neversaidbutiwantedto

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

Im working ahead of everyone again but let's see the endingggg haha

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

I always start ahead of everyone but still finishes last.

Well, being dumb really sucks.

Gotta exert twice the effort of everyone else just to keep up with them.

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

Dear Pat,

I just want u to know that, i don't hate you.

There are things i don't like about you but i can't bring myself to conclude that I hate you. You were a good friend. And I adore you as a person.

Just know that I love cherishing people from afar. Im done with getting to know one's soul. This distance makes me feel safe and this is the way i want it to be.

I refuse to be hurt by my own thoughts again. So please understand.

Pat, and to my other Pats, I wish for your success and happiness.

Let's do our best in our walks in life. I may not be with you again but the memories, the good ones, they might remain.

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

OH MAGANDA?

OH MAGANDA BOSES?

OH TALENTED?

EDI AMPUNIN MO?!

NAKNAM

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

WALA NAMAN KASING PERPEKTONG MAGULANG KAYA BAKIT MAGHAHANAP NG PERPEKTONG ANAK

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

Due to upcoming deadlines, my sleeping habit became abnormal. Really.

My body clock isn't working and i really find it hard to sleep at night so i usually work at midnight.

Then here comes the witch who locked me outside my room. Basically, i've nowhere to sleep. Even the cushion on my chair was taken all because i didn't follow her. It's hard to sleep on the floor in this cold weather.

So being brat that i am i messed up the kitchen. I cooked pancit canton, ate snacks and chugged the drinks on the fridge.

You don't let me sleep? Fine with meeeeeeeee

Geez such a child play

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

In love daw ba ako?

Oo in love ako.

Kay P.

Kay P na lagi kong iniisip.

Kay P where i can see my future with.

Kay P na gusto ko pang kilalanin.

Kung yan ang definition niyo ng in love, then i'm indeed in love with P.

Kay pangarap.

Wala akong ibang iniisip ngayon kung hindi yun lang kaya pls. Wag ninyo na kong guluhin🙃

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

I want someone to talk to

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

I texted my sister that i want milk tea.

They were on a friend's house who bad-mouthed me behind my back before. That person happened to run a milk tea business few months ago.

A while ago my brother delivered a milk tea to me. I texted my sister where did she get it. She said it was made especially for me.

I threw the drink on the sink. I can't intake something that disgusts me.

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

The egg.

I decided to cook an egg.

I cracked the first egg.

I cracked the second egg.

The second egg cracked not on the bowl but on the floor.

I grabbed a third egg.

The third egg was a rotten egg.

It fell exactly on the bowl. With the fresh egg on it.

I threw the bowl in the sink.

I looked at the scrambled yolk on the floor. I looked at the messy sink. I sighed.

I remembered why i even had to cook a freaking egg for dinner.

Someone took a bite to my chicken leg.

A chicken leg of my portion for tonight's dinner.

My portion because i didn't eat with everyone.

Didn't eat with everyone because i'm pissed off.

Now, i'm still pissed off. With nothing to eat. And with no appetite. And with no will to do anything.

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

Well.. how do i say this.. i have to be grouped with this kind of people and well basically i seems to be the annoying character. Uhmmm.. i tend to get myself involved with others. I tend to initiate unnecessary things. And today i got reprimanded by our professor for asking a stupid question on behalf of our group.

It's just unsettling. I feel so stupid. Like.

I knew i really looked annoying that time esp i even dragged our group with me. Itwas really humiliating. Everyone in the class is in there. I just can't bear imagining the things they're saying behind my back now. "Why did she even ask that" "she always initiate things as if she's the leader" "she's the one to blame if the professor get offended"

I freaking can't take it!!!!

I knew i was annoying! I knew i shouldn't have done that! That was not the first time for pete's sake! It was freakinggg scaryyy! I was nervous while composing that mwssage. I knew it wouldn't turn out well but i stoll pushed my luck.

That was really annoying of me.

And that's why it's unsettling because i know myself that it was annoying so for sure they're thinking the same way.

My gosh i gotta go sleep and just forget everything. I hope so.

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

So my cat went missing 2 days ago. I've been so worried. She's more than just a cat to me. In this household, she's the sole existence where I find peace and comfort. Her and only her.

She came back a while ago. The moment I heard her 'meow', I rushed downstairs to see her. Her kind of meow is because she's truly hungry so i frantically searched for her food. Yesterday, my sister invited her boyfriend's family in the house so she did a general cleaning beforehand. Going back, I can't find her food where it's supposed to be so I thought maybe my sister placed it somewhere else. I was really panicking and it just worsen as her meows goes louder and louder. My sister, whose just arrived from work was napping but i was really panicking already so i absentmindedly ask her though she's sleeping.

