nixytea

[nixytea]

📢 rose-coloured boy announcement 📢

hello there, to any readers of rose-coloured boy out there. you’re probably wondering where the series went or whether it’s continuing. i’m really, really sorry but i won’t be able to finish this series. originally, this work was a method of coping with my grandfather’s passing, and for a while it worked. but in the past year or so, once again i went through the loss of quite a few people close to me, and when i stared at my drafts for this series, i realised how difficult it was all of a sudden to continue a series that hit so close to home. so i think this is the end, and if i ever do find the courage to pick this up and put my feelings into a fic, i’d rewrite this into a long one shot. but i know that for now, i won’t be able to continue it. i’d also like to assure anyone out there who’s barely getting by that there’ll always be someone who will miss you, a room full of people who will shed tears for you. please hold on to life for as long as you can, and when it gets too hard i beg you to reach out to someone. and to anyone who’s coping with loss, i want you to know that there are people looking out for you, and the memories of the people you love stick in ways you might not even realise, whether in your habits or your personality. they’ll always be a part of us.

i know arohas are struggling with the loss of moonbin this year. i offer my most heartfelt condolences to the fans, his friends and family. it’s never easy to lose someone, especially someone at such a young age who had a full life to live. and yet, now that they’re gone, we can only wish that the ones we’ve lost have found peace and relief from pain in this life. cherish the memories and little exchanges you’ve shared, and keep your fond memories close to your heart as you continue on with life. i think he’d have wanted that.

in case you’re wondering what the ending was meant to be, i actually intended to make it a fairly ambiguous ending where yn and sunoo don’t actually end up together. in my mind both of them are wise enough to know that they’re not ready for a relationship, and it will take time for both to heal and move on, but years later if they meet again chances are they’ll be ready to give things a shot. i’ll leave you with that, haha.

well, i guess that’s all i have to say. thanks for reading the smau, it really gave me the courage to share the heavy feelings i had but it the form of a story. i’ll continue to write other fics, but this will be untouched. i’ll leave the chapters on the blog for anyone to revisit, but somehow i feel like it’s a bit cringy since i’ve grown older. thank you :) 🫶

taglist | @lockburn-castle @ahnneyong @sheismultifandom (sorry i can’t tag u)

[nixytea]

最終便 | 西村力

synopsis 最終便(saisyuubin): the last train. and he stands there alone, when a final glimpse of your face is all he ever craved. childhood friend!ni-ki x f!reader

a/n they’re just friends…or not? interpret it how you will, it’s more fun that way.

listen to ikanaide

there’s a pile of dirty clothes on the floor, he notices first as he rises from his slumber. next to today’s laundry, the calendar. a red X slashed across the small box. like a death sentence, he thinks, shuffling out of bed.

the rays of the morning sun bleed through the curtains, casting strips of light across the ruffled sheets. his eyes follow the trail left behind by the faint (chiffon is the first word that comes to his mind, but that wouldn’t be right for the sun, would it?) sunbeams. they lead right to the little purple case in the corner, fittingly hidden away behind the doorframe.

familiar scents waft into the room. omelette, he concludes, based on the slightly greasy undertones. his mother is making a bento lunch. and when he does not hear the second round of sizzling, he knows there is only one set this time.

his heels make sticky sounds as he crosses the room, arms reaching for things that have been there his whole life. a towel, hanging on a rack inches away from the hooks where a clean shirt dangles and sways. he passes a mirror, and through his bleary, sleep-stricken eyes he can see enough of himself. enough to turn away swiftly, so he does not see what he cannot - or rather, will not.

when he exits the bathroom, he does not recall ever stepping in. he does not know whether he’d used too much shampoo, or if he remembered to slide the soap bar back on the holder the way his sisters always tell him to. it’s as though the steam follows him, permeating his head, jumbling his already scattered thoughts.

a sort of dullness comes upon him, almost dizzying, like he’d awoken from a short nap and realised that oh, he’s back in reality. he’s vaguely aware of the movements his hands and feet make, only functioning because of the morning routine he’s practised for forever. when he recovers his senses again, he’s already standing at the front door, the handle of that vile purple suitcase digging into the flesh of his palm.

the train station isn’t far from home. it never was, but somehow the journey just seems to last longer than usual.

when he does arrive, he finally dares to look back. he sees his mother, looking into her eyes with the pride only someone who’s watched her grow from the petrified child who accidentally stumbled into their yard to the girl who spent every waking hour with her son. a few promises are mumbled between the two of them, hushed reassurances that she’ll call often, visit as soon as possible, buy souvenirs when she returns. as for his sisters, they’ve got a tight grip on each of her hands, squeezing them so tightly her fingers have began to turn blue. but he doesn’t miss the way she squeezes back.

and then they all leave.

it’s just him now, because everyone knows he’ll be the one to hold her pillow to sleep tonight. they know who the one who descended the stairs with bloodshot eyes this morning is.

only now does he dare to lift his gaze. and damn, he regrets trying at all.

because how can someone look so ethereal, even more so just when they are about to leave?

ethereal. ephemeral. evanescent. the only words that come to his mind as he forces himself to look up at her. her, with those slightly watery eyes, that forced smile of comfort. her lower lip is quivering. of course it is. maybe he’s not the only one who wants-

no. weak as he is, he cannot make her stay.

behind her are rows and rows of cherry blossoms, their delicate pink petals fluttering in the cool spring breeze. and he can see the longing, invisible to anyone else, but to him it is written all over her face. in the creases of her brows, the faint tear tracks left over from the crying session his family had started. she has never looked so strong and so vulnerable, all at once. but that is who she is. an unstopped force to be reckoned with, a hurricane that destroys all that stands in her way. (how does he know? because he holds the scattered shards of his own heart in his hands.)

she looks back at him, like the fool she is. like the tyrant she is, still attempting to torment him even now. her smile is meant to console, he knows. whether or not it works, she probably already figured from whatever face he’s making right now. he’s not too sure.

“the sakura bloomed early this year,” she begins. a subtly probing statement, to test the waters.

do not cry.

“really? i hadn’t noticed.” he winces immediately at that, because what kind of stupid reply was that supposed to be?

but she laughs anyway, a breathy chuckle that usually warms his soul. today, however, the familiarity of it all sends his throat, lungs, whatever’s in that system twisting. “i’ll be back, you know. it’s not like i’m trying to hide away from you.”

really, it’s cruel.

“i know.” everything is pink, from the sky to her nose. her shoulder-on is pink too. heck, even the train she’s set to board in ten minutes is pink.

his eyes follow the little movements of her hands, lingering when she fiddles with the hems of her sleeves. “you’ll be okay.”

“i know.”

“my train’s the last one today.”

i know. the words come to a halt on his tongue, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

a bell dings faintly, sounding a little distant but he knows that’s not true. he watches the light in her eyes dim ever so slightly as a train pulls into the station.

“oh.” oh, indeed.

numbly, he nods. “i’ll…i’ll get you milk tea from the machine. to drink on the way.”

a tight-lipped grimace is on her face, though he pretends not to notice. “yeah, thanks.”

the biting cold of the metal coins in his palm fails to jolt him awake, even as he bends to retrieve the bottle of warm milk tea that falls to the bottom with a soft thud. “here,” he finds himself whispering, arm stretched towards her. briefly, he wonders, what else has he said the whole day other than the barely coherent sentences he’s uttered in the past ten minutes?

it’s not as though she doesn’t see through it all, from the ache in his heart he’s desperately willed away since last night, to his unnaturally fierce grip on the handle of her luggage. she once told him, his hands and eyes were the most expressive part of him. but he likes to think it’s only because he’s with her.

the corners of her mouth quirk up in response. “i’ll drink it for sure. thank you.” cold, he thinks. only fourteen degrees, baggy layers hanging off his shoulders, but it’s chilly. maybe he should have taken a scarf along too.

by now, the searing heat from the bottle of milk tea is beginning to fade.

“the train headed to Kansai International Airport leaves in five minutes,” the PA system booms. a command. he swears his heart almost plugs his throat as he watches her pry the luggage off his fingers. when the final finger doesn’t budge, she laughs. a contrast to the night before, when the two of them sat in complete silence, staring blankly at the boxy luggage that held everything of hers. they’d spent so much time together, it had been hard to discern what belonged to who - the duck stuffed toy (which she ending up taking), the expensive drawing materials that they had to split in half because they’d both paid for them. and it had all been separated, stuffed into a suitcase, which in a day or so would be miles and miles away.

a final bell goes, and it makes him realise he’s been staring at her for a while. she nods, grabs the suitcase, and then stops to wrap her arms around him. he doesn’t return the hug. numbly he stands there, watching her silhouette slip into one of the carriages. it’s a reserved seat, designated for her. but it’s not her place, he wants to scream. she doesn’t belong on that train. still, he shuts his mouth.

and off the train goes, leaving behind a shrill screech as it accelerates out of the station. away from the platform where he simply stands. watching. waiting. he can wait, he tells himself. faintly, he registers a hot trickle down his cheek. he does not wipe it away.

the windows, a perfect row of rectangles whizz past his eyes, blurring at the sheer speed at which the train moves. but as her carriage passes by, a strangled sob gets caught in his throat as he sees her, and the lips that mouth an apology he wants nothing to do with.

「ごめんね、力くん。」

and it is only then, only then that he allows himself one selfish word. one he knows she will never hear.

“ikanaide.”

💭a/n 「ごめんね、力くん」 means “i’m sorry, riki” and “ikanaide” means “don’t go”. clearly very inspired by ikanaide the song lol. idk if i managed to achieve the dreamy vibe? like i js got this really numb vibe from the song where like the person just feels so helpless and lost to be watching whoever it is go. by the way in case i’m too vague again, reader you’re going away overseas, wherever you’re going is for you to decide haha. i apologise but i also want to collect ppl’s tears lmao hope u liked it :)) DAILY REMINDER TO RB UR FAVS HEHEH THATS MY RESOLUTION THIS YEAR

[nixytea]

sober | p.sh (drabble)

in which you bump into your dreaded ex at a new year’s party. mentions of drinking, alcohol and parties etc, characters are of legal age. i feel like i need to add this but ive never drunk a drop of alcohol in my life, bear with me.

it’s times like this you wish you’d listened to your gut instinct.

here you are, standing outside the front door of jay park’s family mansion. even from inside your friend’s car, you could already hear the pounding music two streets away. and now that you’re here, the noise is starting to give you a headache. but hey, it wasn’t every day you’d celebrate the coming of a new year, right? “c’mon, y/n, just this once. please?” your friends had practically begged you to tag along, and against your better judgement you’d agreed.

as you step through the doorway, the supposed host of the party approaches your group. only slightly inebriated, jake sim has a barely noticeable off-kilter walk. “hey guys. hey y/n, surprised you’d show your face around here. not that you’re not allowed to be here, of course, but isn’t it kinda awkward to show up to a party co-hosted by your ex?” his words are pretty coherent, albeit a little too curious, but you can attribute that to the alcohol in his system.

by now, the pulsing red lights have left you dazed, and it’s all you can do to keep your focus on jake and not the sweaty mass of bodies dancing around you. “just because i came here doesn’t mean i have to see him.”

jake chuckles, slapping you on the back as he hands you a plastic cup. “right, i forget sometimes. you’re the one who tolerated park sunghoon for more than a year. a force to be reckoned with, huh? go grab some punch and loosen up a little. you could use it.” he retreats into the crowd, his steps steadier than before.

when you turn around, your friends are already gone. “well, here’s to a great night,” you mumble, tipping the plastic cup into your mouth. the drink has the slight zing of alcohol mixed in, and it gives you the much-needed fuzziness you need to get through the night. today marks the start of a new year, one where you don’t have to give park sunghoon the time of day.

a quick glance around the room is all you need to confirm that your friends have indeed disappeared into mangled knot of arms and legs that are partygoers, and you probably won’t find them until the night’s over. no matter, you know the layout of the place like the back of your hand.

the party is in full swing as you move towards the tables where two huge punch bowls are set up. it’s where most of the partygoers are congregated, milling around like they just can’t get enough of the drinks. there’s a platter of snacks too, stuff like cupcakes (who eats cupcakes with cheap beer?) and finger food. you have to admit, the food looks highly unlikely to give you food poisoning on top of a massive hangover the following day.

the attendance is good, you decide as you glance around our of sheer boredom. to the left, you see choi yeonjun and his ride-or-die soobin. one looks more dressed for the occasion than the other, no surprise there. across the room, your lab partner yunjin’s giggling at a joke someone made. everyone looks thrilled to be here tonight, and for some reason that just makes your mood even worse.

by now, the air’s starting to get a little too stuffy for you, what with all the dancing going on. you peek at your wristwatch, the minute hand barely past 10. ten minutes to midnight. ten minutes to a new year. ten minutes to a fresh start.

normally, at parties like this the second floor is off limits. you can’t imagine the boys wanting to clean the bedrooms aside from the expansive first floor, and it’s just a terrible idea in general to let a bunch of drunk college-age weirdos run around their potentially messy rooms full of papers and other important stuff. still, you suppose jay won’t mind. his best buddy might’ve broken things off with you, but you and your ex’s friends were still on pretty good terms. it’s not like he’d have to worry about you messing up the place, right?

tossing your cup into the nearest bin, you quickly weave through the crowd, until you finally reach the small staircase leading up to the next floor. your hand drags across the railing as you make your way up, a slight burn on your fingertips due to the rough surface of the wood.

you hated to admit it, but this place still felt like a second home to you. up until recently, you’d been frequenting this place. and though the unfamiliar atmosphere you’d attributed to the party ticked you off a little, the closer you got to the top of the stairs the better you were feeling. memories of the little moments spent here drifted into your mind with every step, all containing a certain boy with the pretty-

no. not today.

swallowing the thick lump in your throat from trying to shove the desire to reminisce away, you quicken your steps towards the last door at the end of the hallway. sunghoon’s room. well, it was technically one of many guest rooms in this excessively large house, but jay had given his best buddies a room since it was way closer to campus than any place sunghoon and jake could rent. besides, it was free, and to broke college students barely getting by it was a good deal.

pushing the door open, an explicable feeling washes over you. hints of his cologne lingered in the air. a large black hoodie is draped over the backrest of a chair, the matching desk strewn with what would seem normal to anyone else: worksheets, notes, an overflowing pencil case. but to you? every single object is a precious memory to you. textbooks, the ones he’d carried by hand to class along with yours, proudly showing off your name scribbled across the cover. “it’s my girlfriend’s,” he would say gleefully to anyone who would listen. a set of highlighters, one of them with significantly less ink from him lending it to you every time you studied together. how he found out it was your favourite colour, you never knew.

and now here it is, everything from the past two years laid out for you to see. you suppose the room was a little like you: full of traces, signs that he’d been there before, but he himself was nowhere to be seen. a painful reminder that no, none of this is yours anymore.

well, he’d left you one thing. one good thing about his room, other than the ideal location deep inside the mansion, was that it came with a small balcony. you used to go up there every time you visited. sunghoon had once told you it was his safe space, when everything got too much, when he needed a little bubble away from the rest of the world. the first time he brought you there was the first time you’d told him you loved him, and the first time you’d seen him get all flustered. now, it’s a sort of happy place to you as well.

forget getting over park sunghoon. how could anyone erase a whole existence of someone being in their life? those three words had left you with a raw, gaping hole in your heart, along with all the memories he’d made with you. so how could he have walked away, when there could have been so much more?

