neurodivergentsupport

[neurodivergentsupport]

Even if I didn’t have a solid plan, in the back of my head, I always assumed I’d kill myself.

Now I’m an adult and people my age have their lives in order and I’m stuck here, confused, because I never planned to be alive and I’m so far behind.

I feel like I’ll never catch up.

[neurodivergentsupport]

A LOT OF THINGS CAN BE TRAUMATIC FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 10

I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH

WATCHING YOUR PARENTS FIGHT ALMOST EVERYDAY CAN BE TRAUMATIC

BULLYING CAN BE TRAUMATIC

BEING YELLED AT FOR DOING MINOR MISTAKE CAN BE TRAUMATIC

NOT GETTING PROPER ACCOMODATION AND COPING MECHANISM FOR YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS CAN BE TRAUMATIC

NEGLECT CAN BE TRAUMATIC

STRESSED OUT FROM BEING "GIFTED CHILD" CAN BE TRAUMATIC

YOU WERE A CHILD

[neurodivergentsupport]

Folks have got to understand that they probably aren't messed up by some Secret Big Trauma that they just can't remember; but rather by a million tiny microtraumas that they do mostly remember but don't even register as traumatic because nobody actually understood that these things would cause trauma, much less stack on each other over the years.

[neurodivergentsupport]

Abuse has a goal behind it, and a lot of the time, it's about changing the victims behavior. If someone screams at you for not doing X activity, eventually you learn to do X activity. If someone hits you when you defy them, eventually you learn not to defy them. If someone abuses you frequently enough, and you begin to break down to their will... It is possible to reach a point where it may seem like you're not being abused anymore.

They don't yell anymore because you stay quiet and do what you're told. They don't threaten you anymore because you don't voice even the slightest disagreement or need. What used to be screaming fighting arguments have become lectures at your expense. They may even praise you for doing what they want you to. And all those mundane moments - breakfast, the rare kind act - stand out more. Your perception of the relationship skews even more. It's all normal now.

And it's still abuse. It's just reached its end goal - wearing you down so badly that they don't need to overtly abuse you anymore to get what they want. All they need to do is make a joke, or complain to guilt you, or tell you want to do/not to do, etc. etc. The fact that's all it takes now doesn't make what's happening to you less severe - if anything, it means you're in much, much more danger than you could realize.

It's abuse. It's horrific. It's just not obvious anymore... and that's terrifying. You deserve so, so much better. You deserve to truly be safe - not to have your wellbeing held behind fearful compliance. That's not safety. That's not love. That's abuse. It being psychological doesn't make it less dangerous.

[neurodivergentsupport]

a lot of the time, abusers are just regular people. abuse is something we're all capable of - it's a pattern of harmful behavior in which there's power imbalance. we all hold various privileges, connections, and knowledge that can be turned into the power to abuse others. we can all exert our will, thoughts, feelings, etc. onto others in a way that hurts them and takes power away from them.

abusive people have done something horrible and inexcusable, yet they aren't... inherently special. they're people, capable of choosing between right and wrong, capable of change, just as much as others are. i say this in part because i think a lot of people have this lofty idea of abusers that leads them to think they couldn't possibly be a victim of abuse. but abuse can be incredibly mundane - and this also means we all have to watch out for our own abusive behaviors.

abuse isn't just something Obviously Bad People (TM) are capable of... and abuse isn't caused by mental illness, substance use/addiction, gender, etc. etc., even if these things impact what happens. idk. there's no real end point to this post. i just wish people didn't mystify abuse, and realized how (deeply unfortunately) normal and subtle it can be... and often is.

[neurodivergentsupport]

shout out to people who's family isnt entirely bad or entirely good, but something in between and you dont know how to feel about them. you feel angry but you also feel guilty, because you know they genuinely love and care about you, but sometimes they show it in a way you know its not okay. your feelings are valid, your anger and sadness and grief are valid, and you dont have to prove this to no one. bigger shout out to those with memory issues who know something isnt right but can't recall all of the bad events, only the feelings, which only increases the guilt.

