. She was thin, tan and had gorgeous long brown hair. Sometimes I didn’t even believe that she was my sister because the two of us looked nothing alike. I was her polar opposite. She had tan skin, I was pale. She had dark brown eyes, I had crystal blue. She had beautiful long thick hair and mine would never grow past my shoulders. I remember the day I caught Randie cheating on Sally with Mila. I was put in an awkward situation because Sally was my best friend and I owed it to her to tell her what I knew, but then Mila was my sister and I knew it would cause complications. It just so happened that Randie decided he didn’t want to be tied down to a relationship anyway, so he broke up with Sally and unfortunately for Mila and me, he decided to be honest about why. In any event that ruined our friendship. It wasn’t me who had betrayed Sally personally, but she couldn’t be around me knowing what my sister had done so she left the school before our final year.

I hadn’t heard from her since that day, which is why I was surprised to find that she had written me a letter. The letter read:

‘Dear Bella. I wanted to write to you so that I could apologise for not speaking to you over these past two years. I want you to know that I don’t blame you for what happened with Randie, I don’t even blame your sister anymore. The two of us had an amazing friendship and I really miss your company. I hope that you can forgive me and that we can be friends again someday. If you feel the same way, you know where I live. Luv, Sal.’

I knew before even finishing the letter that I was going to forgive my old friend. I had wished for a little bit of excitement in my life and this was most definitely a sign from the big man upstairs.

For the duration of the School holidays there wasn’t one moment that Sally and I spent apart. If I wasn’t at her place, she was at mine and it felt good to have her back in my life. After two weeks of rehashing the past, Sally began to flirt with the idea of transferring to Varlem Tophett High. I felt as though if she came to my school it was bound to be the answer to all of my problems. Sally was popular in her own right and whilst I wasn’t a confrontational person, she was, so I knew that Millee and her bitch friends wouldn’t be bothering me again anytime soon.

The transfer ended up happening much faster than I anticipated and Sally was at my school before week two commenced. She and Renee picked up where they left off too and Sally also wasted no time making friends with the others. I felt unstoppable. I could see the looks and secret conversations Millee had with her friends whenever Sally and I would walk past. It rattled them and I enjoyed that immensely. They were now the one’s who were jealous. We had maybe gotten mid way through term three before Sally started to become a bad influence on me. Every now and again us girls would organize to have sleep over’s at each other’s houses. It just so happened that on this particular weekend the sleepover was to be at mine. I had invited Sally, Renee, Marley, Sarah and Becca. You may have noticed one name missing off the guest list. Pamela. I’m still not exactly sure what happened there, but somewhere along the line we drifted apart. We were all still friendly with her but she didn’t hang around with us as much, and we rarely ever saw her outside of school. Things were a lot more harmonious when she wasn’t around so I wasn’t exactly missing her friendship.

It was a Saturday night and the six of us girls decided to walk down to the video store and hire a couple of movies to watch. A little bit of junk food, Coyote Ugly on replay and some good girl company was the only ingredients needed for a successful girl’s night in. On our way back from the store we were interrupted by a car full of teenage boys. The guys were yelling out derogatory things to me and my friends as we walked down a quiet back-street from my house, but I chose to ignore them. The other girls seemed to follow suit except for one in particular… Sally had a different approach.

‘Hi boys!’ She yelled out after them, seductively.

Of course receiving the attention they were after caused the driver to reverse in a reckless manner and push down hard on the brakes once they were level with us for the dramatic effect. The girls and I walked a little faster while Sally played into their hands some more. One of the passengers jumped out of the car and began walking with her whilst the driver sped away with the rest of them. There was no way in hell we were walking back to my house with a random.

‘Is she always so reckless?’ Marley whispered.

The five of us girls made some ground by speed-walking and we were now pretty far ahead of Sally and her new friend. I made sure to keep glancing back so that I knew she was okay, but she wasn’t afraid of being with the guy, nothing scared her.

‘Yeah she is.’ I answered.

Moments later the car came speeding back up the street again, and the guy with Sally jumped back into the car through the open window before the driver put his foot back on the gas and sped away once more. The girls and I slowed down so that Sally could catch up. I was still trying to process what had just happened.

‘What the hell?’ I couldn’t help myself.

