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Writers' Guild Presents Case X-20080801 St. Beryl’s Investigation - Chapter 8 of 8 (Part 1 of The Tadfield Files Complete)

Chapter 8- Far Beyond Their Understanding

From the beginning

"Yeah, fine. All right." He huffed and snapped his fingers. A sleek black laptop appeared on the counter.

"What are you doing?" Aziraphale asked.

Crowley plopped down next to him with the laptop on his, well, lap. "Looking him up. I think he's going to keep breathing down our necks, blessing or not, so I want to know what kind of nosy bastard we're dealing with."

"How are you going to connect to the Internet? I don't have one of those fat phone cables, and I certainly do not have wiffy."

Crowley scrunched his face in utter confusion. "Connect?"

The laptop knew better than to give Crowley a "Network Connectivity Issues" error, as evidenced by the fully functioning web browser.

"See? It's fine."

"Are you going to Googly him?"

Crowley snorted. "Angel, please. Demons, we don't need Google. We have our own way, our own network of truly hellish backchannels. Darker than the dark web."

Aziraphale looked over his shoulder and read the address bar. "AltaVista.com?"

@goodomensafterdark

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Writers' Guild Presents Case X-20080801 St. Beryl’s Investigation (Part 1 of The Tadfield Files)- Chapter 7 of 8

Chapter 7- Bloody Americans: A Thesis in Triptych

@goodomensafterdark

He sipped his Scotch.

He’d known the very moment that Mulder was trouble.

The second Aziraphale cracked open that book and started dithering about artistic liberties and likenesses — and when the damned fool got caught up in his memories and nearly gave himself away with a first-hand history lesson — Crowley saw it. That look in Mulder’s eyes. The kind that said: I’ve seen this before. Not this copy, but the original. I know it. And I know you.

And he wasn’t just going to let that go.

No, someone like Mulder? He’d go back. He had to go back. To confirm it, to photograph it, to run it through whatever conspiracy-addled sieve he called an investigation.

And that would be dangerous. “Overzealous task force of nitwits armed with assumptions and flasks of holy water” kind of dangerous.

So, Crowley had done the sensible thing. Well. The less risky thing.

His phone buzzed.

Crowley groaned and set the glass down before pulling the mobile off his oversized desk. One look at the screen, and he sighed like a man who knew precisely which snakeskin boot was about to drop.

He never called this soon after a night together unless it was for A Very Good Reason.

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Writers' Guild Presents Case X-20080801 St. Beryl’s Investigation (Part 1 of The Tadfield Files)- Chapter 3

@goodomensafterdark

Chapter 3- Drop. Flick. Gone.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64663294/chapters/167330467#workskin

"Hold up, his eyes? What about his eyes?"

Mulder looked at Scully, clearly already trying to derail the story before he even got to the good parts.

"He doesn't have human eyes."

"Based on the third-hand testimonial of your college friend's Uncle John?"

"Not... not exactly. Can I finish, please?"

"Is that why he's called Snakeman?"

"Well, yeah? What did you think?"

"Because of the way he moves?"

" What-no." Mulder blinked at her, thrown. "Wait, what?! No! It's because he has the eyes of a snake, Scully. Yellow. Slitted pupils. What do you mean, the way he moves?"

She shrugged one shoulder, too nonchalant to be innocent. "He had a certain... slither."

"A slither," he repeated, with the distinct emotional timbre of a man who had not not noticed the sensuous sinuous way another man moved in the dark — and was now furiously replaying the footage in his mind's eye.

She continued in a tone that conveyed a clinical diagnosis, albeit one that was a little too appreciative. "Like he has ball bearings for hips."

Mulder was still gaping at her like she'd just personally betrayed the FBI and his mother. "That's what you noticed?"

"Hard not to."

"Look," he said, rallying, "when people tell stories about the Snakeman, it's not because he's... graceful. It's because he's ageless. Possibly inhuman. Because he has yellow fucking eyes and fangs. That's what people talk about."

"Sure," Scully nodded, clearly not convinced as she wiggled cheekily in her seat. "But also the walk."

His jaw twitched. "Can I tell the story, or are we going to spend the rest of the night talking about a suspected immortal being's slinky hips and slutty waist?"

Scully's eyes widened, mischief barely disguised. "I could write a dissertation on that waist."

"ANYWAY!" Mulder huffed, "Where was I? "

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Writers' Guild Presents Case X-20080801 St. Beryl’s Investigation (Part 1 of The Tadfield Files)- Chapter 2

Chapter 2- Unsettling But Not Yet Actionable

Writers of After Dark Community

@goodomensafterdark

He stuffed his hands in his pockets (as far as he could, anyway). He paused for just a moment when he saw her standing alone on the bottom step, clutching a manila file folder, her silhouette backlit by the overhead lights.

