nearestend - Tumblr blog

[nearestend]

might do something crazy (remake my blog)

[nearestend]

i hope you can all forgive the fact that i haven't been responding to messages. for the few weeks, i have only really been able to talk to one person. everything else is much harder.

no luck with the housing search. i just got off the phone with one shelter that may have space for me next month, but i'm on the fence about that because the person i spoke to made me very uncomfortable and seemed to question the validity of my situation and whether or not i deserve that space.

i'd like to come back, to write and talk to you all again. the problem is, i can't see myself doing that. obviously, i'm not really in a state to be doing anything here right now, but lately i've been wondering if i've outgrown this entirely. it may just be my depression talking, but everything i've written here - as meaningful as it was at the time - feels frivolous and inconsequential now. i don't like that thought because i've been here for so many years and relied on this space for a lot of comfort. but i don't feel like there's a place for me here anymore. i wouldn't know how to come back. i've forgotten how to function and communicate here. i wonder if that's for the best, if maybe it's time that i let it go and move on to new things.

i don't really expect anyone to know the answer. i guess the reason i am writing this is to make sense of it all. writing things down is the only way i know how to figure things out. i hope this feeling passes. i hope that i'll feel like myself again eventually.

i think of you all often and i wish i knew how to communicate better. i hope you are all well. i'll keep you all posted if anything changes.

[nearestend]

update and goodbye for now.

i don't really know where to start with this, honestly. i've had to leave my friends' place and unfortunately have returned home. i don't have the means to support myself independently right now, there are no shelters in the area with any available space, and i've run out of alternatives. so i'm back where i started, which is where i don't want to be and i know i'm not safe. this situation has really impacted my mental state, my paranoia, and the general way i feel about myself, because it does feel like i've given up and i didn't try hard enough to do any better. it's looking a lot like things are not going to get any better any time soon, unless something drastically changes.

regarding commissions: it's unlikely i will be doing any more commission work for a little while. i've exhausted a lot of my energy with the job and housing search (which has been unsuccessful thus far), and i really just don't feel motivated nor do i feel happy satisfied with anything i make anymore. i would like to continue doing what i can because it would at least be a source of income, but i know when i have pushed myself too far.

with the way things are right now, i don't see myself coming back here or to any of my blogs for awhile. i don't have energy to talk to people lately, nor do i really have anything nice to say anymore. i know people have been very kind and supportive and have tried to reach out - i'm sorry that i can't bring myself to respond to most people, including close friends. i would like to do better, but i just don't have it in me anymore and i need to fix things before i can be around others again. it's not fair for me to say this when i haven't been responding to people, but this is the loneliest i have felt in a long time.

until my situation changes, which i can't really see happening in the near future, i don't know if i will be able to come back here. i don't like conclusions or finality or anything like that, so i won't say that this is forever. thank you to everyone who has tried to help me in some way, no matter how small. i'm sorry that i couldn't do better for myself because i feel like i owed you all that, but i hope you understand that i tried.

goodbye for now, i hope that i will be able to talk to you all soon.

[nearestend]

hi my dear friends. i know i made a promo, said i would be active, and then immediately dipped. i haven't been in the best mental state, considering all things. trying to earn some income is a priority for me right now and is quite draining for me so i don't really have the energy to talk to a lot of people or write atm. i'm still taking commissions, unfortunately i don't have any new examples to show for it, but i'm also working on getting some designs made for my shop (i will update you guys when i have that done in case anyone wants to check them out).

in the meantime, if you'd like a commission of any kind, send me a dm here or on discord (@/thefourthbeastieboy) and i'll try to get back to you as soon as i can.

[nearestend]

another quick update: so i am in between places atm and trying to figure out next steps, but i'm going to attempt to be active and write throughout the next week. still taking commissions as well, so i'll work on any of those if i have them too. thanks again to everyone for being patient!

[nearestend]

honey, i just wanna be yours - wanna be yours inside your dreams tonight. IND. MULTIMUSE, FEATURING CANON & ORIGINAL CHARACTERS.

