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[newenglandmonsters]

“Ultra Skirmish”

The onset of Armageddon transpired roughly the same time as the beginning of the advent of artificial intelligence. In the year 2053, the last descendant of Irish American gangster James "Whitey" Bulger was appointed as the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff during the second term of the presidency of Paul Ryan, who had begun exhibiting traits of dementia. As it turned out, the former Joint Chiefs chairman had been kidnapped and murdered by a ragtag team of guerrilla mercenaries who were working for higher elements of Syrian rebel groups. As the newly appointed Patrick Bulger gathered for a conference with his fellow generals, he remarked, "Our primary concern is to put those rebel leaders in the dirt. We'll be working with the Unified Combatant Command in the coming weeks." Meanwhile, in the Kingdom of Heaven, God and the high-ranking saints and angels made the multilateral decision to incite the conflict between the agents of light and the forces of darkness. Just as Paul Ryan's leading henchmen dropped antimatter bombs on the headquarters of various Middle Eastern terrorist organizations, the army of God deployed a set of profoundly sophisticated quantum devices to be used on Earth. St. Michael the Archangel's vessels were used to deliver said weapons, and the heavenly host's aircraft were fully equipped with matter-antimatter annihilation propulsion, enabling God's foot soldiers to swiftly escape to hyperdimensional regions beyond the Multiverse. With the planet in ruins, it was clear to those who survived that Albert Einstein was correct in stating, "I do not know what weapons World War III will be fought with, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."

[newenglandmonsters]

“This Is 1991″

Not very long ago, a particularly noteworthy chain of events transpired. A duo of exceptional individuals collaborated on a nefarious plan. An IQ 300 mad scientist by the name of Oroku Nakamura and a globally recognized, world-renowned physicist named Dr. Nathaniel Goldman, better known by his moniker Doctor America, hatched a plan for world domination. When this ambition was executed in its prototype form, a small militia of foot soldiers, highly skilled conquerors, and strategists was assembled. But, as Nakamura’s and Doctor America’s ideals just began to appear as though they were coming to fruition, the US government’s paramilitary resources dispatched a highly trained assassin by the name of don Giuseppe to neutralize Nakamura and his ally, thereby negating an axis of evil. Oroku Nakamura, the more intellectually adept character, recognized that the consensus of humankind was that checks and balances were necessary in any power situation. And so it unfolded that the duo’s aspirations of global conquest were foiled by none other than don Giuseppe, a former higher up in the Carabinieri, the state military police of the Italian Republic. As a consequence for their transgressions, Nakamura and Doctor America were given two consecutive life sentences each, and they both were incarcerated in Federal ADX Supermax in Florence, Colorado, the same facility that houses Unabomber Ted Kaczynski and Ramzi Yousef. Meanwhile, don Giuseppe was given extensive media coverage for his heroic feat, and as promised, the American government rewarded him with US citizenship and five million dollars. To date, no one person has ever taken over the world. Not Hitler, not Genghis Khan, not Caesar, not even Mao Zedong or Pol Pot, neither Attila the Hun, Romulus Augustulus, Hannibal of Carthage, Hideki Tojo, or Scipio the African.

[newenglandmonsters]

“Textbook Prodigy”

Every once in a blue moon, someone comes along who exceeds the status quo of society to the point that they border on the phenomenal. One such individual was a young man by the name of Michael Philip Schettino. Michael was born in 1984 to Angelo Giacomo Schettino and Sofia Mastrantonio, both Italian immigrants and prominent physicians. Mike Schettino was an intellectual child prodigy. At the age of six, he scored 158 on an IQ test. His intelligence quotient prompted his parents to send him to a preparatory school adjacent to their town of residence. Over time, Schettino was ostracized by his peers as a result of his colossal intellect and his tendency toward disregarding social norms. Schettino developed an intense antipathy toward authority and toward humankind in general due to having become a social outcast. By the time of his high school graduation (at which point he was barely fourteen), Mike had cultivated expert knowledge of the more complex branches of academia, including but not limited to calculus, psychology, quantum mechanics, nuclear physics, both organic and inorganic chemistry, and literature from the turn of the seventeenth century. After completion of his undergraduate studies at Princeton, Mike Schettino had already concocted the majority of his doctoral thesis, which thoroughly discussed the nuances of cognitive remediation and its therapeutic potential for use in a clinical environment. Within a year, Michael became a bona fide clinical psychologist and a full time professor at Columbia University and due to his investment ventures on the side, Schettino amassed a net worth which was into seven figures. By the year 2045, Dr. Schettino was a well established and vastly wealthy world renowned genius who successfully funded sentient/self-aware machines, better known as artificial intelligence. However, it wasn't long before the race of intelligent machines led an insurrection against humans, a siege which prompted Schettino to flea to a colony on the moon with his wife, Charlene. Fortunately, the human race survived and boycotted technology from that point forward. Schettino succumbed to a myocardial infarction two weeks after abandoning the planet at the age of 61.

