nayfeeeen

[nayfeeeen]

Hasn't Allah always taken care of you?Everything you were worried about a year ,a month ago? Hasn't Allah solved it for you? Hasn't he given you better than you imagined? Has he ever burdened your soul with more than it can bear? Hasn't he made your heart stronger with every trial,every dhikr,every recitation of the quran? Haven't your duas been answered all at the right time for you? The lightness you have felt during this month is yours to keep if you allow it . We are in this world as mere travellers so if you must gather,then gather only good deeds . If you must worry then worry only about pleasing your lord. Our days here are numbered. Please don't get too comfortable

When their specified time arrives, they cannot delay it for a single hour nor can they bring it forward.” (Quran, 16:61)

[nayfeeeen]

I spent every past Ramadan discrediting every little good deed i did for as long as it did not fit a certain criteria, I did not stop to ask myself who set the criteria? Who was I worshiping? My self made goals or Allah? When I was not praying my nawafils ,competing to do multiple khitmahs on the quran , itikaaf, then I wasn't doing anything. I wasn't doing ibadah. As a result ,I grew frustrated and overwhelmed. We fast to achieve intimate God consciousness and I did not stop to think that most times this looks like reinventing our intentions and doing everything for the sake of Allah in our day to day . Ramadan is supposed to sharpen us and better us for the rest of the months of the year. Ibadah even during Ramadan might look alot more like shortening your recitation of the quran because you have a new born that wouldn't leave you alone . Giving a foot massage to your hababa is still ibadah. Taking over the kitchen duties to dissolve your mother from it this year is still ibadah . Working to provide for your family while only managing a few minutes off to read quran is still ibadah. Praying tahajud with sleepy eyes because you were up all night finishing an assignment ,helping a student , lending a hand to your sister in law who has just had a baby is still ibadah. Checking up on your loved ones is still ibadah. It's helping your grandmother with her tajweed during the time it would have taken you to complete your hizb for the day ,it's lending a hand to those in need in whatever way you can. Ways of worshiping Allah are neither exhaustive nor fixed for as long as you reinvent your intentions. I'm afraid this is something i had to learn alittle bit later in life. So while you're in the kitchen, changing diapers, navigating traffic jams ,working extra shifts remember to mumble your adhkars and recite from what you have memorised from the quran. And when it gets too overwhelming remember there's a lord greater and mightier than everything you're experiencing. A Lord more merciful to you than your own mother. A Lord who wants ease and not hardship for you.

[nayfeeeen]

I'll never get over the journey from girl Hood to woman hood. The uncertainties that linger and the calmness that ensues.The tapping into your inner self . The realisation that the little girl is gone . Waking up one day and seeing a woman staring back at you.Redefining your relationship with Allah.Falling in love with solitude.Accepting that loneliness is the perk of your early twenties . Morphing into your mother,the best person you've ever known,growing together ,growing apart. Wanting nothing but to be her.Kohl in your eyes. Wilted smiles. Wanting to hold every baby. Wanting to have your own. They say growth doesn't happen overnight but sometimes it does. One morning you tuck your hair behind your ears and suddenly they don't look so big. One morning your nose is the right size. Mid march and you're falling in love with womanhood. You want to take lessons and scribble them on rock and paper. What did my mother learn from hers who learned from her mother who learned from hers. You stare into the mirror as proof that generations of you have loved and learned.

[nayfeeeen]

Begin it now because even those who have the highest hopes are worried. Begin it now, it is better than regretting on your deathbed about all the undone deeds, the misused hours, the neglected prayers, the plans left for "someday." Begin it now because you are not in it for a long haul, your time in this world is a temporary tool on lease from Allah. Put on that effort because the clock is ticking and what you do with your time is the raw materials for your hereafter. Start now because your tongue has to get used to the shahada. The shahada doesnt work like a task you can easily deliver seconds to deadline, you wont be able able to utter under the tension of time. You need to be prepared for it before death. Begin it now because it is easier now.

Zamzam

[nayfeeeen]

I was having a heart to a heart with a friend the other day and she stopped me midway and said," You do know you're still young and have time. Right?"