“stupid little me, all obsessed over a stupid little boy,” you mumble to yourself, shoving open the door to the balcony. you sigh, stepping towards the railing, letting the breeze cool you off.

“what are you doing here?”

you jump, the all-too familiar voice catching you off guard as you turn to face the very cause of your problems. there he is, in his full glory. the one and only park sunghoon.

his cheeks are slightly redder than you remember, a contrast to his typical ghostly pallor. you notice his gaze is turned away from you, as though he’s refusing to spare you a glance at all, but you still manage to see the glassy eyes from one too many drinks. he’s always been responsible, you think to yourself, always excusing himself somewhere to sober up whenever he needs.

“oh, i thought you were downstairs entertaining your party guests. i'll leave now." yet as you turn to leave, you don’t miss the opportunity to steal a quick glance at sunghoon's face for what might very well be the last time, nor do you miss the hesitant grimace that crosses his features.

just as you are about to step back into the warm room, a warm hand wraps itself around your wrist gently, the pressure soft but insistent all at once. "wait. you...i suppose you can stay here for a while longer. you wanted to get away from the party, didn't you?" the slight tremble in sunghoon's voice doesn’t go unnoticed by you, despite it being foreign to you. awkwardness wasn’t something that had existed between you two up until now, and now that it does you’re just...lost.

you tug your arm out of his grasp. "you know, i've been hoping for you to speak to you for so long. but now that you did, i don't even know what to say to you.” everything you'd imagined yourself yelling at him, every curse you'd wanted to hurl at him, every plea you'd crafted in your head to beg him to stay just a little longer, all that didn't even matter anymore. "jay, jake, my friends, they've all told me multiple times since that day that you were the jerk. that i hadn't done anything wrong, and that you were just being selfish. that maybe, you'd found someone else and decided i wasn't enough for you.

but for the past two weeks your schedule hasn't changed. you still go to the same classes, see the same people, do the same things, just without me. was i a hindrance to you? did i mess things up?” by now, the words that fly out of your mouth are things you don’t even know you wanted to say. is this what people mean when they talk about bottled-up stuff spilling out all at once?

judging by the guilt that flashes in sunghoon’s eyes, you’re not the only one who’s been contemplating everything. still, he managed to disguise it well, his once pleading tone hardening. “for someone who claims to have nothing to say, you sure just gave me a whole lecture. things just weren’t working out, okay? simple as that.”

“weren’t working out? sunghoon, whenever things weren’t working out we worked them out ourselves, we’d…i dunno, talk it over or something. did i-what’d i do that was so bad you thought it couldn’t be fixed?” you’ve imagined this moment, even dreamt about it in your sleep. but nothing could have prepared you for the way sunghoon refuses to even look at you, let alone say the words you wish he would.

sunghoon purses his lips, as if carefully picking what to say. after a bout of silence, he sighs, elbows rocking him back and forth on the railing. “clearly there’s something you want to hear. you want to know why, right?”

“as if that weren’t obvious enough.”

wiping his hands against the icy metal, sunghoon shakes his head. without warning, his fingers snatch your waist towards him, the coolness of his fingertips bleeding through the fabric of your shirt. before you know it, he leads you out of the room, back into the corridor you came from. the pulsing lights are m back again, your whole body vibrating along with them. the music only grows louder, but you barely hear a thing as sunghoon presses you up on the wall. near enough to feel the atmosphere, but not near enough to be seen.

sunghoon’s slender hand trails your jaw, thumb caressing your cheek. the look on his face is odd as he steps closer, every inch of his face drawing nearer to yours, and you curse your racing heart because just for a moment there you swear you see a hint of longing crack through his cold stare.

in the back of your clouded mind, you realise the countdown has started, the crimson lights pulsing more rhythmically in sync with the chorus of overhyped, sleep deprived youngsters.

“five, four, three, two-”

and he swoops in.

you haven’t had much to drink, but it’s as though you’ve plunged underwater, your head and hearing fuzzy as your brain tries to register the fact that the same guy who broke things off just two weeks prior was standing before you, kissing you as if you were about to disappear. your knees start to give out, but it’s okay because he has his hand on the outline of your waist, which fits as if it’s the missing piece to a jigsaw puzzle. it’s really stupid for you to be trying to say everything you couldn’t in a single moment you know is going to end eventually, and yet…

park sunghoon tastes of cheap booze and strawberries, like the lip balm you left behind when he handed you your things and told you to leave. and no matter how bitter the memory, your mind is preoccupied by the way he holds you so carefully as if you might fall to pieces in his grasp. it goes against everything you believe it to be.

when he finally pulls away, his eyes are glazed over, uncertainty beginning to peek through as he straightens himself, straightening the fabric of his shirt. the warmth on your waist disappears all too soon, and immediately you know what is to come.

“this is enough of an answer, isn’t it? you’re a smart girl, you’ll get it. see you around at school, y/n.” and with that, he swivels away from you, and as you stare into blank space you can hear his footsteps thumping down the stairs mingling with the cheers and well-wishes of the guests.

you slump to the ground, fingers reaching for your lips as you trace the outline of the places he’d touched. away from the now-faint chatter of the crowd, you have to wonder if it was all a vivid dream, where you’d only seen what you wanted to see. yet as you turn around to look in a small mirror along the hallway, all it takes is your dishevelled reflection peering back at you with a hollow stare to know it was real.

what have i done?

willing away the tears threatening to well in your eyes, you gather your things and make a run for the door. today was meant to be the mark of a fresh start without him. the day you learned to let him go.

but the black hoodie tucked into your bag says otherwise.

by the time sunghoon reaches the ground floor, his friends are already beginning to usher people out, jay mostly doing the work as jake rushes upstairs to check on the rooms. sunghoon ignores the weird stare jay gives him when you sprint past him towards the door without a second glance. it’s exhausting, having to play this game of cat-and-mouse with both you and his friends every day.

jake comes walking down the stairs, a trash bag in hand as he sweeps the floor for any leftover rubbish. as if sunghoon can’t see, jake gestures towards your fading silhouette, while jay shrugs back.

the cleanup proceeds in silence, all three too tired to even talk. that is, until jake grabs sunghoon by the shoulder. “dude, you’re not sneaky. i saw you with her by the staircase while we were downstairs.”

sunghoon huffs, shaking jake’s hand off and bending over to pick up a fallen plastic cup to avoid the disapproving glares of his best friends. “picked the wrong angle, huh? won’t make the same mistake again.” but he knows he’s said the wrong thing the moment it comes out of his mouth.

in a flash, his collar is scrunched up in jay’s fist, and sunghoon’s mind begins to swirl as he is shaken back and forth. “is that all you have to say?! you hurt your girlfriend of two years for what you insist was ‘no reason at all’, and now jake catches you sneaking around with her again? in what world is that acceptable?”

sunghoon’s vision glazes over, the words driving a stake in his chest. he’d love to argue back, but he knows they’re right. what he’s done to you is completely undeserved on your part, and he’ll hate himself for that for the rest of his life knowing you got away. and yet…

“sunghoon, why won’t you tell her already?” the pleading tone in jake’s voice is clear, and the guilt brewing in sunghoon’s heart only intensifies. “if you’d talked it out with her, she wouldn’t ask you to break things off-”

“it’s precisely because she wouldn’t break things off that i have to do it myself.” the grip on sunghoon’s collar loosens, as jay eyes him in confusion. “did i miss something? no, i definitely did. why would breaking up with y/n even do anything good?”

no. this is the exact conversation sunghoon didn’t want to have. he didn’t know how jake found out earlier, but now that even jay has asked it seems inescapable. “it’s…i just don’t want to hold her back, okay? can we not talk about this?” he knows the words will sting, not just on his tongue, but the people by his side. he’s hurt both the love of his life and the people he considers his brothers, and he’s torn open wounds into your heart that will take more than an apology to heal.

but he’s park sunghoon, and if he needs to do something, he will at all costs. because he doesn’t know how he’ll be able to live life having to watch you slowly drift from him, knowing he can’t give you anything that would be of value to you, no matter how desperately you cling to each other. and yes, he may be leaving his friends behind to pick up the pieces for him. he’s park sunghoon, and he’ll never let himself do anything irresponsible in the long run, even when he’s tipsy. that kiss wasn’t a mistake, it was a parting gift to the girl he was willing to let go of at the cost of…everything, to him at least.

jay seems to see the exact things sunghoon doesn’t want him to, but it works as the iron grip on his collar is released. “i still don’t think it’s right, but you’ve had a long night. we’ll continue this tomorrow, so clear the tables and take a shower. you didn’t even drink much but i can smell it on you.”

sunghoon wants to argue back, but as the world sways, the image of your glassy, broken eyes entering his mind, he falls silent. because he knows no matter how tipsy he was during the party, from the very moment he saw you in that balcony he’d been completely sober. and maybe…

maybe you’d been too.

aaaa what was this??? it was supposed to be a <1k fic lol. i didn’t even bother checking the wc (i don’t dare to). mm i think it’s quite obvious im basing my knowledge of drinking on the many fics and manhwas i’ve read…so i’m extremely open to any comments lol. originally i was gonna have hoon and y/n get back tgt at the end but i guess not?? edit: yall i’m so sorry to whoever is confused here’s the context: hoon n yn were in a r/s for two years and he suddenly dumped yn, yn tried to get over him at a new year’s party but bumps into him anyway, yn is still confused and that unnecessary prose at the end is hoon’s reason for dumping yn (he doesnt want their r/s to hold yn back which is kinda stupid the longer i think abt it but the whole point was to make hoon do smth stupid ig AHAHAA) im really really sorry i really need to start giving more context😭😭😭 really needa remind myself i dont have telepathy, it made sense in my head but that’s precisely why it won’t to anyone reading this…

[nixytea]

hi can i be added to the taglist for rose coloured boy?

yep ofc!! ill add u right away 🫶🫶 sorry im still organising my plot so they next update will take a while 😭😭

[nixytea]

at the will of the waves — y.jw x reader

pairing: yang jungwon x gn!reader

genre: love is hard for wotaku (wotakoi) au, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, slight angst, one-sided pining

inspired by: フィクション - sumika

summary: to pretty much everyone you know, you’re a diligent office worker. but behind closed doors? you’re what society calls an “otaku”: obsessed with manga, anime, gaming and the like. after a traumatising event, you swear to yourself you will never again let anyone find out about this side of you, but what happens when Yang Jungwon, your best friend from middle school and fellow nerd, squeezes his way into your life again and offers you something you cannot reject ?

warnings: OOC, food, weird people, mentions of insecurities, too many anime references, girlboss y/n, inaccurate gaming terminology, maybe if this were on ao3 i'd tag it dead dove do not eat for how badly this would affect my social life if anyone sees this irl

word count: 10.65k

disclaimer: to whoever has the guts to read this: here's a pair of anti-secondhand-embarrassment goggles and a tetra pack of unsee juice, strap in cuz this was written by me six months ago in my "what in the world is romance" era so uh. yeah tldr: this is gross for me to read and edit, i suggest reading it only once to spare your soul.

taglist: @drunkjazed @kange3939 @ahnneyong

track 001 : still into you - paramore track 002: disconnected - 5sos

LEVEL 000: SINGLE PRINGLE NOT READY TO MINGLE

You’ve got a feeling the universe might just hate you. Just a teeny tiny hunch.

Today’s supposed to be a fresh start for you. New job, new coworkers, new outfit -- which you totally didn’t spend two months’ worth of your salary to purchase, no way. 

So then why in the name of Eren Jaeger’s left buttcheek are you sprinting towards the train station in three-inch heels?

It’s your first day at work, you can’t afford to be late. “If i can just run a little faster-” you wheeze, frantically swinging your arms. A hiss of the doors and you’re in. “Nice, I’ll be on time at this rate,” you think to yourself. It’s the morning train, so you opt to grasp a handle dangling from the bars overhead. Relief washes over your body, relaxing your overworked calf muscles. Nothing can stop you today.

