nathank77

[nathank77]

7/26/25

2:11 p.m

Intentions only matter so much. I learned that lesson with cecile. I learned it the hard way.

The consequences of your actions regardless of your intentions have more weight. Sadly.

And despite your intentions whatever they were or are, the consequences greatly outweigh it.

Do i forgive you? Idk thats why I want the opportunity to make a choice. I'll never get that.

Do i forgive myself for letting you do what you did despite your intentions? Not yet. Cause thats why I'm in pain.

[nathank77]

7/26/25

11 a.m -Remember I'm glad youre happy with youre husband but what sets me off is you wont be my friend. Thats what hurts the most.

Last thing i wanted to add is you can unblock me everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Message received. I never meant shit to you and you must be scared of me or something.

But I wouldn't message you ever regardless of if you unblocked me everywhere. Idk if I'd even respond to you if you messaged me.

But I promise I ain't gonna message you. I ain't gonna show up anywhere near you.

And tbh I may fucking block all of your accounts if given the chance or maybe I'll wait until you message me but you wont but if you did then id block you right after. Potentially anyways. Or maybe I'd leave you on read. I prob wouldn't respond. It would depend on what you said if I even gave you the opportunity to send the message. If I didnt block you first.

I never meant shit to you. You never wanted me. We could have had a genuine friendship. You could have been like the mother i never had.

i want you to take responsibility for the part you played in this. I'm not lying if you didnt cross that boundary, you wouldn't be elise. You'd just be Elise Blah LCSW. I wouldn't think of you. You wouldnt matter like all the other licensed professionals I met. I just wanted you to know that. You'd just be another stupid therapist I talked to who meant nothing to me. Another fucking bot. The relationship you chose to have with me is why I'm like this. Its your responsibility and your fault. Your actions triggered this. Thats why I cant, "get over it," or, "move on."

But dont worry, youre safe. I ain't fucking psychotic. You just manipulated an emotionally vulnerable person in 2023 and unfortunately I thought you were a good person. Like I said I could be bugged. So only your actions in 2023 matter to me. The things you actually did.

I hope you beat cancer and I hope youre happy. I wish you wanted me in your life.

But just like everyone else no one ever wants me. I would have never been good enough for you.

I dont expect I'll hear from you and I dont expect you'll ever message me to give me the opportunity to chose if I want anything to do with you and with that being said-

I wish you the best;

[nathank77]

7/25/25

11:19 p.m this is all I have to say to you. I ain't waiting until 2026. I changed what i wrote and this is how I am leaving my blog until I change my url so you cant find me. Cause I know damn well you're here unless I'm bugged.

10:29 p.m if you never messaged me there i just want you to know I'd probably have forgotten you by now. Bc you messaged me where you did and we had what we had. This is why I care so deeply about you. Bc you made it fucking more. You crossed the boundary. Its actually your fault.. and it makes you a bad person. Not me. So if you want me to, "get over it," if you think i should, "move on," remember its your fucking fault. You crossed the boundary. And you made sure id never forget you. Unfortunately for me.

My last words to you, is it doesnt matter that youre with your husband and happy. Thats cool..

What matters is you have no good reason to not talk to me other than you don't want to. And thats fucked.

I still love and care about you. Unfortunately for me I always will.

I could have looked at you as a second mother. But you dont care about me-cause if you did you'd be here. And if you don't I mean tbh you should report yourself. I wont bc youre elise the girl who i let fucking play with me like I was a toy, or maybe everything is bugged. But what does it matter?

You're a fake I guess and it sucks. I just wish you showed your true colors in October 2023. I'd rather be fucking dead. Life fucking sucks. You have no concept what I live through everyday.

The loneliness. The poverty. Never being enough for anyone. Never having anyone to talk to. No fucking concept.

It never had to be romantic you could have been a second mother to me but you don't fucking want me. I knew you wouldn't, no one ever fucking does.