She couldn't see his eyes behind the sunglasses but felt his gaze—slow and hot like molten wax trailing over her bare skin. It started at her flame-red hair, slid slowly downward, and then climbed its way back up.

He smiled—a slow, crooked thing—and tipped his head.

"I like your style," he said, his voice rich and smoky, like a sip of something aged and far too expensive.

Scully blinked. "…Thanks?" It came out awkward, almost involuntary. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, its tip burning with a quiet flush she chose to ignore.

He was already turning, walking off toward the edge of the lot where an impeccably glossy Bentley waited like a lounging jungle cat.

Only once he was several steps away did Scully glance down at herself, taking a quick inventory.

Black jacket. A grey scoop-neck top, the soft knit hugging maybe a bit too tightly to her plush frame. Black pants. Black boots.

She couldn't help but look back at him.

Black jacket and waistcoat. Charcoal-grey henley, the soft knit hugging way too tightly against his wiry frame. Black jeans. Black boots.

She scoffed slightly. Of course.

Hard not to like someone else's style when they're dressed exactly like you.

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GOAD Writers' Guild Presents Case X-20080801 St. Beryl’s Investigation

(Part 1 of The Tadfield Files)- Chapter 1

Writers of After Dark Community

@goodomensafterdark

Chapter 1- A Distinguished Profile and a Red Bob

"Wait, you were serious?" Scully stared up at the building, then back at him. "We took a red-eye out of Baltimore with a layover in Dallas just so you could take a field trip to a Satanic convent?"

She turned sharply to resume her pace, gravel biting gently through the soles of her shoes as Mulder fell into step beside her.

"It's not a field trip," he said a little too quickly. "It's an investigation."

"Of a birthing facility staffed by supposed Satanic nuns."

He grabbed her forearm to get her attention as they approached the stone entryway. "Scully, don't you think it's weird that the Air Force base a few miles from here just suddenly halted their hospital construction? They should have been done weeks ago."

"How long have you been itching to tell me this story?"

"After checking our bags."

She was about to respond when the ornate mahogany door creaked open in front of them.

"Oh! When we were told to expect someone with a distinguished profile and a red bob, I assumed it was all on the same person—I didn't realize there were two of you!"

They both froze, tilting their heads in tandem confusion.

The young Black nun leaned through the open doorway, her furrowed brow mirroring their puzzlement.

"Are… aren't you here from Our Dark Lord?"

Mulder blinked slowly as he withdrew his badge from his inner pocket. "Well, he's not your Dark Lord, and we just call him President Bush."

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It always feels just so goshdarned good to be recommended by @addledmongoose

Good Omens Fanfic Friday (04 Apr 2025)

I struck a vein of fantastic stories, and I come to you this week with a wide assortment of tales, from canon to human, G-rated to Explicit, and everything in between.

Cast Adrift (19K; Rated E) by @NaroMoreau

Fairy Tale AU. Aziraphale is a lighthouse keeper who accidentally summons a gorgeous, red-haired selkie. The selkie lost his pelt in the process, so Aziraphale offers to host him and swears he'll do everything he can to help him recover it. Of course, love follows.

***

Under the Awning (6K; Rated G) by @Heyimdove

The rarepair you never thought you'd see: Hastur/Muriel (but note the rating; no worries about finding out what's under Hastur's trenchcoat). A one-shot follow-up for Drinking Buddies and Diaries (31K; Rated NR), Hastur runs into Muriel during a sudden rainstorm and is immediately smitten (and not the way he thought he'd be). There's a little bit of Aziraphale/Crowley here, mostly as they try to figure out why Hastur keeps lurking near the bookshop.

You can read this without reading the first story (though it's fantastic and I highly recommend you do anyway), as long as you just accept that certain things are the way they are.

***

Something There that Wasn't There Before (98K; Rated E) by @ZehWulf

Fairy Tale AU. Femme!Crowley and beast!Aziraphale. A bit of Sleeping Beauty; a bit of Cinderella; a bit of Beauty & The Beast. Crowley agrees to be the companion to the cursed Lord Fell for a few weeks at his castle (he was actually just looking for a horse).

It's obvious to everyone else that Crowley is genuinely attracted to Aziraphale, but she also wants out of her terrible home, and Aziraphale worries that she would be bored living with him with his near-hermit lifestyle and doesn't want to give in to his own attraction to the lively woman. Cue angst (but not extensive) and eventually a happy ending.