Yet as your eyes skim across a manga advertisement, you can't help but clench your free hand.

I hope no one finds out this time.

Less than ten minutes later, you find yourself in a waiting room. The door swings open, and a tall woman steps in. She doesn’t seem much older than you, yet she exudes the confidence you’ve only dreamed of having since middle school. You can't help but admire the way everything about her screams elegance and professionalism. That would’ve helped three months ago, you muse internally.

“Nice to meet you. I’m your supervisor, and I’ll be your guide for the next few weeks. We work in the same department.” She offers her hand, a graceful smile  spreading across her face. “I hope we get along well.”

You grip her palm in a firm handshake, while secretly scanning her gorgeous face. “Let’s work hard together!’

Your supervisor leads you into the hallway, briefing you as she strides along. Thoroughly engrossed in your new mentor’s advice, you only realise someone else is in the corridor when your shoulder brushes theirs ever so slightly. Yet you continue walking on after a quick apology, attention returning to -

Wait. 

You swivel around, disregarding your supervisor’s confused mumble. “Yang Jungwon?!” 

The once-fading back of your victim pauses, head lolling to his side. “Y/n?”

Your mind races in overdrive, thoughts scrambling in your head as you force your mouth to say something at all. “H-hey, Jungwon! It’s um, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Last time we met was in middle school!” Your hand lifts in a shaky wave, heart skipping at the glimpse of his familiar smirk. “It’s so unexpected! What are the odds that we’d be working here together?” Avoiding the curious gazes of your supervisor and Jungwon’s colleague, you continue rambling on. “Uhh…let’s catch up over dinner! Don’t be late!” You mentally slap yourself to shut your mouth, and breeze past the two men. Phew, that was close. You cannot let the only person who knows your darkest secret go free. Luckily you’d spotted him on your first day, or who knows-

“By the way, are you tabling at Comic Con?”

You swear you were one word away from a heart attack. “H-haha, very funny. You know I don’t do that stuff, why would you ask that? Bye now!”

“…I’m screwed.”

Eleven hours later, you find yourself at a nearby 24-hour arcade, your focus on the sparkly joystick loosened by years of manhandling.

“The bait’s been set. Passing it over to you now.” You swap places with Jungwon to finally chug your can of Calpis. “Mmmm, that’s the stuff,” you sigh happily, never tearing your eyes away from the screen, where Jungwon’s doing up the finishing touches for the claw machine. He’s always been better at these things than you, but you’d like to believe it’s because he spent more time in arcades than you did when you were kids. You were more into stupid otome games with cheesy endings.

“Got it. Told you it was possible,” Jungwon announces, the collection door swinging open to reveal a fluffy dino stuffie. “Seriously, after all these years you still need my help?”

You let out a derisive snort as you seized the plushie from his hands. “Well, you haven’t changed much either, have you? Nearly told everyone I’m an otaku on my first day. I do have a death wish, mind you.”

His smirk really is the same, you realise, as his dimples emerge as prominently as you remember. It’s actually quite endearing, though you’ll never tell him that. ‘Sorry, but I couldn’t have known you’re a closet otaku now? You used to be so blatant about it. ‘Ohmagawsh have you seen the new nyeh nyeh nyeh? The love interests are so hot I’d lick their abs.’ That’s how you sounded like, you know?”

“Stop, someone could hear us and I can say goodbye to my job!”

“Relax, no one’s here. You never used to care so much about people’s opinions, though,” he quips, reaching out to grab a piece of fried chicken. “So? What’s the tragic backstory behind your pathetically closeted fangirling?”

Your elbow accidentally collides with Jungwon’s ribs, nearly pushing him out of the high chair. “I was only like that with you. And it’s…a long story.”

“It’s also a long night.” That was how Jungwon was. Always there, always listening.

You have to take a swig of your Calpis to steel yourself, after all it’s not a story you like to tell. But he’s your best friend, and he’s the only one you’d trust with a fraction of your secret. 

“Somewhere during university, I guess the pressure to be a…normal student was pretty high. So I decided to put my uh, unorthodox hobbies into the rhetorical closet?” You pause, lips pinching as you try to avoid his questioning look. Somehow you can’t bring yourself to tell him the whole truth. A part of you begs to confide in him, because you just know he’s the only one who might understand. But…

Jungwon watches you, an emotion you can’t pinpoint brewing in his sharp eyes. “Is that all?” 

“Y-yeah. It’s a pretty good reason if you ask me.” Your tone is more defensive than you mean it to be, considering this is meant to be no more than a casual catch-up session with an old friend.

He shrugs, stare boring right through your soul. It’s funny how the guy you haven’t met for half a decade is the one who knows you best, even better than yourself. “I don’t believe you.”

And you crack. It’s surprising, really, that after so many months of holding yourself together it is Jungwon who becomes the catalyst to your spiral. Your vision melts into a blurry kaleidoscope of colours as the words fall from your lips. You tell him everything. About you falling so deeply in love with your boyfriend of three years that you plucked up the courage to tell him about your less-than-perfect lifestyle. About him asking for a breakup in a matter of minutes after the confession. About him telling everyone at your workplace, about people you once considered friends pretending you don’t exist, about being so openly mocked you have no choice but to resign and escape from a nightmare you know was created by your own two hands. And you know telling Yang Jungwon about your dirty laundry isn’t going to turn back time, isn’t going to bring your old life back, but you tell him anyway because it feels safe and right somehow. He feels safe and right.

He always has.

When your world stops spinning and you return to reality, you find yourself sinking your nails into the plushie, eyes stinging slightly, and Jungwon’s hand is on your back, palm rubbing circles into your back. You’ve gotta admit, it feels better than you thought it would. It coaxes more out of you, words you didn’t know were in you before. “I swore off telling anyone I date about being an otaku. Saves me so much more effort and heartbreak.”

He raises his eyebrows, a thin crease forming across his forehead. “What about finding an otaku partner? Saved you the heartache.”

The question instantly sobers you up, your back straightening as if you weren’t on the verge of sobbing your eyeballs out a moment ago. “Hey, that’s just weird! Besides, I’d get zero attention from them.”

“That’s rich coming from you.”

The conversation evolves into something more lighthearted, and it’s like the five years between you two was never there to begin with. You spend the rest of the night basking in the waves of nostalgia, reliving the freedom of your childhood.

Hours later, Jungwon checks his wristwatch. “It’s late, I’ll walk you home. We still have work in the morning.” 

The walk to your apartment is silent, save for the whistling of the cool night breeze in the city streets. Jungwon’s footsteps are silent - he walks just like a cat, you conclude after watching him slink along your side.

“Thanks for tonight, Yang.”

“Anytime, L/n.”

You continue soaking in the peaceful atmosphere, knowing tomorrow will be a hectic work day. Such a night is hard to come by, but maybe with Jungwon around, things’ll be more fun?

“…me?”

“Hm?” You turn to ask him what he said, but he beats you to it.

“What about me?”

You stare at him in confusion. “What about…you?”

“You said you wouldn’t tell your partner about being an otaku. Then what about me as a partner? I’d help you clear stages in games whenever you needed, I’d support you at conventions, and I wouldn’t judge you for your interests. And while we date, I’ll teach you how to not screw up future dates. You know, some sort of friends with benefits, except the benefits aren’t the usual…you know. You can treat me as practice for relationships. Dump me whenever you find someone you actually like.” Somehow, his face remains clear of any signs of embarrassment as he oh-so boldly states something that shouldn’t seem as simple as he makes it sound.

His proposal shocks you, no doubt. He’s never shown any interest in you romantically, as far as you can remember, so he can’t possibly be hitting on you right now. Besides, Yang Jungwon is a level-headed person, and his offer doesn’t seem so bad the more you think about it.

You reach out to grip his hand in a firm handshake, watching as Jungwon fails to hide the satisfied grin spreading across his face. You’ve got a feeling your face is mirroring his too. “Deal.” 

And henceforth, your whirlwind otaku romance begins.

LEVEL 000 COMPLETE. PROCEED? >YES >NO

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

LEVEL 001: MEET THE HOMIES

You’d think getting a partner would be a life-changing experience that completely shook your world, but Jungwon just wasn’t acting like it was a big deal. You, on the other hand…

Embarrassing as it was, you were hiding from him. Who knows why. It was as though last night was a secret you had to take to your grave. 

So here you are, crouched under a table while Jungwon and his friends are messing with their Switches over lunch. 

Since you aren’t too far away from their table, you can catch snippets of his conversation with his gaming buddies. And as you stare a little longer, the sudden realisation hits you: you know those guys. They lived in your neighbourhood too, went to the same school, played hundreds of games with you and Jungwon too. 

Kim Sunoo, the one whose name Jungwon used to call with more excitement than you’d ever seen before. He was older than you by a year, and he was the reason you and Jungwon started gaming. Every inch of his house was covered in anime posters, Genshin cosplays, full sets of manga volumes and action figurines. Plus, he had a treasure trove of a game collection that lined every wall in his house, something that still amazed you. Apparently, he’d gotten the money through cosplay wig commissions or some voice acting gig (the dude had a honeyed croon every fangirl could swoon for). Cunning, hardworking and motivated. You could see him write those on his resume.

Then there was the dude who hulked over your…boyfriend and Sunoo. Nishimura Riki. If you recalled correctly, Riki was like a little brother to Jungwon, who would take him anywhere and everywhere. His parents owned a dance studio, and Riki had put his skills to good use. Cosplay thirst traps were all your feeds consisted of, and you’d stumbled across Riki’s account one day, featuring the tall boy in a maid outfit. By the looks of it, he worked here. The apron gave it away.

Just how much did you miss?

“Yah! That’s the third time you missed a shot today. And you never miss!” you hear Sunoo whine. “Who are you and what have you done with my talented dongsaeng?”

Riki snickers “Hyung, he’s distracted. Look at him. He can’t focus.” He leans towards Jungwon, a meaningful smile curling on his face. “He logged on late last night, didn’t he? I bet he went on a date.”

Jungwon’s fingers slipped.

“AAAAAAAH JUNGWON-AH WHAT DID YOU DO?!” Sunoo’s wails fill the cafe, earning a hasty shush from Jungwon. “Honestly, you guys are so dramatic. Is it so unbelievable?” 

“Ah, but hyung, this is different. You’ve been single your whole life cause you can’t get over-”

“Shut up.”

You hear Jungwon exhale, fingers fiddling with the power button of his switch. “Look, it’s not like that okay? She and I are just dating till she gets an actual boyfriend.” 

A pause. Then hysterical laughter begins to echo through the small cafe. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Won,” Sunoo wheezes, slapping his knee so hard you hear the smack ringing in your ears. “You of all people should know these things never end the way you expect it to. Aren’t you supposed to be a shoujo plot expert?”

“What do you even expect me to know? This isnt real life!”

“Hyung, I know a good pick up line you can use on her. Are you an angel? Cause your health bar dropped when you fell from heaven.”

“That sucks, Riki.”

Much as you’d like to watch Jungwon dig a deeper hole for himself with every word that comes out of his mouth, you do have an ounce of pity for him.

You walk over to their table, pulling out a chair. “Oh? Didn’t expect to bump into you here.”

Sunoo falls off his chair in shock, but he just stays on the floor staring at you with almost comically  wide eyes. “Y/n?! We all thought you died when you disappeared from our neighbourhood?”

“Died?! I left to study, who told you I died?” 

Shaking his head, Sunoo giggles deliriously. “Wait till you find out what Jungwon’s love life is like. Did you know he’s got a…a fake girlfriend?”He barely gets the words out before another fit of giggles knocks him over.

You clear your throat. “I…might know a thing or two.” Jungwon’s head spins towards you, the existential horror evident on his betrayed glare. “Y/n, why would you tell them that?” The boys perk up almost immediately, the sound of Sunoo slamming the table reverberating off the walls as the owner shoots dirty glares at Riki. “No way, his fake girl is you?”

Just as Sunoo is about to tease you even more, Riki comes to your rescue. “Ah, who cares. At least you can game with us now. Hoyoverse ID, please.”

You wince, grinning sheepishly. “Yeah, about that, my ex deleted my account as revenge. I haven’t found time to restart.”

“Sheesh, Y/n, what kind of exes do you have?

“Bitter ones, obviously.”

“So Jungwon’s better than them all?”

“Oi Riki shut your mouth.”

LEVEL 001 COMPLETE. PROCEED? >YES >NO

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

LEVEL 002: FIRST DATE?!

Being in a relationship requires commitment. That much you’re aware of. Miraculously, so is Jungwon despite his absolute lack of experience.

“So Riki wasn’t joking? You’ve really never dated anyone ? Why?” 

Jungwon sighs. If he weren’t so busy with his mouse, he’d probably have glared you down. “Didn’t think I needed it, don’t ask why.”

“Sheesh, okay. So touchy.” 

This is how you’ve been spending your after-hours: playing any PVP game that suits your mood with your…boyfriend? Neither of you had really made an effort to give each other any experience dating someone who didn’t spend 24 hours a day thinking of 2D characters. 

Jungwon’s fingers fly across the WASD as he continues the conversation. It’s a skill he seems to have acquired after so many years of doing this with Sunoo and Riki. “I think we should stick to the plan we agreed on.”

“What plan? We never planned anything.”

He swallows audibly, eyes darting around the screen of his monitor as his avatar creeps nearer towards his opponent’s “We need to try going on an actual date. Zero gaming references, strictly no mentions of your manga allowed. Practice makes perfect.”

“Practice makes perfect,” you echo. He’s right, you have to admit. It’s been fun having him around to help you level up in your games, but there’s no way you can continue on like this. The arrangement might as well be off, if that were the case.