‘What?’ She asked, grinning from ear to ear.

She had no shame.

‘Who was that, do you even know him?’ I pressed.

Sally laughed off my paranoia.

‘No, he was just some guy.’ She told us.

‘How old is he, do you know his name?’ I went on.

‘God Bella, what’s with the third degree? I don’t remember you ever being this uptight.’ She accused, embarrassing me in front of my friends.

‘Don’t you think that was a little reckless?’ I asked.

Sally didn’t answer this time but the smirk was still across her face.

‘How old is he?’ I asked again while the other girls remained suspiciously quiet.

‘He’s eighteen.’ She admitted.

My mouth dropped.

‘Eighteen? Does he know how old you are?’ I wondered.

‘I told him we were sixteen.’

She only effortlessly added three years to our real age. I shook my head and couldn’t help but laugh at her.

‘You are something else.’ I said.

‘Stop worrying. You’re going to have to get over it because I told him we’d go to his place tomorrow and have a few drinks.’

Going back to the, ‘my mum is a cool mum’ thing, she did let me drink. I wasn’t one to ever get absolutely plastered, I was thirteen, but from time to time she would let me finish off a beer, or maybe have a glass of champagne at a special occasion. I had never kicked back with a bunch of dudes and gotten completely wasted before though.

‘I’m sorry what?’ I asked, hearing her perfectly.

‘He only lives down the road and he seems like a really nice guy.’ She defended.

He didn’t look like a nice guy. He looked like a dero! From the glimpse I saw of him he had dirty un-brushed hair, was not clean-shaven, wore barely any clothes and apparently didn’t know what a pair of shoes was. The conversation didn’t escalate much from there once we reached my place again. I knew that the girls must have been thinking awful things about Sally and I really hoped they weren’t about to change their minds were our friendship was concerned.

The following morning after everyone had left; Sally pushed the idea of going to see this guy Joe.

‘Come on Bella, what’s the worst that can happen?’ She joked.

‘Don’t ginx us!’ I warned.

I do admit I often gave into her. I didn’t like being a spoil-sport and I think she knew it which is why she always got her way in the end. She remembered where Joe lived based on the instructions he gave her the day before. As we walked up the porch toward the front door I became really nervous. I had no idea what we were about to walk into. What if these guys were serial killers? Or rapists? I tried to shake off my nasty thoughts and give Joe the benefit of the doubt. Sally knocked softly on the front door and I stood slightly behind her, ready to leg it if need be. After the second knock we came to realize that no one was actually home. I breathed a sigh of relief and hoped that before we would get another opportunity to re-visit Joe, Sally would be over it.

I was wrong.

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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Your Purpose

I’m fairly certain it has legitimately been at least two months since I have written. It bothers me year after year that I set an intention to write more, to make more time for the things that I love, yet within no time I lose sight of what’s important to me. Life takes over... or, more sadly, work takes over.

I was recently asked what gives my life purpose and I had to think about it for a second - making people feel things, inspiration, joy, truth - these are the reasons I wanted to become a writer in the first place. I gave up my degree at Uni so that I could be an adult and work to live, but in the meantime I feel like I have slowly lost myself in the process.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past few days, weeks, months & I really feel as though the only way forward is to take a step back. I need to make a pretty big change in order for my life to get better again. For my time to free up and for me to be able to maintain my purpose.

Sometimes I think we just need a little bit of a reminder of why it is we feel we are on this earth, because it’s your life has no meaning, no fulfillment and no purpose than you really are only living to work - and you need to ask yourself if that’s enough for you.

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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#watchmewatchhimtalktogirls

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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Scars

It’s been too long!....

Chapter 2 Part 2 of ‘Little Black Book’

Do you want to know my opinion of the very best part of School? Well that’s easy - The holidays! It almost seemed monotonous waking up every single morning at 6:30am just to follow the same robotic routine over and over. Eat breakfast, shower, make one-self look presentable, effortlessly wait at the bus stop and soon after arrive at school by 8:15, ready for seven hours of complete torture… especially when you didn’t enjoy going there. I feel as though everybody has their own way of learning. Not one human being on earth is tarred with the same brush. My way of learning was through real life experience, television, music, radio. I often found myself zoning out when it came to teachers banging on about Hamlet, or Vincent Van Gogh… even Hitler’s antics was never quite enough to peak my interest. Although in saying that I have always been more of an artsy, creative and imaginative type of person so essay’s, oral presentations and exams were never my forte. I felt as though I learnt more in the school holidays by living life than I ever did in a classroom sitting behind a desk listening to a teacher who clearly didn’t want to be there as much as I didn’t. Nevertheless there was a lot more of school than there were school holidays and it was a five-year feat so the only possible way to get through it was to take each day as it came.