Why does your husband set me off? Bc if youre happy with him just be my friend already? Thats fucking why. Thats the reason. Cause if you don't have feelings for me then be my stupid friend already. Unless I meant nothing to you.

Now thats finally all I have to fucking say to you. Goodbye Elise.

[nathank77]

7/25/25

2:49 p.m Added to Significantly 3:05 p.m

My tuck planche journey begins. And I failed. I failed but one day my failures will add up to a success. And all these failure videos will become my rise to greatness.

If you don't ever try, you fail automatically. Idk how people get their feet off the ground.... I tried very hard. We are starting with the tuck planche for a reason.

I did try the regular planche. But that was even worse... once I accomplish the tuck planche, its the straddle planche. Then the planche.

I'm going to go to a park and practice my front lever. Eventually.

People dont understand how much physical effort is put into calisthenic training or just being an athlete. Its hard work. Physically demanding and most days, youre just pushing the same weight, wondering why you cant advance. People severely downplay what athletes put their bodies through. People who play sports deserve their money, not gonna lie. My perspective has entirely changed as I've started my calisthenic journey.

Just doing what little I did today to start my plache journey made me sweat and shake unbelievably. I tried my hardest but it's a journey for a reason. If it was easy, it wouldn't be legendary.

One day I'd like to join gymnastics. Id really like to get to my handstand push ups one day. And I will but it wont be anytime soon. And nothing replaces how proud you are of yourself when you finally accomplish it.

They say a leopard doesn't change its spots. They say people dont change. Well I did and I don't recognize the person I've become. But I am so proud of myself and where I'm going. I wish I wasnt banished to be single forever. But at least I have myself. Being trans is like a super power. Be proud of who you are and realize your only limitation is yourself saying you cant.

One of these days I'll levitate. I'm capable of anything and everything.

[nathank77]

7/23/25

8:07 a.m Added Significantly to 8:20 a.m

Finished 8:30 a.m Added to

I am upset. I had to give in and take singulair. Another coughing fit two nights ago. The Benadryl didnt do shit. It lasted 2 hours. I cant live like this.

So I started it yesterday bc "luckily" i had extra that hasn't expired bc one of my drs kept prescribing it to me... and I had anxiety about having anxiety due to the medication...

I do think my ocd was worst yesterday. And idk how long I can cope like this.

Singular is like magic for asthama. I'm almost better. No coughing fit. No itchy chest. I had the worst itchy chest and lungs two nights ago....

My wheeze is almost gone. But I dont want to keep talking it.

My inhaler isnt touching it. Flonase ain't touching it. All my over the counter allergy stuff isnt touching it. And I refuse to take steroids.

Last time I took steriods topical anyways my hands got FUCKED UP. For like 6 months. And to this day that rash spread to my wrist and hasn't gone away but its not even close to as bad as my hands were....

So to me steroids cause more problems than they are worth. I mean I dont want moon face......not that I'll ever find a gf...... but I like myself... and until I commit suicide from this loneliness.... I want to like what I see. Beyond that steriods you need to be tapered off of.. they are dangerous. .

So is motalukast. But it used to be in my body every single day for 10 years and when I stopped it I just stopped it.... I'm thinking i will take it for two weeks and then stop and see what happens.

I had a hard time falling to sleep last night.. it can worsen insomnia... and lately my sleep has been really good minus the two hour coughing fits ANYWAYS.... but I fall asleep fast and when I pee if I dont cough i fall back to sleep fast.. I always wake up needing to pee every single night. Which means I get a coughing fit every single night with my chest and lungs on fire itchy....

idk how much longer I can take singulair but i need to fall asleep easily......... but I'm going to give it another couple days.. bc when I wake up with those coughing fits I lose 1-2 hours of sleep....

The itchy cough and itchy chest makes me want to commit suicide. It is no quality of life...

