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Honor your father and mother

Exodus 20:124, Bible

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Young men should be filial when at home and respectful to their elders when away from home. They should be earnest and faithful. They should love all extensively and be intimate with men of humanity

Confucius Analects 1:6

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Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old

Proverbs 23:22, Bible

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When parents are alive, serve them according to the rules of propriety

Confucius Analects 2:5

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Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it

Proverbs 22:6, Bible

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Filial piety nowadays means to be able to support one’s parents. But we support even dogs and horses. If there is no feeling of reverence, wherein lies the difference?

Confucius Analects 2:7

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The power found amongst these specific quotes share vital values that contribute to the foundation of families. Comparing two very traditional countries: China - the Confucius analects are deeply ingrained in the family structure, while Fiji upholds biblical references and turns to God’s commandments as fundamental values in a family.

What is Family? How is it structured? What are the core values that institute/define it? What are the driving forces that hinder its implementation inside families?

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CHINA VS FIJI

Filial Piety (孝顺) 

An Important Chinese Cultural Value

In order to understand Chinese culture and society it is fundamental to understand the Chinese family. China, as a Confucian society, has always emphasized a strong reverence for elders. The Confucian virtue of xiào 孝 signifies respect for one’s parents, elders and ancestors (Sik 2013, 70). The idea stems from the fact that parents give life to their children, subsequently supporting them throughout their developing years in terms of providing food, education and material needs. In return of receiving these needs, it is reciprocated as children have an eternal obligation towards them. Confucianism has been embraced for its ability to foster harmonious households and societies through its implicit influence over individuals. It is an inseparable foundation for Chinese family beliefs and functions, holding values and practices that shape family dynamics.

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‘Sautu’ (family wellbeing)

An Important Fijian Cultural Value

Fijian families aspire to achieve a certain level of harmony, prosperity and stability - a situation where relationships are mutually reinforcing and respected, order is observed and maintained, through the observance and promotion of protocols and rituals. The Three Pillars of Fijian society: Vanua, Lotu, and Matanitu, broadly translated as land, tradition, Church and governance, is a predominantly Fijian Methodist religio-cultural ideal structure. With Methodism coming into play as a firmly rooted Christian belief system, Fijian families turn to biblical references for family framing. Interestingly filial piety echoes the first commandment in the Bible, which is to “Honor your father and mother (with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” - Ephesians 6:2-3 ESV

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Surprisingly amongst intercultural borders, common values are shared and the institution of family is seen to be the pinnacle of society. The collectivistic ideology runs deep in both, impacting family functions and behaviours. These quotes are theoretical in the sense that they act as rules that one must follow and value in a family.

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Chinese families are ever changing at multifaceted levels

This means that values can be contested. Have they been forgotten, completely ignored, or simply shifted and used in different ways? Finally, what are the driving forces that are changing these family dynamics in China while also hindering the involvement of these traditional values in families?

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FAMILY STRUCTURE

Pre-1949 jiā 家 (Chinese family)

Across different time periods and regions the Chinese family displays a variety of forms, functions, and relationship dynamics. The pre 1949-era Chinese family was organized in accordance with patrilocal residence and patrilineal descent and based in patriarchal authority (Jankowiak 2014, 351-52 ). Traditional Chinese families honor the patrilineal descent system. There are five basic Confucian relationships for humans: father-son, emperor-subject, husband-wife, elder-younger, friend-friend. Three out of five bases of these relations occur in the family.

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A traditional Chinese idiom “多子多福” (the more sons, the more happiness) means yearning for more children was a mindset ingrained for blessings, and that lineage was important. In reference to the Confucius analects, Meng Zi (孟子）had said，“不孝有三，无后为大” “There are three ways to be unfilial; having no sons is the worst”.  This makes the process of filial piety complex, and inter-generational obligations are vital.

‘Matavuvale’ (Fijian family)

Much like pre-1949 China, families in Fiji live together and multi-generational households have up to 20 people living in a four-bedroom house. The Fijian culture is very collectivistic; there is a strong sense of attachment and commitment to the group or society of which they belong to. Like the Confucius concept of  ‘Filial Piety’, the people around you are valued, and children tend to feel that once they grow up they have a strong sense of responsibility towards parents, culture, and their ‘Vanua’ (land).  Attached below is a picture of my uncle’s family; he has 8 children (6 shown) and 13 grandchildren. Extended families are common and there is an inter-generational codependency of children, parents and grandparents in each family. During my childhood, My family (6 people) and my uncle’s family (21 people including his grandchildren), were all living in a two-story house with my grandparents. My grandmother was the eldest of four generations living under one roof and this is not uncommon. Much of this influence goes according to a Bible verse - God had said “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth” - Psalm 103:17-18, much like the “多子多福” idiom and “不孝有三，无后为大” analect (the importance of multiple children).