On the first day back I was reminded of why I hated that place so much. I had way too many classes with people that I didn’t get along with and it made me feel like utter crap every single day I was present. Millee and her friends had made up their minds about me and that was not going to change. I had to move on and start to live my own life. There was no point daydreaming about what could have been because the fact of the matter is that reality is what counts. The one silver lining to being back at school was learning that Scott had ended things with Pamela. This didn’t change my feelings toward him, there was no going back after what he had done, but it felt quietly victorious that she had gotten what she deserved. As much as school wasn’t on my list of places I wanted to be, at this point in time I was happy for the escape because things were beginning to deteriorate at home.

I always knew that my mum had a temper. I’d seen it many times in the past and I knew I would see it many more times in the future. When I was eight years old mum was seeing this guy. They were together for over a year and really happy with one another. Seeing my mum happy made me happy. The two of them were engaged and he moved in with my mum, my brother and myself so it didn’t take long before it felt like we were a family. One night the four of us went out to a really lovely dinner. I don’t know what happened exactly, but something had put mum in a bad mood. Mum’s boyfriend had bought me a really pretty floral dress earlier that day. It was white all over with patterns of pink, purple and blue flowers. It was one of the prettiest dresses I had ever seen. When the four of us returned home mum asked my brother and I to get into our pajamas and get ready for bed. Normally I would do whatever my mum said, but I had received a beautiful present and I wanted to see what it looked like on. So before getting ready for bed I went to my room and stood in front of the mirror wearing my new dress. I couldn’t quite get the zip all the way up so it wasn’t sitting quite right and my impatience got the better of me. I could hear my mum in the kitchen and I didn’t want to bother her so I took the long way around in order to enter the lounge room where Gordon was relaxing in front of the television.

‘Excuse me Gordon, can you please zip my dress?’ I asked him.

Gordon was more than happy to help so I turned around whilst he zipped me up.

‘It’s beautiful Bella,’ he complimented.

I looked down at myself and squealed with excitement about how much I loved my pretty new dress, but it didn’t take long before something broke my reverie.

‘What the fuck?’ Mum’s voice came booming into the lounge room.

My heart sank as she stormed towards me and grabbed my arm.

‘What did I fucking tell you?’ She screamed.

I started to cry, she was hurting my arm. As she released her grasp I momentarily let out a sigh of relief, but then I could suddenly feel her cold knuckles down my back. I took me a moment to realize what had happened; she had ripped my dress off. As the dress fell to my ankles, I stood there in my underwear and continued to cry. Gordon did nothing but sit back and watch the drama unfold before his very eyes. I was too young to remember, but I am assuming he was in shock.

‘I’m sick of your bullshit Bella.’ Mum accused.

I had no idea what she was talking about, I was a good kid. When mum retreated back towards the kitchen I thought that was the end of it and so I picked my dress up and held it over my body before turning away in order to make my way back to my room. Just then I felt a soaring pain shoot through the side of my head. My eyes began to feel heavy and I could hear a faint ringing sound in my ears. I stopped in my tracks to observe what had just happened and as I turned back towards my mother I noticed our home telephone stagnant on the ground. She had hit me across the head with it.

‘Call your father to come and get you!’ She demanded.

At this point I couldn’t contain my tears. I knelt down to the floor and picked up the handset only to find that there was no dial tone. She had broken the phone. I felt sick. For a moment I thought about pretending that I did call my dad just so she wouldn’t inflict anymore punishment, but when he didn’t show up I figured that it would do more harm than good.

‘The phone’s broken.’ I managed in between tears.

Mum stood there with a blank, but scolding, look on her face.

‘Go to your room now.’ She said this with a lot more calm in her voice, but it was the anger behind her eyes that worried me.