Right?

You don’t miss the cheeky edge in his voice as he speaks. “You’ll have a harder time than me, so let’s have a bet. If you mention anything anime or manga or video game-related, I get to pick what games we play for a week.”

“Oh come on, there’s no way I’m gonna play Mario Kart for a week. If I win, you have to play a full Mystic Messenger route with me.”

Jungwon groans, falling back against the backrest as he slides away from you. “Now I really need to win.”

The following day, you find yourself standing at the gates of a small theme park. Squeals of pure delight fill the air as children dart around visitor’s legs. Pop-up shops line the edges of the park, with colourful carnival booths and cotton candy of every flavour imaginable. In other words, paradise.

Coincidentally, it’s also the place you and Jungwon visited when you graduated from high school, and you can’t help but wonder if he remembers it the way you do. 

With Jungwon by your side, you head straight for the merry-go-round. Beckoning towards Jungwon, you swing your legs over a plastic horse. The spinning disc begins to rotate, and your horse bounces you upwards. “Ha, I’m finally taller than you!” you joke cheerily. 

He shakes his head fondly, signature smirk curling to reveal his teeth. “In your dreams. Do you remember the first time we came here?”

“Oh yeah, in kindergarten I think? Your sister took us here. We snuck off to the spinning teacups twice.”

“If she hadn’t found us, we’d have gone a third time,” he snorts. “I miss being a scrappy kid. No need to worry if someone’s gonna kill me for my typos, or my parents nagging at me to bring a girl home. Just doing what I want to. Preferably with you.”

You hum absently, pondering on his sudden confession. It’s true, neither of you would have believed it if ten years ago, someone had told you you’d be doing a nine-to-five desk job. “Heh, we used to say we wanted to be game developers. Look at us now.”

“Look at us now.”

The next five minutes make you feel as though the two of you are in your own little bubble, and you are so lost in conversation that you almost don’t notice that the ride has stopped. As you step off the platform, you find yourself wishing this could last forever. Wasn’t so bad, was it?

“C’mon, I wanna try the roller coaster next.” Jungwon nudges you towards the loopy tracks, painted in a blinding white that reflects the bright morning sun. “Last I checked, you’re pretty good with heights.”

With his hand on your shoulders, he steers you towards the winding line of poor souls who don’t know what’s coming. Luckily for you, this isn’t your first time. Following Jungwon’s lead, you march forward. The day’s going well so far, but somehow it just doesn’t really feel like a date. Oh well, that can be built up over time. You squeeze your way through a small crowd, peering over tall shoulders. And as the crowd parts ever so slightly… 

It can’t be.

Not far from you, a head of dyed blonde hair glints in the sunlight. As you lean forward, you see the face attached to it. Your ex.

And hand-in-hand with him is another ex-colleague. 

You should’ve known, really. They’d been making eyes at each other even while you were dating, so this shouldn’t be a surprise. But as your fingers dig into the sleeves of Jungwon’s sweater, you can’t ignore the way your heart clenches painfully, dread coursing through your limbs as you will your legs to just move along.

For better or worse, Jungwon is a highly perceptive person. He follows your gaze. “Is that…” His voice trails off, hands tightening their grip on your back. 

You swallow thickly, trying to tear your eyes away. “Y-yeah. Let’s keep moving, shall we?”

Forcing a smile, you surge forward with greater resolve than ever. Today’s not about him, is it? It’s about you and Jungwon. Right. Today can still be a good day.

“Y/n?”

Jungwon’s voice rings clearly despite the bustling visitors surrounding you. You look up in surprise as his arm wraps around your shoulders, hand squeezing your bicep firmly. An assurance. “Ignore him. Even if he spots you, he wouldn't dare come here.”

“And if he does?” 

“He’s just a side character in the grand scheme of things. You’re the main focus today, don’t let him ruin our date…or whatever.”

His words send your heart aflutter, warmth filling your veins like honey. Leave it to Yang Jungwon to make you feel special. “Now say it with me: I am weirdo otaku, and my ex is a smelly normie with no real hobbies.” 

You know he means it as a joke, but somehow you can hear your voice growing louder and more confident as you repeat after him for laughs, and you realise that for the first time in months, you are perfectly calm about the whole thing. Maybe it’s the fact that you know for sure he’s in the wrong now. Maybe it’s the fact that Jungwon literally has your back. Either way, you’ve finally found it in you to stand up for yourself. 

“Right, I’ve got a date to enjoy with my boyfriend.” Hooking your arm with Jungwon’s, you lead him towards the cotton candy stand. “I can’t stand the sight of that bastard, so let’s go.” 

A genuine smile graces Jungwon’s cat-like features, dimples deepening as he gazes at you with so much fondness in his eyes it’s as though you’re the only one in his world. You suppose years of knowing each other gives him that right, but you can’t explain away the tickly sensation in your belly when he looks at you that way. “Well, I’m glad. At least that’s one obstacle we’ve overcome through this amazing plan of ours-“

“And thank you for joining me in the Mystic Messenger grind.”

“What? Since when?” He gapes, horror dawning on his face as he realises the situation he’s gotten himself stuck in.

“Oh, you know exactly what you did.”

“...that doesn’t count.”

“Does too!”

“Does not.”

“Whatever you say, loser. Get ready for a tearjerker marathon, Won. We better stock up on tissues before we start tonight.”

LEVEL 002 COMPLETE. PROCEED? >YES >NO

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

LEVEL 003: MIXED SIGNALS

You are positively, utterly, tragically, extremely screwed. Why? Because you have a chapter of a doujin to upload. Tomorrow. And said chapter is…nonexistent. And judging by the influx of comments under your discord, the fans aren’t gonna be happy if you don’t keep your promise. Then again, neither are you. You’re actually just excited for this, but to think you might just let your readers down…

You sigh, cracking your knuckles as you flop into the study chair. This is not the time to be panicking, you decide as you pick up your pen. You’ve got the plot down, the action scenes are already looping in your head, plus the cheesy romance factor is definitely, undeniably there. So what’s the issue here? Why is it that as you twirl the digital pen between your fingers, you are staring at a blank canvas?

Death by manga. Not a bad way to go out. You try to squeeze your brain, gulp down a whole cup of hot tea, hot coffee, anything at all. But none of it works. An hour later you are still met with a snowy white expanse across your PC, not a single face, hand, just nothing. Great.

You reach for your phone. Maybe checking the fan art submissions will give you some ideas. But as you pick it up, a notification tone pings, screen lighting up as a message pops into existence. A red heart floats beside the text. 

won<3: why r u online on twt rn arent u supposed 2 b asleep

you: omg ur online pls save me n log on 2 discord thx

Almost immediately, your discord alert tone goes off, and Jungwon’s voice blasts from your monitor. “You okay? You should’ve turned in for the night two hours ago. What’s keeping you up?” The concern in his tone is evident, despite the virtual barrier. It feels good, to know someone’s looking out for you. Especially if that someone is Jungwon.

“Listen…you know how my new chapter is up tomorrow? Well, I kiiinda haven’t finished drawing it yet.”

The silence in your room is telling, save for what you think might be Jungwon dropping his bag of chips. “Y/n, you can’t be serious. Share the file with me, we don’t have much time if you want to get any sleep tonight at all.”

“Really? You’ll help? Thank you so so much I’ll buy you dinner tomorrow.” You fiddle with the controls, and it just so happens that Jungwon decides to turn his camera on at the exact same time. His face appears across your screen, and for a moment you forget what you’re supposed to be doing. 

Although it’s past midnight, he still looks absolutely gorgeous. With the contacts off, his eyes are their natural black, sharper than when you see him in the mornings. You are about to question why he is so alert today when your eyes fall on his pursed lips, a pretty shade of pink, much like when you were kids. He did grow up well, you’ve got to admit. But instead of his features making you flustered, it seems to make your heart ache instead. It’s an inexplicable feeling, similar to nostalgia. Regret for the years you’ve lost.

“What even…y/n, I don’t think this is called being unfinished. You didn’t even start.” He runs a hand through his auburn hair, expression giving away the exasperation directed at you. “Well, we better get started. Pick your pen up, we’re in for a long night.”

The next two hours are spent brainstorming and you panicking over the lineart, while Jungwon tries to colour in the cover page. Every time you let out an “oops”, you swear you see the cat ears on Jungwon’s headset twitch in annoyance. (Not that it matters, but that’s the headset you got for him for his eighteenth birthday.)

After a while, you settle into a comfortable silence, save for the gentle tapping of your pen’s nib on the screen. “Hey, Won?”

Hearing the hum of acknowledgement from his end, you continue. “Did you…miss me when I left? I know you found out from my mother, but only because I was too scared to tell you on my own.”

There is a pause, where only Jungwon’s even breaths are audible. Finally, he answers your question. “Y/n, you were my best friend. You still are. Of course I missed you.” He says it like it is so obvious, like it is a given for him to care so much about you, platonic or not. 

“Weren’t you a little…disappointed by what I was like when we met again that day? I did try to pretend I’d changed.” You’ve never actually told Jungwon that if he hadn’t talked to you that night, you were planning to never approach him again. Back then, you would’ve wanted to pretend he didn’t exist. But that night at the arcade, and how he’d shown you over the past few months that he wasn’t going anywhere, it made you wonder. Why’d you want to stick with me?

“Disappointed? Never. Not in you. You haven’t had it easy since you left our hometown, I know. But from here out, I’m sure you’ve figured out what you want, haven’t you?”

A wave of relief washes over you, the comfort dulling your senses as you rest your chin on the desk. “You’re setting my standards a little too high, you know.” Your eyelids begin to droop, the prolonged exposure to the screen beginning to take its toll on you. Slowly, the world fades to black. “Won, can you wake me in five minutes?” you manage to get out, before your consciousness slips away as you lay your head down. 

Unbeknownst to you, Jungwon watches your slumbering figure, a bittersweet tang in his mouth as he admires your fluttering eyelashes, the slight rise and fall of your shoulders, the tiny twitches of your enticing lips, a virtual barrier separating him from your sleeping frame. His fingers trace the image of you cast on his pc, chest cavity clenching painfully as he realises how much more beautiful you’ve become in the five years that passed with regret. “If I had told you back then, would we be what we are now?”

The next day arrives without a hitch. You had to apologise to Jungwon for falling asleep on call, to which he replied with a cheeky eye roll. “If you want to make it up to me, come over to my place tonight. Wii sports isn’t fun as a single-player game.”

You wrap up your work in record time, with your supervisor being so incredibly impressed that she almost tries to assign you extra work, but you manage to run away before she gives you overtime for the third time this week.

Jungwon has been to your place many times, but you haven’t actually visited his apartment before. The times you go over to pick up stuff aren’t counted because you don’t actually go in, and you’re honestly curious to see what your…boyfriend(?)’s taste in interior design is. 

After picking up some takeaway from a nearby yakitori place, you and Jungwon make the short trip from the office to his place. “What’s it like? Do you have a whole cabinet dedicated to your vocaloid figurines or something?”

“Nope,” he shrugs, an odd look on his face as he eyes you warily. “I have some…ah never mind.” He stops, and you realise you have reached his front door. He swings the door open, hands fumbling in the dark for the light switch. “Welcome to my apartment. Make yourself at home. There’s some soda in the fridge if you’re thirsty.”

One look into the apartment is all you need to know that Yang Jungwon is the same, tidy creature you’ve always known. The living room is minimalistic, with a deep blue couch in the centre. A small television leans against a wall, some wires disappearing into the back. To the left, a small cloth-covered box sits in the corner, and you assume it is for his gadgets. The kitchen looks extremely new. Too new, even, and knowing Jungwon he’s probably never actually used it before. A short corridor leads to the bedroom, but the lights don’t reach that area. 

Jungwon drops the keys into a small basket on the kitchen counter. “Bathroom’s in the bedroom down the hallway. If you want, you can take a shower. I’ll leave a shirt for you. Might not be a good fit though.” He doesn’t even have to look at you to know, since his shoulders are just so broad that if you were to put on his clothes, they’d probably slide right off you. But why does the thought of wearing his shirt make your cheeks burn? You used to do this when you were kids, when you crashed at his house for sleepovers and you forgot your pyjamas. You’d borrow his favourite pyjamas just to watch him pout, but he could never say no to you. And when he began to outgrow you, you were a little disappointed when he decided to just give that set to you since “you seemed to like them so much”. 

“I invited Sunoo and Riki, they’ll be over soon. I’ll get the console set up, so you go clean yourself up.”

Without a single protest, you thank him and make your way into the bedroom. You’re dying to wash up after a long day at work. The moment you step in, you are greeted by the pleasant smell of lavender and chamomile. His childhood home used to smell like that too, so the aroma is somewhat nostalgic, and very welcome too. The bed covers are tucked into the sides of the bedframe neatly, its colours matching the couch outside. His favourite colour hadn’t changed all this time. In fact, you’re willing to bet his gaming controller is blue.

As you peer into the washroom, you notice a small bottle of makeup remover, its contents still to the brim. You’d mentioned passing your favourite brand once, and there it is, perched on the bathroom counter. For some strange reason, an odd warmth trickles into your chest as you shut the door.

Your shower is quick but thorough, and as you step out you notice the pile of clothes on the bed. Slipping on the soft fabric, you sniff the sleeves. It smells kind of like the cologne you told him smelled nice on him once. So he did remember. He always did remember the weirdest things, after all.

“Who did?” Jungwon leans into your ear from behind you, his breathy whisper tickling its way into your ears. The sudden assault on your hearing makes your neck twitch away from him, but as you lurch away from him your balance tips. The fabric of Jungwon’s loose T-shirt bunches in your fist as you hold onto him for support, but you end up dragging him down with you. As your back hits the bed, you hear a soft oomph from Jungwon. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” you gasp, turning your head to the left and-

oh.

