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How to Survive a trip to IKEA
Never go alone- bring a partner. Travel in pairs
Before entering, ensure that someone not entering knows you are going in, and when you expect to be out
Before entering, determine the cause of your mission- your mission objective. Bookcase? Couch? Oven? Meatballs? Figure it out
Upon entering, locate The Path
Do not disengage from The Path until you have reached your mission destination. Many have been lost forever to the wilds of IKEA by not obeying this. Very few are ever located again by the sparse store employees.
Upon reaching your mission destination, you may disengage from The Path ONLY when accompanied by your partner (physical contact should be maintained- ie, holding hands, holding shirt sleeve, both holding an end of a rope, etc)
When you disengage from The Path to acquire the data for your mission objective (ie, the item number for the bookcase, couch, meatballs, etc), it becomes your partner’s responsibility to maintain visual contact with The Path. Much like weeping angel statues, The Path will move if not actively being watched. This will strand you and your partner in the wilds of IKEA, so ensure you choose a partner wisely.
Upon acquiring the mission objective data (ie the item number), navigate back to The Path. You may disengage physical contact with your partner once you have safely returned to The Path
Do not leave The Path again. It will naturally end at the warehouse/stock section. This is a long, huge hall with many branches.
At the entrance of the warehouse section, acquire a cart if necessary. Using your item coordinates, locate your mission objective. Do not leave the main hallway except for the branch where your item is located. Like The Path, the wilds of IKEA sometimes sneak up on travelers that wander the warehouse section
Once your item has been loaded, head to the check out section. Do not touch anything in the boxes along the way. They appear to be full of candles or stuffed animals or useful kitchenware; it is a ruse. They are carnivorous.
After checking out, exit to the loading area. Load your item, and leave.
Do not look in your rearview mirror as you leave. It shouldn’t pursue you if you don’t look back.
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Human relationships are strange. I mean, you are with one person a while, eating and sleeping and living with them, loving them, talking to them, going places together, and then it stops
Charles Bukowski (via checked)
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we dont deserve pomegranates and clementines but nature gave them to us anyways
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A good night sleep, or a ten minute bawl, or a pint of chocolate ice cream, or all three together, is good medicine.
Ray Bradbury (via purplebuddhaproject)
trueeee
(via cheynfit)
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“i wish i was born in the 90s” says the young girl. suddenly, her surroundings change- french flags fly above and around her, crowds are cheering. it is france, 1793. the king is dead. long live the revolution.
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Just saw a girl in high heels long boarding to class. Godspeed, my queen.
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A good life is when you smile often, dream big, laugh a lot, and realize how blessed you are for what you have.
(via words-of-emotion)
(via words-of-emotion)
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I don’t want a sugar daddy but can I have like a sugar auntie? Just a sweet old woman who gives me money cus she knows I’m going through it and she believes in me and her grandkids don’t ever call so she writes me in her will.
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you exist as a permanent feeling in my chest and stomach
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