neesha-me

[neesha-me]

Darjeeling...........

[neesha-me]

Random Muse

Well, just pondering over a question that was randomly asked to me by one of my student in IELTS class. A question which at the instant moment was addressed quite professionally by the tutor who has been residing within me since the past ten years. However, a question that lingered in my thoughts throughout my busy schedule and here I am trying to explore my feelings regarding the same. “What do you feel when you look into the sky?”

Some might just laugh away the question, giving some ridiculous remarks, whereas few self-proclaimed philosophers might try to come up with an ambitious explanation. I belong to neither of the groups. A working woman, a single mother, trying to earn a decent life for my child; for whom life was never a box of chocolates. A life that has been spent mostly trying to create a balance between family and office. An insignificant specimen in the crowd of Kathmandu! What meaning does the vast expanse of sky hold for me? I had never given a thought to it before, in fact it would be better justified if I said I didn’t have much time to spare for myself or my thoughts. My personal needs and wants always being the less prioritized aspect of my life.

Today, as I sit in my balcony, after one more hectic day in the office, holding a cup of strong black coffee and inhaling the aroma that has been a big support in many an occasions, I look up towards the sky. It’s quite late in the evening and the clear spring sky about to enter the dusk, in fact looks beautiful. It is at this moment that I ponder about the innocent question asked by my student, “What do you feel when you look into the sky?” Well, how am I exactly supposed to feel? Or do we ever try to feel the environment around us? I see a vast expanse of blue. A shade that has been used to represent the sky, even in the crude drawings of a primary student. The identity of “Sky” – Blue. Nonetheless, now when I think deeper, this is not the color of the sky. It’s merely borrowed from the ocean beneath. So, is the universe trying to deceive us? It’s quite funny when I realize that even the nature is trying to fool us with faked identity. If even something as powerful as the universe is to be accused of fake identity, who are we to blame humans for doing the same in many an occasions. For the sake of some temporary privileges, humans are lying, cheating and living with fake identities, however, now I realize, the entire existence is based on it perhaps.

Moreover, I see a bunch of clouds fleeting towards the unknown. Changing their shapes and color as they slowly drift away to some faraway places. Humans changing their nature, their character, their emotions, their home, their friends, I guess, is no different then. We get upset that our friends have changed. We expect to have the same kind of bond with our dear ones forever, “Best friends forever”- a very common phrase amongst the youngsters nowadays. And when our expectations are not met, we start questioning ourselves, “where did I go wrong?” The fact is no one went wrong, Change is in nature, it’s inevitable. Well, my son as an infant needed me a lot, his affection towards me was different then. Now, as a teenager, he has a different approach towards his mom. And I understand that after around ten years, when he will have his own family to look after, he will be completely different to what he is now. His affection and love towards me will never change however, the way he will be expressing it might definitely change. And I am completely okay with it. It’s a natural phenomenon. When the same change is observed in nature, we are mesmerized by it and when we have to deal with the same, we experience unbearable pain. We humans are maybe the biggest hypocrites.

As I muse, I feel a sense of calm overcome me. I smile at the black liquid in my cup, already very cold and offended that I had completely forgotten about it. Once again I look up into the sky, the vast, beautiful mesmerizing blue sky, dotted with soft clouds. As I do so, I understand the human nature a bit more. I realize something that looks enticing from a distance, might have a lot of flaws up close. Similar to our lives, that perhaps looks blissful to many others. The scars and bruises invisible from afar. One random question might give us some major life lessons someday as we sit in our balconies having a sip of coffee!!