neverreal

[neverreal]

[neverreal]

beginning the emotion surpressing ^^ wish me luck!/silly

[neverreal]

feeling like this again

i worry i made her upset, honestly im starting to question how genuine she is when she says she loves me

[neverreal]

ppl who think npd is inherently abusive are strange. like if you think a group of people with a disorder is incapable of recovery, what should they do? kill themselves??? like what???

[neverreal]

NPD ≠ abusive

NPD = thinking about creating literally anything and then immediately fantasizing about how famous it will make you

[neverreal]

“How can you not be angry?”

“I am angry,” the werewolf said. “But unlike you, I don’t have the luxury of showing it without being called a monster. Without someone taking it as a sign of proof that I need to be put down like a rabid dog, that I’m just like what the stories tell you.” 

“But everyone gets angry…that’s human.”

“Up until the point when you’re not human.”

[neverreal]

being a bad person is tiring. no I don't mean that type of bad person, I'm not the type of person who goes out of my way to hurt people, but I do think about it all the time.

its hard being a bad person surrounded by people who believe that I am a good person. i feel like a fraud. i don't belong here. i don't belong here surrounded by these good people who also believe I am good. its sickening. knowing that these people who I love and adore, but still see as beneath me, believe me to be a good person.

maybe this is why i dont feel like myself ever, because nobody ever sees this strange darkness within me, nobody has been witness to the massacres that go on in my head.

being a bad person surrounded by good people is tiring. because I am bad by nature, I am evil by default, but they are good. and they believe that I am good. and I want to be good. but I am bad by nature, so I cannot be good. it is impossible.

[neverreal]

Siffrin, it/xe, minor, alterhuman + fictionkin

this is a vent blog be warned ^^ I do not tag any of my stuff ever

main fictkins under cut

Siffrin [Isat]

Escher Belasco [CoS]

C!Joel Smallishbeans [MCYT]

C!Ren [Life Series + Hermitcraft]

C!Grian [Life Series]

C!Pearl [Life Series]

C!Squiddo [Life Steal]

Sundry Sidney[A Starstruck Odyssey]

Margaretha Zelle / “The Dancer” [IDV]

Matthias Czernin / “The Puppeteer” [IDV]

Vyse [Valorant]

Killjoy [Valorant]

Peko Pekoyama[Danganronpa GBD]

Mikado Sannoji [SDRA2]

etc

[neverreal]

i worry i made her upset, honestly im starting to question how genuine she is when she says she loves me

[neverreal]

tbh its hard not to feel left behind when your friends are al graduating. i know I cant control it and gods know I'm not skipping a grade, fuck that, but all of them are going out and living their lives while I'm stuck.

i worry that none of them take my concerns about this seriously because it seems unnecessary and ridiculous because nobody can control that but they don't understand how big of a deal it is to me.

one of my friends graduated a year before and sometimes when I see him I just start crying, and I worry its going to be worse when 7 out of 9 people in my friend group are graduated.

they cannot fathom how much they mean to me and how scared I am of them leaving. i hate change.