[nearestend]

how many times must i sell myself before my pieces are gone? ©

[nearestend]

hi i'm so sorry i haven't been around like i promised. life update in my last reblog. a little bit of venting under the cut. i love you all very very much.

i'm getting very self conscious about staying with my friends, although they have been really kind and generous hosts, i just feel like i am taking advantage of them and so i don't think i'll stay for much longer. the problem here is that there's not really anywhere else for me to go right now because shelters in the area are all full, so i'm really scared of what will happen next. i know it's not safe for me to be on the street and i won't be doing that. as a last resort, i will go home. even though it's really not good for me there either, at least i will have a place to sleep. in the mean time, my plan is to earn as much money as i can to support myself and save for getting my own place even temporarily. i'm not sure if that is possible because i'm quite certain my credit isn't good enough to rent a room anywhere, but it's the most i can do right now.

sorry if to everyone if i am slow response or if i seem checked out when we do talk while this is all happening. i really do appreciate everyone who has said something kind, reblogged my posts, commissioned me, or donated any amount. knowing people care about me has really been making me cry quite a bit lately, but in a good way. i can't thank people enough for trying their best to help me.

[nearestend]

hi, i'm making this post because i am currently in an emergency situation. i've been living in a home with my mom and my abusers for the past few years. last night, i had a mental health crisis and the situation escalated with one of my abusers (my older sister), where she yelled and verbally threatened me. my mom did not protect me from this and left our home; when she returned, we had a conversation and i confronted her about this, but she did not offer me support. i believe my sister overheard this conversation and i am afraid that this puts me in danger right now.

my friend has offered me a place to stay for a few days until i find a shelter, but i am disabled and currently unemployed and only have $55 CAD to survive on for the time being. i do not like to ask for money when i haven't earned it, so i am offering gif and graphic commissions in the meantime, if that's something anyone is interested in. you can find examples of my work on my blog here and here, or you can message or inbox me for more information.

if you would like to help but do not require a commission, my paypal (under my deadname) is @/mutinyorg. i would appreciate reblogs as well as any help that can be provided at this time. i will update this post regarding the situation if anything changes.

thank you.

[nearestend]

hi gang! i opened up a little shop to sell some of my poster designs to. since i'm not able to access a printer at this time, everything there is available as a downloadable file that you can print yourself. keeping things low cost atm and i'll be updating the shop as i make more things. also still taking custom graphic commissions atm as well, feel free to message me here or on discord for details on that :)

[nearestend]

you're on the lam, you're on the run. don't give your name, boy, you don't have one. — original character, many aus available. written by laney.

[nearestend]

an update on my situation. i made a more in depth post about it here on my personal blog, but long story short is that i'm trying to flee from an abusive situation right now and do not have consistent income to support myself. i feel very terrible asking for help again because this wouldn't be the first time, but i am extremely desperate right now.

i can't offer much aside from graphic and gif commissions, which you can find examples of here. there will be no set pricing for this, you're welcome to pay whatever you can because i know this is a big ask and any amount at all could make a huge difference for me right now. for more information or answers to any questions you may have regarding commissions, my inbox and dms are open.

if you don't need a commission but would like to help anyways, my paypal is @/mutinyorg. i would greatly appreciate if others could reblog this post as well for visibility.

thank you to everyone for your kindness and your patience. the friendships i have here mean the world to me and i hope you know how much i cherish you all.

[nearestend]

i'm a bit more settled at my friend's place, so possibly expect some writing either tonight or tomorrow? no promises. thank you friends for sticking with me at this time, it is so appreciated!

[nearestend]

trying to figure out something inexpensive i can give to my friends for hosting me

[nearestend]

making friends some white bean garlic pasta for dinner today and i'm so excited. inviting you all too

[nearestend]

hi my wonderful friends, i am settled at my buddy's place right now and thankfully doing alright. would love it if you guys replied with something nice about your day or just anything you want to share!

[nearestend]

hi guys, i am once again coming on the dash to say i'm in a bit of a financial bind and i'm taking pay-what-you-can/sliding scale commissions! full blogs packs (header, pinned, pfp, divider, and psd) are $10-20, carrds are $5-25 depending on coding/difficulty but highly negotiable, and psd's are just $5 a pop! here's my graphics examples, and my carrd examples are at @zer0carrds <3