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i do love that you can name pets pretty much anything. with children you have to be reasonable but with pets you can just do anything. you can name your tortoise panopticon

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acid reflux is caused by evil spirits trying to deprive you of energy by making it painful to consume essential foods such as burger and coca cola. you must push through the pain or you'll never be strong enough to defeat them

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when you go to bed significantly earlier than usual, a little menu should pop up asking if you want Wake Up Early or More Sleep. and then you should get what you requested. that's my human body UI improvement for the day.

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having long distance friends is so fucked. do you wanna come over to my house and play (it will cost us 1 william dollars)

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Ship dynamics are always like Sunshine and Sunshine protector~ Cinnamon roll and their grumpy one 🤗 Well what about 2 cunts. They're both cunts and that's the dynamic. cunt4cunt.

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Favorite bird genre has got to be 'that's literally just a dinosaur'

Groove-Billed Ani

Hoatzin

Pheasant Coucal

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x

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I wish you all very good sex. if you don't like sex, I wish you a very good romance. if you don't want either of them. I wish you a very good bowl of soup and some bread, mate.

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was playing 20 questions on the 8 hour drive to visit my grandparents & after like 10 minutes of utterly fruitless questioning my brother suddenly asks me with such exasperation & contempt "is it some sort of petrified remains"

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Feeling rough lately.

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this is targeted tumblr content

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Bruce Campbell, his dad, and his body doubles on the set of Army of Darkness (1992)