Idk what happened. One day i was fine then I got an itchy throat, that was almost 2 months ago and from that day forward my body started acting like an idiot and forgot how to breath. And I'm fucking mad about it. I shouldn't have to take singulair bc my body is an imbecile.

[nathank77]

7/21/25

11:36 a.m

From flab to abs. Creating my uneven 4-6 pack. Its going to be a few more months for the full reveal obliques and all.

Ive been on the cut since June 2025 before I was on the bulk. Walking 13 miles a week bare minimum. It seems to be working.

November 2024-July 2025

January 2025-July 2025

March 2025-July 2025

June 2025-July 2025

[nathank77]

7/19/25

7:25 p.m Added to

Whelp I did 3 L-Sits today. I held them each for 9-10 seconds. My attemps are getting much better.

I did a dead hang for about 3 seconds just to stretch. And I attempted chin ups and pulls ups but the bar is too slippery... its annoying but the way my hands are positioned on that one bar (where I think i do them wrong) its gripped or whatever... so I guess im learning chin ups that way. As for pull ups idk cause I'm not joking I have grip strenght but with or without my gloves its hard to hold on to that one.

I'll figure it out, either way its a long way before i can do those and then eventually Muscle ups.......

I'm proud of my L-sit. I did good. I wonder if I would have done better hanging... but this one is harder sorta (I actually think i got away with them lol) we will see though.

I still cant find a gf but I'm a beef cake. Thats for sure. Another 13 miles down this week.

One day maybe I'll lose the fat.... but if not I'll just do legendary shit.

A secret I've been keeping is after the human flag, I plan to do hand stand push ups 🙃

[nathank77]

7/18/25

9:15 p.m Significantly Added to

Women are stupid for not liking me. I'm attractive. Look at my fucking shoulders.

Imma try my chin ups tomorrow but with my hands positioned differently and I'm going to do a warm up.... I dont really warm up. I hit my highest weight straight from the start with everything... bc well the more I tire myself out the less I can lift later.

I can do 200 pounds on the lat pulldown to start. Or 175 on the pec fly. Or 180 on the supine... if I tire myself out then I cant do that. I couldn't even move 175 on the pec fly last time.... bc I hit it later.

But I'm going to start with the dead hang... and try to hold an l sit or v sit whatever my legs end up doing... I dont actually try to raise my legs higher... it just happens..

Then I'm going to try chin ups with my hands in the appropriate position.....

I may start with like the low standing row (MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE EXERCISE IN THE WORLD) bc I dont lift really high on it. I do like 65 pounds or whatever. Its light but I'm Afraid a warm up will stop me from hitting my maximum weight. I want to get to 200 again on the supine.... I'm not far from it... and thankfully when I wasnt pushing, the pec fly kept my pec game strong. I'm glad to be back on the Smith bar.

I almost did 45 pounds on each side of the Smith bar but I knew i couldnt hit 8 reps and when I do the math.... I mean doing 180 on the supine versus 110 in total on the Smith bar for a chest press... doing the supine is more important.

Im also walking 12-14 miles a week. I want to lose my belly so fucking badly...

And I decided to hit my legs again harder... cause I want big quads.. thats been going well... and my butt man its almost all muscle too bad it's ugly.

But I also went up on abs. I need to be able to lift my body weight for the human flag... I'm at about 130 pounds now.

Look at my pumped shoudlers

[nathank77]

I'm not the person I once was. Yesterday my sister asked me if I had friends. And I explained that no i dont have any friends except one, John. My gamer friend.

All my other friends enjoy smoking pot and drinking and I'm not about that. John is a pot head but idc bc he isnt my boyfriend and he is nice.

But yea i was forced to change. The person I once was isnt the person I am today. In about 10 days it will be approximately 1 years since I even took one hit of Marijuana. I hope I make it to that day given if I struggle a lot with falling asleep I would hit it, since sometimes its all I need to pass out.