His face is inches from yours, a proximity that you never would’ve thought possible until now. Every shaky breath between his lips is accentuated with a nervous swallow as you watch him attempt and fail to pry his eyes away from your lips. You gasp audibly, feeling lightheaded despite already being on your back and your fingers are twitching desperately. The odd warmth is back, and your body moves on its own accord, fingers reaching out to Jungwon’s jaw. But as your fingertips are just a millimetre away from his skin, Jungwon seemingly sobers up, abruptly breaking the spell for himself. “S-sorry, don’t know what came over me,” he stutters, sitting up before you can touch him. He moves to get off the bed, but something within you breaks. Without warning, your hand snaps to his wrist, tugging him backwards and it’s all too fast, you shouldn’t be thinking about your best friend like this-

But here you are, leaning in to join your lips with his. It’s not your first kiss, but it may as well be with the way your heartbeat pounds in your ears, adrenaline shooting through your veins as you wrap your fingers around the nape of his neck, pulling him closer. The distance is too little, too much, the electrifying heat unbearable yet so addictive. With your eyes shut, the hesitant brush of his palm on your hip is magnified tenfold, and your heart races as you feel him bury a hand in your wet hair, his thumb grazing your cheek slightly. It’s gentle, it’s sweet, it’s perfect, and you smile against his lips. But before you can lock your fingers with his, everything disappears. He pulls away from every part of you, and it is only then that your eyes flutter open. 

“Y/n, I…”

A weight in your chest drops as you see the guilty expression on his face, eyes looking anywhere but you. “You…I’m sorry.”

You shake your head, fingers reaching for his own, but he retracts his hand faster. “Wait, don’t go. We just…you just - okay, what are you saying sorry for again?”

He gulps, throat bobbing as he purses his lips firmly to stop them from trembling. “I think you’re probably just confused since we hadn’t seen each other for a while. Just, let’s not do…that again, or-”

“Or what?!”

“Or I’ll think you actually like me.”

You scan his face, searching for any signs of mischief, but his eyes are still averted, biting his lip like a guilt-ridden cat. Normally you’d think this is cute, but right now nothing but irritation is clouding over any instinct to be calm about whatever’s going on right now. “Jungwon, I literally just kissed you. What else would I mean other than that? People don’t kiss people they don’t like.”

“You’re confused, Y/n,” he sighs, rubbing his temple tiredly. You want those hands on yours right now, but he isn’t going to give it to you and you know it. “You don’t know what you want. Heck, neither of us know what we’re doing. What was this stupid deal anyway? It was selfish of me to even let this happen, I mean it’s been five years. This was just a whole stupid idea to give teenage me what he wanted. You probably don’t even need me in your life, and it’s so stupid of me to want to be in yours like this.”

“Are you kidding me? I want you here. I like you, and I want you by my side just like this right now. I’m not leaving again, Jungwon. Do you…did you even like me at all?”

“Yes. Too much. But you’re…” he trails off, a muffled groan escaping his lips as he buries his face into his knees. “If you knew how much I really like you, you’d never be able to leave.”

“Then I won’t-”

The doorbell interrupts you, and Jungwon takes the opportunity to scramble off the bed, leaving you alone in the room. Sunoo and Riki’s loud banter drifts into the small space. As Jungwon’s scent becomes too strong for you to bear in the room, you grab a breather before walking out. “Hey guys,” you murmur, resisting the urge to roll your eyes as Jungwon pretends to be busy with the controllers.

“Were we interrupting something?” Sunoo asks absently, fussing with the snacks he brought from the convenience store downstairs. When neither of you reply him, Riki smirks knowingly. “Lovers’ quarrel, then?”

You smack Riki in the arm. “You’ll regret that when I kick your butt at Wii sports later.”

At your overly confident declaration, Jungwon lets out a loud snort. “Oh yeah, because you’re so good at bowling, Y/n.” His snide comment ticks you off, bringing out your competitive streak. “Oh it’s on, Yang,” you growl, cracking your knuckles in the most menacing angle you can find.

The night is full of laughter, despite the tension between you and Jungwon. It’s easy to ignore, with Sunoo and Riki over, but every now and then you look over at Jungwon, who purposefully maintains his absolute lack of eye contact with you. Which is atypical of him, and you’re sure Sunoo’s already noticed but knows better than to point it out. After rounds and rounds of stupid games that usually end with someone falling over, you flop onto the couch, cracking open a can of marble soda. “That last move was killer. Don’t think I’ll be able to walk tomorrow,” you groan, taking a swig of your soda as if it’s alcohol and you’re a tired mother. (Technically you all can legally drink, but you know better than to do that tonight because Jungwon will freak if you guys throw up in his apartment.)

Riki chuckles, tossing another can across the living room towards Sunoo. “Ha, Y/n’s getting old.”

“I’ll get the Salonpas, you guys sit here,” Jungwon sighs, jumping up from his seat on the couch to the cupboard behind you. He throws a few at your head, and chucks another box at Sunoo, who glares at him like he just said mint chocolate ice cream’s the most disgusting dessert he’s ever eaten.

“You’ll thank me tomorrow, Sunoo.”

Mumbling a string of inaudible words, Sunoo slaps a patch on his shoulder. “What time do you want to sleep?”

“NEVER.”

Jungwon fiddles with a bunch of wires, and the screen of his nintendo flashes across the TV. “Anyone up for a DDLC run?”

“How do you still have this? And why is your progress already two days in?”

“Y/n and I played it the two weeks we were messing with Mysme, so we wouldn’t get bored.”

“Oh nice, whose death did you remember most?”

“Gotta be Yuri’s, I think.”

“No way, Natsuki’s freaked me out more. I nearly threw the game out the window when I saw it.”

“Natsuki?!”

Their quarrelling continues, and you shake your head in amusement. You’ve played the game multiple times, enough to the point nothing about it scares you anymore. When you and Jungwon first played it together in elementary school, you couldn’t sleep for a whole week. Cue the endless sleepovers, where every little creak of the door would jerk you two awake. You remember having to hold Jungwon’s hand under the covers for security. 

But now, that memory only serves to remind you of the events that came about a few hours ago. Disconnecting yourself from the conversation, you lean back into the couch, fingers subconsciously drifting to your own lips. The feeling hasn’t really faded, resurfacing every time you think about it too long. As your eyes flutter shut, your mind goes back to what he said earlier. Are you really using him as a rebound? But you still believe, after all this time, that it’s fate who brought you back to him. You need him in your life again, nothing to do with your ex.

Which brings you to the question: where’s the fine line between friendship and romance? Because with every passing day, Jungwon’s every move makes you start to question what he really means to you. 

You hear a rustling of fabric, and a small felt blanket is draped over you, the soft material sliding over your toes. “Is she asleep?” you hear Sunoo ask.

Judging by the fact that Jungwon’ voice is nearest to you, you assume he’s the one who gave you the blanket. “Sure looks like it. Guess we bored her to sleep.” The couch cushions sink, and you feel the backrest dip. 

“So, Jungwon, what happened before we got here? Did you guys fight or something?”

Jungwon sighs. “It’s…I think I made a mistake with her. She’s mixing up her feelings, and she probably just missed me.” There is an unmistakable bitterness in his words, the way he spits them out with such self-doubt that it makes your heart ache. You want to open your eyes and grab him by the shoulders and shake him awake, but now isn’t the time.

“But Jungwon hyung, I don’t think she just misses you. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. It’s kinda gross. You two are disgustingly cute.”

“It’s not romantic, Riki. She didn’t like me when we were kids, why would she like me now? The least I could do for her is to not get in the way of her future since that’s what we agreed on, but-”

“But do you like her?” Sunoo asks, ripping open a bag of potato chips.

“I don’t know. When we were kids I coud just brush it off as stupid teenage infatuation. I thought I got over her, but the moment I met her again everything felt different. It’s...I don't know. It’s just not the same.” The frustration is evident in his tone, and you have to fight the urge to crack your eyelids open and yell at him. It all hits you for the first time how hard your departure from his life must have hit him. His own best friend (and childhood crush) disappearing without a trace, and not even telling him. 

Luckily, Sunoo comes to your rescue. “She returns your feelings, then. She’s back for good, Jungwon. You’re not holding her back, trust me. She’ll stay this time.”

The long pause is almost painful for you, who cannot see the look on Jungwon’s face now. You can picture it, but the curiosity is near unbearable. To your surprise, Jungwon is the one who breaks the silence. 

“But…what if she wants to leave again? What then?”

What then? It’s a question begging to be answered, an enigma that should not be. Even Sunoo falls silent at Jungwon's raw, vulnerable confession that he’s scared, terrified even that he’ll lose you someday. No, you want to say. I won’t leave again. But would he believe you? Sunoo might. Riki does. But Jungwon? The one who missed you twice as much as you missed him, the one who took you back in a heartbeat, the one who willingly let himself suffer for a taste of what he thought he couldn’t have. It’s not fair, you decide. It’s not fair that Yang Jungwon is so selfless and aware of every little detail, pretending to be unbothered by everything under the sun. But you know that’s not the truth, that beneath those sturdy shoulders you’ve leaned on for far too long, there is a boy who just wants your love. It’s ironic, really, that the person who hurt him most is the one who has the power to end the years-long torment he’s been put through.

Your thoughts are jumbled in your brain as a restless sleep finally claims you. Just before you nod off, you hear the flip of a switch, the rustling of a mattress being pulled out, and…

A kiss on the forehead.

LEVEL 003 COMPLETE. PROCEED? >YES >NO

SIDE QUEST OPEN! PROCEED? >YES >NO

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

SIDE QUEST XX: MEET THE PARENTS

After that groundbreaking sleepover, a lot of things go unsaid between you and Jungwon. Somehow, there’s a weird gap where you’re eager to talk about what happened that day, while Jungwon seems to want to avoid it completely, contrary to what he said that night. You still pass each other at work, but no text messages ever come in like they used to, inviting you to play whatever mind-numbing game he feels like. It’s the quiet that scares you most, and even though Sunoo called you the other day to tell you not to worry, that Jungwon will come to his senses already, you fear that this is the day Jungwon ends his common sense streak. 

You’re beginning to plan on how to get a key to his apartment when you hear a light tapping on your work booth. Swivelling your chair around, you find yourself face to face with the very person who’s been occupying your thoughts. You take a moment to look him up and down, searching for any signs he may be regretting pushing you away that day. But all you see is a sheepish Jungwon, dressed in the cutest pink sweater you’ve ever seen, and the earphones you gave him hanging around his neck. “Um, Y/n…can we talk?”

For a moment, your heart leaps. Is he going to make amends? You jump up, dragging him into a secluded corner. “Is this about…you know?”

“No…I’m sorry. It’s the opposite, actually. It kinda slipped my mind about what we wanted to do over the weekend. Do you still remember?”

Remember? Of course you remember. This weekend, you were supposed to go back to your hometown to visit both your parents. You’d gone back to spend time with your parents before, but never with any of the neighbours who used to dote on you as a child. And after the arrangement you and Jungwon had, you decided to visit his family, where he would introduce you as his girlfriend just to get his parents off his back about “settling down”. 

But now that whatever’s between you two is more obvious than ever, it would probably make sense to Jungwon to cancel. Yet a part of you deflates at the thought. “I still wanna go, if that’s what you mean.”

You watch as Jungwon gulps, throat bobbing as he squeezes his hands together. “Won’t you feel a little weirded out? I mean, after…that, I’d understand completely.”

“Hate to break it to you Jungwon-ssi, but the awkwardness is very much one-sided.”

He seems to hesitate for a moment, before speaking up again. “Are you sure-”

“YES. I want your mother’s jajangmyeon. You can’t keep me away from it forever.”

And with that, the deal is done. Ignoring Jungwon’s absolutely manic laugh of disbelief, you slip back into your seat, a plan already beginning to form.

That same weekend, you stand in front of the Yang family’s apartment, a death grip on the handle of the crocker in your hands. Yet when paired side by side with Jungwon, it’s clear almost immediately who’s the stressed one.

“Isn’t the girlfriend supposed to be the scared one when meeting the parents? Why are you the one acting like you’re about to faint in front of your own house?!” you chide, nudging him with your elbow hard enough to throw his balance off. Still, he squeezes your shoulder in what you assume is some awkward show of reassurance. “You don’t have to do this, no one’ll blame you.”

“Now is not the time to be regretting your decisions, so suck it up. You’re the only one with a problem about this.” You can’t help the curt edge in your tone, because try as you might, it’s undeniable that meeting the Yang family after so many years freaks you out. They loved you as their son’s best friend, no doubt, but as a potential future daughter-in-law?

Before either of you can start to get cold feet, you lunge for the doorbell. The button is worn, from years of you, Sunoo and Riki jabbing it every day. From the sound of it, the batteries must’ve been replaced recently, but the melody retains its same nostalgic tune.

Almost immediately, you hear the fumbling of keys in a lock, and the door swings wide open to reveal a familiar face.

“ Jungwon-ah, you’re here-” It’s as though you can pinpoint the exact moment his mother realises who the girl standing next to her son is. “Is that…Y/n? It’s been so long! We’ve missed you so much! Jungwon-ah, why didn’t you tell me you met her? I could’ve organised dinner with her family long ago! Ah, what a wonderful surprise. Come in, come in!” She invites you in without waiting for you to greet her, practically dragging you into the house. “Make yourself at home, although you probably already feel at home. Oh, is this for me? Thank you so much, dear, what a thoughtful child you are!” Accepting the pot of food you prepared, she hurries into the kitchen for a pair of mittens.

