nickovaughn-blog

[nickovaughn-blog]

TEXT ✉️ MILES ⇄ NICK

Miles: Yeah. I guess.

Miles: I guess I'll keep you updated and stuff.

Miles: If you want.

Miles: I'll see you around?

Nick: I want you to keep me updated.

Nick: If you want to tell me.

Nick: Yeah. See you around.

[nickovaughn-blog]

TEXT ✉️ MILES ⇄ NICK

Miles: I know. Just needed to get it out. Thanks though

Miles: I guess we'll have to see what happens

Miles: [UNSENT] I'm really fucking sorry I love

Miles: Thanks for letting me whine

Nick: I know you don’t think it’ll be okay, but it will be eventually

Nick: Yeah, we’ll see.

Nick: It’s okay. I don’t mind.

Nick: [UNSENT] I love y

Nick: You needed to talk.

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TEXT ✉️ MILES ⇄ NICK

Miles: God

Miles: I don’t want one. And I was careful making sure it wouldn’t happen but somehow it happened anyway

Miles: it’s really not but thanks for saying that

Miles: I guess this really puts a hold on a lot of things

Nick: I know

Nick: I’m sorry

Nick: I wish I could help you more, but I can’t. You know you have me if you need to talk. Murphy too. You can always come over.

Nick: Yeah, it does. But they’ll be there when you figure everything out.

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TEXT ✉️ MILES ⇄ NICK

Miles: She said I should go sit with it because she's already had the time to process. So yeah I think eventually

Miles: idk I'm just sorry that things are gonna change so much

Nick: Just clear your head and try not to get overwhelmed. I know it’s going to be a lot of you to think about.

Nick: But need to think about yourself and lily and the baby right now. It’s okay Miles.

Nick: It’ll be okay.

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TEXT ✉️ MILES ⇄ NICK

Miles: I know

Miles: She's going through with it is all I know. She didn't say if she wants to like. Keep it.

Miles: I don't want her to but I can't tell her that because it's her choice but fucking fuck man

Miles: I'm sorry for dragging you into this but I just thought you should know sooner rather than later

Miles: but I think you're right about needing time to process. i dont know

Nick: Maybe she needs more time to think about it too

Nick: Are you guys going to meet up again? This is something you should probably talk more about. Together

Nick: You don’t have to apologize for it. It’s not anyone’s fault. I’m glad you told me.

[nickovaughn-blog]

TEXT ✉️ MILES ⇄ NICK

Miles: I think so. She saw a doctor.

Miles: Not really? I don't know

Miles: This is really fucked up

Miles: I don't know what to do

Miles: I know you can't tell me what to do but I just didn't know who else I could talk to

Miles: and I know this makes things even more fucked up and complicated but I don't need you to be anything but my friend right now

Nick: We’re freinds before anything Miles. You can talk to me. Even if it’s contusing right now.

Nick: I can’t tell you what to do. But maybe you need time to process it.

Nick: What does Lily want to do?

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TEXT ✉️ MILES ⇄ NICK

Miles: What? No

Miles: I wouldn’t do that to you

Miles: I thought that was it because she said she wanted to talk about when we were together a couple months ago. But that wasn’t it

Miles: Jesus Christ

Miles: She’s pregnant

Nick: Oh.

Nick: Shit.

Nick: I don’t know what to say. Is she sure?

Nick: Are you Okay?

[nickovaughn-blog]

TEXT ✉️ MILES ⇄ NICK

Miles: I don’t think that’s a good idea

Miles: I talked to Lily

Miles: She’s been trying to meet up for a while but it was never a good time and I finally got to see her this morning

Nick: Okay...

Nick: So you saw Lily.

Nick: Are you getting back together?

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TEXT ✉️ MILES ⇄ NICK

Miles: I don’t know

Miles: I really have no idea how to say this

Nick: You’re scaring me dude. If it’s easier, you can just say it.

Nick: Do you need to come over?

[nickovaughn-blog]

New Year, New Me → 017

Tagging: Miles Sterling & Nick Vaughn.

Timeframe: Sunday, December 31, 2017.

Location: A friend-of-a-friend’s party.

General Notes: Nick and Miles hang out at a New Years Eve party and it’s the first time anything happens between them around other people. So like, a big deal.

Keep reading

[nickovaughn-blog]

TEXT ✉️ MILES ⇄ NICK

Miles: Hey man.