Xanax works wonders and it is a life saver. Last night, I fell asleep with my glasses on and my hearing aids in for about 2 minutes and woke up to my snoring bc I was laying on my back.

I took off my glasses and my hearing aids and passed back out.

I wont even drink on my wedding day assuming that someone marries me which i doubt. Im straight edge now.

Alcohol is poison and Marijuana causes psychosis and schizophrenia at least high doses and I cant risk worsening my hallucination..

Yea i was forced to change. But I changed for the better.

7/18/25

8:34 a.m

they say “you’ve changed” like i wasn’t forced to

[nathank77]

7/17/25

7:52 p.m Edited and Added to

I had some unsettling auditory hallucinations today when I woke up with my awful coughing fit and an itchy chest..it took forever to fall back to sleep... I had to drug myself up hardcore to stop coughing.

Sadly it wasnt happening anymore.. the coughing fits in the middle of the night.. just constant post nasal drip and wheezing.. ive learned to live with..

I had like a week where I didn't wake up to a coughing fit. I'm mad about last night. It sucked.

The unsettling auditory hallucinations were a different voice. It only would say one word. It happened maybe 7 times. I even touched my skin to make sure I wasnt dreaming...

It said like thanks I think. And I dont really remember but it was like one or two words.. it scared me bc it was a different voice.

My auditory hallucinations is a familiar voice. It always sounds the same. It could be a person..it isnt.. but you get what i mean..

This was a different voice. Maybe it was the Benadryl. Idk. I will worry about it if it keeps happening. All day today just the normal annoying birthday voice. But I'm thankful thats the only one I hear.

I question if it was a nightmare but I remember touching my skin and feeling it.

I had a dream where elise changed her picture to her and her husband and i was upset. I thought it was real.

I also had a dream where I was doing chin ups and someone walked in front of my video and ruined my video and I wanted to redo them to capture them on camera.... and I kept thinking but I did them and I did my best and I cant do anymore and I know I did them right you dont have to check for form..

I do have anxiety about someone stealing my phone.... and people ruining my videos... I also think I'm doing chin ups wrong which might be why I can only do 3. I think my arms arent positioned right. There is time to work on them.

Anyways I want someone to record me and make sure I get my first set of 8 chin ups on camera but its actually an anxiety but I keep telling myself if I can do it once I can do it again....

Beyond that form is important. I thought i did my l sit wrong... I would have never known i did a V-Sit... I didnt even know they were a thing but when I saw my video i was like holy hell I raised my legs much higher than I thought i did... so videos serve many purposes...

But yea the auditory hallucinations did scare me today. And I hope if I can get to 8 chin ups soon that someone doesnt walk in front of my camera or steal my phone since my back will be to it.

[nathank77]

7/17/25

3:05 p.m

I'm very obviously going to be single for the rest of my life. It's really disgusting and I just want to give up.

Like i mean January marks 3 years. No dates. No one has held my hand. No one has called me cute. Nothing. Just alone forever.

And holding on to the idea that elise is in love with me gets more and more pathetic. It keeps me here. But I mean let's be real. Its been 3 years and shes still married.

I know I'm being an idiot thinking or hoping that one day someone will fall in love with me. How the fuck do you meet anyone nowadays? 3 years of being single is gross. Am I supposed to wait 4-7 years to get one date?

I don't want some megan fox generic hot girl with an ugly personality. And I dont want someone who shovels cheetos and ice cream down their throat and couldn't give a fuck about their body.

I just want a cute girl. Someone who idk works out a few days a week. I dont want her to be fake and ugly on the inside. And I dont want her to be a couch potato

I guess im asking for too much. I dont want an alcoholic. I dont want a pot head. I dont want someone who engages in those activities and oh yea I just want someone who doesnt have a cat.

Ideally someone with no animals but dogs are okay. But I got to work through some shit if she has a dog.

I actually think its pointless and as much as working out is cool and makes me happy. It isn't enough. I'd love to go out for coffee.... id love to go to the park.