***

Demon Summoning is More Fun with Friends (7K; Rated G) by @ochre_sunflower

Outsider POV. I had the honor of beta-reading this one, and I couldn't wait for it to be posted so I could tell everyone how wonderful it is. Crowley gets summoned by a cult, and Aziraphale wants to tag along. Matt's POV is amazing, and I loved how in control of the situation the husbands were the entire time.

***

The Nice and Accurate Guide to TPS Reports (74K; Rated T) by @BrandySmugglerMasterSpy

Human AU. It's Office Space, but make it Good Omens. Aziraphale and Crowley are project managers at rival companies who are tasked to work together on a project no one seems to fully understand. Despite their respective companies' "no fraternization rules," they fall in love. The story follows the basic beats of the original movie while putting an original spin on it. Great use of Muriel in the Milton role.

***

Romancing The Tome (40K; Rated E)

Human AU. If you've seen Romancing The Stone (Michael Douglas/Kathleen Turner) or The Lost City (Sandra Bullock/Channing Tatum), you have some idea of what to expect in this adventure story. The sister of popular romance novelist, Aziraphale Wilder, is kidnapped, and Aziraphale is ordered to bring a valuable book to the kidnappers for her safe return. Along the way, he runs into a gorgeous red-haired man who ends up helping him but also seems to have his own motives about the whole situation.

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Packing just the necessary basics

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David talking a bit about Michael. Your honor, I love these men.

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Writers' Guild Presents The Nice and Accurate Guide to TPS Reports- Chapter 25 (Epilogue)

Chapter 25- A Cottage at the Edge of the Park

Writers of After Dark Community

Complete! I thought this was going to be 15ish chapters and 30K words. Lol nope.

@goodomensafterdark

or from Chapter One- A Case of the Mondays

“Speaking of dinner—I heard you had Ana and Newt over last week. Am I being replaced as your young friend?”

“Mr. Fell, you’ve never been my young friend. In years, perhaps, but that’s it.”

He put a hand to his chest, mock-wounded. “Cruel mistress. And here I was thinking I brought a certain youthful energy to your life.”

“You bring Twinings and Eccles cakes to my life, dear. That’s not youthful exuberance—it’s retirement chic. But I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

Aziraphale opened his mouth to protest, glanced at the plate of currant-filled disks next to his rapidly cooling tea, and shrugged. When Tracy was right, she was right.

“How are things with you and Mr. Crowley? Still good, I imagine, since you haven’t come banging down Lawrence’s door trying to get your old flat back.”

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Every day, i am reminded of my mortality.

I'm 48, and I know that, if I'm lucky, I have maybe another 40 years left. Maybe.

I am past the midpoint of my life. I know this. I have accepted it begrudgingly.

I had children a few years ago, I swear I did, and they're now in their 20s.

My mother was just in her 30s, but somehow she turned 72 last month.

Time doesn't stop, and the longer you have of it, the faster it goes. Like Beardo pointed out, a year is less and less time relative to our overall lifespan.

What I'm getting to is...

Mortality is bullshit. Death smiles at us all.

For someone to go from 6000+ years of death being a minor inconvenience, something they witnessed too much of, but never really feared... to becoming someone who now has to face their imminent death, knowing that they now have maybe .05% of their lifespan left to live...

Yeah fuck that.

Who would want that for anyone they love and adore?

I don't know where this "theory" came from, but I hope whoever is trolling us with it gets a hangnail.

I. Hate. The “humans” theory.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. it. Makes. No. Sence. To me.

Alright. Say Crowley and Aziraphele are turned human. They go back to earth. They get a cottege together. They live a nice, quiet, peaceful life, and then-

oh.oh. Guess we didn’t really think this through, did we?

Their human forms are in their fifties. If we’re being generous and assuming that there is no disease or sudden accidents, they have at most fifty (give or take a few) years.

And THEN-

AND THEN WHAT?!

Since they are human now that means that after they die they go on to the afterlife, which is either HEAVEN or HELL.

Let’s assume that they are both judged as having been amazing people and both get sent to heaven and get eternal happiness or whatever, except NO! No they don’t!!! Because they are in bloody HEAVEN! The place that Crowley, quite famously, isn’t a huge fan of!

Okay, but what if it’s like, the new, reformed version of heaven. Heaven under new management. Say you cut all contact with your family because they used to abuse you. And then, by some miracle, they get therapy and realise how awful they’ve been and they apologise ask you to come live with them in their house again. Would you? Would you go back to the place you were heavily mistreated even if things have changed? Would you want to exist in the same walls you used to be pushed against? Or maybe lets picture a former workplace that go you unjustly fired and then told any future potential employers that you were a shitty employee, even though you weren’t, but they’re mean and powerful so they do whatever including ruining your life. Would you go back if they got a new manager?