Post-1979 jiā 家 (Chinese family)

One-child Policy 计划生育(ji hua sheng yu)

In post-reform China, owing in part to China’s modernization process, the institution of the one-child policy gradually transformed the Chinese family. It has dramatically changed Chinese family dynamics by reducing family size and simplifying structure, moving the focus from parent to child and changed living patterns. This has affected emotional bonds, ethical nuances, and competing interests. Even after abolishing this policy in 2016 (National Geographic, November 13, 2015), family dynamics didn’t revert to pre-1979 structures and having one child is viewed as very beneficial.

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Much like China, Fiji’s family values and societal upbringing are starting to be influenced by multiculturalism and modernization. The notion of ‘Sautu’ (communal family wellbeing) is still enacted as it helps families to be self-sustaining (especially in poorer families needing multiple incomes). Children in Fiji often live with their parents past the age of independence, it is uncommon to ‘flat’ while in university, or have your own 2 bedroom apartment when working. ‘Veitokoni’ denotes mutual support (partnership) built around a dependent relationship and this is common.  Individualism within the family can work against the common good and is often frowned upon. In a Fijian house, ‘Na i Sa’ demonstrates this paired up relationship between family members. If this partnership fails,  the ‘Doka’ (roof) of the house will collapse. It is a reciprocal relationship among family members that in essence determines whether or not the family functions as a unit and remains upstanding. Extended families remain intact, but at times, the generational respect  or a communal approach to living and supporting others is not as greatly valued as it used to be. Some families are confronting the increasingly materialistic values of Western culture and ideals and finding it very difficult to marry these expectations with Fijian traditions designed to protect the group as a whole. Generational gaps for expectations are becoming wider.

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Does China hold onto traditional values despite this family dynamic dilemma? The phenomena of modernization suggests that the socialist one-child policy has been a primary force in changing the Chinese family. Whether or not these traditional family values and structure remain highly valued is a vital question, and are they upheld in the modern family context? Clearly the family dynamic has changed, however, whether familial values are continuing to be deeply ingrained in lifestyles is questionable.

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Having Siblings vs. Being on my Own

Little Emperor Syndrome

When you are your parents’ one shot at a genetic legacy, there can be a lot of complications and pressures that come with it. You may attend the best schools, wear the best clothes, or eat the best foods — at least relative to children in multiple-sibling households. Modern China’s economic growth has tremendously elevated the annual per capita income in urban areas and women have been increasingly represented in the workforce due to economic development and pro-consumption stances adopted by the State. The traditional patriarchal role of women in the family structure is being redefined (into Western ideals). Men and women are conceived as social activists (revolutionary couple), frequently resulting in two sources of income.

A greatly improved purchasing power coupled with excessive pampering of single children have for years in China laminated what’s known as the 小皇帝 ‘xiao huangdi’ Little Emperor - phenomenon. It is a generation of pampered and entitled children who believe they sit at the center of the social universe by the way they’ve been treated. However some stereotypes build around this labelling, claiming kids to be spoilt, lack social skills, expect instant gratification,with attentiveness by overprotective parents. Surprisingly, In China today, some employers have gone so far as to specify “no single children” in job postings (Time, January 10, 2013). Being a singleton can have many consequences.

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4-2-1 Problem

A smaller Young Population to Care for a Growing Older Population

The era of the first generation of the ‘one-child policy’  (those born in the 1980s) and the shifted family structure means that the responsibility of fulfilling filial piety cannot be contested. Parents invest heavily in their children, giving them the best they can afford. In return, the parents expect this to be reciprocated. 

The 421 family structure is an inverted pyramid composed of 4 grandparents, 2 parents, and 1 child in a closely bonded Chinese family. Singletons are facing the need to care for all without having siblings to share the responsibility. The upholding of filial piety amongst a mutually beneficial household is no longer sustainable. There are fewer children relative to elderly parents: providing care for the elderly has become an unprecedented challenge.

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Traditionally, a great number of children, particularly sons, was seen as proof of the family’s standing and it guaranteed the continuity of ancestor-worshipping customs. The one-child policy has resulted in unique demographic transitions, including the imbalance of the sex ratio at birth and the geographic dispersal from urbanization.

