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Despite today being an indoor work day, I was asked to head into the gardens and take measurements of graveyard pins.

Some important context:

1) "indoor work day" means that instead of my grounds crew uniform I was wearing a black dress that wouldn't look out of place in a Ghibli film.

2) graveyard pins like to sink under the surface of the ground with time. If you're lucky, you can whack the spot where they should be with a shovel and find it in seconds. If you're smart, you go get a metal detector.

3) after twenty minutes of attacking the ground by hand, I will admit I was too stubborn to get the metal detector.

Which is why some poor woman slowly drove up to me and very tentatively asked, "do you... Uh... work here?"

"Yeah. Do you need help finding something?"

And she gave a nice long up-and-down look to the person of indeterminate gender dressed like a witch frantically digging right by a gravestone.

"...No, actually. I was just checking."

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me but this blog never took off

when I see a bad gimmick blog run its bit into the ground there's a little voice that whispers to me 'you could do it better! you could make the gimmick blog that is actually funny and then the moment before the joke gets stale you could post I just wanna get dicked down again and retire the blog forever'. I think this voice is how bad gimmick blogs reproduce

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going to the morgue yall need anything?

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the reason why jesus was able to get out of the cave is that he didn’t have a vault

make sure to buy a vault so that if your loved ones rise from the dead they can’t escape

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magical girl transformation but i just rapidly go through the 5 stages of decomposition

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hey mtv welcome to my crypt

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Not now kitten daddy's googling his symptoms

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this was so not worth crawling out of my grave for

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its because youre always on that damn autopsy table

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workout routine:

180 lb dead lift

200 lb dead lift

150 lb dead lift

100 lb dead lift

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fuck.

No more gimmick blogs.

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gave myself a needlestick injury and it really fuckin hurts

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do you think suturing a mouth shut is a transferable skill to piercings?

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"Whatever Josh and Brennan Want" Make Some Noise Season 3 Episode 19

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backup career as a masseuse