You take your time to look around with Jungwon’s supervision. Not much has changed, save for the little white gate barely holding back the family dog. Maeumi (which is the adorable ball of fluff’s name, according to Jungwon) leans against the gate eagerly, barking with sheer joy at the sight of Jungwon. “Do you…wanna pet her?” Jungwon asks awkwardly as he notices you eyeing her in adoration. As he gets a nod from you, he can’t help the chuckle that escapes from him, and he bends down to fiddle with the lock. 

Almost instantly, Maeumi bounds into Jungwon’s outstretched arms, licking his face uncontrollably as Jungwon laughs. “So it’s easier for a dog to get a kiss from you than a human, huh,” you mumble softly. Jungwon just rolls his eyes, his cheeks turning visibly red.

You hear the slam of a door. “Why didn’t anyone tell me Jungwon was here…oh Y/n!” Jungwon’s sister runs out of her room, sweeping you into a tight embrace. “Who would’ve guessed, our sweet baby brother brings his childhood sweet-”

“NOONA.”

She giggles deliriously, absently dismissing Jungwon with a wave of her hand. “Come on, Y/n. We have lots to catch up on.”

The rest of the night goes by seamlessly. Dinner is a casual affair, which feels more like a reunion as your parents drop by unexpectedly and end up joining in the conversation. As expected, most of the questions are about you and Jungwon. (“Where did you meet?” “How long have you been dating?”) With Jungwon by your side throughout the meal, you manage to catch him staring at you an absurd number of times, and they always end with him ducking away again. He’s usually confident in these kinds of settings, and he probably would appear so to everyone else, but for some reason you can almost feel the nervousness radiating off him like he’s some sort of weird lava lamp. Still, things go as planned without any slips of the tongue where you might accidentally reveal that your “love lives” (if any) were in jeopardy.

After the plates have been washed and cleared away, everyone shifts into the living room again, all the parents claiming their spots on the large L-shaped sofa. You, Jungwon and his sister seat yourselves on the floor, Maeumi resting on your belly. Surprisingly, the puppy took a liking to you quickly.

As the conversation lulls on, Jungwon leans nearer towards you. “Tired? I can take you home early if you’d like.” In response, you slap his thigh gently. “No one’s going anywhere, stop trying to make me leave before I work my magic on your parents. Too scared they’ll make you keep me?” As expected, Jungwon pointedly ignores you, opting to take a sip of his tea. 

Half an hour in, Jungwon’s sister suddenly rises. “Hey Y/n, can you come out to the balcony with me? I want to catch some air.” She hauls you to your feet, tugging you towards the balcony far away from the others. As she locks the door, panic begins to claw up your throat. “Uh, what’s going on?”

She pats your head affectionately, sighing as she tries not to laugh. “Why do you look so scared? I’m not going to kill you, relax. I did, however, want to talk to you about something.” She gazes up at the night sky, leaning against the railing as she smiles softly. “So, Jungwon actually told me about you two way before our parents knew you two were…dating? I dunno, you guys are unlabelled right now aren’t you?” 

You nod slowly, joining her on the edge of the balcony. “Honestly, I already know what I want, but Jungwon’s…scared? Worried? Maybe that’s the better word for it, but either way he thinks I’m confused about everything. Which could not be further from the truth, because I’m, uh. You know.”

“Falling in love harder than you expected to?” She sends a knowing smirk your way, one you can make out despite the relative darkness. She’s always been so aware of Jungwon’s life, and the lives of people around him. You’re no exception, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“Yeah. It’s funny, really, how we went from friends to…this. I miss when it wasn’t so complicated, but things change. Feelings change, and I guess I don’t want things between me and him to stay the same anymore,” you admit. It’s kind of strange to be venting to your crush’s sister, but she probably knows him better than you. If not her, then who?

She turns to face you properly, a wistful expression on her face as she stares into space. “He tells me it’s just fate that brought you two together again, you know. But if it were just fate, he wouldn’t have carried those headphones you got him all those years ago literally everywhere. I’m willing to bet he’d have spent the rest of his life looking for you.” She’s right, and you know it. It’s not fate that brought you together. It can’t be, because that would mean everything that happened so far can be chalked up to everyone just following some story where you already know the ending. You made this decision on your own, to fall for Jungwon. He chose, years ago, to not let go of his feelings for you. And you refuse to let yourself be tossed around by the waves of life any longer. This time, Yang Jungwon will not disappear from your life, lost to the trials of time.

“Don’t let him out of your sight, Y/n. Dependable as he may seem, he’s still the baby of the family. You’d be surprised at how insecure Jungwon can be, especially when it comes to you. Talk some sense into him, will you?”

The exchange feels like an eternity, yet at the same time too short. You’re not nearly as brave as you want to be, not to mention when it comes to feelings like this. “But the heart wants what the heart wants, doesn’t it?” you muse, earning a pleased look from Jungwon’s sister. “That’s the spirit. You have full permission to punch him in the face if he still doesn’t see sense, got it? Or you can let me do it, I’d be more than happy.”

A couple hours later, when the cups are dry, and your eyelids begin to droop, Jungwon pulls you to your feet. “I think it’s about time we leave, Y/n has a busy day tomorrow. I’ll send you home.” Observant as always, Jungwon leads you to the door, waving goodbye to your families. The moment the door shuts behind you, his shoulders slump as though a huge weight’s been taken off. “Let’s go, I’ll walk you home.”

The journey is quiet, but as you reach the door of your apartment, it seems Jungwon has enough of the silence. “That was exhausting,” he groans breathlessly, sliding down the door as he massages his forehead. You decide that this is your opportunity to swoop in.

“But…would you do it again?”

His head snaps towards you immediately, panic flickering briefly across his face as he bites his lip, searching for the right words. “As…whatever we are right now?”

You take a step closer, leaning towards him as you stare directly into his eyes in a sudden rush of confidence. “No, I want something different.”

His throat bobs visibly as he swallows thickly, fists clenching and unclenching as he looks around, anywhere to avoid your intensifying gaze. “Y/n, we talked about this.”

“Correction: you talked, and I just listened. I heard what you told Sunoo and Riki, not that I didn’t already know how you feel.” You gently tug on his collar, bringing his face closer to yours. Your knuckles brush his cheek, and this time you relish the tingles it sends down your arm, straight to your heart. “You don’t need to tell me how you feel. A part of me’s always known. Yang Jungwon, I know you from the inside out. There’s nothing you can do that I haven’t already predicted. And it goes both ways. I’m not asking for the words ‘I love you’, because I already know. So what more do we have to hide from each other?”

Jungwon’s gaze wavers slightly, but try as he might, everything in the moment seems to be screaming, pleading with him to stay. “But you…I don’t want to be the thing that holds you back. I want you to do what you want, go where you want, whenever you want.”

“You’re all I want, Won. I’m not leaving your side again. What makes you think I could leave you behind so easily? I’ve already decided what I want. So be selfish, and ask me to stay.”

As you tighten your grip on his shirt, you step closer towards him, other hand drifting upwards to stroke his cheek. Your thumb traces the ridges of his dimples, slides down the edge of his mouth, and you can feel a surge of adrenaline as his lips part to form a word. Just one word, shaky and no more than a whisper, but it’s more than enough to stop time altogether as a tear falls from his eyes.

“Stay.”

Your vision goes blurry as you slip into his arms, his chin resting on your shoulder as his palms move to your back, pulling you closer. The fabric of his vest presses into your cheek, and your senses are filled with him. It’s too much and too little, all at the same time, his scent overwhelming you as he shakes under you. A garbled sob escapes your throat, and your fingers bunch up the fabric of his clothes for support as you both sway in place.

After what feels like hours, you pull away from his grasp. “You’re so stupid,” you blurt out, but the statement is void of malice as your voice trembles. 

“Who’s the idiot who left for so many years and didn’t even try to call me?”

You wipe the tears from your eyes, slapping his arm as you try to calm yourself down. “About that…my mother told me you changed your phone and gave me your new number, but when I tried calling it an old man answered every time. Last night I was clearing my messages but I accidentally tapped into your contact, and then it finally hit me that she gave me a number with one wrong digit. I swear I wanted to call you.” 

“You’re an idiot.’

“But I’m your idiot, aren’t I?”

Jungwon doesn’t answer, but you can feel the fondness practically radiating off him as he squeezes your shoulders. “Very funny, Y/n. Go in, you’ve got stuff to do tomorrow.” Just before you disappear into the apartment, you feel a hand block the door from shutting entirely. “I’ll, uh. Call you tomorrow morning. Just in case your alarm clock doesn’t go off, or you roll out of bed, or-”

“Jungwon.”

“Right.” He breathes out, hand slipping through the small crack of the door to pat your head. “Goodnight, Y/n.”

“Goodnight, Jungwon.”

“Sweet dreams.”

“You too.”

“Don’t fall off the bed.”

“I won’t.”

“Don’t sleepwalk.”

“I don’t sleepwalk, you know that.”

“Fine.” As he leaves with a little wave, you pretend to close your door, before poking your head out to watch his silhouette grow smaller as he walks down the corridor. Chuckling to yourself, you finally go inside to wash up and get ready for bed. Tomorrow is another day, one with Jungwon in it. And that alone, and the knowledge that every day from this day forth will never again be void of his presence by your side, is enough to give you the courage to live for tomorrow.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

a/n: so you got to the end! congratulations and condolences. this was an absolute roller coaster and i think i screwed up any semblance of a motif. positive criticism is very much welcome. heck, i think i'll take even the hate, it's all in good fun. yeah nO. i'd be lying if i said i were proud of this but hey, i'll just come up with something better. sorry it took SO LONG, my priorities are a mess. i have more planned. never again will i do something like this, leaving the comedy/fluff to someone else hurhur.

[nixytea]

one aisle away | k.sn

synopsis » the cafe sunoo ‘s parents run isn’t just any cafe. the hundreds of classics in this old, dusty bookshop - austen, dickens, hemingway, you name it - are all the flip of a page away for anyone who wishes to enjoy literature with a cup of coffee in hand. a schoolmate visits every day, and he can’t help but hope she talks to him, even if it’s just to ask for food or a book.

pairing » café employee!kim sunoo x customer!reader

genre » book café au, fluff, light comedy, schoolmates(?) au

warnings » studying, sad top student, sunoo is very whipped, yn is kinda sad

a/n » in case you can’t tell, i really really like bookstores and coffee. not rly a typical café au so idk! i just think sunoo in an apron is very cute.

w/c » 1.3k

IN sunoo’s small world, home is never far away. home is in the bitterly rich aroma of freshly-ground beans, in the gentle whirr of a coffee machine, in the delicate cream foam that sticks to the edge of a mug (and eventually someone’s upper lip).

but sunoo’s safe place is not made of coffee beans and evaporated milk alone. if he could build a roof of paper over his head, so that whenever you looked up you would see words instead of a starry night sky, he would do it in a heartbeat. comfort is in the steady fluttering of sepia-tinted pages, the faint woody smell that tells you once upon a time, the crisply folded sheets before you were living and breathing. maybe that was what made the stories tediously crafted upon the pages come to life.

to say sunoo is absolutely thrilled to finally help out in his parents’ café would be an understatement. for as long as he can remember, the quaint coffee house-library has been his paradise. his sister works full time here, so the one in charge when he helps out is usually her. after long days at school, the café’s atmosphere is all he needs to unwind. it’s a popular place too, and sunoo’s parents are doing well. students and office workers alike come here during their breaks. mothers take their children here for a time of peace and quiet away from home. sunoo’s even seen some sweet ahjummas come down for a book club session.

the best part of it all, however, wasn’t just the café. every day after school, sunoo would slip the khaki-coloured apron around his waist, plead with his sister to let him run the register, and greet the patrons with a smile. it was the perfect opportunity for sunoo to catch a glimpse of you.

you’d shown up in his safe place very suddenly - shortly after he’d uploaded a video on the café’s tiktok (“perfect for students!” it said). he didn’t think someone would actually show up, let alone his class’ top student. but either way, your presence was welcome. every day, you would come alone, randoseru in tow, to the same spot next to the window, just one aisle away from the cashier. sometimes, he’d save it for you, although you didn’t need to know that. he even had your coffee order memorised. he likes that you chose that spot, since he can just turn his head and watch you for as long as he wants.

his sister had noticed you the day you walked into the café. “sunoo, isn’t that girl from your school? she’s wearing the uniform,” she had asked him, a sly smile creeping onto her face as sunoo’s cheeks began to warm with a deep red. “yah noona, she’s just a schoolmate, don’t think too much about it!”

little did his sister know, the one thinking too much was him. he had met you in school multiple times: cleaning duty, at the canteen, even shared the same english class once. but you’ve been so absorbed in your work that you never realised it was him who served you your coffee every day. he always volunteered, hoping you’d look up. but you always replied with nothing more than a soft “thank you”, and maybe it was his fault for not staying long enough for you to see his face.

on this particular day, sunoo’s sister has decided that if she can’t get any action, she’ll just have to live through her brother. “just talk to her. she definitely knows your name, right?”

sunoo groans, burying his head in his arms. “you just don’t get it. i can’t just go up to her, that’s terrifying.”