And I get her point ,it sat with me for a while. If my goals are dunya oriented then I can only ensure their completion if its accorded to me In my already predestined time. I can only achieve so much as what is ordained for me ,no matter what effort i put into something . No matter how much I give . My rizq was written years ago and while i do not discredit the need to put in efforts in anything one sets their heart to,there's only so much we can do. There's only so fast we can run. There's only so heavy we can carry. Tawakull and full reliance on Allah is only so much as theory for as long as we do not fully believe and let Allah lead the trajectory of our lives. We do not know the future or the present . We do not.

" Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know."

What I don't agree with however is the idea that i have time to gather or garnish my good deeds. I have time to serve Allah more later . I have time to seek more knowledge of the deen later . I have time to serve my parents later. Every moment spent In delay of perfecting a good deed is a moment wasted even if I accomplish the dunya and everything in it. I do not have time and neither do you.

Wallahy wallahy wallahy , if you put your heart in contemplation of the akhera Allah brings the dunya to you ,right into your palms.

And while i have so much love for her in my heart, I know the fuel in me is burning for a reason and so is the one in you. Do not let it die especially if it concerns your akhera. " and Allah wants ease and not hardship for you."

أَحَسِبَ النَّاسُ أَنْ يُتْرَكُوا أَنْ يَقُولُوا آمَنَّا وَهُمْ لا يُفْتَنُون

"Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested."

"

[nayfeeeen]

My father keeps my picture in his wallet,I'm 2 years old there. I do not recognize her. I don't remember her. But my father does. I let him remember her and the feeling of being a dad for the first time. I don't ask him why he doesn't have one of me now,as a woman. The woman I am is standing infront of him,the 2 year old long gone. The picture in his wallet reminds us both  that I'll always be his little girl. There's an invisible string trying us all three together, or us two . Or maybe we are the same person;me now,2 year old me, and my father. I stare at the picture ,I have the same nose,the same smile. Yet it's hard to believe the little girl is me. But she's there.There's something so edifying about staring into your younger self,into her eyes. She's not a reflection of you. She's you. You hope she's proud of you.

[nayfeeeen]

[nayfeeeen]

This is the last time I'm asking you this,put my name at the top of you list.

[nayfeeeen]

Me🤝using tumbler as my personal notes app.

[nayfeeeen]

Peace be upon the man who was the last to get angry and the first to get satisfied. Peace be upon the man who had a thoughtful humour and a rich conversation. Peace be upon the man who was a guiding figure throughout his life, who loved to give out personal advice and attention to his ummah.

We love you oh muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم

[nayfeeeen]

In the middle of the storm,you'll stop and realise happiness is right where you are. It will always be in the little things. When we are busy seeking happiness in the next big thing. We fail to give credence and meaning to everything we're experiencing right now. The family that is still alive and with us. The friends that love and value us for who we are. The hugs and smiles that linger. The conversations that tap into our truest selves. The meaningful relationships that catch us off guard . Genuine connections with strangers. Kindness. Altruism. Little kids. Your relationship with Allah . It will always be in the little things that aren't so little . Be present,be intentional,the universe aligns with your soul when you are. Good things are coming your way. What was meant to be yours will never ever pass you by.

[nayfeeeen]

And we can write about it,

We can try; to string together words into tainted,wilted,formulated sentences.

To express this emptiness,this despair,this agony. We can let the words ooze out and with it the pain. Then maybe when we are done. And you've separated the writer from the writings; two separate entities existing in one. 

Will we be able to decipher ,to ponder  ,to contemplate? When you stare at your reflection ,not in the mirror, but in those crafted hazy predicated clauses ,it all comes together like a jigsaw puzzle you've been trying to solve your whole life. You're the story teller , not the writer. You're writing someone else's story and then narrating your own; like it exists separate from you .

The pain makes sense , the agony too,the emptiness too  ,the misery too. 