Id love to have someone just to talk to. I know elise is staying with her husband and is happy with him. Its been 3 years and the longer she drags out talking to me i feel fucking stupid and like she never cared about me. Friendships arent much of a commitment and it would be nice to not feel like I meant nothing.

Jesus id just like someone to give a fuck about me and actually talk to me everyday.

[nathank77]

6/13/25

10:22 p.m

So I came to a realization. Maybe I'm wrong. Idk. Is it possible that I intimidate women? I mean let's be real I know I'm smoking hot. Not Jake gyllenhaal or anything but I'm def good looking. And I mean now that the bad stuff is out of my profile, I mean I'm doing an l sit my arms look fantastic. And all my workout photos... I look almost not real.

Of course they could be hating on my bald head. But I was watching some fancy calisthenics. And the people look like gods. And tbh i could do it.

All I need is a sturdy ladder. I could totally human flag in a couple months if I worked on it..

I'm going to work on chin ups and holding my l sit and v sit..

I might try to front lever but not for a while. The 8 chin ups are 1000% first.

I mean, I might actually do the human flag... in 6 months. I'm not going to lie. I have the core strenght. I have the leg strenght and i have the upper body strength. I could probably do it now. But I'm afraid id hurt myself. I got to take things slow and trust me I'm going to....

Anyways what's if women are intimidated by me? Those calisthenic guys look like gods. In 6 months if I'm doing the same thing I'll say oh it's easy, no one looks at my l sit and goes wow that's impressive... but thats just bc I can do it.

I had this pretty girl at the gym walk up to the spray bottles when I was doing the same thing. Bc of my ocd i grabbed one and put it back bc it was leaky and I didn't want the shit on my hands. So I grabbed the other one and she was kinda awkward. I walked away sprayed the chair and walked back and she was just standing there, and I handed her the bottle, she was making eye contact and was all smiley and awkward and said thanks.

It was weird bc there was nothing wrong with the other bottle. It was FULL. It was just my ocd saying if I take this one itll def get on my hands.

She just stood there. It was almost like she had this dreamy look in her eyes. I havent seen her since.

She had to be into me right? Unless she had ocd and went no this bottle will leak on my hands. I got the shit on my hand anyways.. but her eyes looked dreamy..

I am trying to find someone but the only person i want is Elise. Don't get me wrong i would have went on a date with that girl at the gym. She was pretty. But she just stood there. She was so awkward.

Women are either very forward of very submissive. She had this dreamy look in her eyes. Idk why she didnt pick up the other full bottle. Idk why she just stood there waiting for me.

I mean I guess she could have been high. I guess. But she sure the fuck looked and acted like she was interested. Her gaze was very dreamy.

[nathank77]

7/12/25

10:19 p.m

Idk what happened to me. My goals are not what they used to be. I just keep thinking, I didnt even know I wanted this.

I got a lot of goals. I'm appearantly training to be an acrobat. Idk why. I'm insane.

Insane goals for a year from now include the front lever and the planch. Maybe one day the human flag. But yea I'm insane. I'd cry if I could hold either the planch or the front lever.

And although I didnt hold it, i realized I'm such an overachiever, when I raised my legs for the L-Sit, I actually achieved the V SIT Bc my hip flexors are incredibly flexible. I'm actually very flexible tbh...

But I raised my legs up so high it was a V sit. Now thats even more legendary. As I dive into advanced calisthenics, I cant wait to see what I'm capable.

My new goal other than obv 8 reps of chip ups is holding my V Sit. And holding an L Sit. Idc if its from a hanging position or arms extended. These are the plans for the next couple months.

Later on I will work on chest and triceps dips as well as pull ups.

Then the planche and the front lever.

I'm ready for some next level shit. I am going to baby myself. But this is just the beginning.

Say hello to an accidental even more advanced calisthenic. The fucking V sit.

