neurodivergentaf

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*staring sternly into the mirror* you've had a wild week, you haven't eaten today, you've barely interacted with people today. do not trust the Vague Sense of Unease

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literally so annoying to be going Through It in a deeply unserious way where like no one needs to be worried about me i’m gonna survive and things are gonna get better like they always do but right now at this very moment it feels like my soul has unmoored and started dissolving in my stomach and its killing me slowly and painfully but also i’m Fine

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tbh the only thing keeping me going right now is spite over those who want me gone, but oh my god sometimes that's all you need to survive a fucked up period of your life

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Me: I don't get it. I thought I was doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. I'm like 10 times more on top of things than I used to be. How does everything feel terrible now?

The Tiny Me in OSHA-approved Hi-Vis Gear Who lives in my brain and pulls all the levers: Boss, it's the fascism. You're completely gunked up with cortisol due to the fact that your entire daily life is now underscored with a haunting awareness of the rapid erosion of your rights, dignity, and any and all social safety nets, and you're also bearing witness to the most vulnerable people immediately being persecuted. This creates a natural stress response that basically means you're going to continue having memory and organizational problems, as well as emotional imbalances.

Me: BUT I HAVE A BULLET JOURNAL AND I MEDITATE NOW.

Tiny OSHA Me: BOSS, THE FASCISM.

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traditional family values are actually a conspiracy by Big Abuser to make more abusive parents

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kinda funny to not like your parents most of your life. yeah i lived with these people for 18 years and the best compliment i got is "not for me, thanks." rip to stockholm syndrome sufferers but that couldnt be me. i was born a hater and my first target was these two losers that were holding me in the maternity ward

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Being like. Post-suicidal is so strange. Like hiiiii everybody im new I spent a good chunk of my life languishing and have like 3 or 4 lived experiences. But now I'm ready to fuck and party or whatever. Can we be friends. Im so happy to be here. Can we be friends

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i don't know why i feel like im in the minority but i love it when people sleep over. there's just something so comforting with making up the bed with them in the living room, talking with them right before going to sleep, and knowing that someone will be there when you wake up

[neurodivergentaf]

i don't know why i feel like im in the minority but i love it when people sleep over. there's just something so comforting with making up the bed with them in the living room, talking with them right before going to sleep, and knowing that someone will be there when you wake up

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Quote of the day

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the worst part about ocd and ocd-like tendencies is that you think hyper-analyzing your thoughts and constantly psychoanalyzing yourself will fix you but that's actually part of the disorder. it's the disorder. disordering.

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Trauma dumping becoming a popularized term is just so fucking sad idk that’s one of the worst ones used casually obv there will always be people who say and ask too much from people who cant and don’t know how to handle it but it becoming some sort of pop psychology criminal offense is insane. like someone constantly oversharing is a huge sign something is very wrong you just need to understand that sometimes you’re not the one to fix it and can walk away if need be. Not talk massive shit and play victim ruining someone’s life because they told you too much about their childhood or something just keep it moving

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just had a major crying session after seeing a normal photo of an older couple smiling together on a hike. which could mean nothing.

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this is a reminder that you're going to disappoint and frustrate parents when you ask for more than breadcrumbs (basic affection, respect, safety, etc.) and instead of arguing with them on how you deserve the breadcrumbs, you always have the option to look for people who are willing to give you more than you could ever ask for. i promise you that they exist, even if you have to wait for your paths to cross

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had lunch with my parents today. unfortunately everyone survived it

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we're really sleeping on cult colleges as a national discussion topic. one time my religious college banned this 22 year old senior from traveling outside of campus for two weeks because she didn't clock in to our dorm for curfew (11pm.) she had to beg someone to buy her tampons because she couldn't travel. this was in 2018.

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me: weird how these health issues i haven't experienced in years have suddenly returned in this highly stressful and traumatic situation. i wonder what could possibly be causing this. i guess we'll never know 🤷‍♂️

the copy of the body keeps the score on my bookshelf: [grows 10 pages longer]