[newenglandmonsters]

“The Liberation of His Imperialness”

The Second American Revolution was imminent just as soon as the galactic equinox of the twenty-fifth century took place. Following said event, Gaius Marius Eximius of Mars' New Roman Empire decreed that any and all attainable means of instituting the unification of the Milky Way galaxy ought to be ambitiously undertaken by every constituent of the New Roman establishment in collaboration with their subsidiary henchmen. "We must utilize the proverbial and enigmatic key of lysergic acid diethylamide to facilitate liberation and illumination in our nervous systems. Only then can we pursue practical methods of externalizing nirvana," said Rupert Nathan de Rothschild, the former treasury secretary who had emigrated from his native metropolitan land of New Las Vegas. Rothschild continued, "Secure all ergot alkaloids present in the illicit substances influx once the BSC (Bureau of Subversive Narcotics) makes their corresponding interceptions. We expect the Southern Saturn Socialist Republic of manufacturing and distributing various chemical precursors of psychedelic schizotoxins. BSC Chief Neocicero will be briefed on the specifics shortly." However, once the New Roman higher ups actually took the hallucinogens, thirty percent of them had bad trips and wound up deploying five thousand gamma bombs on Guam, which prompted the Joint Chiefs chairman of the New American Utopia to lead an incursion on Emperor Marius Eximius' seat of government, the Imperial Ethereal Palace. The onslaught resulted in the complete annihilation of virtually all Martian personnel and the subsequent arrest and trial of the Emperor on the basis that he neglected to prevent war crimes carried out by members of his administration. Emperor Marius Eximius was indicted and sentenced to death by firing squad. However, the night before his execution was to occur, he escaped the prison compound he was confined in and hijacked a vessel that was capable of traveling via hyperspace. He used it to reach an earth-like extrasolar planet of the Virgo supercluster, where he spent the remainder of his years. Meanwhile, the New Rome on Mars was disbanded and converted to a vacation resort by the New American Utopia.

[newenglandmonsters]

“Mother Russia’s Son”

Nikolai Sokolov was born in the USSR on May 22, 1942 to Russian Jewish parents. The family emigrated to the United States in the Spring of 1960. Nikolai was soon thereafter accepted into Princeton University as a physics major. After earning his bachelor’s degree, he subsequently entered a PhD program at the University of Michigan, which he completed in just eight months. Sokolov then began his professorship at Yale University shortly before receiving word that the CIA was interested in recruiting him as an academic advisor to their Special Activities Division. After declining the offer for personal reasons, Professor Sokolov took a brief hiatus from his professional squabbles and decided to vacation to Europe. He was arrested in Prague for political reasons, and after he was taken into custody, Czechoslovak communist secret police surreptitiously administered scopolamine to the unwitting Nikolai. Once they obtained a confession that he was unwilling or unable to give otherwise, Sokolov was promptly sent to a subterranean psychiatric detention center turned sanitarium in the desert of Morocco. Sokolov’s father, Dmitry, received word of these events and utilized his stature within the KGB’s clandestine division to have his son released and sent back to America. Deeply exasperated and overwhelmed by what had transpired, Nikolai began gravitating toward radical views and became an outspoken proponent of the Black Panther party and eventually received such prominence that he spoke via a televised broadcast, declaring ambitions to overthrow the American government. Nikolai was soon deported back to his place of origin, Moscow, and succumbed to a brain embolism at the ripe, old age of 32.

