nocheckpls - Tumblr blog

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I have a list on my computer that’s called “Shitty’s potential name”. The list is in 3 parts - pretentious rich-guy-names, strange european-names-no-american-can-pronounce and ridiculous white-guy-names. I refuse to believe Shitty’s name is something that doesn’t fit into at least one of those categories. 

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happy hockey bro

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YELLOW SHOES YELLOW SHOES

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Bitty: This is my husband, Jack, and our daughter, Giselle.

Person: Giselle, what a pretty name!

Bitty: Thank you, it’s a family name.

Jack: Bits, it’s Beyoncé’s middle name.

Bitty: I know what I said.

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Hello everyone we do not appreciate this picture of Jack nearly as much as we should

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check please + tarot cards: eric bittle & jack zimmermann

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This is based on a thing that happened to me on a wedding I was at recently. It was fun and weird.

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“Fuck they’re beautiful,” Dex says as he sips on his beer. Not only was Bitty and Jack’s wedding incredible, both ceremony and dinner with and now the insane party, they also had an open bar - something Dex, who’d recently been dumped and was surrounded by couples, really appreciated.

Jack and Bitty was standing in the garden, a bit away from the rest - people finally gave them some privacy - slow dancing to music only they heard. They only saw each other and giggled a bit and Dex wanted to cry at their perfection.

“Think it’s the wedding glow,” Nursey answers with a drag of his cigarette. “Like being preggo, but like, a bit more chill I guess,” he shrugs and seems to think for a moment, Dex thinks he’s probably a bit high, “babies are cool and all, but new parents are not chill at all.”

“Oh my god, you’re so weird,” Dex mumbles and reaches for Nursey’s cigarette. “I don’t know, man, weddings are supposed to be happy and all, but I just feel stuck in this thought that I’ll never find anything as perfect as that.”

Nursey glances at Dex, whose cheeks hollow as he sucks in the smoke. “That’s deep bro, and wrong,” he says simply and looks away, up at the fairy lights above them. “You’re like... ace, or whatever. Like, cool and know how to cook and fix things and you know, really hot, but like in a chill way or whatever...”

It’s dark, but Dex swears that Nursey is blushing a bit. He smiles in the corner of his mouth. “Thanks, I guess... but you wouldn’t know what I mean, you could have anyone you want.”

“Not anyone I want...” Nursey mumbles into the hand with his cigarette.

“What?”

“Nah nothing.” Nursey stumps on the butt and reaches for his own cup of tub juice. (One of the wedding gifts from the Haus.) “Look man, I just know you’ll marry and whoever that’ll be they’ll be lucky and I will toast at your wedding.”

Dex feel his ears heat up. “Yeah sure, but who? I never seem to find the time to date and those I do date never really work out? I’ll be forever single.”

“Hey if nothing else works out you could marry me,” Nursey says, feeling his panic growing stronger, but he doesn’t seem to be able to stop himself.

Dex laughs, thinking this is a joke. They joke a lot like that nowadays. They tease and chirp and sometimes Nursey throws stuff like that into conversation. So Dex didn’t really think more of it. It’s a joke.

“Sure, what, when we’re thirty? Is that how the deal goes?”

“Or you know, sooner,” Nursey says, words just coming out of his mouth.

Dex laughs again. “Yeah sure, the priest is still here and we’re in our nicest clothes with our best friends - might as well.”

Nursey chokes on his drink. Dex guesses that he laughed too much.

“Oh shit.”

“Dude are you alright?”

“Yeah sure uh... I’m chill. Just uh, gotta bounce - scidaddle— fuck...”

And then Nursey is gone. Dex sits alone, staring after him in confusion. What just happened?

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Blue and turquoise!

preferred type of weather?

Snow!! I love proper winter with a lot of snow ☺️

favorite sea animal?

Seals I think!! They are like sea puppies 🥰

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dex will be to whiskey what bitty was to dex

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Tango: hey Bitty, what’s a twunk?

Bitty: … you

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Color Asks

red: describe your favorite shirt

orange: if you could, would you change your eye color? why? to what color, if so?

yellow: name of an artist you think is underappreciated

green: do you have a favourite flower?

blue: preferred type of weather?

purple: a poem you think describes your closest friend

magenta: do you keep your fingernails long or short?

turquoise: favorite sea animal?

fuchsia: favorite land animal?

cyan: are you religious? spiritual?

sea green: can you fold a fitted sheet?

violet: are you a part of the lgbt+ community?

amber: what's saved as your phone's lockscreen?

aqua: do you thrift?

pink: what's your natural hair color?

beige: have any pets? what're their names?

black: would you ever try going vegetarian or vegan?

coral: an animal you wish hadn't gone extinct

grey: how many languages do you speak? do you want to learn any more?

maroon: do you care for clothing brands?

rose: favourite scent on a person? 

charcoal: have you ever been camping?

claret: do you play an instrument? do you want to learn to play any?

copper: gold or silver jewelry?

cream: any piercings or tattoos? do you want any?

salmon: how many pairs of sunglasses do you own?

ebony: would you ever want to play a game on television? (jeopardy, family fued, etc)

indigo: have you ever lived on a farm?

emerald: if you had the option, would you choose to move and live in another country? which one?

lavender: relationship status?

erin: what was/is your best school subject?

mauve: any unpopular opinions?

fulvous: another name you think would suit you

coconut: a subject you enjoy learning about

frost: a -core you enjoy

porcelain: an tv show you used to love

fawn: any interesting family stories?

gold: do you wear your socks mismatched?

honey: your thoughts on magic- does it exist?

rust: form of art you enjoy doing?

ginger: any sideblogs?

cherry: YouTubers you enjoy watching?

wine: do you have a 'type'

mahogany: your sun, moon, and rising signs

blood: twin beds, queen, or king?

hot pink: did you/do you had/have strong feelings against the color pink?

plum: a food you've never tried

lilac: dogs, cats, or fish?

amethyst: do you collect anything?

mulberry: earbuds or headphones?

azure: jean jackets?

teal: have a job?

denim: kill the spider or take it outside?

sapphire: do you think you can sing well?

mint: favourite flavour of gum?

pecan: shuffle your playlist, what's the first song that comes up?

penny: icecream or cake

ash: can you do your own makeup?

jade: ever written fanfiction?

grape: how many blogs do you follow?

umber: do you brush your teeth before you eat?

chestnut: type of phone you have

prussian blue: what's your first choice at the vending machine

aquamarine: beach or pool

brass: least favorite food condiment

mustard: how much sugar in your tea/coffee?

silver: ever broken a bone?

rose quartz: rings or necklaces

onyx: do you still play Minecraft?

burgundy: ever ridden a motorcycle?

scarlet: favorite holiday

apricot: opinion on 3 in 1 body wash/hair wash 

platinum: do you follow politics?

magnolia: your Instagram handle?

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holy shit!! connor whisk has been the late princess diana this whole time??!!??

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remember when nursey and dex left and got their own table in the middle of a team dinner just to argue

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I... suddenly had the mental image of Bitty STRAIGHT UP TELEPORTING into the Haus kitchen and scaring the living daylights out of Whisk while saying “I’m sorry, you’re feeding them WHAT”

I don’t know the context of this, but I agree and feel like all of you need to read this as well.

Bitty 100% senses when people are eating badly in the Haus.

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hey

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thinking abt hazeapalooza and i think dex is just Like That everytime hes drunk. just aggressively complimentingg everyone he comes across. i lov him

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AU where Chowder doesn’t drink because he’s on antidepressants so at every Kegster, Farmer drinks during the drinking games on his turns