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claws

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I didn't know him, not really. I had only heard of him. It was impossible not to know about the youngest, ruthless Port Mafia Boss after all, especially if you works at the Armed Detective Agency. But it didn't matter. Even before we were people, Dazai Osamu and I were enemies. Even before we were a man and a woman, he and I were a mobster and a detective who had sworn allegiance to their respective institutions. Even at the cost of dying. But when I first met him all these convictions crumbled like lime; in their place doubts arose, uncomfortable emotions, sensations never experienced before. The taste of melancholy. Of something left in the middle.

***

Neither of us dared to move a muscle. He, however, unlike me, seemed a calm sea. I was so stiff that I couldn't hide my hand shake. I slowly reached for the hidden pistol in the sheath, but I was ready to react with my Ability the moment he made one misstep.

"You won't need that."

His voice was flat, tired I dare say, lacking in energy. As if he never knew what happiness was. But I guessed, who knows how, who knows why, that he was sincere. He apparently didn't want to hurt me, but that wasn't enough to make me let my guard down. A few seconds passed in which silence was prevented from taking complete control by the rushing of water inside some pipes located on the walls of that tunnel. He looked at me fixedly, I tried not to lower my eyes. His gaze made me nervous, it gave me shivers on my skin. It seemed to dig deep inside me looking for something I didn't know. Something that only I owned. I let him do it without resisting, as if I had forgotten that he was the enemy. Only at the end did I seem to come back to me.

"What do you want?" I spat out in frustration; for some reason my voice came out less angry than I wanted though. He lingered biting the inside cheek, then his shoulders dropped making me discover that he had been holding his breath the whole time.

"I wanted to see you."

And in that moment I saw it: the sadness in his gaze. People tend to represent it as something dark and distressing, but that one eye of his free from the impediment of the bandage began inexplicably to sparkle. My heart raced furiously. I couldn't do anything but gasp like a fish out of water and my hand slipped away from the gun. I realized that those words had hurt me. Both me and him. Me because I did not understand the meaning, and yet, at the same time, they had begun to echo in my head stronger than thunder; him because in pronouncing them he seemed to have unlocked a cog somewhere inside himself that he had tried to silence, but in vain.

***

In the universe of Beast Mary adopts a new identity following some residence complications that force her to abandon the job she had earned with so much effort at the "Yokohama daily" newsroom; her name is now Michiko Ishihara and she lives togheter with Oda and the orphans, alternating between being a caring older sister and a childish younger sister. Her relationship with the former mafioso has remained unchanged, with the only difference being that it's much more solid, having had the favor of time on their side. Oda loves her immensely, Mary dotes for him and his attentions; whether it's to express affection or the simple desire to receive a caress, the girl will never leave it silent. Caring about writing as much as him she gladly reads his draft, praising how excited she is about the upcoming publication of his first book.

Her relationship with Dazai, however, doesn't boast the same immutability.

In all the universes that Dazai has gone through and in all the lives he has lived, he and Mary/Michiko have always found each other. In all but this one. The price to pay for Odasaku to live is high, higher than the boy could have expected, but he can't go back even if it means sacrificing his relationships with the ones that made his life a little easier, including Mary who will never have the chance to hold his hand, because in this alternate universe she becomes a member of the Armed Detective Agency while Dazai is the boss of the Port Mafia. Their love would be forbidden, but in reality it doesn't even have time to blossom. Dazai, who thanks to his Ability still possesses all his memories, is unable, however, to stay away from her and for this reason he can't fail to meet her despite Mary has never known him and automatically labels him as the enemy. During their first and only encounter her guard is high and her hand readily grazes the gun. In the mafioso's gaze, however, there is a glimmer of nostalgia that leads the girl to wonder if the person in front of her is really the much feared leader of a criminal organization as everyone says. Inexplicably, her heart begins to beat faster, as if she recognized that of other, but she is unable to voice that feeling, recognized by herself primarily as "wrong" due to the role she plays as a detective. However, Dazai shows no willingness to hurt her or engage in a fight, limiting himself to a few words that leave Mary with her soul divided in two.

After learning of Dazai's suicide with a misterious girl, Mary tries in vain to chase away the unjustified sadness that assails her, but she can't find peace. Often she goes to the cemetery without Oda's knowledge and remains for hours in front of the tombstone on which stands the name of the one who, in another life, had been her greatest love.

***

Thank you for reading this far! This was Mary's version in Beast!AU, next one will be Tomie. If you're a veteran on my account you probably recognized this old art; since Mary's design has changed I decided to simply redo it lol yeah this was just a clarification

If you have questions I'll gladly answer them ♥︎

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And here is the second commission done by @varrix. Equally as amazing as my first one. I felt like I just had to put my three favorite redheads into one piece and I knew no one better to do it that Varrix~ <3

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Jojakko-ji, Kyoto

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poetry is the language of the tender heart

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Please Reblog is Your Blog is Safe for Non-Binary People.

If my mutuals can’t rb this then we can’t be mutuals

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The ADA gets a therapy cat part 2

Everyone wants to pet and play with mini atsushi Tora 🥺

And damn you Mori let the mafia keep a therapy cat >:(

In summary everyone wants to pet Tora, Dazai still dislikes Ango, and Mori is still an ass :)

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to the stray dogs

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Icons for you and your tired squad💫

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Please help

Ok ok ok I’m trying not to freak out but my laptop just broke down and I’m hyperventilating bc that is my work tool and fixing it will be fucking expensive as fuck since I’m broke and unemployed I cannot pay to get it fixed

I swear to god I’m nearly having a panic attack here

So uh. I need like 350 BRL (65 USD) to get this fixed so that I can get back to work. If you can spare literally any amount, even a cent, it would be much appreciated. If you can, please signal boost this post.

Thank you very much! 💕

KO-FI

PATREON

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Fundraise update

This is an update of my previous post (which you can find here) concerning my current situation.

My laptop finally gave in a couple days ago and I have no other ways to do digital commissions which are my primary source of income.

If you could please donate and/or spread this around it would really help me (｡-人-｡)

https://gofund.me/3c01b27f

I can still offer traditional sketches commissions on the side, if you prefer to help me that way too!

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Kamishikimi Kumano-imasu Shrine | sameshiki

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dark era dazai + oda‼️

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read somewhere that initially, dead apple wanted to bring odasaku back in the guise of a bird, but ultimately abandoned that idea. naturally, being the sane person that i am, i had to bring that idea to life (while being overly extra about odasaku’s dead apple outfit) 

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twitter enjoyed this sketch based off of this brilliant tweet so i might as well post it here too