[neurodivergentsupport]

happy mother’s day btw the adult children of emotionally immature parents book is free to read on archive.org

[neurodivergentsupport]

people celebrating the florida law allowing the death penalty for sexual assault have me so sick rn. like you guys really do not think deeper into an issue at all. not only is the law specifically designed to target trans communities, but it does literally nothing but increase the risk for victims of sexual assault. soooo many children already do not come forward about abuse because they feel guilty about getting their abuser in trouble (and the abuser will specifically guilt them into silence by discussing the potential punishments they may face), which will only get significantly worse if death is on the table. it also means families will be more inclined to handle incidences of abuse “in house,” because they also do not want to have the perpetrator, who is also likely a family member or close friend, killed based on an accusation. plus it just provides greater incentive for the perpetrator to kill their victim in order to prevent anyone from testifying against them. giving the government increased power to kill its citizens without consequence is not and has never been the solution. please utilize your critical thinking skills

[neurodivergentsupport]

Wild things I have learnt in therapy:

When a child cries, parents are supposed to comfort them, not punish them

Parents are, in fact, supposed to want to spend time with their children

Children too have a right to privacy, meaning parents are not allowed to read their diaries etc and then punish them for the thoughts they found about

Children are allowed to be upset and cry

Children don't have to earn the love and attention from their parents by performing various things

Children are not supposed to be scared of going home and/or their parents

Children are not supposed to be physically abused and even a little bit of hitting is actually physical abuse

Parents are not supposed to expect that children are mentally as mature as other adults

Children are not supposed to be told that they're an accident, a burden, or something the parents regret

Children are not supposed to be scared and ashamed of themselves or feel like failures because of their parents

[neurodivergentsupport]

Dismantling the Lies of Abusive Parents Masterlist

Resources

Giving you food and clothing is the bare minimum

You don’t owe gratitude for food and clothes you needed as a child

You had the right for basic resources

Parents shaming you for costing money is ironic and stupid

What it means when they say ‘This is MY house’

My house = my rules is blackmail

Children don’t owe absolute obedience for being fed and sheltered

Physical abuse

You are allowed to refuse any touch, not only violence

If they ‘don’t know they’re hurting you’, why do they ignore or punish you when you protest?

Hitting children is irrational and doesn’t work

You cannot ‘provoke’ your parents to abuse you if they’re not abusive

Why do parents hit, manipulate and traumatize children

Blatant Lies

Care, nurture and affection do not make you weak

They’re lying when they say it ‘wasn’t that bad’‘

You wouldn’t have grown up spoiled if not for abuse

You got too affected by it’ is a lie

Your parents are not ‘just too emotionally immature’ to understand abuse

‘You’re not living in the real world!’ is nonsense

You’re not worthless, a burden, ungrateful, or stupid, and your parents know that.

Constant undermining of your accomplishments is abuse

Not being allowed to talk about the past is symptom of abuse

Parents who want you to be happy vs look happy

You are not abusive for resisting abuse

When they claim ‘they didn’t mean it’, it’s still abuse

Your parents are responsible for their own actions regardless of how badly they try to shift blame on you

Psychological abuse

Blind Obedience is not required in a healthy upbringing

Disgust is a weapon abusive parents use on their kids

If they say they love you, but walk all over your feelings, they don’t 

Parents don’t have the right to enter your room to scream at you

Parents insisting for you to be ‘tough’ are doing it to hide the trauma

Even if a kid acts like ‘they can take it’, it’s still abuse

Pretending abuse is discipline will leave children permanently scarred

It’s inhumane to control and shame children’s reactions to abuse

Why don’t you already know this? vs Teaching you necessary skills

Acting like they’ll change is escape sabotage

Parents are responsible for protecting children from harm

References to how healthy parenting looks like

Not being allowed to be angry with your parents is psychological abuse

If parents want you to act the way you did when you were little, they’re dangerous

Threats about how hard your life will be later on, are bad for you

Lack of continuity and ever-changing rules will cause anxiety

Forced obedience will lead you to abusive relationships

Parents acting like you���re a ‘bad child’ is a shame tactic to control you

There’s healthy and abusive ways to give children chores

Revisioning the past and insisting you remember it wrong is gaslighting

If your parents make you suicidal, they’re abusive

Parents threatening ‘they could be worse’ is abuse

Always assuming the worst intentions for your actions is wrong

Keeping children hostage in abuse is torture

If this hits home, also read Recognizing Abuse Masterlist

[neurodivergentsupport]

My tips for getting therapy for schizospectrum disorders!

I’m somebody who’s always been good with navigating finding therapists who specialize in my issues. When my friends need a therapist they come to me to scroll thru Psychologytoday for them and find someone for their niche. When I was diagnosed with schizotypal I expected the same thing to happen… but when I tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy like most of the easily accessible sources suggested, it didn’t seem to help. After not finding any easy answers I contacted specialists and read studies, as well as digging a little further online. Here is my findings!