And that’s one option. The other is they are once again separated. Do I even need to explain myself?

Okay, let’s toss that whole confusing mess aside for a second.

A human’s life to them is like a bug’s life to us. Now imagine you suddenly had the lifespan of a bug left to live. Imagine two immortal creatures who has existed for over 6000 years. seance before time was a thing! They watched humanity evolve. And through all of that, they were the one thing that didn’t change. They were always there. They saw change, new inventions, They saw empires rise and fall! And then imagine theses immortal creatures having their life cut off to that of a regular mortal. Yes, they have time, but they have so little of it! Every moment will now be a reminder that the hourglass is slowly but surely running out. They won’t see what the next century has to offer. They will never now what next step humanity takes. They will grow old and sick and their bodies will fail and is that really a happily ever after?

And you know what could fix all of those problems I just listed? Leaving them alone! Let them stay an angel and a demon. Let them keep their powers, and most importantly, their immortality. The show has literally proven that this can be done quite successfully!!! Just do what you did last time!!

Anyways, sorry for the long rant and harsh language. I have some very strong opinions. I am HOPING that this is not the route they choose to take in the 3 “season”. If they do, ….. I don’t know what I’ll do but I’ll be very very disappointed with everyone involved.

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Six year old me - the one who was going to marry Han Solo AND Indiana Jones (already a pragmatist in 1983, it was very convenient for me that both of my future husbands were the same man)- would be surprised at me right now.

Sexiest Old Man Tournament: Quarter Finals!

Who is hotter?

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Poor Rose Tyler.

Sexiest Old Man Tournament: Round 3

Who is hotter?

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Good Omens After Dark Writers' Guild Presents The Nice and Accurate Guide to TPS Reports- Chapter 21

Chapter 21- Certified ARSE

"It's all there in the agreement, Bee." Crowley gave them an exasperated groan, tipping his head back as if this conversation was testing his patience. "You two have read the Strategic Partnership Work Instructions, right?"

He gave them both an expectant look. Bee and Gabriel exchanged a brief glance, visibly struggling to figure out whether they had missed an actual regulation while trying to appear as if they hadn't.

"You know what? Fine." Bee threw up their hands, clearly deciding to pick their battles. "Let's assume you're not lying out of your entire mouth. I'll just pull up the contract documentation and—" They paused, squinting at their screen. "Hang on. Where is it?" Their cursor moved rapidly as they searched Divinitech's network drive. "I'm looking over the file folder, and I don't see anything called Strat—"

Gabriel, still scrolling on his own screen, furrowed his brow. "Wait, yeah, I don't see it either. We have access to all project docs, right?"

"Unless it's buried under some obscure admin-only clearance…" Bee muttered, sarcasm creeping into their voice as they clicked through folders.

"Well, of course, it is," Crowley cut in smoothly. "You need the Tier 4 Restricted Access Clearance."

Bee's mouth fell open in disbelief. "…I was taking the piss," they said sardonically.

Crowley's expression didn't waver. "I'm not. That's a real clearance level."

Without hesitation, Gabriel reached over and jabbed the mute button, then covered the webcam lens with his finger before turning to Bee.

"Is it?" he whispered.

Bee, scrolling their mouse in impressively aggressive movements, hissed back, "I have no fucking clue."

@goodomensafterdark

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h/t @erkhyan

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WE JUST LOSE OK

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Good Omens After Dark Writers' Guild Presents

The Nice and Accurate Guide to TPS Reports- Chap 18

@goodomensafterdark

I wasn't going to post this to Reddit or Tumblr this week, but I couldn't resist. This might be my favorite chapter yet.

Then, just as he settled in to enjoy the conversation, the door slammed shut.

A new voice, loud, irritated, and uncomfortably familiar: "I swear to someone, I am never going out on Boxing Day again—bloody packed everywhere!"

Erik blinked. Okay. That was a strong entrance. Dramatic, much?

The new voice was sharpish. “I’m telling you, Angel, I have the solution.”

Angel? Obviously, the partner, then.

Aziraphale sighed. “No releasing live rats into the server room.”

“But-?” Eerily Familiar Voice said now, thrown off.

Aziraphale made a skeptical noise. “Crowley, no.”

Erik bit his lip as a load of knowledge that had been burning at the back of his mind washed over him like a bucket of ice water.

He was right.

He knew that voice.

It wasn’t just the exasperation. It wasn’t just the specific brand of pissed-off exhaustion. It wasn’t even the sarcastic undertone.

It was the fact that he’d heard that exact same voice before...