And as the distance between the writer and the writing  starts to get blurry, so does the distance between you and your Lord. So does the distance between  yourself and yourself. The emptiness exists because it's meant to be filled, the pain exists because it's meant to be healed ,the misery exists because ease exists,comfort exists,contentment exists,but not where you seek it ,especially not where you're seeking it. It exists when you've narrowed the distance between you and Allah. So much so there's no more room for anything else to breathe. Not even you.

[nayfeeeen]

And we can write about it,

We can try; to string together words into tainted,wilted,formulated sentences.

To express this emptiness,this despair,this agony. We can let the words ooze out and with it the pain. Then maybe when we are done. And you've separated the writer from the writings; two separate entities existing in one. 

Will we be able to decipher ,to ponder  ,to contemplate? When you stare at your reflection ,not in the mirror, but in those crafted hazy predicated clauses ,it all comes together like a jigsaw puzzle you've been trying to solve your whole life. You're the story teller , not the writer. You're writing someone else's story and then narrating your own; like it exists separate from you .

The pain makes sense , the agony too,the emptiness too  ,the misery too. 

And as the distance between the writer and the writing  starts to get blurry, so does the distance between you and your Lord. So does the distance between  yourself and yourself. The emptiness exists because it's meant to be filled, the pain exists because it's meant to be healed ,the misery exists because ease exists,comfort exists,contentment exists,but not where you seek it ,especially not where you're seeking it. It exists when you've narrowed the distance between you and Allah. So much so there's no more room for anything else to breathe. Not even you.

[nayfeeeen]

And we can write about it,

We can try; to string together words into tainted,wilted,formulated sentences.

To express this emptiness,this despair,this agony. We can let the words ooze out and with it the pain. Then maybe when we are done. And you've separated the writer from the writings; two separate entities existing in one. 

Will we be able to decipher ,to ponder  ,to contemplate? When you stare at your reflection ,not in the mirror, but in those crafted hazy predicated clauses ,it all comes together like a jigsaw puzzle you've been trying to solve your whole life. You're the story teller , not the writer. You're writing someone else's story and then narrating your own; like it exists separate from you .

The pain makes sense , the agony too,the emptiness too  ,the misery too. 

And as the distance between the writer and the writing  starts to get blurry, so does the distance between you and your Lord. So does the distance between  yourself and yourself. The emptiness exists because it's meant to be filled, the pain exists because it's meant to be healed ,the misery exists because ease exists,comfort exists,contentment exists,but not where you seek it ,especially not where you're seeking it. It exists when you've narrowed the distance between you and Allah. So much so there's no more room for anything else to breathe. Not even you.

[nayfeeeen]

And we can write about it,

We can try; to string together words into tainted,wilted,formulated sentences.

To express this emptiness,this despair,this agony. We can let the words ooze out and with it the pain. Then maybe when we are done. And you've separated the writer from the writings; two separate entities existing in one. 

Will we be able to decipher ,to ponder  ,to contemplate? When you stare at your reflection ,not in the mirror, but in those crafted hazy predicated clauses ,it all comes together like a jigsaw puzzle you've been trying to solve your whole life. You're the story teller , not the writer.You're writing someone else's story and then narrating your own; like it exists separate from you .The pain makes sense , the agony too,the emptiness too  ,the misery too. 

And as the distance between the writer and the writing  starts to get blurry, so does the distance between you and your Lord. So does the distance between  yourself and yourself. The emptiness exists because it's meant to be filled, the pain exists because it's meant to be healed ,the misery exists because ease exists,comfort exists,contentment exists,but not where you seek it ,especially not where you're seeking it. It exists when you've narrowed the distance between you and Allah. So much so there's no more room for anything else to breathe. Not even you.

[nayfeeeen]

[nayfeeeen]

And before you know it,the years have passed you by. You look around . Your deeds are brought forth in front of your eyes and you find you've wasted your life . What was it that you chased? Life? Happiness? Success? None of it matters now. You ask for a few minute ;sadly they're none to be spared. You wish you had uttered just one single subhanallah more.You yearn for the nights to rewind so you can spend it in ibadah . You want to turn back the days you did not be of service to anything but your souls desires. Such is life, one minute you think you have forever ,the next we've covered you in a white shroud bidding you goodbye.