[nathank77]

7/12/25

2:17 p.m Significantly Added to

I'm still scared. But no guts equals no glory. I hold back and don't hold it for as long as I can BUT everytime I hold it a little bit longer.

Today I did three chin ups. The first two were BEAUTIFUL AND I MEAN BEAUTIFUL. The third I didnt get my chin all the way up.

My negatives were beautiful and I went all the way down and all the way up. I cant wait to just be able to do fucking 8 reps the 8th rep can be a slight failure in terms of getting my chin all the way up there.

I did the dead hang, it wasnt, "my best," bc I'm scared. But it was close to my best...... I probably could have held it for 5 more seconds but tbh you can pop something right out of the socket doing them.... so yea I dont do my absolute best. I did hold it for about 10 seconds with my arms turned in rather than in a pull up position. I did try the pull up position but I felt something pop (which tbh isnt that abnormal with the Smith bar i feel all sorts of popping and everything). Bc of the pop sound i did it with my arms in a narrow position.

Nonetheless I have learned a few things as ive went along- i have an affinity for close grip back exercises. I truly do. Which 1000% explains why the pull up position doesnt, "feel right," bc I'm not as strong when it comes to a wider grip. My close grip, man I'm a beast.

So I'm going to swap some close grips for wide grip, I already started the process.

I did the hanging L sit. I wont lie i just jumped up, lifted my legs and put them down. One day I'll try to hold it but I'd rather be safe than sorry not gonna lie. Nonetheless I can do it and its fucking legendary.

I'm glad I learned about the shoulder blade tuck/arched spine for push exercises. Somehow I'm back to 180 pounds on the supine. And I just got to 175 for the pec fly. So I didnt really lose strenght THANKFULLY.

Anyways, I'm very proud of myself. Maybe Wednesday I can do 4 chin ups.

I feel like i UNLOCKED something by starting with a dead hang... it stretches out muscles bc you hold it in a static position. I felt stronger and more capable today.

I'm going to start every single arm day with a 10 second dead hang in the narrow grip position. And ill try to work on the wide grip but i wont hold that one.

Stretching before a workout is important.

I also am going to set little goals for myself. I'll try chin ups next time. And maybe in a week i will try to work on my balance issues with the arm extended L Sit. But that one hurts and usually takes me out of commission for an arm day for a while so I am afraid of doing it again.

Of course I'm nervous I hurt myself.... but we will see in the coming days.

But yea, a lot more is to come. Look at me.

[nathank77]

7/11/25

4:48 p.m

I dont hurt. Idk why. I feel like i should hurt. I mean I did a dead hang and a variation of it. And I did my poor chin ups. And I lifted 200 pounds in two sets on the lat pulldown...

And I did 160 on the pec fly. I also did my whole workout minus 3 sets bc of the legendary shit my brain forced me to do.... but I still did 53 sets.... not including the chin ups bc they were a "failure" but I am still proud of them and the two static hangs...

I cant wait until I can do a set of 8 perfect chin ups...

Tomorrow... tomorrow imma do a hanging L Sit. I cannot wait. I can see it. I know i can do it.

I go easier on myself on Saturdays bc I did arms on Wednesday. And Wednesdays I go harder bc I get 3 rest days for my arms...

I cannot wait to do the hanging l sit. I might attempt chin ups again... maybe bc I'll go lighter on the weights bc of Wednesday.

I cant wait until I can do the l sit with my arms extended and hold it for 10 seconds but its really hard to maintain balance... thats the hardest part.

I weigh 180 pounds and my back can lift 200 pounds...

Also I discovered why my push exercises have been hurting me..... tucking my shoudler blades back fixed it entirely. So I've been doing push but I've been easier on myself in terms of the supine bc of wrist pain.

I think I discovered why my wrist hurts. Its about hand placement and then my wrist trying to push it higher. Ive been able to work around it.

I got to slowly work the weight to 200 pounds again for my chest.