I couldn’t get to my room fast enough. That was my first major life lesson to never go against my mum’s wishes ever again, no matter how trivial they were.

Mum didn’t often impose her anger towards my brother or myself, it was normally people outside of the family that would often endure her wrath. For instance we had a neighbour who lived in a house at the end of the street. She was a similar age to my mum and the reason the two of them were acquainted was because her son was friends with my younger brother. Their friendship was just the same as any neighbour – they would borrow things from one another, they would sit down for a coffee from time to time, and everything was always quite harmonious between the two of them. However as it so happens boys tend to fight, so somewhere along the line my brother and our neighbours son had a falling out. What the fight was about, I was never let in on the details, but there is one afternoon that will always stay with me.

My brother was riding his bike home from a friend’s house and it just so happened that he had to ride past our neighbours house to get home. Fueled by annoyance, our neighbour saw my brother riding past and tried to drag him off of his bike. My brother Gale is two years younger than me so at the time he was only eleven years old and a little too young to be able to stand up to a grown woman. After falling off of his bike whilst trying to get away from her reaching grasp, he injured his wrist and scraped some skin off his leg in the interim. Upon coming home in tears and managing to explain the story to our mother, a specific chain of events occurred, which led to mum facing assault charges. I saw mum leave the house in a rage of fury and I knew that it was in my best interest to follow in case there was something that I could do to prevent her from doing something she would regret. By the time I reached the neighbours front door I could hear a lot of arguing. I let myself in and looked around to see where the voices were coming from when I realized that the two of them were in the kitchen.

‘You hurt my son? I’ll fucking kill you!’ My mum screamed.

As I entered the kitchen my mum’s fist was raised and our neighbour was standing there in pure terror, fearing what my mum was about to do to her. Before I could work up enough courage to scream out, mum’s fist collided with the woman’s face and she fell limp before hitting the floor.

‘MUM!’ I screamed whilst tears uncontrollably started to run down my face.

Mum turned to see me standing there and it was enough to break her stance. She looked down at the woman on the floor and I could tell that she was mortified about what she had just done. She brushed past me and left the house in a hurry. I stood frozen with absolutely no idea what to do. If I called the police I was essentially dobbing in my own mum and I couldn’t muster enough courage to do that. Our neighbour slowly began to sit up so I could see that she was okay, but I wasn’t about to stick around and wait to see what she was willing to do to me either.

It was maybe an hour before we had a police officer at our door questioning mum about the turning of events. All she could really do was explain that she was sticking up for her son. She made sure to tell them that I was never there, and I had to follow suit, but it didn’t change the fact that our neighbour was pressing charges. Mum had essentially broken the law. If convicted there was a good possibility that mum would have to serve jail time. I knew that there was every chance my life was about to change dramatically, and all I could do about it was sit there and wait for it to happen.

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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The only thing that scares me more than life, is death.

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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🙌🏻💋

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

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Life Lessons

Chapter 2 Part 1 of ‘Little Black Book’.

First term of year eight finally came to a close and what an adventure it had been. I was still saddened by the fact I had been knocked down from my pedestal and was no longer considered one of the ‘cool kids’. Even my ex boyfriend from primary school and his best friend Murphie ran with Millee’s crowd. You would think they would have had my back, but apparently even in High School it’s every man for themselves. No matter what the situation, I had to remain thankful for the friends I had – old and new. On the last day of the first term for year Eight, the girls and I decided to do a celebratory lunch down at Pizza Hut. It was all you can eat for $9.95, best deal around. Initially it was just Renee, Sarah, Marley and I who had the lunch date… but when Pamela caught wind of it there was no way she was letting us go without her. When the bell rang at 1pm the five of us couldn’t get out of class quick enough. Two weeks of freedom sounded like the best thing in the world to me. Getting away from that school, those awful girls and not to mention Scott and Pamela’s putrid relationship was the only thing that kept me going. Unfortunately however I had to spend one more afternoon with her and my patience was running thin...

‘Oh… my… god, I can’t believe we haven’t come across any hot guys yet!’ Pam obnoxiously blurted out on the side walk of a busy main road.

She was the epitome of embarrassment.

‘You have a boyfriend.’ I snarled.

That didn’t stop her though.

