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[no-devolucion]

Gina.

When a loved one dies, it's so common to hear of how kind, selfless and brilliant they are. It's so easy to say, despite it not always being true. But with Gina, all of that— and more— is true. She did light up every room she walked into with her infectious laugh and big smile. She did put everybody else before herself, she did have room in her heart for everybody she met. As I watched Gina's mum, brothers and dad talk about her today, I realised we all got the same version of her; whether the interaction was brief or lifelong.

I met Gina when I switched schools at 13, and I can honestly, wholeheartedly say that my first impression of her was that she was a good person. She didn't judge, she was genuinely interested in what everybody had to say, she didn't bicker or bitch. Because Gina loved everybody and we all loved her too. And we still do— my friends from school and I have banded together, some of us talking again for the first time in years, because we love our friend.

When I found out Gina died, I was sitting on a bench, on my lunch break at work. It was sunny, and I remember that because I cowered away from both the sun and any prying eyes. When I got the initial message, it didn't even sink in that it was her my friend was talking about. I wracked my brain for every older person I knew, wondering who the fuck was dead and why I was being told with such urgency and panic. When it finally hit me that we were talking about Gina, I screamed, in public, and hyperventilated. I didn't go back into work that day, instead wandering around falling in and out of very public and very visible panic attacks, too scared to get on a bus and go home, a lot like the person I was when I met her. Most of that day is a blur to me now.

Today, I went back to that same bench to watch a livestream of the funeral. It was raining, which typically would have been fitting had Gina not been the embodiment of sunshine. I wore a yellow and purple bracelet, the colours of the funeral dress code, with her initial on. I listened to monologues from family and a version of Hallelujah sung by mutual school friends. For the most part, I couldn't watch, often finding myself staring at nothing, trying to make sense of why a 25 year old should be dead. It doesn't make sense and I don't think it ever will. Let me be clear: this was a tragedy.

Gina, I have always hugely credited you in how I became the person I am today. Ever evolving, but I'd like to think morally sound. I had such a big problem with God and religion among other things when we first crossed paths. I was so angry. I thought every religious person was a bad person. But you were the embodiment of good and your faith knew no bounds. Not only did you never judge, but you embraced me. Through you, I learned that stark differences can, and should co-exist. I learned that there is joy to be found in small, mundane things. I learned that a creative path should always, always be followed, as should worldly aventures. I learned that we are all the same.

It's hard to think of a way to end this because how the fuck do you say goodbye to your friends in your twenties? I don't know where you are, I don't know what's true and what isn't. I have no faith to comfort me, so I will directly quote your family on this: Rest in everlasting peace.

You were too good not to last forever.