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nitabooboo-blog1 · 7 years

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How it took me 7 years to finally get my Bachelors degree

When I graduated from high school I went straight to a California State school. I had a little more freedom to go out and be an adult. My parents were usually very strict with me because I was a girl.

When I went to the CS school I had no idea what to take and how to even become a college student. I was a honor student at my HS but in college I became a failure. I slacked off on my hard classes and skipped them. I didn’t know how to study for an exam. I didn’t know how financial aid really worked. So my first semester I was put on academic probation, which gave me a chance to improve my gpa to say at the CS. But I still did bad. All I wanted to do was party and drink and make out with random people. I was still a virgin at the time. But I did not mine kissing or making out. I was a hot mess my first year of college.

But after the second semester with no improvements, I ended up in academic dismissal and was not able to attend the CS anymore so I decided to go to a community college which took me 4years to finish my GE requirements. Because my first year there I just took random classes that had nothing to do with my major. But after the first year there, I finally got my shit together and took classes that I need to get back at the CS institution. I was suppose to come back in 2014 but I slacked off on doing the paperwork to get reinstated so I ended up coming back in 2015. I took only the classes that was required for my major so I can graduate and I will be finishing in the fall of 2017!!! 5 more weeks of school and I will get my degree in Liberal Studies. But it took some obstacles and determination to finally finish.

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nitabooboo-blog1 · 7 years

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When I found out I was bisexual age 24

I have always thought I was attracted to males. And I never really consider to think I can be attracted to females as well. I mean I thought I was straight for the longest time and never thought I would be with a female or see myself with one. I know I have seen female that I thought they were gorgeous but never really thought of trying to date them.

When I was 18 and started to go clubbing with my friends I would hold their hands to make sure we stick together and I actually didn’t mind holding their hand for awhile because it felt normal to me, but some of my friends felt weirded out that I held their hand but I shook it off but I didn’t understand why I felt comfortable and they didn’t. I also hand my friends sit on my lap like we were a couple but we weren’t, it was because at parties or nightclubs there would not be enough spots to sit so I let them sit on my lap..

I always had moments of which I would like to date one of my homegirls because they were attractive but I never pursued it because I thought it was just me being open minded but not exploring my sexuality.

When I was 24, I was in a bad relationship with a male, he had no ambition and he was just obsessive, lazy, childish, and a bit crazy. It was not a healthy relationship. So I broke it off but yet he still thought that it was okay to still live in my home... I felt sorry for him so I waited for him to get on his feet to leave but yet he still had no intention of leaving. And I was not able to call law enforcement because they wouldn’t do shit because he had stayed there for almost a year... so I just had to deal with it. I was at my low point where I just wanted to give up and hoped that I died so he would leave... I would have to sneak around my own home to go clubbing or go out with my friends. I got a second job and went to the gym to be away from my home because he was there.

One day, I had 2 shifts on a Wednesday and my friend (JT) called me but I was not able call her back til I was off work. I called her back, she asked to hang out at Dutch Bros with her friend (NB) and so I told her that I had a long day at work and I smelt like food and sweat. But JT insisted for me to come because I haven’t hung out with her in a while. So I end up going and I meet NB and she was nice and seem chill. We talk about this girl that NB was talking to and so I try to give her some advice on the girl that she is talking to with her perspective... of why she was doing what she was doing. So we all get to talking and JT brings up my ex that I was dealing with and I mentioned that I told my ex what if I become gay and started dating girls will he just leave me alone but he said he would find a home girl and bet her ass for him (I rolled my eyes at him) because he has no friends. But NB would suggested that she could be the girl that I be dating. Me thinking she was joking and just told her that was sweet but rejected the offer thinking I am just “strictly dickly” little did I know I would start to grew fond of her and her personality. I didn’t understand why I felt like that and I was completely confused because I didn’t know if I was just curious or the fact that a female was actually attracted to me.

Anyways, she ended up dropping the girl she was talking to because she was kind of obsessive and crazy. After a week of meeting NB, I actually wanted to try to see if I am just curious or if I am actually attracted to females. So one night we were hanging out at Dutch Bros, I sent a text “you look cold over there, do you want to use me as a blanket” now I wasn’t able to say out loud because there were ppl around and I didn’t know if I should have said out loud at that appropriate time. But when I sent that she got super excited and and gave me a kiss on the check and with a huge smile said “are you serious??” I replied umm I don’t know but we can go talk somewhere. So we went off and talked but she could not stop hugging me and kissing me on the cheek. She was excited and kept saying this is a dream come true. I told her that we should take our time because I have never been with a female and I didn’t want to lead her on if I am just curious but she said she is willing to wait for me because I was worth it. That made my heart flutter. That night I had my first kiss with a female and it felt completely comfortable it was not a big deal that I kissed a female but she did make me happy. We said we would take things slow but we didn’t we went for the home run and from then on we was moving even quickly. But we were on the same page. I never felt more happy being with her than anybody I have ever been with. I eventually realized that it wasn’t me being curious because I was completely in love with this lady. She was everything to me and I am BISEXUAL. I am very committed to the relationship and deeply in love with her and supported her in every way.

This realization was not dramatic but actually finding myself and identifying who I really am and just made me more happy to be able share it with someone who loved me back. I honestly thought I found my happily ever after.

However, I think because we had moved so rapidly in our relationship that it made her lost interest into the relationship. This broke my heart but I know it will heal but I hope one day she will get those feelings of love for me back and we will be happy again. I can't force someone to love me.

This is when I identify myself as a bisexual. I never felt more whole in my life.

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