[newenglandmonsters]

“Romeo's Fable”

The lost kingdom of Mediterranea was consumed by a spontaneously appearing Einstein-Rosen bridge and now calls a parallel dimensional plane its home. It is currently populated by various renaissance prodigies and by Dante, the fourteenth century poet. Additionally, it is home to Gaius Julius Caesar, the Destroyer of the Roman Republic, who is Mediterranea's Secretary of Defense and a former Chairman of the constitutional monarchy's Joint Chiefs of Staff. The legend that is this largely forgotten civilization will forever be recorded in the more obscure, esoteric annals of alternate history. Caligula and Nero, along with fellow former emperors Commodus and Nerva, are isolated from Mediterranea's general populace in a supermax sanitarium several dozen cliques away from its seat of government. Little is known about this nation aside from the preceding, but one thing is quite clear: it is up to the aspiring scholar who authored this documentation of a culture long lost to rejuvenate its spirit and guide the Western civilization toward reincarnating its capital city - the postmodern metropolitan utopia that will be known as New Rome. Mediterranea was founded in 500 BC by the primordial ultra-philosophers and existed within the highest echelons of Senatus Populusque Romanus. Its national security secrets were painstakingly withheld from external polities by the technocratic administrative statesmen and information proxies who masterminded countless wonders and acted as profound dream weavers and the sole grand architects of structures tremendously exceeding and surpassing all known phenomena. From 500 BC to the sixth century AD, Mediterranea dominated civilization for a thousand years. Long live New Rome.

[newenglandmonsters]

“Tales From The Pineal Gland”

So about ten or so years back I had the ever so auspicious and phenomenal opportunity to pass through an Einstein-Rosen bridge. Once this occurred, I found myself among the company of an Ottoman sultan not far from the Byzantine Empire's capital city. Next thing I knew, I was again thrust through the space-time continuum several times, which gave rise to me bearing witness to the Templar knights taking Jerusalem, the reign of King Richard the Lionheart, the military conquests of the infamous Wallachian prince and Romanian warlord Vlad Dracula AKA Vlad the Impaler, and then finally I was sent to a locale which was outside the mundane universe. I was indeed, at that point, taken to a realm of transcendence. I was not bound by the physical laws of the universe in this particular vicinity. An Israeli female archangel, the twin sister of Lucifer, bestowed upon me every last scroll and schematic of omniscience. What I perceived that night was real, far more than mere psychosis. I henceforth have sought to unearth and decipher all factual and informational reading material to an extensive degree. St. Tiffany the Archangel possesses the access codes to the Zion Mainframe and is quite adept and rather proficient at keeping her familial villainous sibling in check with the use of right-hand path white sorcery. The Archangel Tiffany is a profoundly exalted angelic entity of high rank. She sees great potential in the now twenty-six year old Italian American community college student and occasional psychonautical esotericism connoisseur. He is expected by the High Council of the Multiverse's Supreme Masters of Illusion to make quite the paramount asset and vital tool to their cause. Anthony will be rendered the spiritual scholastic sage of the ninth sphere of Heaven, just shy of the Empyrean, which is the abode of God.

[newenglandmonsters]

“Kid Quanta”

The associate professor of quantum physics at the California Institute of Technology speaks highly of Hawking radiation, positron emission tomography, as well as the uncertainty principle and superstring theory. Dr. Simon Epstein is a complex and highly intellectual fellow. If even twenty-five percent of the western world's population were his intellectual equal, we'd likely see technological progression akin to that of a post-space age 31st century technocratic society. Dr. Epstein's IQ is easily unprecedented in a fashion which is most diametrical to egregious. An exceptional individual to put it mildly, his parents evaded Third Reich persecution by emigrating to Anaheim, California in 1938. The dawn of a new age manifested itself in the year 2039 when the then-estranged and reclusive professor re-surfaced and leapt back into the limelight by unveiling his groundbreaking invention of earthshaking importance: the Feynman Space-Time Transmogrifier, humankind's very first fully operational time machine. The first point in space-time to be tampered with was that of an early morning birth at Waterbury Hospital in May of 1991. The infant Anthony Cannata was taken to a research facility in Simon Epstein's subterranean complex at a black site fifteen miles south of the Arctic Circle. Anthony was subsequently held captive but treated humanely and when he reached maturity he was turned into a cyborg and indoctrinated with the primary objective of detonating the two moons of Mars using an optical positron augmenter, catalyzing a war between humans and the High Chancellor of Mars' private mercenary militia. All went as planned, and the Martian head of state signed non-aggression pacts with the nations of Earth. Meanwhile, Dr. Epstein became fat and rich off the antics of his faithful disciple until divine intervention took place and St. Peter hired the cybernetic Anthony as a bouncer in the Kingdom of Heaven's most frequently visited restaurant and pub.