Psychologytoday is not great for searching for schizospectrum friendly therapists

This gagged me. I have always used psytoday to search for therapists. But not only does it not have tags for most of the therapy models I’m going to list, it doesn’t even let you search for schizophrenia (you can search psychosis but if you want schizotypy specific help that can be too broad) and doesn’t have a custom keyword search (afaik)

I had way better results using inclusivetherapists.com which let’s you do your own term search and has a schizophrenia spectrum tag! It also had tags for multiple of the therapy models below. I got my current therapist this way and it is going well so far! However, the site only services the US, Canada, and Hongkong

“The Recovery of The Self In Psychosis” was a really invaluable resource and I suggest getting your hands on it

When I was starting to feel discouraged I found this publication via the MERIT institute’s website. Which I found when searching for schizospectrum specific therapy research. It outlines a few therapy models (including MERIT) that are tailored to help psychosis. It also outlined why CBT for psychosis can be ineffective. There is a focus on patient rights and self determination that I loved. Plus the suggested pdf reader for mobile has a robot voice that will read it like an audiobook for you!

Here are the models that were suggested to me by professionals I contacted and by this publication

Psychodynamic Therapy (has an IT tag)

Mentalization Based Treatment (MBT)

Metacognitive therapy (MCT) (has a tag)

Metacognitive reflection and insight therapy (MERIT)

Narrative Enhancement Cognitive Therapy (NECT) (the more general narrative therapy does have a tag)

Psychodynamic is the easiest to find out of these and the least specifically geared towards psychosis. It is, however, customized towards the needs of the patient. MERIT and NECT are the most geared towards psychosis.

A lot of these models focus on forming a sense of self, improving relationships, and identifying emotions. A lot of them are also still experimental and/or uncommon. On the other hand, they at least aren’t all only available in America. Many professionals in the readings I saw were located in Europe or Israel, and hopefully there will be more in other countries. 

What I personally did was look for a therapist with schizophrenia spectrum experience, and then tell them about these models as something I was interested in. The pickings were slim in my area so I set it to the entire state of residence and looked for online treatment. 

Another method is to contact outpatient programs at hospitals or behavioral health centers which is where many of these therapy models are being employed. I am in contact with a “community center” that gives aid to those with severe mental illness, but I haven’t started treatment and I know it’s definitely something many of us will be hesitant about considering systemic abuse common in this kind of facility. 

What I saw outlined was that forming a safe, honest relationship with your therapist can be more important than what model is used. That will help with negative symptoms as well as helping with feeling safe in reality instead of having to retreat into delusion/fantasy/emptiness. 

 Going into my first sessions with my new therapist I made a list of things I tend to hide from therapists and sent it to her. I also got permission from her to send diary entries or emails to help me not blank out in therapy and to make sure I express myself honestly. I’m still in the beginning phases, though, so please take this just as a starting point where YMMV greatly. I’m also no professional!

Thank you for reading, I wish you luck in your journey!!! Reblogs and additions appreciated!

[neurodivergentsupport]

random, but I think the way people talk about abusers as hypercompetent, calculating manipulators that Know exactly what they're doing makes it easier for people to get into abusive relationships

[neurodivergentsupport]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

- “If you were really gay, you’d have sex with me. Are you sure you’re not actually straight?” is not helping you find the right label, it’s manipulating you into sex and that’s abuse.

- “I accept your asexuality but I have needs. You need to give me blowjobs at least.” is not a compromise. It’s demanding you to perform a sexual act and that’s abuse.

- “You’re bi and that means you’ll cheat on me if I let you hang out with guys!” is not the cute kind of jealousy. it’s controlling who you spend time with and that’s abuse.

- “I know you go by them/they but I’m angry at you, so I’ll call you he today.” is not a normal little fight. It’s using your dysphoria against you and that’s abuse.

- “If you don’t do what I want, I’ll tell your mom you’re trans and she’ll kick you out” is not a normal little fight, either. It’s using a vulnerable situation to manipulate you and that’s abuse.

- “You’re lucky you got me, nobody else would love someone as complicated and weird as you” is not a love confession. It’s trying to make you feel dependent on them and that’s abuse.

All of those sentences are examples of someone using your identity against you. That’s not acceptable behavior and is not the way you deserve to be treated. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[neurodivergentsupport]

Dismantling the Lies of Abusive Parents Masterlist

Resources

Giving you food and clothing is the bare minimum

You don’t owe gratitude for food and clothes you needed as a child

You had the right for basic resources

Parents shaming you for costing money is ironic and stupid

What it means when they say ‘This is MY house’

My house = my rules is blackmail

Children don’t owe absolute obedience for being fed and sheltered

Physical abuse

You are allowed to refuse any touch, not only violence

If they ‘don’t know they’re hurting you’, why do they ignore or punish you when you protest?