Miles: Can you talk right now?

Nick: yeah dude, sure

Nick: Is everything okay?

[nickovaughn-blog]

athousandmilez:

Miles could have approached the topic differently, and perhaps should have, but it wasn’t like Nick was ever going to want to talk to him about it anyway. So he might as well bring it up as it popped into his head. “Since I learned that you’re doing drugs,” he replied calmly. Not that he hadn’t always been interested in whatever Nick was doing, but this was certainly more of an incentive to care. “Because you’re a part of my life and it’s not just about you. That’s…some fucked up shit, man. Do you even know what you’re doing?” It was a valid question, though it didn’t quite seem it at the moment. “I guess so. Just…really not looking forward to it.”

“Why are you bringing this all up? What do you want me to say to you?” He hated being called out, especially about things he never wanted anyone in his everyday life to know about. This was a living nightmare. “I always know what I’m doing.” He snapped, though he still kept his voice quiet. That was a bold faced lie, and they both knew it. “If something works for me, I don’t need someone judging me for it. I’m an adult. I don’t need to be parented.” This was the last thing in the world he ever wanted to talk about. “If you do it... I’ll be there for you, you know. I’m not going to just let you do it on your own.”

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athousandmilez:

“I know that. I just wanted to prove a point.” He knew it wasn’t the right way to do that after the fact. “I was out of line.” Miles wanted to shut up then, to do what Nick asked of him and let him deal with it. But not only did he still want to be there for him, Miles also remembered that first time Nick had admitted to not being able to go into his room, when Miles went for him and found the drugs in his pocket. It was like a switch, the memory suddenly coming to him and causing Miles to look at Nick again. “Does your way involve those pills?” He wasn’t Nick’s parent and he had no control over what he was going to do, but he was going to make it clear that he didn’t like that shit nonetheless. “That’s all I asked you to do in the first place. Thanks.”

"Yeah.” He tried not to sound bitter. After all, they’d both just said a lot of things that they’d probably end up regretting. They’ve both been out of line this entire conversation. “Why are you suddenly so interested in the way I’m living my life?” He shot back, his defenses flaring back up once again. “Why would it matter even if it was my way? It’s my way. Not yours, Miles.” He wasn’t going to outright answer, because he told himself it wasn’t his business. It wasn’t anybody’s business. “Yeah --- and what about Greg? Are you going to report him?”

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athousandmilez:

Miles shouldn’t have said it, and he knew it immediately afterward. Maybe it was true, but that didn’t mean it was necessary for him to point it out like that. It wasn’t Nick’s fault. Nick’s words stung, and maybe he deserved them. Miles swallowed, the deafening silence surrounding them for a few moments before he finally spoke again. “I just want you to be okay,” he said, his voice much lower but still on edge. “And…I’m sorry, but you’re not okay when it’s still holding you back that badly. It’s true, okay? He…” Miles trailed off, shaking his head. Truthfully, he wasn’t even positive what exactly Jude had done to him. Not that it mattered, and he didn’t want to know more than he already did. “Now you can’t set foot in your own room without remembering. And you can be pissed at me, too, but fuck if I’m not going to do everything I can to try to get you to find some peace for yourself too.” He looked away. His stomach churned as he pictured Jude in his mind, and he could only imagine how Nick felt. “Jude’s still out there living that same life. It pisses me off just as much. That’s what you need to understand.”

Miles’ words hit him hard, because it’s not like he was wrong. He was painfully right, and Nick hated that fact.  “I know.” He replied just as quietly, his shoulders slacking as some of the anger dissipated. It wasn’t really Miles he was mad at. Was he hurt by him saying it? Yeah. But he wasn’t wrong, and that was the worst part. “But you think I don’t know that? I’m well aware of what I’m not able to do. I don’t need you pointing it out to me.” His words weren’t angry anymore, but suddenly he felt tired. “I know you want to help me. But I can deal with it my own way. Let me deal with it.”  His words were almost a plead. “I know that you care. And I appreciate it. But I don’t think it’ll help me like it could help you. That’s what I want you to understand.” He continued on softly. “I promise... that I’ll think about it again. But that’s all I can commit to right now.”