‘It’s okay to look.’ She shot back.

I rolled my eyes.

‘Well it probably doesn’t help that you’re with us.’ I said meanly.

I couldn’t control myself, it was like word vomit. All of the girls laughed, including Pam. I guess she felt it was easier to laugh off an insult than to believe that I had actually meant it.

When we reached Pizza Hut the five of us approached the lady behind the counter.

‘Can we please get the kids works?’ Marley asked the lady before she even looked ready to deal with us.

‘Sorry girls, lunch finishes in ten minutes.’ The lady informed us.

All five of us looked at each other with the same kind of reaction. The unanimous one was disappointment.

‘Unless you think you can manage that?’ The lady interrupted.

Before either of us even had the opportunity to say anything, Pam felt her input necessary.

‘C’mon guys, we can totally stuff our faces in ten minutes.’

I could not even believe she went there.

‘Pamela don’t be stupid.’ I snorted.

I felt like her mother.

‘Hungry Jacks is just over the road, maybe we should go there instead?’ Marley suggested.

All of us felt as though that was the next best option, apart from Pam of course but she was victoriously out-voted.

We all made the short trek across the road to Hungry Jacks. Once we sat down with our meals it didn’t take long for the discussion to turn south.

‘I wish Scott were here.’ Pam groaned.

I swallowed hard in my throat. I felt Renee’s eyes on me, looking for a reaction. I could tell she was worried that Pam’s comment upset me, and it did. At that moment a group of young boys walked into the restaurant. Every single one of us girls went silent, including Pam. As they emerged closer I noticed that a couple of them looked familiar to me. I turned to Renee and could tell that she knew them too, that’s when it clicked.

Earlier that year a few of us went to our first High School Blue Light Disco. It was one of the best nights I had ever had. I ended up meeting a guy who was friendly, charming and somewhat cute. The two of us had an instant connection and we spent the most part of the night dancing with one another. His friends were associated with a few of Renee’s friends so she had seen them out from time to time. Our groups migrated into the night and I felt as though it may have been the beginning of a beautiful romance. A couple of days after the disco Renee texted one of the guys she knew to dig up any information that might indicate that the cute guy may have also been into me. His name was Cahile. He was short, but taller than me, and he looked very Country - red hair, freckles, and dark brown eyes. He wasn’t melt-your-soul hot but he still had that cuteness about him that sparked my interest just enough. The moment that truly shattered my opinion of the opposite sex was when Renee broke the news that Cahile had absolutely no interest in me whatsoever. He had told his friends that I was gross and that just brought me back to the primary school days when girls had ‘cooties’. I was glad that Cahile wasn’t with the guys now.

‘Hey Renee, how’s it going?’ One of the familiar guys approached whilst the others decided to proceed to the counter.

I was a little taken aback that he even approached us; I guess he was more acquainted with Renee than I had originally thought.

‘Hi Drew, not bad yourself?’ She responded politely.

He stood there a little bit awkwardly for a moment as though he was waiting for an introduction. Luckily Renee caught on quickly before it got too weird.

‘Oh, these are my friends,’ She started to point us all out.

Here we go, I thought to myself.

‘Marley, Sarah, Pamela... and you know Bella?’

Dammit.

Drew looked at me blankly until something registered in his brain.

‘Oh, yes. You’re the girl who…’ I cut him off before he could finish that sentence.

‘Please don’t remind me.’

Drew chuckled. He seemed nice enough. I was thankful that he left the situation alone.

‘I better go join my mates, nice to meet you.’ He ended whilst turning around to join his friends.

I never knew a Thirteen year old boy to be so polite.

‘He was really cute.’ Marley commented once Drew was out of sight.

‘Isn’t he?’ Renee shyly agreed.

‘I actually think his friend is hot, the one with the scruffy brown hair.’ I had to admit.

Drew’s friend was also there the night of the Blue Light Disco. I remember thinking the same thing then but I was too caught up in Cahile to care.

‘Oh my god Bella, I was just thinking the same thing. We have the best taste in guys!’

Oh great, Pamela had an opinion. I tried to ignore her whenever she spoke. I often just faked a smile and let that be that.