Hitting children is irrational and doesn’t work

You cannot ‘provoke’ your parents to abuse you if they’re not abusive

Why do parents actually hit, manipulate and traumatize children

Blatant Lies

Care, nurture and affection do not make you weak

They’re lying when they say it ‘wasn’t that bad’‘

You wouldn’t have grown up spoiled if not for abuse

You got too affected by it’ is a lie

Your parents are not ‘just too emotionally immature’ to understand abuse

‘You’re not living in the real world!’ is nonsense

You’re not worthless, a burden, ungrateful, or stupid, and your parents know that.

Constant undermining of your accomplishments is abuse

Not being allowed to talk about the past is symptom of abuse

Parents who want you to be happy vs look happy

You are not abusive for resisting abuse

When they claim ‘they didn’t mean it’, it’s still abuse

Your parents are responsible for their own actions regardless of how badly they try to shift blame on you

Psychological abuse

Blind Obedience is not required in a healthy upbringing

Disgust is a weapon abusive parents use on their kids

If they say they love you, but walk all over your feelings, they don’t 

Parents don’t have the right to enter your room to scream at you

Parents insisting for you to be ‘tough’ are doing it to hide the trauma

Even if a kid acts like ‘they can take it’, it’s still abuse

Pretending abuse is discipline will leave children permanently scarred

It’s inhumane to control and shame children’s reactions to abuse

Why don’t you already know this? vs Teaching you necessary skills

Acting like they’ll change is escape sabotage

Parents are responsible for protecting children from harm

References to how healthy parenting looks like

Not being allowed to be angry with your parents is psychological abuse

If parents want you to act way you did when you were little, they’re dangerous

Threats about how hard your life will be later on, are bad for you

Lack of continuity and ever-changing rules will cause anxiety

Forced obedience will lead you to abusive relationships

Parents acting like you’re a ‘bad’ is a shame tactic to control you

There’s healthy and abusive ways to give children chores

Revisioning the past and insisting you remember it wrong is gaslighting

If your parents make you suicidal, they’re abusive

Parents threatening ‘they could be worse’ is abuse

Always assuming the worst intentions for your actions is wrong

Keeping children hostage in abuse is torture

If this hits home, also read Recognizing Abuse Masterlist

[neurodivergentsupport]

[neurodivergentsupport]

Honestly, I don’t see it posted much here, but not having access to large parts of your trauma history is wack really confusing and frustrating cause you can see what you are currently, how you operate, how you feel, how people with certain traumas have similar behaviors, and read between the lines of the implications of shit

But you have no answers to WHY you are like this or WHAT caused it. You can GUESS, you can read between the lines and INFER, but unlike a lot of other trauma survivors who can often pinpoint moments related to it if they sat on it for a bit, all you get is just this blank wall and a “…maybe something in this realm of trauma???”

And like, for those reading this who are a bit more new to trauma processing and dissociative amnesia / memory block outs, don’t fight against it. Don’t dig into it even if the lack of knowing is wack frustrating and confusing. If you aren’t able to reach the memory there / you hit a dissociative wall, its probably a good idea not to try to jackhammer through it. It is probably that bad. It is probably too much for you at the current moment. You don’t need to remember it right now, it’ll come when you are ready to handle it in the future. Please don’t hurt yourself digging for trauma that your brain doesn’t want to deal with at the moment.

It is so confusing and fucking sucks to not have a consistent narrative of who you are and how things happened though. Real talk.

[neurodivergentsupport]

Common thoughts of neglected children:

my parents are just too busy to notice something is wrong with me

they just don’t know how to show they care

they are too stressed with their own lives to pay attention to me

they’re worried they’re going to say something wrong, so they say nothing

they can’t handle taking care of me because I’m too problematic and demanding so they’re just waiting for me to grow up

I’m not someone who needs care and my parents know this

they would have cared if they noticed something was wrong

they would have noticed if my depression/anxiety/ptsd got worse

they would have acted if something seriously bad happened to me

bad things that happened to me were no big deal, I could handle it alone

they were worried about spoiling me so they made me take care of myself

they didn’t want me to grow up a wimp so they made sure I couldn’t

they were teaching me responsibility when they left me all on my own

they believed I was doing much better than I really was

they didn’t neglect me on purpose, it just happened

I understand them too much and I’m horrified at the mere thought of them taking care of me

they in a way that suffocates me, I preferred the neglect

I did okay on my own, I’m fine, my streak of abusive friendships and relationships is my responsibility to deal with

I didn’t need a lot of care as a kid

I was a rotten child who didn’t deserve any care