But yea imma do a hanging L sit tomorrow. Its going to be fucking legendary.

[nathank77]

7/10/25

9:01 a.m

The angle is a bit different unfortunately so my pecs/trap development isn't as noticeable but my biceps look amazing. This is about a 3 month difference.

However, I've been isolating my biceps and it shows. I can now lift 100 pounds per arm on the lat pull down!!

[nathank77]

7/9/25

9:53 p.m Significantly Added to I'm so mad I dont even want to be alive bc this world is fucking shit. And I'm never going to have my hand held again. I'll never get kissed. I'll never have a coffee date. I'm going to die alone but hey I got xanax. That's the only thing I got.

Oh and my asthama is still bad. Mucus is an understatement. Post nasal drip that never ends. Its like a waterfall.....

Coughing at night. It sucks. I'm surviving with my inhaler and copious amounts of drugs when I wake up and start coughing.

My hand rash which is now a wrist rash persists. Its not as bad as my hand rash was.. my hand healed... so its whatever I can live with raised bumps all over both wrists. Its no biggie. I guess.

The asthama is killing me.

And having no one to talk to. And whenever I get a like, its always someone with lesbian as their sexual orientation, you can go fuck yourself. Idc if sexuality is complicated and blah blah.

If you identify as a lesbian and a pansexual-if lesbian is an important part of your identity. If you actually say I'm a lesbian- youre disgusting for liking a transman...

You cant be a lesbian and date a transman without calling him a girl. To me when I see it, i feel rage bc in my mind its her saying, "you're just a very masculine female and I want to eat you out bc I assume you got your female parts still." Its fucking vomit worthy.

You cannot be a lesbian and date a transman bc he is a man. If youre a lesbian and you date a transman, he is either gender queer, gender flexible, androgynous, or you dont see him as a man. That's my point.

I cant even tell you how many transmen I know who date lesbians... why? Bc they cant find anyone. I cant even tell you how many transmen I know that date straight women who make them wear strap ons and wont touch their anatomy bc they feel their sexual orientation is threatened if they touch his trans dick so the poor guy has his plastic dick tugged on and never get a orgasm.. this is the sad reality of dating and sex for a trans person.

We are not sexual experiments. We are not men with female parts. You dont know what I got in my pants and trust me, its not a vagina. Its very fucking unique. My genitals are different than a cis guys and a cis womens. Its got similarities to both. But its different... and thats probably why I wont find anyone!

I will never give someone who identifies as a lesbian a chance idc if she also identifies as pansexual. You cannot be both. You can prefer women. But if youre a lesbian you only like women. Lesbians only like women. By definition.

That's my biggest issue anyone i have actually been like okay she's cute, LESBO. And bam I swipe fucking left so fucking fast.

It really grosses me out... transMAN is really important to my identity bc I'm a man. If you're a lesbian how about you look for someone who identifies as fucking female, whether she is a transwoman or a cis female and leave fucking transguys alone.

I really feel like trans people as a whole stand almost no fucking chance at finding love.

I get to have tremendous amounts of self love, as do most trans people. The shit we got to go through, just to see ourselves in the mirror for the first time..... and its so much self love i have a hard time killing myself bc I see myself and I missed out on 21 years of my life not being able to see myself.

We lose people. We see how ugly the world is. I fear needing surgery or anything where something could, "go wrong," bc they hate me for being me...

Im scared of growing old. Im scared bc people want to hurt us. Dr's are the scariest. I dont plan on living long. I can only imagine waking up from a surgery fucked up bc of an, "accident."

But as trans people we get to love ourselves so fucking much but no one ever loves us.

We are doomed to be alone forever. To never be anything more than a sexual experiment or a fetish. At best.

Unless we date our own kind. Oh and then I got to be poly cause most trans people are poly. It's sucks being monogamous and trans.

Oh and don't forget everyone has a cat. Except all the peoppe who would never give me a chance.