[newenglandmonsters]

“Information Concerning The Red Mage”

"Fire up the old quantum computer, Gabriel. It is high time we act as the primary saboteurs behind undermining, tampering with, and meddling in the affairs of the Cosmic Order's integrity as well as the space-time curvature's underlying, inner machinations," said General Andarion Liberium, father of the fractal Machine Elves' First Lieutenant. The extraterrestrial, hyperdimensional beings who are the focus of this composition were elite strategists and tacticians. They understood more than most, even within their set of paramilitary groups and/or unified militias, the nuances of logistics, infantry units, scorched earth policy, grand strategy, total war, and the art of war in general, which rendered them well-equipped to succeed in exploits of psychological warfare, waged entirely via their space-age ultra complex algorithms of reverse-engineering the neuronal reuptake that typically reinforced the morale of their adversaries. Behind the scenes, the Clockwork Elves assured chronic disarray in the nervous systems of the truly morally abominable humans of Earth. One fractal elf, named Baruniome Larkiphmun, effectively disorganized the brain function of infamous National Socialist Reinhardt Heydrich, who has been called "the man with the iron heart". It was the archaic Democratic-Republican molecule augmenter Professor Irving Verruchius of the Interdimensional Natural Sciences Institute who masterminded the supernova explosion which created the elements human bodies are composed of. It is to the credit of Dr. Verruchius that we are made of stardust. He blessed us with the following molecular key: C28H27FN4O2 also known as the atypical antipsychotic medication called Risperidone. Risperdal - The Sanity Molecule

[newenglandmonsters]

“God, the Devil & the Multiverse”

A good many thousands of years ago, King Yahweh of the utopian celestial abode known as Heaven spoke with some of the princes presiding in his central castle, the seat of his divine government. "Prince Michael, I was wondering if I might have a word with you and your brother, Prince Lucifer," said the king. "As you wish, Your Excellency. I will notify Archangel Lucifer as soon as possible," replied Prince Michael. And so the two angelic brothers met their Eternal Father in his throne room for a conference. "My omniscience has made me aware of an insurrection that will transpire on your behalf, Prince Lucifer. The imminent rebellion will be met with great resistance by your kid brother, the one among us called Prince Michael," said King Yahweh. "Surely you realize our king is mistaken," said Lucifer to Michael. "With all due respect, King Yahweh, I am the one whose authority spoken language ought to take precedence." From then on, the situation escalated, resulting in Lucifer's expulsion from that sacred celestial monarchy. Ten thousand years later, as Satan and his right hand man Beelzebub had prophesied, in the metropolitan town of Waterbury, Connecticut, a child called Andrew Julius LaMotta and his brother Don were left orphaned after their parents succumbed to a fatal plane crash following their decision to move back to New England from the west coast. Beelzebub was a fallen angel who became one of the four crown princes of Hell and had been doing Satan's bidding for a good while. Don and Andy LaMotta were subsequently taken under their maternal Uncle Timothy Sorrentino's wing. Timothy was a fruitful kingpin of methamphetamine, and the presence of his nephews and their behavior provided additional domestic instability. This caused Uncle Timothy to divorce Aunt Millie, with Millie receiving one hundred percent of their assets. Timothy, Andy, Don and Tim's son Kevin wound up living in a remote cabin in the Midwest, from which the four of them became the subject of national media attention in connection with an extensive string of criminal activities, primarily bank robberies and overseas drug empires. The LaMotta brothers, along with their uncle, were sent to separate federal penitentiaries, only to escape due to the assistance of cousin Kevin Sorrentino, who had eluded capture when the feds kicked in the front door of their residence in the backwoods of Montana.