After lunch the girls and I decided to take a walk to the shopping centre and do some window shopping before saying goodbye for the day. As we headed to the Plaza, Pamela took the lead with Marley and Sarah, whilst Renee and I trailed behind.

‘You okay?’ Renee asked.

I smiled at her concerned nature.

‘Yeah, I’ll get over it.’ I promised with a smile.

There were plenty more fish in the sea. At least that’s what they say.

I couldn’t help but notice Pamela walking like an absolute weirdo. She used to be a child model and from the looks of things she was desperately trying to rehash her glory days.

‘Pam we’re not on the catwalk!’ I taunted.

Pamela laughed off my insult once more. Nothing seemed to faze her. Either that or she knew how to hide it well. When we reached the shopping centre the five of us took rounds in calling our parents. Pamela went last and I didn’t even bother.

My mum was a cool mum. I had grown up my whole entire life with just her and my brother. She used to tell me stories about my dad and how he never wanted us kids. My sister allegedly turned around at the innocent age of four and told my mum to go fuck herself. Where she learned that kind of language, I have no idea. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back in mum’s eyes and she made our dad take Mila away to live with him. I never knew a life where my mum and dad were together. They split up when I was about 2 years old. One of the stories mum told me that will always stay with me was that when I was very young she won a car through the local radio station. Her and my dad had already split at this time so he was jealous of this victory. She told me that because of this reason my dad came around to our place when mum was at work, kidnapped my brother and me, let the dog out from the side gate and then blackmailed mum into giving him the car. If she didn’t he swore she would never see us kids again, and it was too late for the poor dog. From what I knew of my dad, he didn’t seem like the kind of person who would do that. I knew my dad a little. I never got to see him often but he and mum stayed in touch and she would often seek refuge from him at times of struggle. But why would my mum lie? It wasn’t until much later in my life that I discovered that was unfortunately mum’s go-to. She was a compulsive liar and it was destined to become a big problem in the future. Because mum and I were so close in the early days she did have a lot of trust in me. So on days that I decided to do a little bit of shopping with friends, or go to the movies with my sister, she trusted that I was responsible enough to take care of myself. A lot of people would continuously comment that I was older beyond my years. I knew what was black and white, right from wrong, good from evil – can’t say the same for everyone. I didn’t need a strict parent like some kids do, so our relationship worked well.

Pamela didn’t have the same kind of parent. When she got off the phone from speaking to her dad something was different about her. She had this fear behind her eyes and it almost looked as though she was struggling to fight back tears.

‘You guys, I can’t stay. My dad’s really mad.’ She explained.

‘Why is he mad?’ I wondered.

I was surprised at my genuine concern.

‘Because I told him we were going to Pizza Hut and he was meant to pick me up from there. He is really angry that we’ve been walking the streets without a parent with us.’ She went on.

‘Pam we’re thirteen, not five.’ I seemed to be the only one who had an opinion on this matter.

Pamela didn’t have a come-back; she sort of just let her head drop down with her mouth in a pout. I felt bad for her.

‘Okay so what’s happening?’ I asked.

‘He’s coming to get me… will you girls wait?’ She sounded desperate.

I wasn’t overly keen but before I could say anything Marley answered for the group.

‘Of course we will.’

Time was passing so slowly. It felt like it had been several minutes since Pam got off the phone with her dad and I knew for a fact they only lived down the road. The four of us were sitting on one of the benches outside the shopping centre whilst Pamela nervously stood watch over the car park.

‘I thought you said your dad rushes.’ I mentioned, less than thrilled that we were wasting valuable daylight.

‘When he’s mad he usually does.’ She promised.

Just then her dad’s four-wheel drive came roaring around the corner. The four of us stood up ready to say goodbye. Pam headed toward her dad’s car but momentarily stopped to turn back toward us.

‘Is anyone coming?’ She pleaded.

I knew she only asked because if one of us went with her it would prolong her lecture until she and her dad were in private. None of the girls were willing to play the bad guy so I chimed in.

‘No sorry, we’re all staying.’

‘Okay,’ disappointment clouded her voice before she turned back and headed for her dad, ‘bye.’

As Pamela hopped into the vehicle and her dad drove away I breathed a sigh of relief and turned to the girls.

‘Can we please go and have some fun,’ words that I had been waiting to utter all day.

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