neurotransferral - Tumblr blog

[neurotransferral]

I've been suicidal for so long, that even leaving Tumblr for months hasn't helped Nothing helps I've tried everything I've tried music Writing Focusing on school Trying to be religious Trying excersize Nothing I'm losing hope.everyday I'm living my days on fast forward I see everything pass by me I don't feel happy I don't feel sad I don't even feel anger anymore I don't feel anything that's the most terrifying part I'm numb My emotions are so paralyzed and the only thing u can feel is fear Suffocating my mind Eating through my veins Idek why I'm trying anymore I'm just ranting about how much I hate myself at this point But can u imagine having an interview and being expected to pitch yourself when all you can think about is how much you gate yourself I don't even know if this is me trying to find an outlet and give life a chance or if this just a ploy from my mind to convince me that hope exists out there somewhere Even money doesn't matter to me anymore Buying food Eating i don't think I've eaten in forever Like actually eaten I've swallowed food so I don't But I don't know how much longer I can do this I can't reach out to anyone I can't even talk to anyone without getting so anxious that I feel like I'm vomiting At this point I don't even think I could talk to a therapist I want to go mute I basically am mute rn I don't understand I've tried to hard It's my own fault I can't reach out to get medication that's my fault I know I've tried to get better without medication But my life feels as if it's not there People care about grades but me Nothing No accomplishment matters only the failures define me It's a problem of my ego But I don't understand how to fix I don't think happiness is a problem finding happiness is the least or my worries I would rather be sad then paralyzed with fear for everything I do I am the definition of a useless human being. That's also a lie But it feels like. And I'm sorry for anyone who had to read this mess. The worst part is I know that there are people who would care if I was gone But I can't find myself to care enough to try to save myself anymore I'm gonna try to give life one more chance I always say that but now I just want to end everything and stop this pain This numb pain It doesn't allow tears to flow just sits like a constant migraine and as a attempt to stop suffocates me within it's hold

[neurotransferral]

Im really sorry I haevent been on friedns and I porbably wont be until august. My health and mental health are in a really bad state right now and I jjust 

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Thank u for the kind wishes I will take at least two weeks before I can be back fully with the way life is atm but I will try my best to come on from time to time . Miss all my friends on here.

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Sorry I've been away life's a lot rn

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i really like the new fob song

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Guys season 3 and I cant decide if I love Blaine more or Mike

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The Mark, Tom, and Travis show.

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The one with the sad eyes and tragically kissed lips

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Thy Art Is Murder @ The Rev 06/06/13 on Flickr.

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(📷: @stevemadden )

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you can tell that a coming out storyline was written by a straight person if one character says to the closeted character “its 2017″ as if homophobia ended when macklemore died in that thrift store. sorry to break it you karen but homophobia still kills lgbt+ people in the year twenty seventeen lmfao

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bloomsbury bowling lanes, london, england | august 29, 2013

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eep, one of my favourites! Thank you!

bring me the horizon - drown (cover)

this is the first time i’ve ever covered BMTH which is shocking. i’ll be working on more in the future, especially their older and heavier stuff. i’m thinking chelsea smile

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is there ever that one blog that you love and wanna be friends with but they seem too cool and you’re intimidated and scared that they won’t like you?? bc same tbh

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the joseph’s, man.

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death on two legs. mr. mercury said it best. what is my excuse. i do drunk dialing minus the alchohol. god damn i’d hate to see what i’d do under the influence. but you see what you’ve done? this is what i get for giving myself to you in the first place. indiangivericannotbewhoiwish. it goes like this. i am here now i’m there.

ryan ross’ livejournal april 25th, 2005 x (via folkinaroud)

[neurotransferral]

awww thank you<3

I’m the founder of the “I suck at keeping the conversation going, but I really like talking to you” club