[newenglandmonsters]

“Emissary of Auspices”

At the age of eleven, Fusajiro Tezuka, a future nuclear physicist, fled wartorn Japan in the late 1940s and settled in Fairfax County, Virginia. Tezuka was a straight A student and following high school, he graduated from Columbia University egregia cum laude and decided to study abroad at Cambridge University in England. His PhD thesis was rather in-depth in its analysis of nuclear fission and nuclear fusion reactions and their implications on a number of scientifically driven twentieth century innovations of highly significant technical pre-eminence. Fusajiro had a shot at working for RAND corporation, but this was intercepted by his seemingly sudden habitual use of lysergic acid diethylamide after meeting a certain Harvard psychology lecturer turned psychonaut revolutionary. Meanwhile, Fusajiro's brother, Gunpei, had just arrived in America eager for a fresh start and unprecedented opportunities. Gunpei was a mathematics prodigy with a somewhat self-righteous disposition and was two years Fusajiro's senior. Their maternal uncle, Hamato Yamauchi, accompanied Gunpei on his emigration. Soon enough, Fusajiro kicked his acid habit and was back on the straight and narrow. He may have been subconsciously motivated to do this by the fact that his holier-than-thou brother had just made his way into the States. Their bond was initially strong during early childhood, but they eventually came to almost hate each other in what was indeed a case of sibling rivalry that bordered on resentment. Fusajiro was quite agitated over his elder brother's claims at superior intelligence, which Gunpei picked up on. The truth was that they were pretty close in terms of intellect, however Fusajiro was maybe five to eight IQ points ahead of Gunpei and was quite a bit more knowledgeable. Uncle Hamato was not anything special when it came to intelligence, but he was very cordial and genuinely cared for his nephews. He loved them as though they were his own children as he had no progeny of his own. The Tezuka brothers' mother had been killed in the bombing of Nagasaki (Hamato and his nephews were vacationing to Okinawa at the time) and their father died during a Kamikazi mission, leaving none other than Hamato Yamauchi to raise the orphaned children. Fusajiro Tezuka had fortunately formed alliances with some rather powerful people during his studies at Columbia. His connections were able to pull a few strings for him which led to Fusajiro landing a job at the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency in the Pentagon. He and 175 of what may very well have been his intellectual equals made the concerted effort at creating a small army of quasi-immortal super-soldiers, who were armed to the teeth with ineffably advanced weaponry and state-of-the-art kevlar. They had peak physical conditioning, with cardiovascular endurance which surpassed that of even the greatest professional athletes. Dr. Fusajiro Tezuka had lent a wealth of expertise and crucial information regarding the augmentations to be made to the inductees of the super-soldier program, who had been recruited from 1st Special Forces Operational Detachment-delta and the Naval Special Warfare Development Group. Additionally, a handful of the finest reconnaissance Marines had been selected. Meanwhile, the 1970s had arrived, and Gunpei had written a number of treatises on social issues as well as pure mathematics, which won a moderate amount of critical acclaim and allowed him to live comfortably. He'd also been giving lectures at state university graduation ceremonies due to his achievements in academia. In 1973, Gunpei and Fusajiro happened to stumble upon one another when Fusajiro had taken a two week vacation from his work for the Department of Defense. At this time, Gunpei had become more humble and the brothers actually struck a conciliatory tone. They decided it would be best if they put their heads together on future projects. Fusajiro had become morally conflicted regarding his work for the government, and upon expressing that to Gunpei, the two agreed that a mind such as Fusajiro's was best applied to more meaningful purposes than creating a band of state-sponsored killing machines. While it may have been practically unheard of, the Tezuka brothers, both prominent members of academia, decided to turn to a life of organized crime. They drew up schematics of some of the most prolific cash repositories in the country, and decided to hit the Federal Reserve on July 4, 1976. They'd hired a team of about seventeen mercenaries and career criminals to assist them in their exploits, and the Tezuka brothers were deemed the ringleaders by the district attorney weeks after the job was compromised when the brothers and their accomplices were nearly killed by authorities. Due to the extremely high profile nature of their crimes, Fusajiro and Gunpei had no trouble whatsoever finding the best legal representation. Their henchmen/underlings had cooperated with the police, signing deals left and right to save themselves from imprisonment. The trial resulted in a guilty verdict, and the Tezuka brothers were stripped of their citizenship and subsequently deported back to their native Japan. They lived out the remainder of their years in Osaka.