Millions of extra boys have been born, already leaving 41 million bachelors without women to marry (The Guardian, November 1, 2015). The sex ratio at birth is imbalanced due to four factors: rapid fertility transition, son preference, available technology to determine the sex of the fetus, and physical and cultural ease of access to abortion. The rapid pace of fertility transition has given China little time to change a cultural norm of favoring sons. Amongst this patriarchal society, roles are defined and the men especially are given dominant roles. Therefore the favour of boys over girls is common. This is also the case in Fiji but as there is no limit to children, there is not the same issue of pre-birth selection. That said, sons are valued more highly with the first son being cherished and ultimately having greater responsibility. This results in greater emotional and financial investment in the firstborn son,  and like China, ‘little emperor’ syndrome is not uncommon, and similarly expectation of parents for care later in life.

In perspective, how would these gender preferences and roles impact fulfilling these traditional values? 

Many Chinese families had only a girl. Marriage is patrilocal - a daughter-in-law moves in with her husband’s family after marriage. Where would that leave her grandparents and parents and the need for codependence? Fiji also has this patrilocal mindset but when a daughter leaves for marriage, there are other siblings left to carry out the filial duty. The first born son has the most obligation but having multiple generations under one roof allows a strict division of labor and emotional support. Whilst ‘many hands make light work’ it can mean resentment on the part of younger generations with newer, independant ideas or approaches to life.

Employment means more parents can now pay for a university education for their children. Post-1979 reforms, urbanization and modernization come into play. In order to survive, many of these single children grow up and chase employment and career opportunities resulting in increased geographical dispersal of Chinese families. Other cases like the societal phenomenon of “生女 sheng nu” (leftover women), continuing to pursue their careers without finding spouses, leaving no child bearing cycle and hindering the recurring cycle of filial piety. The tradition of multi-generational co-residence is losing appeal not only among the younger generation but also among the older generation. This leaves elders no other choice but to find elderly nursing homes. For those who can afford it, a good-quality nursing homes or residential care facility is increasingly seen as a preferred options that provide more autonomy and independence. For some though, this option in contrast to the traditional ‘Filial Piety’ has made them feel left out or ditched by the family.

Aside from a potentially radical shift in cultural norms concerning the treatment of the elderly, this new family structure poses many problems: change of the economic status, population structure, and the traditional concept of family support or traditional elderly life. People are having to rethink, but how much can they accept these changes, especially the elderly people? Can they be emotionally independent enough from their children like the westerners? Even if they can, would the society be able to provide the facilities or benefits for the elderly after they’ve contributed to the society for several decades? Moving in a similar direction, there are similar concerns in Fiji. Smaller families mean fewer people to spread extended ties and responsibilities, change is just not as fast as China.

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OBLIGATION  >  REVERENCE

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Filial piety nowadays means to be able to support one’s parents. But we support even dogs and horses. If there is no feeling of reverence, wherein lies the difference?

Confucius (Analects, 2:7)

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Including filial piety and Sautu in homes is important. In most Chinese families now, it is easy to identify this weighted pressure many single-children carry in order to fulfill this - not so much in Fiji. Filial piety must come from the heart, but it is becoming a cruel reality that it is seen more of an obligation. This attitudinal shift reflects the forced changes on Chinese and adaptational changes thrust on Fijian families, and for each this is driven by a multitude of factors. The difference as to whether this is an enforced obligation or whether it comes from the heart is vital to recognize.

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Softened Enforcement

Education System

We can see in both countries the education system playing a major part in the underlying need for continuation of these practices  seen as a vital tool to learn. For example, the three character classic 三字经 a 13th century reading primer consisting of Confucian tenets, formed the basis of elementary education in China (YellowBridge, January 26, 2010) . It is the paramount embodiment of Confucianism suitable for teaching young children, also serving as a child’s first formal education at home. With the short and simple text arranged in three-character verses, children learned many common characters, grammar structures, elements of Chinese history and the basis of Confucian morality, especially filial piety and respect for elders (the Five Relationships in Chinese society). This highlights the extent to which Confucian ideals have been harnessed and enforced by the State and the power it holds in shaping people’s morale.

I was even taught this song in my Chinese language class in university.

Lyrics:

人之初 (rén zhī chū)       People at birth,

性本善 (xìng běn shàn)  Are naturally good (kind-hearted).

性相近 (xìng xiāng jìn)   Their natures are similar,

習相遠 (xí xiāng yuǎn)   (But) their habits make them different.

Fiji enacts these practices similarly. In the last 100-150 years, Fijian people have come from a warrior culture to being renowned as one of the most loving and heartfelt people on our planet. One of the prime movers in this rapid change was their adoption of Christianity. Singing is how Fijians express feelings most eloquently. I grew up in Fiji and in primary school we spent nearly over 2 hours in the morning learning and singing hymns from the Bible. This was prioritized as a practice that we must follow each day, heavily centralized over actual educational learning.

Fijian children in Grade 8 sing the Christmas Carol "Joy to the World" in class, at the Primary school of Navala village, in the Nausori Highlands of Viti Levu, Fiji.