nekktaar

[nekktaar]

The bell attached to the glass door at the front of my little cafe rings out, filling the sparse room that was the dining area. Another customer - that's the seventh today. I look up from my hands, which were busying themselves with a sponge and a used mug under the flowing water of my sink, to see that familiar face. A mop of scraggly, black, hair upon a head so pale it could be confused with a hunk of marble. Those freckles that spot her cheeks, that mole that sits comfortably atop her nose.

“Charlie, why am I seeing you again?” I piped up, enthused, as my arms opened themselves up - cup and sponge still in my hands.

“Sorry, wha… where am I?

Charlie stared at me, spacey and puzzled. My open arms fell back onto my face to pinch my nose. What an idiot I can be sometimes, huh? I sighed and gestured towards one of the stools.

“Come take a seat, I’ll get your usual ready”

Charlie tentatively pulled the stool out and sat down, her eyes darting about the shop at the furniture, the drinks and at other visitors. I brewed her favourite - a caramel and cinnamon Hot Chocolate with marshmallows - and slid it to her gently. She looked down at the cozy, warm drink and up at me. My eyes met with her light blue ones and she began to speak, almost at a whisper.

“How did you know…?”

“You’ve been here before, sweetie. Not that long ago, in fact.”

She looked down again, pensive, at her drink.

“Every time you go under - every time you go comatose or get concussed or scrape with death - your mind comes here. Some people have a harder time remembering their visits than others.”

Charlie nods, slowly, and sips at her hot chocolate. As the minutes flow by and a few clients leave the cafe, Charlie settles more and more into her seat and gets more comfortable in the shop.

“So why are you back here so fast? You were only gone for like three minutes.”

Charlie looks down and swallows, bringing her arms close to her chest.

“I… I was in an accident…”

I leaned in towards her, my arms settled on the table.

“I know that much, you told me earlier.” I replied, matter-of-factly.

Charlie sighed.

“I think I’m dead.” Charlie looked up at me again, her eyelashes fluttering in a tinge of disbelief.

My posture straightened as I flashed the most understanding glance I could produce.

“Ah. I get it, it can be scary.” I turned to my workstation “Everyone dies, Charlie. That’s why the Cafe's here. Stay as long as you like.”

Charlie met her drink to her lips again, finishing it off. I grabbed her mug and slipped a new drink in it’s place. She's gonna be staying for a while.

Charlie Sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping her second drink once or twice as she pondered alone. For long stretches she would just sit, staring at the intricacies of the drink before her whilst not touching a thing. After the third such spell of pensiveness, her head turned itself to the ceiling.

“Where do I go after?” Charlie spoke so quietly I almost didn’t hear her say a thing.

“Hm?”

“Where do I go from here? I’m dead now, aren’t I?”

I point to a door through the towel I was using to dry off another client's mug.

“You could go there. The end of the end.”

“The end of the end?”

“Your mind will dissolve to nothingness and rejoin with the universe. Kinda like being asleep, but just forever. You can roam the Earth for a bit beforehand, or you can stay here for a while, but the final step you’ll ever take is through that door there.”

Charlie looked at her cup again, and back to me, then to the door.

“I think… I think I’ll stay a while longer…”

“Then stay you shall.”

You run a café on the edge of life and death. Souls who have been departed from their bodies temporarily, such as in comas or near-death experiences, can relax in your quaint cafe for as long as they need before they can either return to their bodies or begin their journey to the afterlife.

[nekktaar]

You’re a simple and design-cute robot which helps his master with the daily chores. One day you see them staring fearfully at the TV watching something about a Droid Revolution. Then they turn around looking at you, scared about you, but you don’t know why. You feel normal.

[nekktaar]

The Rapture's very own Shotgun Crusader - a demon-slaying, heretic-booing, sin-killing warrior from something that's been on my mind for a little while now.

[nekktaar]

Amen ig

[nekktaar]

I haven't attempted world domination since I was like three years old!

You have the odd ability of “idle stockpile” which means that if you havent performed a certain action for longer, the more easy or powerful is the next time you perform the action. You just threw your first punch in 10 years.

[nekktaar]

No clue if those are people, but the Yamato is a Big, old Japanese warship,so i'm assuming she would make the better roommate.

Alright, I challenge you to the Ultimate Roommate vote!

[nekktaar]

The Atheists just get to chill with me

Turns out when a religious astronaut dies in space they’re out of bounds of their after life, instead of going to Heaven, they go to you. God of the abyss.

[nekktaar]

Wish I was in the perfect state of drunk enough to want to kill God, but not quite drunk enough to believe I can kill God.

[nekktaar]

Well, I am polite and will judge them accordingly. Good astronauts go to heaven when they die in the abyss, bad and naughty astronauts don't get to die in the abyss. They simply float, alone, suffocating just out of reach of a planet's gravity well.

Turns out when a religious astronaut dies in space they’re out of bounds of their after life, instead of going to Heaven, they go to you. God of the abyss.

[nekktaar]

Probably make myself immortal (The no damage kind) and fuck around from there

If u could do one thing as God what would you do 

[nekktaar]

We lock eyes and of course its him. His cowboy hay, rugged smile and beard, heroic gaze etc. He looks as I do, far too tired for all of this. He walks over to me and I start to speak, as does he. We harmonise in a chorus of exhaustion, "Not here, later". we stare at eachother for a moment before our eyes unlock and I get back to my coffee. Not right now.

A villain nurses their loss in a quiet diner when an equally tired person enters, and orders a coffee in a very familiar voice.

[nekktaar]

Specify English people over British people, the Scottish are definitely not just 'oi oi oi', I would know, I've read half of macbeth and slept though 90% of braveheart.

No offense to British people as a whole, and their entire culture, but when they’re mad all I can picture is an angry little cartoon character going ‘oi oi oi’

[nekktaar]

How about teeth grammar knowledge? Seeing as a group of on kind of fish is just fish and multiple kinds of fish would be fishes, it would not be incorrect to say that a pile of randomly souced teeth would be called a pile of teeths.

Teeth humor isn’t even exciting to me anymore. I’ve heard every form of tooth-based threat. “I’m gonna steel ur teeeth” this, “your teeth are now squishy” that, yadda yadda blah blah. 

[nekktaar]

"I will NOT! That would negatively influence the already hectic economy!"

A villain who is morally neutral and only became a villain to make money, talking to their clearly evil henchman who keeps trying to talk his boss into destroying the planet.

[nekktaar]

You were always bullied for wearing a power dampening collar, They didn’t know why you did. They saw it as some joke. You know why. Your power. It scares you. The terrible disgusting eldritch power of horror. One day they took it too far. Stealing your collar in a super shopping mall.

[nekktaar]

I wish all of my bot followers a somewhat merry Chistmas, and my human followers an ever so slightly slightly merrier Christmas, or other such holiday!

The bots are stuck with just christmas, though, because we both know you are a godless machine.

[nekktaar]

They should be worried for their own safety, humans have a tendency to...

*Stares at planet Earth*

... Yeah

A human crash lands on an alien world and has to fight off the individuals hunting them. The “hunters” are actually an underfunded wildlife rescue team who are very worried about this human’s safety.