nicoistrying

[nicoistrying]

if you tried to put samus in a virginkiller sweater or a reverse bunnysuit or whatever the fuck else stupid pinup outfit she would just blow you up with a missile and then powerbomb your house

[nicoistrying]

I’m visiting my friend right now in her 18th century home she’s restoring where the lights don’t work in one part of the house, creeping to the bathroom like some sort of haunt, feeling for the walls with rising dread, utterly lost in the perfect darkness, like Jonathan Harker in Dracula’s castle, if Jonathan Harker were the sort of person to trip and stand there cringing in the night as his can of trader joe’s sparkling rhubarb-strawberry juice bangs all the way down the oaken staircase, one step at a time, the cacophony of a freight train, and then proceed to practically crawl through the remaining dark to the bathroom for a washcloth, to wipe up the trader joe’s sparkling rhubarb-strawberry juice before it can soak into the wood floor, with the fevered terror of lady macbeth hallucinating blood on her hands

[nicoistrying]

[nicoistrying]

i love the implication behind the blair witch project (1999) that someone found the filmstock that was the last earthly remnants of three college film students and thought you know what would really honor these people? if we edited this record of their madness and gruesome demise up real nice and sent it to film festivals

[nicoistrying]

"So, how's the wife?"

"Ah yes, the old ball and chain."

"That's a little rude, don't you think?"

I pull out a wedding photo from my wallet and you see me at the altar across from a chain chomp with a pink bow.

[nicoistrying]

[nicoistrying]

I can tell we watch a few too many cooking shows at home, because my eight year old told me "the ginger isn't really coming through in this salmon". In his defense, he was right, but at the time I didn't appreciate it.

[nicoistrying]

propaganda

[nicoistrying]

[nicoistrying]

Having parents who aren't as bad as they used to be is crazy cause they'll be sitting there doing some normal shit and you're like kubrick staring at them

[nicoistrying]

My first move as president will be to fit every human being alive both now and in the future with a bomb collar that goes off if they call Gwyndolin Dark souls a "femboy" or any such similar thing.

You might think this is excessive given most people do not know what any of that means, but I've learned not to half ass these things or you absolutely will regret it later.

[nicoistrying]

Obligatory Summer Miku

[nicoistrying]

(me, my parents, my sister, and the baby are sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch)

baby, pointing at the light fixture over the table and signing "on": o.*

my sister: we actually can't turn that light on right now, because the lightbulb inside is burnt out! it needs a new one.

baby: ighbu.

sister: yes, lightbulb! granddaddy said after we eat he's going to climb up there on a ladder and change it, and then the light will come on!

baby: gadada! adda, uuu! ighbu o!

sister: exactly!

baby, signing "on" and pointing at the light and then my dad, with increasing urgency: GADADA ADDA UUUU. O.

my sister: we're going to finish eating first though, ok?

baby: nonono. O. gadada adda uuu.

[a split second goes by]

baby, pointing to himself: ba. adda uuu. ighbu.

me: you're going to climb the ladder and change the lightbulb yourself?

baby: dzyeah. *pointing to the buckle where he is buckled into the high chair* ububu.

me: unbuckle you? so you can change the lightbulb?

baby, highly businesslike: dzyeah.

*pronounced like "on" without the n

[nicoistrying]

this website is addicted to vacuous self help platitudes that literally anybody can use to justify any behaviour it's a crucial backbone of the cutesy psychology posting ecosystem

[nicoistrying]

i know i joke about rent-lowering gunshots but i cannot emphasize enough that incest and rape kinks are extremely common. wildly popular. this is something that a lot of people fantasize about, because it’s an easily accessible taboo, it intrigues/scares/interests people and there’s a lot of content out there to absorb about it. it’s really not that out there or extreme to have those fetishes; we are talking top charters on pornhub of all places.

[nicoistrying]

sooo bird cage weapon + armor idea

[nicoistrying]