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[neptuneswords]

god i love you so much

like the singers foretold

all i think about

all that i dream about

and yet i have to go without

your goodnight kiss

but still

your wishes are enough for me

the days where all we do is talk

about each other, about what we want

what makes us laugh

that’s what i don’t know how i’ve breathed without

i hope one day

i can say goodnight moon

knowing that in the morning

we can see the sun rise together

hand in unendingly loving hand

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i almost wish when i used to fear my own death

now i only fear the death of others

i’m so tired of going through this process over and over again

and yet it is one of the few things that is guaranteed to happen

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laid with my arm around her and wished upon every shooting star i saw for the same thing

and at the end of the night it was me who made them come true

(she texted me in the middle of me writing that)

knowing i make her feel comfortable warms my heart in a way that makes me want to cry

everything about her is soft

and whatever happens

i am grateful

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sometimes it just hurts

having to be everything for myself

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i know that i need to want myself first

and in most ways i do

but i really just want to feel wanted

i’m so tired of wanting and hoping only to have to reel that back in and try to forget that i ever wanted in the first place

ik that this is just part of what come with putting yourself out there

that disappointment is the only risk

and the rewards are fruitful either way

but i like japanese house says , I miss falling in love

I miss the feeling that you get when someone fits just like a glove

I used to feel that with practically every new connection I made

and now it’s so rare

idk if it’s solely bc I’ve changed or if the world has changed too

idk if I’m doing smth that makes people feel like they can’t show that side of themselves to me or what

but i hope that whatever it is i’m waiting for winds up being worth the wait

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.

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Richard Siken

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There is rot in you– fine, there is rot. Maybe at your fingertips, or under your tongue, or maybe in those parts you cannot see, but feel, crumbling between your bones. So you know that there is rot. But you are not the only one; we are all fetid beasts, breath between our teeth coming death-sweet. Sing your sorrows if you must, but come find us in our garden. We plant our rots together here and give them a place they may decay, and make themselves something more– iris climb from curling skin, lilies lilt like ribs. No bruise alone knows how to grow, but together we’ll teach them to bloom. 

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it’s a weird and humbling notion to realize that

twenty seven years on earth

and i don’t know that i’ve ever fully been in love

at least not with anything, or anyone

more than i am in love with the stars and the moon and the sun’s rising and setting

no more than i am in love with pink cherry blossoms and bright red mushrooms

and yet i have felt love in such high peaks and low valleys

it’s a wonder to me that i’ve been able to place my love in people’s hands so willingly

and accepted the love they were able to give me

shaping it in my mind to make it feel like puzzle pieces

as opposed to pieces i’ve forced into place to paint a pretty picture

my only hope is that i can keep feeling the love i am able to receive and able to give

but that one of these days

i won’t have to force the pieces to fall into place

i hope i get to meet you in this life before it’s too late

and that if i do

we can forgive each other for taking so long to find each other

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There'll be a moment when you realise you're 27 when yesterday you were just 17; and you wouldn't be able to tell how a decade passed away and your life got divided into before and afters. The fury of youth will subdue and nothing will really change but everything will feel different when you look at old photographs and blurry videos taken on cheap mobile phones. Scents will remind you of childhood and certain friends you don't talk to anymore, hangouts will become reunions and mom's burnt pie will become the best food you ever had. And I know on some days you won't be able to show anything of those 10 years but I hope you remember to breathe, and let go of the knot in your chest. I hope you go out in the sun and live a little, because tomorrow is 37.

Edit- I added the visualizer for this piece on my YT, check it out here

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned

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to think that the two people i spent the longest loving

creating a life with

i was never truly in love with

i can love anyone

but to love someone like i love the stars

is something else entirely

and my heart belongs to Her

not in a singular sense

but an eternal one

He can never make me feel like the earth is contained within a glint of his eyes

but She always has

it has taken my heart so long to heal

to let myself come back to this realization

but She is Home

even if we are passing ships in a storm

She is who I belong to

She is who makes up the other half of me

not to say i am incomplete without Her

but if soulmates are real

they are built

and found

within Her loving arms

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there’s beauty in getting up and pretending everything is fine

there’s beauty in breaking down in the middle of the night while listening to music in your dark, solitary room

there’s beauty in feeling on top of the world even if it last for only five minutes

there’s beauty in wondering what significance your existence brings

there’s beauty in reminding yourself that you’re not a reflection of someone else’s words

there’s beauty in feeling like you are.

linear healing is unimaginable, but fuck. is it beautiful.

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ok yeah 

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The scariest moment is always just before you start.

 Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft  (via mergaerytyrell)

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Whatever life takes away from you, let it go.

(via queenxkimberly)

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What in your life is calling you, when all the noise is silenced, the meetings adjourned, the lists laid aside, and the wild iris blooms by itself in the dark forest, what still pulls on your soul?

Rumi (via seemoreandmore)