The moment her boyfriend left, she lose it and snapped. She was really mad because i was inconsiderate to a person whose tired from work just for a cat's food.

I dunnoooo. I'm already calm right now but my heart is bursting deep inside. It's my fault that's why i want out of here. Yes, i'm that awful because i don't feel sorry at all. I'm feeling sorry only for my cat because i let her get lost.

So yeahhh I was wondering if i can bring my cat with me back to my place once I have the chance to.

I can't bear every words coming from this house anymore. I can't feel anthing but negative feelings from here. I even thought of cutting ties with them already. I don't feel like wanting to have a 'family' at all. I just want to live with my cat peacefully somewhere.

I don't think i want anyone else in this lifetime.

I would be fine with just me.

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

My sister invited her boyfriend's family in the house. I'm not really into facing people right now. I just wanna shut myself in the room. But that would leave a bad impression to them right? And i also have to help in cleaning the house.

So yeahhh i was there helping everybody who seems to be preparing for a papal visit. It tire me out physically. But it doesn't just end there. I still have to put on a mask and even if i don't really feel like smiling nor talk, i still tried to put a facade of that of a kind little sister.

Now, I'm totally drained. Inside and out.

It was way beyond exhausting.

After that festive visit, i immediately helped cleaning so that i can finally rest after that. Unfortunately, my exhaustion already manifested in my face. I couldn't hide it anymore and then I accidentally shut the door loudly. I really didn't mean it. I wasn't mad, just tired. But my sister, i think everyone here, really can't understand this crappy face and attitude of mine so ofcourse they interpreted it negatively. Then, i hear my sister say something like, "you should have showed that kind of attitude earlier when they're still here so that they've known the real you."

Gawwwddd that's where i lose it. DUDE!.

I WAS TRYING THE WHOLE TIME PLAYING TO BE A GOODY GOODY LIL SISTER BECAUSE I WANT TO LEAVE A GOOD IMPRESSION TO THAT FAMILY FOR HER.

She should have told me i can be my bitchy self, i didn't have to tire myself pretending to smile all day. It was funny, i shouldn't hav etried so hard hahhaha.

This is the only place that can make me hate myself to this extent. I don't know. I'm a mistake and all my life i have not done anything right and good.

I just want to leave this place, this body.

I want to throw everything away and laugh at my own insanity.

I just wanna leave. Or die. Either way.

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

So today's mission: Disassemble this piece of nonsense.

Just a brief background, I bought this for my mother's birthday. While we were in Divisoria she saw a shop that sells this kind of stuff. She looks fascinated with it and really wanted to buy one but we don't have enough money. That moment I thought if only i have money I can buy this for mom. So I tried to save for her birthday. Few months after that, I can finally afford it so I went to Divisoria by myself. It was really a huge market place with various malls I'm not familiar with. The problem is, I can no longer remember the shop or where it is located. After taking few breaks i thought of giving up and just buy something else. But whenever I imagine that face she made while looking at those, I've decided to just keep on searching. It took me hours before I can finally find the shop. It was a long tiring day.

The big day came and I thought she would be amazed how I managed to remember that she wanted that. My heart was pounding with excitement.

Hahaha I cannot picture her reaction and I don't wanna even remember it.

It makes me feel pathetic. I hate my over expecting self. I hate seeing this. So let's just hide it somewhere. Let's see if she'll be able to find this or even remember where did she get it from.

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

Nung kumikilos ako laging nagagalit sakin si mama kahit gaano pa ko kapagod. Kesyo aksayado sa tubig, kuryente. 'Pag nagalit ako wag na lang daw ako kumilos.

So, sinunod ko siya. Ngayon naman sila ate ang galit. Bakit daw wala akong ginagawa.

Hahaha sa totoo lang. Matanda na ko so hindi ko alam bakit issue pa ang gawaing bahay.

I just dunnooo what to do na hindi ako makakarinig ng masakit na salita. Kasi sa totoo lang, pinakamasakit 'yun. Mwah.

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

Natatawa ko kasi naglalaba si ate.

So bad mood siya. Tapos tinanong siya ni ate, "Oh bakit ka galit?"

"Ikaw kaya maglaba?"

So 'yun hahaha, diba hindi mo naman talaga maiiwasang mabadtrip kapag pagod hahaha.

Ma, ganyang ganyan din yung nararamdaman ko. Pero anyway, hindi ko na nga pala hihinging maintindihan ninyo hahaha. So wala lang natatawa lang ako😅

[neversaidbutiwantedto]

In this beautiful night

I only wish to be forgotten.

May those people who knew me,

Those whom I inflicted pain and suffering

Please do forget that I existed.

Please live as if you never came to meet me.

I hope to go far away from all of you

And to never trouble anyone ever again.

In this beautiful night,

May your beautiful soul

Find rest.

Do forget me, please.