nesteaunderthesea - Tumblr blog

[nesteaunderthesea]

The cycle of life, death, life again, git gud, death

I finally found something worth enjoying a lot. Late last year I picked up a ps4 and played Dark souls. The game kicked my ass, threw sand in my eyes, stomped my testicles, and told me to try again. So I stood up with my crushed spirit (and testicles), and went at it again, again, again , and againagainagainagain. It eventually clicked for me, and then I'd face a boss that would do everything before and some. I fell in love with this game, not because of its fantastic lore, atmosphere, gameplay, or difficulty. I fell in love because it truly gave me a drive to just keep trying. What I'm getting at, is that once I'm down IRL, I have a tendency to loom on what exactly is causing me to stay in such dark places. But this game. This FUCKING RAGE INDUCING BULLSHIT SPEWER taught me something. It taught me that life is gonna fuck your shit up if you don't learn from your mistakes. It taught me to keep fucking trying, don't mess up, don't give up, keep the fire kindled. That fire is my drive to live. I'm so lucky that I have the people I do around me. From my loving girlfriend to the beautiful friends I've encountered both off and online, but yet no amount of friendship and social interaction can take the mental pain of someone who experiences sometimes severe spouts of depression. I keep it locked up, tucked in a tiny corner left to fester until it becomes to late to save. I'm legitimately scared of what I'm capable of doing to myself. I don't want to leave my friends and family behind, but my brain will loop into a shithole over and over again. It's like a rabbit hole, you start thinking of one bad thing, and then you keep falling into this dark place in your head and can't escape. And for what? I don't have a reason to be this way. I have a decent job, my Heath is fine, I have friends that I can speak to (not many, but better than no one), but I can't find the courage of speaking out about how I truly feel. I don't want to feel pathetic or a burden to someone. I'm the happy guy who listens to their problems. I don't want to talk about mine. I want happiness for everyone, but it always seems like it's at the expense of my well being. People say, "See a therapist!" You wanna pay for my session? I'm not financially stable enough to add psychiatrist visits to my bills. (Don't you dare ask to send me money, I'm not accepting). I'm a hollow, and I will continue to link the fire as long as I can. I just hope when the embers die and leave ash, that it was because it was meant to be. Time to git gud, and thank you Soulsborne for teaching me that life is never fair, and to keep trying no matter the odds you face.

[nesteaunderthesea]

Tbh I just wanna disappear

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when i die just remember i don’t care

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OH MYYY

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When Travi$ Scott and Young Thug were recording “Maria I’m Drunk”

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Those who know me knows I love me some Travi$ Scott! From Owl Pharaoh to Days Before Rodeo to now Rodeo. (FYI: Backyard will forever be my favorite song of his) Any who lol loves this piece by this artists that is featured down below. Great graphics! Great detail! Color! Depth! Expression! This Artist Nailed it & not only because I’m a Travi$ fan lol

Artist: vadivisuals

[nesteaunderthesea]

@silverpan

[nesteaunderthesea]

@silverpan

Follow @thedailypres for more dope shit and fashion.

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Mamacitaaaa

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this is so good omg

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I can give you nothing for this photo.

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Sin City.

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Free.

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Away

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Vanilla bean mead.