��you drama queen!” she chides, slapping her brother’s arm playfully. “what’s the matter? aren’t you supposed to be a social butterfly? i should tell your heeseung hyung about how shy you’re being over a girl.”

he drags a hand over his face, weariness washing over him at his weakened resolve. “i can’t, noona. she’s too pretty.”

his sister’s laughter fills the little back room, the teasing smirk only growing wider. “and you’re a pretty boy. perfect match. now go on out there and cherish your youth!” with a rough (but well-meaning) shove, sunoo finds himself standing behind the counter. and who better to show up now of all times than you? 

you scan the array of daintily decorated cakes behind the glass casing, and sunoo notices your eyes lingering on the same cake you get every time. fighting the amused chuckle that threatens to surface in his throat, sunoo puts on his brightest smile. not his usual customer service smile, but a genuine one saved for you. “you know, i can recommend a different flavour to you. i promise you’ll like it!” he quips, eager to prove himself. 

for the first time, sunoo sees your usually stoic demeanor crumble into a flustered one. “you…know my order?” your voice is music to sunoo’s ears, even more so since he’s hearing more words than “one lemon cake please” for the first time.

“of course! how would you like to try a slice of our matcha cake? there’s macarons on the top too! and the buttercream is heavenly, freshly made this morning. how’s that sound?”

the faint smile that twitches in the corner of your lips sends sunoo squealing internally. how can someone be so cute? “yeah, i’d like that. thanks…what’s your name?”

“sunoo! kim sunoo. we go to the same school,” he offers, grinning giddily as he sets your cake on a plate. “you’re in oh haewon’s class, right?”

“yeah, and you’re in the class next door?” 

he nods in reply. “mhm. i’ve heard about you. you’re our school’s top student, that’s so cool.”

a smile breaks out across your face, but sunoo notices a bitter undertone under the surface. “ha, well it comes at a cost, as you can see. i come here every day alone to study. not much of a social life, unlike you. i mean, you’re really sociable. you hang out with the seniors and the juniors. literally everyone knows you. and your grades are in the top percentile too, aren’t they?”

you aren’t wrong, sunoo has to concede. he’s seen you during lunch, eating your sandwich alone. sometimes he wants to join you, let you talk his ears off so you won’t have to not say a word. he wants to hear you, to see you, because everything about you is just so airy, as if it were straight out of a dream. a dream he’d never want to wake up from.

“we…aren’t really in such different worlds, you know. i still wanna get to know you.” sunoo clears his throat, averting his gaze as the reality of what he just said slaps him in the face the moment he sees your eyes expand to match the huge oreos in the display case. oh no, too soon?

but the panic is momentary, as he soon watches a flicker of hope appear in your eyes, an adorably shy smile adorning your face. “me too. you've been so sweet, i should find some way to return my gratitude..” 

then keep coming, he wants to say. come here every day, so we can pretend we’re leading double lives like we're two idiots in a cheesy romance novel. 

you glance around, and sunoo swears his heart’s learnt to do gymnastics as his eyes meet yours. “so, uh…any books you’d recommend? i’ve always been an aisle away from the counter, and i think i’m ready to pick up some new books.” there’s a newfound confidence in your voice, an unmistakable invitation offered towards him, and sunoo is determined not to let this chance slip by. “no problem. i’ll deal with a few customers and join you soon. oh,” he adds, winking in your direction. “don’t miss me too much.”

one aisle away? not anymore.

a/n: hELLO im back isnt sunoo cute!!! y/n u are cute too 🫶🫶 (also is it just me or does adding the readmore line triple the paragrph underneath. also day 2 after posting this a huge chunk got deleted and idk why im still trying to fix it, sorry for the long chunk!!) @svnkistz / @rikittens thx for beta reading this heheheheheh loved ur jake fic btw!!! read it here

[nixytea]

i am. laughing like a maniac tn bcuz i was just pulling a yn 5min ago😭😭😭 imagining jake coming to my rescue??? dream come true. the science slander is very appreciated HAHAHAHAHHA doesnt matter what sci ur learning: chem, bio, physics, it’s out to get you. manifesting to b like jake so exams end like his have!!!! two adorable lovebirds “for better or worse” well what if my worst is failing a paper a year ago :/ LOVE UR WRITING AS USUAL, makes me abit delulu but i guess thats the point of fanfic so :DD gurlie u be putting me in my delulu era fr😫😫 (omg also u can see our matching pfps i think)

breakfast at midnight // sim jaeyun

pairing : non!idol sim jaeyun x student ! reader

genre : literal pure fluff

summary : the familiar time of year was coming again. the period of time when paragraphs of information were forcefully imprinted into your mind, your eyes burned from staring intensely at the practice questions you had gotten wrong, your hands shook from the way you copied down sentences that you didn't even understand for the sake of regurgitating them. you were stressed, there was too much too study, too much going on. luckily, your study-buddy boyfriend was here to help you through sleepless nights of coffee and jumbled words.

warnings : incredibly rushed. this is based off what i'm going through right now !! i literally have history next week what am i doing.

word count : 1936 started : 30.9.22 finished : 3.10.22

"jake, should i have another cup of coffee? i'm honestly getting concerned by the way i'm chugging down these without care. how many glasses have i had...? three? but i need to stay awake, my science exams are in a couple of days and i'm definitely not prepared!"

with a loud sigh of defeat, you slumped your entire body on the desk you and your boyfriend were studying at, scattered with practice papers that had messy handwriting, textbooks that were open to random pages, models of multicellular organisms that you didn't even know the names of.

why did your study sessions always turn out like this, with you stressing over your examinations, while jake just tolerated all your complaints and whines while handing you cups of your beloved freshly brewed coffee every hour without fail?

you could be in absolute despair, racking your brain in order to remember the movement of particles in different states of matter, and jake would just sit silently beside you, looking over your shoulder to explain that the more heat that was gained by the matter, the more energy the particles would gain as well.

and while you tried to remember how on earth one drew a linear graph, tried to figure out the arrangement of the particles of a particular substance at sixty degrees celsius, attempted to recall the format of a news report, jake would be by your side, his fingers threading through your hair in a soothing manner, his chair scooted as close as possible to you.

"i think you need a break," he would urge you every once in a while, his face twisted with obvious worry. he would tug the cup of coffee away from your aching hands, reminding you gently that it wasn't very good for your health to be drinking that much caffeine.

and sometimes you would ignore him, sighing and turning back to your masses of notes. jake wouldn't object either, instead pursing his lips and going back to helping you with your studies. and the cycle would repeat as you revised until about three in the morning, until you were too exhausted to continue.

however, sometimes the urge to actually listen to his advice and take a break would actually prevail, and you'd find yourself either cuddled next to him on the bed, or sitting next to him at your dining table as he served you a slice of simplistic french toast or a small sandwich.

and honestly, as you laid your forehead onto the notes you'd made of the different physical properties of objects, you were secretly waiting for when jake would offer you a chance to rest - like he always did.

of all subjects, science had to be the most draining. it was the subject that although you studied hard, and put your entire heart and soul into trying to memorise, you'd still never manage to get what you wanted.

every time you scanned merely a single page of your notes - whether on the difference between solutions and suspensions, how the rate of evaporation was affected by external factors, or how to choose a suitable separation technique for different mixtures - it made your mind swim.

surely, in the future you wouldn't need to learn how to separate iron filings from a weird yellow powder, would you?

clenching your right fist in indignation, you scoffed, in a mix of annoyance and defeat. yeah, i highly doubt that.

"go on," murmured jake suddenly - and shockingly - , his fingers hovering over your stiff shoulders. "i can test you on each hazard if you want, you studyholic."

you snapped your head up in surprise, blinking rapidly. there was no way jake had just carelessly told you to continue studying without acknowledging how tired he could tell you were. he almost never did that. you tried to ignore how sore your eyes actually were from having had to bore them into pieces of paper, and gawked at him as if he were crazy.

fortunately, jake wore a teasing expression when you looked up, a playful gleam in his tired eyes. "i'm kidding. you reeaaallyy need a break right now. you look like you're going to faint any moment now. and health is more important than that A you want to get. sorry, not sorry, please settle for a B if getting an A means that you'll collapse both mentally and physically."

you looked down back at your cluttered notes, your gut twisting with guilt. it wasn't fair for jake that even though he had already finished his round of examination torture, he still had to stay up and help you. his prominent eyebags spoke a thousand words that you knew he would never say. the way he was sacrificing sleep for your sake made your heart twinge from both your troubled conscience and affection because of how sweet he was.

"hey, just come with me," whispered your attentive boyfriend, peeking at you as he ducked his head. in a swift motion, he slid his hand over to your trembling one, lacing your fingers together. the feeling of his warm fingers sliding against your sweaty, aching ones made you want to curl into a ball in his comfort, even if it was just a small gesture of concern.

you raised your head, meeting jake's gentle gaze, and immediately wished that you hadn't. the amount of emotion and worry you saw there was enough to make your throat tighten, and your hands trembled even more when you saw the way his eyelids drooped sleepily. he looked so exhausted - you wanted to just push him towards the bed and make him sleep while you continued to revise.

somehow, though, you couldn't bring yourself to, whether it was because you didn't want to or whether you were too energy-deprived despite the countless cups of coffee you'd downed.

unhealthy, but really, it was the taste of heaven.

when you didn't budge or make an effort to move, there was a tug on your arm as jake heaved you to your feet. at first, the sudden motion shocked you, making you stumble clumsily on your feet from having not used them for hours straight. however, when you finally got used to standing, for goodness sake, you managed to trail behind jake, who had started walking away from the desk.

your index finger remained hooked around his as he lead you out of the bedroom to your living room. it was honestly surprising how jake moved around your apartment as if he lived with you.

that's right, he didn't live with you, but he lived in the apartment complex just across the street. the small distance meant that he was able to go and stay over at yours any time he wanted. and for the past few weeks as you both struggled through your examinations, he'd come over to study with you and accompany you through all the all-nighters you pulled, through the many complaints you let out, through the piles of worksheets that seemed to never go down.

it shouldn't have been so shocking that he was able to maneuver around as if he owned the place - but it was, and it made your stomach flutter in spite of all your muscles screaming at you to get some rest.

you shivered as he threaded his hand through your sweaty hair once before seating you down on the couch with a sweet smile.

"are you hungry?"

really, it was pathetic how you instantly nodded, looking up at jake with eager eyes. but your boyfriend didn't seem to mind, instead letting out a boyish chuckle before patting your head and gesturing for you to wait for him for a while.

when he left, you scooted backwards on the leather couch, wanting to curl into a ball and just sleep all your worries away. unfortunately, more invasive thoughts of how you'd do on your exams started to poke at the barriers you'd tried to set, telling yourself to stop being so anxious all the time. after all, this wasn't the last exam that you'd take in your life, was it?

sighing shakily, you leaned back your head onto the couch, relishing the comfort that the coolness of the material gave you, refreshing your warm forehead. you knew that this amount of excessive worrying and studying was unhealthy, you knew that the volume of caffeine you drank probably made it look like you had a death wish. however, you couldn't stop yourself from falling deep into the spiraling trap that test papers brought about.

closing your eyes, you tried to think of the little time that you'd spent actually cuddling and being affectionate with jake. the caring, understanding, empathetic guy always listened to you, was always there for you, and supported you, unless it was something that genuinely made him worry. you could tell that he was struggling to tell you that your obsessive behaviour wasn't good for you.

you agreed with that, though, you really wished that you wouldn't try so hard - even though you did want to do well for your exams out of pure anxiety and pressure. jake was smart - he always aced his physics and maths tests without even batting an eyelid. you wished you were like that too, but no - you were blessed with pulsating migraines and a terrible short-term memory.

and after receiving that 61 on your last science paper, and that b4 for your geography, you had vowed never to slack again, even if your definition of slacking was a ten minute break. your only escape was nights with jake's comforting arms around you, his voice murmuring reassurances in your ear.

you were losing yourself in hazy memories before you felt a tap on your shoulder, jolting you awake instantly. you hadn't even noticed that you were drifting off.

"you're hungry, right?" jake confirmed cheerfully, bringing the plate of food closer to your nose as your eyes tried to make out what he had prepared. the slight amount of steam made your eyes water, but it brought along the aroma of warm pancakes that were recently made.

your heart throbbed again, strung with emotion as you tried to stop yourself from actually tearing. jake was so attentive and so sweet - how were you ever going to repay him? and there he was, standing in a dark room in the middle of the night, when he could very well be at his own apartment curled up in his own bed.

"jake," you whispered, as your boyfriend sat down beside you with a small sound of bubbly laughter. "you really didn't have to."

"but i did, yn," he tilted his head, and you saw the familiar understanding flash in his eyes as he handed you the plate of pancakes along with a fork. "otherwise you would never have stopped, would you?"

hesitantly, you took a bite, shaking your head begrudgingly.

"see?" laughed jake, patting your head as he scooted closer to you. "you really need to calm down, i'll help you with anything you don't understand, okay? you're talking to a straight A science student here."

"shut up. not everybody is as smart as you," you mumbled around a mouthful of your food, rolling your eyes in mock-annoyance. "but i could use the help."

at that, jake just flashed a knowing smile, shaking his head slowly. "finish your midnight snack first, sleep for at least seven hours, eat a good breakfast, and maybe i'll quiz you on how chromatography works. i saw your notes, and for goodness sake, people don't use pencils for chromatograms just because they miss primary school days."

end.

taglist : @nixytea

[nixytea]

ROSE-COLOURED BOY | k.sn

➴ — CHAPTER 014

synopsis

since your brother’s sudden death, your life has been turned upside-down. disillusioned from life’s supposed wonders, you just want to stay mad at life. but class president kim sunoo is a living, breathing ray of sunshine - your worst nightmare. luckily for you, he’s not leaving you alone anytime soon.

a/n: manifesting the yn life rn. this sat in my drafts for like 2 weeks bcuz i was too lazy to tag and i did it at the worst time tbh.

taglist (open) @lockburn-castle @sheismultifandom @hsg-ashsk

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[nixytea]

[🗝️] a guide to ree’s tags!

(sry yea shd’ve done this sooner)

∞ - admin

#ree’s rambles — just me talking :o

#ree’s answers — answering asks!