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athousandmilez:

“Right, I’m the frustrating one.” He was aware of the fact that he wasn’t entirely innocent, but still. They both were to blame here. “I thought about it too. I didn’t just toss out the idea completely. I decided I didn’t want to when I realized I’d have to see him again, and get up in front of a whole courtroom to describe how I dangled the details of my relationship in front of his face knowing it would bother him. And what he did to me. He slammed my head against that wall next to my bed I don’t even know how many times. He had me pinned to the floor just fucking wailing on me. And I couldn’t do anything. The thought of saying all of that and more to bunch of people I don’t know isn’t the most appealing fucking thing in the world.” Miles gritted his teeth, watching Nick and deciding how he should respond. Ultimately, though, he didn’t stop to process the words before they came out. “It became my business when I told you I loved you. Because I want nothing more than for you to be happy, and this is a part of that.” He paused. “You need help more than I do. Last I checked I’m not the one who can’t go into my own bedroom.”

Miles going further into detail about what had happened made him feel nauseous; it made him angry for him. He tried to hide his wince, but he couldn’t hide that the words got to him. "I know it’s hard, Miles. I know the last thing you want to do is to relive it. I’m sorry ---” He broke off briefly, knowing it wasn’t his fault and knowing he shouldn’t apologize, but he wasn’t what else he could say to comfort him. “I know I pushed it, but I care, okay? i care about what happens to you and I care that Greg’s out there just living his life like normal. It drives me crazy.” He admitted, the moment of vulnerability slipping out just briefly. He was still overwhelm with frustration and annoyance and hatred for the people who were causing them to have this conversation in the first place. Nick’s blood ran cold at Miles’ last words, and his head snapped up so he could look at him. At first he was in shock, but it soon gave way to anger. “Fuck you.” He said quietly. “Fuck you, Miles. I knew I shouldn’t have asked you over that night. I shouldn’t have even told you anything.”

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athousandmilez:

“You’re right. That’s exactly what I want. I’m telling you to do it because I want things to blow up in your face.” He was too frustrated to realize how childish he sounded. Or it was just that he didn’t care. “I mean, really, Nick. I don’t get off on seeing you miserable.” It was quite the opposite, in fact. “What the fuck are you— And you think I want to go through it!? For god’s sake, Nick, stop acting like it’s going to be the simplest process in the world!” He was careful not to yell, because there was no reason for that, but he couldn’t help the almost urgent tone in his voice now. “I don’t need help. But quit saying you can’t do the same. You can. You’re choosing not to.”

"That’s not... what I meant. God. You’re so frustrating.” He scowled as he pushed a scrap of wrapping paper away from his leg just to have something to do with his hands. This whole conversation was keying him up. “I know it’s not the easiest thing in the world. Believe me. But you weren’t even remotely considering it. I’ve thought about it before.” He’d thought about it a lot, and no scenario in his head ever turned out well. “If you don’t want to do it, fine --- I’ll pretend not to care again if that’ll make things easier.” That part was unnecessary, but he couldn’t tone his words down. “I’m not going to force you. So don’t try to force me. If I choose not to that’s not any of your business.” 

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athousandmilez:

Miles knew he was probably getting more angry than he typically would have because their emotions were heightened in general. Neither situation was easy to talk about and the fact that they were both being brought to light all over again caused them both to be particularly on edge. “No, what’s fucking shitty is just calling it quits and telling me I can’t. I heard what you were saying and I felt bad for telling you that you should say something when you don’t have the hard evidence I do, but now…that doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense to me.” He didn’t care that he was backpedaling. He hadn’t wanted to stress Nick out about it before, but now he was stressed about Greg, and that fear went out the window. “You’d still be telling me to report Greg even if I never went to the hospital and there wasn’t a single witness in the world. Because you want me to feel safe.” Miles shook his head. “You’re such a hypocrite.”

"I’m not trying to force you to. Do I want you to? Yeah, fucking obviously.” Frustration was quickly taking over any rational thought. He wasn’t mad per se, but this was a hard conversation to have. It was overwhelming, and he couldn’t stop certain things from spilling out. “I don’t have hard evidence. What you want me to do is just go and make an idiot out of myself and seem like a pussy for doing it. You want me to go and lose what little fucking pride I have left. Because they’re going to tell me they’ll see what they can do, then not get back to me for another year, only to tell me there wasn’t enough substantial evidence and that they’re dropping the case. So excuse me if I don’t want to fucking go through that, Miles.” He practically spat the words out. “Of course I want you to feel safe. Maybe I am a hypocrite, but I don’t think it’s wrong that I want you to get help even if I can’t do the same.”