#ree’s reblogs — my reblogs :>

#ree’s announcements — my announcements 📢

(there’s a few more but i think they’re all in my nav already so shouldn’t be hard to find!)

∞ - fic-related

#[🥀] rose-coloured boy (smau)

#[💌] dear bus noona (drabble)

#[🩸] to die by your hand (oneshot)

#[☂︎] study date w/ jungwon (drabble)

more tba!

[nixytea]

[☂︎] — study date w/ jungwon

synopsis: a study date with jungwon at the library, enough said. pre-relationship where you’re still testing out the waters. (w/c: 937)

“i can’t do this.”

“oh yes you can.”

“no, no jungwon. i physically, mentally, emotionally cannot do this. not today, my friend.”

jungwon stares at you, the deadpan look he gives you enough to send a chill through your bones. “i’m here for a reason, y/n. want to remind me again?”

you mumble out a sulky reply, but jungwon is not satisfied by that. “say it louder.”

“fine. we’re here because i can’t memorise atomic structure for the life of me.”

“that’s right, now look at the question again. come on, you’re not even past page three, and there’s like, twenty of these.” he covers a line at the top of the page with his hand. “explain, in terms of atomic structure, why metals can conduct electricity.”

you stare at the notes in front of you for one beat. two beats. “i…because, um. i don’t know?” you scratch your head, sheepishly looking back up at him. immediately you wish you didn’t, because the barely-concealed mixture of horror and disappointment on his face takes a chunk off your soul with each second you look at it.

how did you land yourself here, in a freezing public library, with your friend-turned-crush seated opposite you? well, it’s simple. you are usually a hardworking student who absorbs material quickly, but somehow the concept of atoms just…escapes you. for goodness’ sake, your dream job has nothing to do with chemistry. and just your luck, yang jungwon has volunteered to tutor you on this subject, while you coach him in math (his trigonometric graphs look like lumpy molehills if you have to be honest).

well, it’s not really your fault, is it? how are you supposed to memorise the structure of graphite when the object of your affection is right across you? with his long fingers flying across the keyboard, cute features scrunched up in concentration, there is absolutely no way you are getting in anything chemistry-related.

he seems to notice this too, as he sighs, shaking his head fondly. “if you can focus for the next hour, i’ll buy you bubble tea after this.”

you instantly perk up. “the hot one? with extra milk?”

his disgust is apparent, but he swallows it back down anyway, a convincing smile surfacing. “sure, but you have to get this chapter down.”

no problem.” with renewed energy, you pick up your pen and begin to copy down the line a few times on rough paper. the prospect of free boba after a gruelling study session hypes you up. if there’s one thing in life that motivates you, it’s hot bubble tea.

unbeknownst to you, jungwon is a little distracted too. entranced by your adorable passion for boba tea, as well as the sudden intensity you have towards your least favourite chemistry topic, he can’t help himself. what is he supposed to do, not watch you be the most lovable human in his eyes?

you glance up from your notes, and he immediately turns away, dimples cheeks dusted a light pink as he realises he’s been caught. “what’re you doing?”

his blush deepens at your question, biting his lips as he tries to hold back his nervous smile. “nothing, just wondering how i could get confessed to by someone like you.”

ah. you and jungwon had been deskmates since the beginning of the year. bonded by the shared frustration over your studies, especially the complexities of the concept of orbitals, a friendship was formed quickly. over time, the feelings between you had blossomed into something a little…different. it had taken months before your friend’s persuasion to just tell him had an effect. less than a week prior to today’s meeting, you’d asked him to go to the rooftop, where you’d made known your feelings for him. and because yang jungwon is a sensible boy who owns more braincells than the average person, he all but collapsed at your confession.

you’d agreed to take things slowly, more than content to wait for jungwon’s confident reply. until then, you and him would still hang out. like today.

jungwon shuts his eyes, a wistful glint in his eyes as he gazes at you so tenderly you feel as if you might cry on the spot. “let’s talk about it later, over our bubble tea. i’ve kept you waiting long enough.” you’d be blind to not notice that jungwon does return your feelings, but you still want to hear it from him properly.

“okay,” you muse. a light pierces through the overcast sky, and you peer out the window. the glass panels serve as a divider between you and the rapidly falling drops of rain. coupled with the quietness of the library, the effect of the atmosphere has you relaxing slightly. jungwon’s fluffy jacket around your shoulders has never felt cosier. boring as studying may be, you want to stay in this moment forever, basking in the feeling of a pause button that allows you to enjoy the presence of your companion.

jungwon taps your wrist gently. “looks like it’s raining. there isn’t a sheltered walkway between the mall and the library. why don’t we stay a little longer till it gets lighter?” there’s an unmistakable double meaning in his words, and his uncertain expression reflects it tenfold.

you return his smile with one of your own, a silent agreement exchanged between the two of you without you even having to say a word. and so you carry on, the soothing scratch of your pens and the steady tapping of the drizzle outside filling the comfortable silence. with your favourite person by your side, you couldn’t wish for anything more.

a/n: inspired by my japanese listening comprehension in class, as well as that pic of won above :DD it’s cute and i’m whipped for rainy days, no explanation required right? as we all know real life relationships need more than just an “i like u and u like me”, and there’s a sense of responsibility and commitment that has to be there. i just felt like jungwon would be someone who emphasises the importance of taking things slowly before entering a relationship and making things official. so yes, in other words this is my interpretation of how to get urself an s/o in the form of a self-indulgent fic. enjoy!

[nixytea]

OMG FINALLY A ROSE COLOURED BOY UPDATE ?!?!?!?!

omg HI THERE 🫶🫶 im so sorry this answer is very late but YEAH. i figured i needed to keep the plot going for anyone who wanted to be able to witness how this ends oop. tysm for reading it!!! and keeping up with it 😭😭😭 made my day to know u were excited abt it. im sorry i dont know if the plot is moving a little too fast for your liking…? fun fact a few days ago i almost contemplated rewriting the whole plot im not even kidding but i told myself that i had to continue with what i had. like genuinely i havent decided how it ends…so if u wanna tell me what ur rooting for im VERY OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS!.&:!:’!,!:&:! ok jokes aside thank u soso much for interacting with me 😫😫 i hope to keep giving u nice content!

[nixytea]

so i just found out sunoo was the class president in school and my head is REELING cuz my hc was RIGHT he really does radiate responsible reliable prez vibes PLSSSS I NEED HIS POWER IN MY LIFE 😭😭😭

[nixytea]

Hiii can i be added to the tag list for your new story “to die by your hands”??😭💗💗

omg ofc! im so excited to write the whole thing shdbsldjksjsbd :DDD tysm i hope you’ll like the finished product! 🫶🤍🤍

[nixytea]

ROSE-COLOURED BOY (k.sn smau)

➴ — CHAPTER 013

synopsis

since your brother’s sudden death, your life has been turned upside-down. disillusioned from life’s supposed wonders, you just want to stay mad at life. but class president kim sunoo is a living, breathing ray of sunshine - your worst nightmare. luckily for you, he’s not leaving you alone anytime soon.

a/n: i’ll bet yall forgot this existed…guess what so did i. but i’m bored so im pushing this out rIGHT NOW. yah tadaaaa a part of me still doesn’t know where this plot is going so until i figure what’s wrong with my life expect sporadic updates!

taglist (open) @lockburn-castle @sheismultifandom @hsg-ashsk

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[nixytea]

to die by your hand — l.hs (teaser)

[ 𓍝 ] — “do me a favour and off me before anyone else does.”

➻ 𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 » romance, rivals to lovers, denial, mutual pining, major angst

➻ 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔰 » enhypen’s heeseung and sunoo, ive’s wonyoung and yujin, twice’s tzuyu, aespa’s ningning and karina, kep1er’s chaehyun and bahiyyih, jo yuri

➻ 𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 » a lot of blood and gore, murder, assassination, beheading, death, fighting, heavy angst, major character death, historical inaccuracy

➻ 𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱 (open!) @hsg-ashsk

𝔰𝔶𝔫𝔬𝔭𝔰𝔦𝔰 » as the most prolific assassin in all of riverfield, you are both revered and feared by the people of the land for daring to challenge the imperial family. however, your identity as a masked vigilante is put to the test when you hear of the ruthless crown prince’s selection for his new wife. making use of this opportunity to infiltrate the palace, you enter the crown prince’s harem. what you weren’t expecting, however, was to meet your rival, whom you have mixed feelings about, within the cage you so willingly walked into.

sometimes, you liked to imagine blood as crimson rose petals, delicate and elegant. after all, rose petals looked better on hands than blood did. and if blood were really from a blossoming flower, your hands would certainly be filled with nothing but bundles and bundles of fresh roses.

these were the thoughts that passed through your mind as the stench of iron and spilled organs began to permeate the air, thick hot liquid streaming down your arms and face. you didn’t have to look down to know it was blood that had stained your leather robes, and you were sure that not a drop of your blood that had been spilled tonight. a man crouched before you, pathetic whimpers ever so fitting for the scene you’d painted minutes prior.

holding the tip of your blade at his throat, you spoke, knowing the mask across your eyes prevented him from ever recognising your face. but for good measure, you pitched your voice down. not the best attempt, but it wouldn’t really matter anyway. “talk. where are the children you abducted?”

when your question was met with silence, you dug the blade an inch deeper, the man’s desperate whines growing louder. “i-i can make a deal with you. if i-”

your bewildered scoff cut him off, hand reaching out to seize him by the collar. “are you a fool, to think you are in any position to bargain right now? might i remind you, your entire guard has fallen to me alone. you are at my mercy alone, are we clear? answer the question, before i lose my patience and slit your throat.”

your prey was always so predictable, one threat and it was all over. they valued their lives so much they were willing to cower like dimwits and betray their comrades. disgusting, but if they weren’t so cowardly your information would be harder to obtain.

such was the man before you, his previously haughty gaze reduced to nothing more than a grovelling traitor’s guttural pleas. if not for his fine, albeit blood-drenched clothing, no one would be able to see any semblance of the count. one murderous glance was all it took for the evidence you needed to spill from his throat in garbled words, each inhuman act more detailed than the last. within a minute he’d confessed to his entire trafficking business and more, although you’d already known that. you just needed to hear it from his mouth and gather solid evidence from his mansion.

“filthy pig, to gorge yourself on the suffering of children. want to know how i found out about your little side business?” you taunted him, dragging the edge of your sword across his jugular vein to purposefully elicit a despairing whimper from his throat. “i checked the records of the knights’ station in this area. hundreds of reports on your dirty deeds, all set to be burnt while piles of money rot in a secret compartment of the captain’s drawer. knights don’t earn that much, my dear count. care to enlighten me on the matters of your estate?”

he eyed the gleaming blade, the panic apparent on his face. “bribery. i-i bribed them. please, spare my life.”

“shut up, you scumbag. you don’t get to beg for your life. where’d you get the idea to start the system? i doubt you’re clever enough to have thought of this on your own, so who gave you the orders?”

“n-no one-”

“you dare lie to me? know your place.”

the cowering man before you seemed to finally accept his fate, shoulders slumping as he fell on his face. “fine, if i’m going down i’m dragging them all with me. i acted on the emperor’s orders.”

had you been anyone else far less competent, the confession would have shocked you. but you were not one to cut corners. by gathering clues over the past five years, this was the last piece of the puzzle that would connect it all together. hearing this from the mouth of the perpetrator himself was all you needed to prove that your efforts over the years had not been in vain after all.

“good job. do you have records of the children? i’m going to find them homes in the village.” you began to search his desk, humming in delight when you found the hidden compartment full of the evidence.

“but..but they’re-“

“oh yes, you ignorant swine. you won’t be needing your side hustle when you’re rotting in hell.” with a single swoop, his head rolled to your feet. and with the coldness of a killer who’d done this far too many times, you stepped over his mangled corpse and slipped into the shadows of the night once more. but as you left, a single stalk of plum blossoms fell into the puddle of blood, the ripples a mere harbinger of what was to come.

[ 𓍝 ] — a/n: rip my sleep schedule…anyway im horrible at smaus so im sticking to writing for now. i had this idea in my head for way too long, and here we are. originally this was supposed to be an wuxiapian au but i decided that was too complicated since im awful at the chinese terminology despite BEING chinese and SPEAKING/READING/WRITING the language on a daily basis. it’s sad really how bad i am with my own culture but ANYWAY. here’s a super long hee fic im deciding between making this a oneshot or a chapter fic. see the issue here we have is that if i make this a oneshot i will DEFINITELY hit like 15k+ which isn’t a bad idea actually but it will take a looong time for it to b released, so if u somehow see this n are interested u can lmk what u wld prefer? enjoy this tiny snippet! (omg how did this end up so long????)

[nixytea]

📢announcement!📢

hello dear friendoes who have been following rose-coloured boy :D i'll be taking a (kinda) break from it mainly to focus on my current jw oneshot, and after it's posted i'll resume production! updates might still come but i'm also going to take this time to reorganise my plans for the plot as well as how it ends. occasionally i might still upload new chapters but i guess you can consider it on hold? don't worry it's NOT discontinued, i don't have the heart to do that ;-; so stay tuned!!!

oh i should prob tag yall @lockburn-castle @sheismultifandom @hsg-ashsk

[nixytea]

if u do part two to dear bus noona can i pls be tagged 💗💗 its rlly cute

omg yes ofc!! tysm for thinking it’s cute 🥺🥺 im gna cryyyy. well im actually in the midst of writing the pt 2, it’s gonna be a little longer i think, cuz i’ve given in to writing fluffy self-indulgent fics to cure my poor affection-starved soul…so yep look forward to it!!! i’ll def tag u :)))